Misery Loves Company [Open, but don't expect to get too far in consoling him]

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

 Alex was sitting in one of the abandoned buildings, where part of the wall and roof had caved in. It was a familiar place, though it wasn't one he had spent much time in. The significance was that he and Luna had talked here for quite some time after the whole fiasco with the bombs. They had been so happy that the other one was okay.

Luna had told him about some of her magic- he still didn't really understand it, and now he didn't know if he ever would.


He sat against the crumbling wall on the same slab of rock he had used last time, staring at the rock Luna had been sitting at.

Why did Fate let him meet someone as wonderful as her, just to take her away?

Why couldn't he bring himself to tell the ship to make him forget her?

Instead, he was sitting there without either his jacket or Alice, his arms wrapped around himself, and his fingers digging into his arms as he cried silently. The building was off the beaten path, and he hoped that he might get some solace here. In his room he had to face Tavros, and Katara had already tracked him down once. 

Right now his hands were still, but jagged and slightly bloody scratch marks were evident on his upper arms where he had apparently mindlessly been grabbing and squeezing. It was unclear if he had noticed them or not, though anyone who knew him would know it would be unlikely that he had, knowing of how he normally reacted to blood.

Comments

[icanhashat.livejournal.com]

There was a gentle creaking sound as a warning...before the crunch of old building and a yelp. A loud crash and the swirl of dust as a massive figure fell through the ceiling landing in a heap nearby.

Jayne groaned as his hangover beat away at the inside of his head without mercy. The last thing he remembered of last night was drinking and some idea about going back to Serenity and poking through the Doc's stuff for loot.

Somehow he'd lost track of that plan.

The pain in his head was only temporally forgotten as he cursed the pain in his back from landing.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex dove out of the way with a yelp, though he really wasn't all that near the fallen roof.

He coughed and waved away the dust as it cleared, looking at the chaos. There was a man there.

He bit his lower lip, "A-a-are y-you o-o-okay?" Well, the roof was ready to fall down, but it was odd that a man had fallen with it. His misery was temporarily abated by concern. Temporarily.

[icanhashat.livejournal.com]

Jayne grunted and forced himself to a sitting position holding his head, "No." he growled through the pain. He peered through his fingers at the blond stranger, "Who are you?" He rasped his mouth feeling cotton dry.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex's tear-stained cheeks managed to catch quite a bit of the dust, and so he tried wiping it away, sniffing. "A-A-Alex... Sh-should... Sh-should I g-go g-get someone? T-ta h-help I-I mean?"

[needs-release.livejournal.com]

Sam had fled his room, leaving Nanashi behind. He didn't go to Medbay, instead he went somewhere away from the bustle of the ship, and where he could relax in peace.

In his mind, it was a constant battery of self-abuse. Chiding himself, beating himself about the head and shoulders, hating himself for breaking the most important promise he'd ever made in his life. Over the hours, these emotions rose to a crescendo, each time culminating in him carving a long, deep line into his arm with a claw, and ebbing as the scent of blood coaxed the anxiety away.

But under it all, was this sense of dissatisfaction. He'd drank blood from the stores he'd created, more than he usually did, but he still didn't feel sated. He wanted her blood again. That feeling, he wanted to have it again. But he couldn't face her. He knew he shouldn't feel this. He knew it wasn't healthy. Maybe if he weaned himself off after that night, he'd be okay. Would she ever just allow him to have some of her blood? Oh! The work on her physiology. That would be a good opportunity. He'd wait until this blew over, and get some more blood samples.

No! He shouldn't be thinking this way! That wasn't who he was! That wasn't the man Angelina loved! But would she still love him after she found out about this? She'd find out. He wouldn't be able to face her. She'd glamour him to get the answer if he didn't fess up. He knew he'd look incredibly guilty for it. It was this thought that pushed him to cutting the line and watching it seal again, more slowly than last time.

Eventually, one thing broke through the gloom. A familiar scent. Blood. A thrill ran down his spine. Could it be Nanashi? No, it was Alex. He couldn't let him see this. Despite whatever rapport they were building, this was too much for him to share. And with the added scent of blood in the air, he wasn't confident in what he would do at the moment. It tended to dampen his doubts by enhancing his predatorial instincts.

He crept along the wall, stepping as lightly as he could. There was a door to the outside in this room, and if he reached it, he could get away safely. He tugged down the sleeve of his lab coat and crept carefully, slowly. Crack! A board broke under his foot, and he dropped a bit from the floor to the subfloor. It was a distance of less than a foot, but the noise was loud enough to draw anyone's attention.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex's head snapped up in alarm. "W-w-who's t-there?" His voice was hoarse and nosed stuffed. The sound of a muffled sob and sniffle gave away that he had been crying silently.

The nervous cracking of his voice indicated that he was scared. He was still waiting for someone to come and 'teach him a lesson'. Alex froze, listening carefully for any other sound.

It wasn't the first time something had fallen in the house and set him on alert.

[needs-release.livejournal.com]

Sam's heart pounded. He wondered if he should just stay still and wait for Alex to calm down again, or if he should fess up. After a moment, he decided on the honest route. "It's me, Alex," he said to him. "The floor caved in a little." He kept his tone friendly, and added a bit of an awkward, nervous laugh at the end. He just hoped the kid didn't get too suspicious.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex stood cautiously, moving around the corner to find Sam with his foot in the floor and a tier three shadow hovering around him.

As soon as Alex turned the corner, the shadow struck out at him cutting his cheek. Alex merely closed his eyes against the blow, not bothering to even check it's severity. He just didn't care enough.

The blood-matted hair made Alex step back, however. It made his stomach churn even more than it would normally, on the mere principle that it was blood. He could care less about how it got there. Instead he just stared with his blood-shot eyes at Sam, even as the shadow struck out at his arm, doing him another shallow cut. Clearly there was something off, as the boy normally fussed over the smallest incision or blood-drawing.

"A-are y-y-you o-okay?"

[needs-release.livejournal.com]

He noted the cut, but he took a minute to realize what it was. "Uh. No, I'm fine. I've just got to get my foot out. I think a nail went through my shoe." He tugged and pulled. Soon, it came loose. "Yep, there it is." He tried to balance on one foot to pull it out, but he couldn't focus. He settled on quickly sitting on the floor and then yanking it out.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex frowned, "Y-you're a-about as f-f-fine a-as I am." He was irritated now. He had told the doctor before that there was no use denying things like that. Alex could see emotions, and this one was so strong it was attacking him, though it seemed to be hesitating now, since Alex had just allowed it to hit twice without doing anything.

He turned around and moved back into the other room, resting his head on the rock he had been sitting at before. "T-tier th-three s-shadow. A-almost t-tier f-four. G-guilt, i-it l-looks l-like... I-I don' k-know w-what y-you've d-done, b-but y-you feel b-bad about it. I-if y-you k-killed someone, t-then y-you might a-as well k-kill m-me as w-well now."

[needs-release.livejournal.com]

He should have known it was useless. "No! No, that's not it at all!" He followed after Alex, but stopped in the doorway between the two room. He didn't want the shadow to hurt him, so he kept his distance, hoping it would make a difference. "No, I haven't killed anyone. Even though I probably look like it. But you're right on the other counts." He reached up and self-consciously ran his hand over his matted hair.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex shrugged, still fighting back his own tears. "I-I d-don' r-really c-care i-if y-you d-did, s-so l-long a-as it w-wasn' L-Luna... o-or a-any of m-my f-friends... L-losing L-Luna's b-ba-" He wasn't able to finish what he was saying. Instead he broke into shuddering hysterics, putting his hands over his head, as if he might be able to pull down enough that he could curl into such a tight ball that he would cease to exist.

[needs-release.livejournal.com]

"I wouldn't, Alex. I couldn--" He was cut off by Alex's breakdown. He didn't know what to do, suddenly. He knew he shouldn't be alone, but he wasn't in any position to be comforting anyone. So he remained there, watching him. He would remain there until Alex calmed again.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Eventually Alex's tears seemed to run dry, though he continued to heave. The Shadow on Sam had made a few more feeble attacks before giving up. The shadow eater was not a threat. He hadn't responded to provocation, so it must be safe to let the eater be.

After a moment Alex said, still curled, "S-S-S-Sam? D-d-do y-you th-think y-y-you c-can r-r-reverse th-the e-experiment?"

In the past Alex had been adamant about keeping his powers, even though they were a hindrance. He said that he wouldn't know how to function without them as a sort of social guide. He would have to get used to having normal food regularly. He had even compared them to his scars. He might hate them, but he wouldn't be quite the same 'him' without them.

[needs-release.livejournal.com]

"I can't say conclusively one way or another right now. It's still too early to guess," he replied. To be honest, he couldn't recall many of the details right now. His mind was too muddled.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

His voice became uncharacteristically angry as he shouted, "I-I w-want i-it g-gone, s-so I c-can't e-ever h-hurt anyone again!"

[icanhashat.livejournal.com]

"No, shut up for a minute!" Jayne ordered as he tried to steady himself. His stomach threatened to mutiny against him any minute.

He made a raspy disgusting noise in his throat as he brought forth some flem clearing the passageway and spitting it somewhere into the darkness. "Mm'fine, just hungover." He muttered his sharp eyes settling on Alex again, "The hell's your problem?" He inquired noting the tear stained cheeks.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Biting his lip, Alex did as he was told.

Oh, great. A drunk man. As the man turned his attention back to Alex he drew back fearfully. He swallowed hard, and looked away, "I-I... I j-jus'..." He felt weird telling the man about what had been going on, but he wasn't about to lie either.

"I-it's j-jus'... I-I-t's s-sorta p-personal..."

[icanhashat.livejournal.com]

Jayne snorted as he stretched various joints cracking and popping, "Well cryin' never got anything done." He muttered, "Just wastes time and energy."

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

"W-well, i-it's n-not s-somethin' I c-can d-do much about..."

So far the man didn't seem like he was going to start acting like Father. That was a good sign at least.

[icanhashat.livejournal.com]

Jayne was annoyed...but also exhausted. "Well why the hell not? If you can't fix the problem then where's the use in cryin' over it?"

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex gritted his teeth and turned away. "S-She's s-someone important. W-why sh-shouldn't I c-cry? I-it's n-not l-like I d-decided I w-wanted ta s-start c-cryin'. I c-came out h-here ta be alone."

[icanhashat.livejournal.com]

Jayne watched Alex's cracking with passive dismissal, "A woman." He sighed. "Women are trouble."

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex folded his arms. He wasn't about to let anyone insult Luna. It would be worth getting hit. "L-Luna is n-not trouble! Sh-she's w-wonderful, a-an' sh-she'd n-never d-do anythin' t-ta make t-trouble f-for me!"

Well, getting re-podded wasn't Luna's fault after all.

[icanhashat.livejournal.com]

"Oh yeah sure." He rolled his eyes, "That's why you're sitting here in the dark crying like a baby." He was hardly one to by sympathetic. "What happened? She leave you for someone with a muscle?"