Calon Lân

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

Title: Calon Lân
Location: Stacy; The Sensoriums





"Calon lân yn llawn daioni
Tecach yw na'r lili dlos
Does ond calon lân all ganu
Canu'r dydd a chanu'r nos."

His Welsh, while more fluid and much smoother on the tongue, is still nowhere near as extensive as his English. Even so, after he'd seen Billy get a proper sleep and had eaten something, Renne finds his mind still a conflict.

He hadn't known the one that had been killed and for that, he's in a way, relieved. And yet thining this brings regret -- he's known death in many ways and no one way is easier than the next. Thus, he comes here to a Sensorium chamber to call up a strange amalgam. It blends a specific building with that of a holy site from his own native land.

Scarlet skies hang above with golden clouds and the beginnings of a spectacular sunset. A "beach" of powder-fine sand meets gentle waves of blue-black stuff that counts as water from this world. And on this beach, ringed by crystalline formations, stands a Chamber, specifically a sort of glass-like tube.

Here, he prays to gods and wizards alike.

Comments

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex wandered into the sensorium, bandaged and tired. For once his trusty jacket wasn't on, but was bundled with a pair of jeans and an off-white tee, all of which were covered in blood. He was wearing another pair of jeans and another tee, which were just the same as the blood-covered ones, except they weren't blood covered.

He had been intending on making a laundromat with a conveniently broken washer and dryer so that he wouldn't need any coins, just like that one that was about ten blocks from his apartment. Instead he found himself walking in on someone else's simulation. He was about to turn to leave- as beautiful and fantastic as the place was- but then he notices the summoner of the imagery. And he looks... wrong.

Alex had never seen so many shadows at once, and yet, they were different. They weren't animate shadows, and yet, they didn't quite seem like inanimate shadows either. They were missing a sort of completeness, though even that word wasn't right. Shadows always came out of a person's skin, and yet with this person, it practically was his skin.

Now that he was noticing the form of the person, he noticed he was blue with golden yellow hair, and rather horse-like. His body was only vaguely humanoid, but yet at the same time it held a sort of human presence. No, he should be thinking more along the lines that it held an intelligence. He was still growing accustomed to there being intelligent beings aside from humans, but that was more of a vocabulary change than a change of his way of thinking.

He was amazed by this person, who was made of shadows, rather than a sufferer of them. He stood, starting, and a little fearful. Not because he was different in the sense of the shape of his form, but more of because he feared what sort of creature could be made of shadows. He looks around for some sort of cover so he could watch without being seen, to examine if the person would be safe to approach.

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

"...Does ond calon lân all ganu
Canu'r dydd a chanu'r nos."

Within his prayer, Renne thinks of various things -- Meeting Billy. Finding out about great wizards and thanking those great wizards with all his being. To him, these wizards had been responsible, the catalysts for the turns of fate which allowed himself and those he now knows to have met. He mourns those gone, those he can mourn, from times as ancient as the Fallen Time to times as frightening as the Ides of March and up to now, with a stranger lost.

And he still feels regret for that. Regret and a form of guilt, for not overcoming his guard and simply meeting people. Knowing people, finding what shipboard duty it is he should perform.

It is at this moment he notes the smell of blood and immediately, he turns half-around. His ears give a perk-twitch and his voice is somewhere between wary, curious, calm and something that says "Defile this place and I'll wring your neck".

"Eeee?"

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex jumped, looking absolutely terrified. He was caught. He clutched his clothes closer to him. He wanted to run but his legs didn't want to move.

No, no, no, no. You're letting the fear take over again. Stop that. He took a deep breath and offered a smile that was still a little twisted with fear. "H-hey..."

He could see how a few shadows swelled as Renne noticed him. It was more like various parts of his being became more active. How did that work?

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

Fear.

He knows that emotion almost too well and already accustomed to fear directed at him, the oddity backs up a little bit. He's not sure whether he'll be attacked or not -- he's expecting it, actually.

"Yeu is hurrr-ted? Noh hurrr-t Rrrr-enne?"

Odd mix of questions but that's the first thing that comes out of his mouth. A moment later, his skin flashes with a few thin stripes of colour -- Amber-touched fear/uncertainty, analytical/curious blue-fuchisa and there's still that deep blue-midnight of sadness that seems to go down too deep to measure.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

He-her-it was asking if Alex was okay? He relaxed. It didn't seem like an evil creature that could only feel bad things. In fact, he noticed as the colours flashed across his skin, that there were shadows that rose with some of them. That cloud of sadness seemed to always be there, but the creature's own shadow swelled with a hint of fear as a bit of amber appeared.

Alex was amazed. This creature's body was so intricately tied with emotions that it was emotion. He smiled kindly, feeling bad for scaring it, "I-I'm fine, I-I'll be fine. I w-won't hurt you... R-Renne?" He assumed that the creature had been speaking in third person, but wasn't entirely sure. He also seemed to have a decently easy time understanding Renne. Perhaps being accustomed to his own stutter helped.

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

"Eee. Is Rrrr-enne. Wha-t yeu is?"

Curiosity. It has fought fear before and more often than not, it has won that battle. Like now, with the flashing stripes and patterns on his skin, the fear slowly fades. It never truly dies off but it's beaten back significantly enough to allow Curiosity full hold.

Thus, the oddity carefully crawls, sniffing his way toward the voice. Having already been kneeling in his prayer, there's no need ot stand up and walk such a short distance.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

It was hard to see the vaguely humanoid shape as Renne crawled, but that really didn't bother Alex too much. He walks closer to Renne and sits, to be more comfortable, and also to allow Alice an easier chance to explore.

At least the fear drops away, back into the sort of internal mess of emotions that seemed to be shifting on top of Renne's colour-changing skin. It was odd- almost dizzying- to look at.

"A-Alex. An' th-this is A-Alice. Sh-she's a r-rat from m-my world." He let Alice climb down his arm and out onto his palm, from which she stretched towards Renne to sniff. For Alex this was a very reassuring sign. He was confident she wouldn't do this around anyone with any sort of bad intent.

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

"Ow-icks, Ow-iss. Hell-loww."

Chirp. He knows what a rat is -- sort of. Ships of his age had 'em constantly. Ship-rats, they'd been called. Ears flicking forward, the oddity's head leans downward. Yes, Alex. He's sniffing at you and then, he's nose-to...er...well, nose-to-body with the rat.

Sniff. Sniff.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex was a little surprised at the sniff and jumped a bit, but then laughed at himself. Alice on the other hand immediately turned and began licking at Renne's nose, sniffing at him herself.

"Sh-she likes you. Sh-she only likes g-good people."

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

"Eee?"

That gets a faint blush on his face and no, he's not ashamed or above giving the rat a little lick right back. The thought of him being....innately 'good' though, that's been a strange thought for years now. It's a thought he hasn't believed in for a while.

"Rrrr-enne be ohn-lee Rrrr-enne."

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alice was unstopped in her grooming by the lick. She continued licking him more than clean.

"W-well," Alex said with a smile, "R-Renne is good! Good is Renne." Alice's actions towards him were more than enough to convince him of this.

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

There's a joke in there somewhere, what with the rat grooming Renne's face and the Renne sniff-licking curiously at her.

"Haow...? Heee. Ow-iss, hee."

He really is puzzled -- that underlay of guilt and shadow never leave him. It bears old guilt, very old. And very, very old with very new and un-mended pain.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex laughed happily, watching Alice and Renne becoming fast friends. "It's b-because you w-want ta do g-good for others. R-right? Y-you c-care about o-others. W-wanting that is all ya need ta be g-good."

Alex sort of wanted to eat the strange shadow, but was afraid of what that might do to the creature.

[morphitudinous]

By now, Billy has started to slowly improve. He's now able to perform his normal tasks with...not a smile, but a neutral expression. The tears are largely out of his system for now.

But when he gets a break in the work, he pokes his nose into a Sensorium as usual. Immediately sensing his brother's presence, both by the warming in his head and the faint familiarity of the surroundings, he quietly walks the sands.

When he comes across his friend locked in prayer, he sits quietly, reflections of his own running through his head.

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

It might be considered utterly silly that he prays to an ancient and very likely mortal wizard of whom he only knows by name. He prays fervently, passionately to this absent wizard but blushes ever so faintly at the 'feel' of recognising a single fact: He's no longer alone.

When his word-songs of prayer come to a fading end, he can't help but sit there and blush rather brightly.

[morphitudinous]

"Hey Renne," Billy whispers, wanting to assure Renne that there's nothing to be embarrassed about. "Have I come at a bad time?"

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

"Bee ahl-ways well-cohme."

He still can't help the blush, even amid one last bow to the time-warp and crawling toward the Human.

"Bee is...goo-d?" Possibly silly question but he constantly worries over his Bee.

[morphitudinous]

"I'm...learning to cope," he answers slowly. He won't be okay for a while, but at least he's functional.

"It just occurred to me that I never asked about how you felt during all of this."

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

"Eeee. Haow Rrrr-enne hell-p Bee noh hurrr-t noh morrre?"

That last line gives him pause. The ears flick forwad, then back a bit as a thoughtful look crosses his face. His worry over Billy isn't by any means subtle or hidden. What's not so pronounced though, is the strangely distant guilt.

"Rrrr-enne..."

How does one explain the conflicting emotions of gladness for maintaining his distance and yet guilt for not knowing more of his comrades?

[morphitudinous]

Billy isn't quite sure there's an answer to that question that Renne will accept.

"I don't think there's anything that can be done. When we lose someone we care about, we need time to process the loss. I'm always going to think about what would happen if she lived, even if I try not to. I'm always going to wish things had gone differently, even if I try not to. And it's going to hurt for a long time."

That's just reality, Billy thinks. He eyes Renne, considering. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. If you do, take your time. I have a while."

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

At first, he frowns; both eyes shining with a few unshed tears. He understands loss in much a similar way, even if said losses had been from another cause entirely.

"Rrrr-enne s-till wahn-t hell-p Bee. Rrrr-enne noh kno-w 'lots on Big Ship. Noh doo-tee, li-ke Bee, Rrrr-enne s-till be...eee...Haow Bee do? Bee kno-w ahll krrrit-terrr Bee is Kaptin in?"

What's the word? He doesn't know but to him, not having a 'shipboard duty' is no different than being a stowaway. His words might or might not make much sense, coming out in a partially-babbled jumble.

[morphitudinous]

Billy ponders Renne's problem for a while.

"Well...yes. I know my engineers, and I'm friends with many of them. Two have died so far, and I've mourned both of them."

Is still actively mourning one of them, as evidenced by the great sadness he still feels. "You're worried that you haven't been able to do things for the crew or get to know them? Well, you've done a lot of things on your travels, right? Navigating, cooking, building? I'm sure you can use your skills here."

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

"Eee. Rrrr-enne wahn-t hell-p Bee. Rrrr-enne sad whe-n Bee sad."

Even strangers, he too, can mourn them and has done so several times. Billy's questioning assessment hits close to home on both counts, resulting in a slow nod.

"Eey-ess. Bohff. Rrrr-enne noh wahn-t be Stow-ay. Stow-ay, Kaptins noh do li-ke."

[morphitudinous]

That sentiment is sweet. Billy nods, scooting a little closer on the sands.

"None of us volunteered for this, but we want people to help where they can. That doesn't mean we're all warriors or in high positions, though. All we ask is that people learn what they can and contribute if you have a special skill."

He pauses, wondering how to word this next part. "And don't ever doubt that you've helped, Renne. You helped disable a bomb, right? And you fought the Ohm on the planet before that, and drew me out of my nightmare before that. You've also played the roles of cook and instructor. You can do that again if you'd like to."

Billy bows his head before finishing the sentiment. "You're also the major reason why I haven't lost hope despite everything."

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

"Big Ship go-t 'lots pee-puhll hee-rrrre. It go-t 'nuff."

Or so he thinks. He'd tried at times, to even enter into training but this had very bluntly failed. Logically, he'd gone through each trade he knew he could perform but found no logical application to simply add another set of hands which might prove more hindrance than help.
At the bomb being mentioned, the blushing creature just shakes his head.

"Rrrr-enne noh do tha-t. Ohn-lee ahl-mos' be si-ck frrrom mah-gick -- "

Billy's last words send his own into an abrupt silence. A split-second flash of doubt shadows across his expression, followed by something between disbelief, reverence and a blush too bright for his face to produce.