trans_9 | Misery Loves Company [Open, but don't expect to get too far in consoling him]

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Misery Loves Company [Open, but don't expect to get too far in consoling him]

Alex was sitting in one of the abandoned buildings, where part of the wall and roof had caved in. It was a familiar place, though it wasn't one he had spent much time in. The significance was that he and Luna had talked here for quite some time after the whole fiasco with the bombs. They had been so happy that the other one was okay.

Luna had told him about some of her magic- he still didn't really understand it, and now he didn't know if he ever would.

He sat against the crumbling wall on the same slab of rock he had used last time, staring at the rock Luna had been sitting at.

Why did Fate let him meet someone as wonderful as her, just to take her away?

Why couldn't he bring himself to tell the ship to make him forget her?

Instead, he was sitting there without either his jacket or Alice, his arms wrapped around himself, and his fingers digging into his arms as he cried silently. The building was off the beaten path, and he hoped that he might get some solace here. In his room he had to face Tavros, and Katara had already tracked him down once.

Right now his hands were still, but jagged and slightly bloody scratch marks were evident on his upper arms where he had apparently mindlessly been grabbing and squeezing. It was unclear if he had noticed them or not, though anyone who knew him would know it would be unlikely that he had, knowing of how he normally reacted to blood.

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Alex stood cautiously, moving around the corner to find Sam with his foot in the floor and a tier three shadow hovering around him.

As soon as Alex turned the corner, the shadow struck out at him cutting his cheek. Alex merely closed his eyes against the blow, not bothering to even check it's severity. He just didn't care enough.

The blood-matted hair made Alex step back, however. It made his stomach churn even more than it would normally, on the mere principle that it was blood. He could care less about how it got there. Instead he just stared with his blood-shot eyes at Sam, even as the shadow struck out at his arm, doing him another shallow cut. Clearly there was something off, as the boy normally fussed over the smallest incision or blood-drawing.

"A-are y-y-you o-okay?"

He noted the cut, but he took a minute to realize what it was. "Uh. No, I'm fine. I've just got to get my foot out. I think a nail went through my shoe." He tugged and pulled. Soon, it came loose. "Yep, there it is." He tried to balance on one foot to pull it out, but he couldn't focus. He settled on quickly sitting on the floor and then yanking it out.

Alex frowned, "Y-you're a-about as f-f-fine a-as I am." He was irritated now. He had told the doctor before that there was no use denying things like that. Alex could see emotions, and this one was so strong it was attacking him, though it seemed to be hesitating now, since Alex had just allowed it to hit twice without doing anything.

He turned around and moved back into the other room, resting his head on the rock he had been sitting at before. "T-tier th-three s-shadow. A-almost t-tier f-four. G-guilt, i-it l-looks l-like... I-I don' k-know w-what y-you've d-done, b-but y-you feel b-bad about it. I-if y-you k-killed someone, t-then y-you might a-as well k-kill m-me as w-well now."

He should have known it was useless. "No! No, that's not it at all!" He followed after Alex, but stopped in the doorway between the two room. He didn't want the shadow to hurt him, so he kept his distance, hoping it would make a difference. "No, I haven't killed anyone. Even though I probably look like it. But you're right on the other counts." He reached up and self-consciously ran his hand over his matted hair.

Alex shrugged, still fighting back his own tears. "I-I d-don' r-really c-care i-if y-you d-did, s-so l-long a-as it w-wasn' L-Luna... o-or a-any of m-my f-friends... L-losing L-Luna's b-ba-" He wasn't able to finish what he was saying. Instead he broke into shuddering hysterics, putting his hands over his head, as if he might be able to pull down enough that he could curl into such a tight ball that he would cease to exist.

"I wouldn't, Alex. I couldn--" He was cut off by Alex's breakdown. He didn't know what to do, suddenly. He knew he shouldn't be alone, but he wasn't in any position to be comforting anyone. So he remained there, watching him. He would remain there until Alex calmed again.

Eventually Alex's tears seemed to run dry, though he continued to heave. The Shadow on Sam had made a few more feeble attacks before giving up. The shadow eater was not a threat. He hadn't responded to provocation, so it must be safe to let the eater be.

After a moment Alex said, still curled, "S-S-S-Sam? D-d-do y-you th-think y-y-you c-can r-r-reverse th-the e-experiment?"

In the past Alex had been adamant about keeping his powers, even though they were a hindrance. He said that he wouldn't know how to function without them as a sort of social guide. He would have to get used to having normal food regularly. He had even compared them to his scars. He might hate them, but he wouldn't be quite the same 'him' without them.

"I can't say conclusively one way or another right now. It's still too early to guess," he replied. To be honest, he couldn't recall many of the details right now. His mind was too muddled.

His voice became uncharacteristically angry as he shouted, "I-I w-want i-it g-gone, s-so I c-can't e-ever h-hurt anyone again!"

"I promise you, Alex, I will do everything in my power to make that happen for you. What's happened to you is unforgivable. You deserve to have peace and happiness. More than anyone else I've ever met in my life. Call it arrogance but I have the ability to give that to you." He spoke with more fortitude in his voice, perhaps overcompensating for the depression he had sunk into. He only wished he really was as confident as he was making himself to be. In truth, he was exhausted.

Edited 2010-10-21 05:50 (UTC)

"I-I j-jus'... I-I... I w-want h-her back. I-I hate this s-stupid ship." He punched the ground, and then looked up at Sam.

He pulled himself back up, sniffing and wiping at his eyes as he tried to collect himself. "Wh-what's w-wrong? Y-you... th-there's a s-shadow of doubt, a-an i-if there's a-any I k-know, i-it's d-depression."

He strode slowly toward Alex. "I can't scar. My wounds heal right after they're made, for the most part. But if my wounds on the inside could show on my skin and bones, I'd look more like you." He ran a hand over his head. "I've made a horrible mistake. I'm supposed to be the confident, unflappable, focused, genius surgeon. But I'm not. I can't be who I'm supposed to be. It's exhausting. I have to be calm enough to keep my hands from shaking while all hell rains down around me. But I can't be that with this on my mind. I need to take a few days, at least." He sighed. "I'm sorry, Alex."

Edited 2010-10-21 07:21 (UTC)

"N-No one is unflappable, h-however f-focused or s-smart o-or confident. Y-you're j-jus' h-human... w-well, y-you know what I mean. S-so I d-don' g-get why y-you're tryin' ta apologise ta m-me."

He looked off to the side, a bit of the anger still lingering ever so slightly. "I-I don' k-know what y-you did, b-but..." He realized he had nothing helpful to say. Any conventional manner of consoling was getting contradicted by his own swelling doubts and fears.

"I-I should go. Take care of yourself, Alex." He made his way quickly out of the building. He wasn't yet ready to admit what he'd done out loud.

"S-Sam?" He called out, despite himself.

As much as he hated to admit it, he had begun to actually like the doctor quite a bit. He wasn't just a doctor, but a person, with friends and family and feelings. And those feelings were eating at him, almost as bad as his own feelings were, if not just as bad.

He stopped and looked back, looking a bit like he'd just been caught doing something he shouldn't. "Yeah?"

"D-do..." Really? After demanding to be left alone so many times to so many people, you were going to call someone back?

Yes. "D-do y-you think you c-could s-stay a-around f-for a b-bit? I-I... I-I'd r-rather i-if you s-stayed f-for a while..." His concern for his friend- or at the very least, acquaintance- was enough that he'd at least try to keep him close by while he was in such a state. The Shadow had figured out that Alex was in no shape to try eating it anyway, and so it wasn't going to attack any more- at least not until Alex's own shadows dissipated.

He looked down at the floor, a bit of a flush coming to his cheeks. He hadn't quite lied, but he didn't quite like bending his words either. Still, he figured it would work better than telling Sam that he shouldn't be alone.

"I don't think I'm particularly good company right now." He still tried to weasel his way out of this. "And the shadow already lashed out at you once. I don't want that to hurt you."

Alex shook his head, "I-i-it's r-realized I-I'm in n-no state to a-attack, s-s-so it's s-safe. B-besides, m-misery l-loves company... O-our shadows c-can make f-friends." He tried at a weak smile, but it looked pained and was far from reaching his eyes.

He finally moved one of his arms and patted the ground next to him, saying, "P-please?"

He still resisted for a moment, before he finally caved and came nearer to him. He sat about six feet from Alex, still preferring to remain in his own bubble of misery. "I'm..." he searched for words, but shook his head when he came up with none. "I'm a mess..." he sighed, running a hand through his hair, but it was caught in the tangles and blood.

Alex laughed bitterly, putting his head down on his arms, "a-aren't w-we both?"

He sighed heavily, "w-we've g-got terrible demons th-that jus' won' l-leave us alone..." His voice was strained as he tried to keep from breaking into tears all over again.

"Yeah..." he replied. "Looks like we've both had a terrible week." He leaned back against a wall, and looked up at the decrepit ceiling. "What I wouldn't give for my brother to be here right now..." he muttered.

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Misery Loves Company [Open, but don't expect to get too far in consoling him]

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