trans_9 | Misery Loves Company [Open, but don't expect to get too far in consoling him]

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Misery Loves Company [Open, but don't expect to get too far in consoling him]

Alex was sitting in one of the abandoned buildings, where part of the wall and roof had caved in. It was a familiar place, though it wasn't one he had spent much time in. The significance was that he and Luna had talked here for quite some time after the whole fiasco with the bombs. They had been so happy that the other one was okay.

Luna had told him about some of her magic- he still didn't really understand it, and now he didn't know if he ever would.

He sat against the crumbling wall on the same slab of rock he had used last time, staring at the rock Luna had been sitting at.

Why did Fate let him meet someone as wonderful as her, just to take her away?

Why couldn't he bring himself to tell the ship to make him forget her?

Instead, he was sitting there without either his jacket or Alice, his arms wrapped around himself, and his fingers digging into his arms as he cried silently. The building was off the beaten path, and he hoped that he might get some solace here. In his room he had to face Tavros, and Katara had already tracked him down once.

Right now his hands were still, but jagged and slightly bloody scratch marks were evident on his upper arms where he had apparently mindlessly been grabbing and squeezing. It was unclear if he had noticed them or not, though anyone who knew him would know it would be unlikely that he had, knowing of how he normally reacted to blood.

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Billy crept as close as he dared and remained there in silence for a while, letting Alex breathe. Or attempt to.

"What hurt you?"

He didn't want to answer that question, but he still had his arms wrapped around his knees while holding his upper arms, so that his fingers were still over the wounds. He squeezed at his arms again, though not as tightly this time.

His breath was still shuddering here and there as he tried to remain calm, as he tried to not verbally lash out at Billy, telling him to go away. Maybe it wasn't so bad to allow his friends to comfort him. He just had to make sure to not use his powers any more, so his shadows couldn't take any more advantage of him- at least not any more than in the normal sense.

And Sam. Sam would help him get rid of them completely. And then he could be just like everyone else.

Whatever it was, it was bad. That much was very clear. Billy searched his brain, trying to remember what Katara had said. She hadn't been very talkative.

"I wanted to help you earlier, but I had to stay and watch over Renne. Katara went in my place---don't worry, she's fine. I finally had the chance to come, so I wanted to return a favor."

He was quiet for a few moments after that. "You can't tell me, huh?"

Alex wasn't entirely sure what Billy meant. Favour? What had Alex ever done to help?

He could tell Billy that he had unwittingly hurt himself, but he really didn't want to. But he probably should...

He sighed and lifted his head, though he kept looking at the ground. He was didn't want to see any shadows on anyone he knew now. "I-I... I g-guess I d-did i-it before... w-without r-realizing it..."

He hadn't realized until Zuko yelled at him for it at least.

Billy nodded silently. He hadn't felt that himself, but he believed he could understand it.

"So your emotions are intense. It's so easy to do that to yourself, don't worry." When you needed to HURT and your body was the only target available...

"Do you want to talk? Katara didn't tell me about it, so there's no secrets in danger."

Alex sighed again resting his head sideways on his arms, still looking at the floor, though his hair fell more about his eyes.

It seemed like he wasn't going to say anything for a while, but he finally spoke, "I-I'm g-getting S-Sam t-ta t-try ta f-find a way t-ta get r-rid o-of the s-shadow p-powers, s-so I c-can't e-ever h-hurt anyone e-else. 'T-'Till then, I-I'm not u-using them, s-so I-I c-can't loose c-control."

Truth was that he didn't even want to eat, so much so that he didn't even have an appetite. Which meant that it had been two days since he last ate. He had only taken his pill today because Sam wouldn't let him leave without being sure that his medication was properly administered.

Billy nodded. He knew Alex didn't like his powers, so it made sense. But...

"Can you survive until then? You don't look well, is that an effect of not using the powers?"

He sighed again, "N-not really..." it was just an effect of being depressed and not eating. "I-I didn' g-get any p-powers 't-'till the f-first time I a-ate an animate sh-shadow... I-I don' r-really have any n-need ta u-use the powers themselves." He only needed to eat, which wasn't something he considered to be a real part of his powers.

"I... I dunno... I-if I'll survive I mean..."

That made enough sense for him. Billy settled in, still looking at Alex with a fair amount of concern---he couldn't let himself worry too much, though, or it would turn into another shadow.

"What caused all this?" That was the part Katara hadn't told him.

"L-Luna's b-been r-repodded, a-an' th-then I..." He bit his lip and buried his face to hide the ears welling in his eyes again. "I a-attacked K-Katara a-an' T-Tavros..."

"Luna was close to you, right?"

Billy considered this. Losing someone close, possibly forever, had hurt. He knew that when he thought about his former teammates, and when traces of memory about old friends gone away passed his mind.

"I'm so sorry. But they forgave you, didn't they? Of course such a tremendous loss would fuel a powerful shadow."

More than anything, Billy wanted to draw close and offer comfort, but he still wasn't sure whether doing so would hurt Alex more.

Alex sighed, "Y-yeah, b-but I still h-hurt them... I-if I a-accidentally use my powers wh-while I'm u-upset again..." His fingers once again began digging into his skin. He didn't seem to realize that his nails were cutting into him.

"But you can work on that, and if it doesn't work perfectly the first time you can try again," Billy tried to assure.

Alarmed, he leaned forward and placed his hands over Alex's, aware of the risk. "You don't need to hurt yourself too. You've been punished far more than enough."

Alex twitched away with a whimper, "Th-there m-might not b-be a second t-time... I-if I l-lose it, th-there's always th-the chance I w-won't c-come back..."

"We'll fight to keep you here," Billy promised. "If there's a way to keep you, we will find it. There's no losing you without a fight."

He kept a distance to keep Alex comfortable, but still wished he could help. "I'm here. I'm not giving up on a friend---I know what it's like to be overtaken by despair and attack your friends. I've done it too."

Billy's voice took on a darker tone. It wasn't a memory he was particularly fond of revisiting.

Alex looked up with surprise and concern. "Y-you... y-you d-did?" Alex sighed, "b-but... w-well... A sh-shadow c-can h-honestly k-keep me from e-ever g-getting c-control again i-if it's s-strong enough... W-we were lucky th-that it was a s-small one."

He sighed again and shifted a bit closer to Billy, "I-I'm s-sorry..."

"Yeah," Billy nodded. "It was some time before I met you. A being known as the Nightmare King intensified our worst nightmares, willing our deepest fears to come to life. Mine was that I would lose control of myself and be forced to watch as I hurt my friends---and that's exactly what happened. I was far too close to killing them."

He took a breath, trying to keep that emotion under control. "I blamed myself for the longest time. Eventually, though, my friends forced the guilt out of me. They understood. And yours do too."

As for Alex's worries? He shifts closer again, cautiously resting a hand on Alex's back."If that happens, we'll search far and wide and find a way to beat the shadow. They didn't give up on me, so I'm not giving up on anyone else either."

Alex shuddered at the thoughts of his worst nightmares coming true. Losing himself to a tier 5 shadow would be right up there among his worst. He twitched away from Billy's hands, but he managed to stop himself and relax into the touch. After the initial rejection, he found that he could actually find comfort from a friendly bit of contact. He sighed, pulling his knees closer to him, "B-but that was s-someone e-else's c-control. I-it's... t-technically 'me' wh-when I l-lose it... I-it's my e-emotion th-that takes m-me over... I-if i-it's s-stronger..." He buried his head in his arms again, "I-I dunno i-if I c-could s-survive i-it if th-the shadow was destroyed..."

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Misery Loves Company [Open, but don't expect to get too far in consoling him]

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((OOC: No, Alex is not losing his powers. >_<'))

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