trans_9 | Quiet time. [ open ]

Luke stood quietly in a shaded area of the courtyard, watching his nephew meditate. He could sense there was turmoil there, just below the surface. Jacen at this age had been like that though. And perhaps, since he was here and still himself--the seeds of the dark man hadn't yet taken root--he would remain Jacen. Maybe not the youngster who had run around bringing home completely inappropriate pets and telling really bad jokes, but at least not the man who had hurt Ben and tried to kidnap his own daughter under the guise of keeping her safe.

It wouldn't do to lurk in the shadows like this, though. Luke took a deep breath and stepped out, his cloak hanging comfortably off his shoulders and swishing around his booted ankles. "Hello, Jacen," he called out.

He snapped out of his trance instantly, turning his head to the right and pressing his chin against his shoulder. His eyes followed and landed on his Uncle -- Master Skywalker. Jacen's lips upturned slightly.

"Hey, Uncle Luke."

He was about to pull himself to his feet and give a proper bow in greeting, but his Uncle wasn't really one for formalities when it came to his family and Jacen knew this from experience. He shifted though, pulling himself up off of the greenery of the courtyard and onto a simple steel bench where he stared up to the Jedi Master. "How're you?"

Uncle Luke. He liked the sound of that a lot, and had to smile and walk the rest of the way over, sternly reminding himself of what he'd just been thinking of. This is Jacen, your nephew, not some Sith.

"I'm all right," he said. "I'd be better if my nephew gave me a hug."

With the grin still apparent on his face, Jacen stood from the bench and wrapped his Uncle into a hug, feeling somewhat comfortable for the first time in days. Of course, it made Jacen feel better too. Luke appearing made him stop the somewhat morose train of thoughts that his mind had been traveling on.

"So what brings you out here anyways?"

"Exploration, mostly," Luke replied when he let go and stepped back. "I've been here a long time and still haven't managed to explore all of this place. I figured it'd kill time and help me get to know the City better. And that's when I felt you meditating, or trying to, anyway." Luke took a seat.

"So what's on your mind?"

"Everything." Jacen responded almost instantly. But then again, when wasn't everything on Jacen Solo's mind? Especially after the Yuuzhan Vong war had ended and he arrived here.

He collapsed back down on the bench, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. "... was thinking about people who aren't here. Wondering what they're doing. Lowbacca, Zekk..." His throat almost closed up before the last name he said, but he managed to shove it out with a mumble. "Tenel Ka."

Inhaling deeply, he took his eyes off of the spot on the ground he had been absently staring at and looked up to Luke. He knew his question was one that shouldn't be asked, but it had been nagging at him for awhile and he figured if anyone was going to give him any sort of explanation then it would be his Uncle. Maybe he could tell Jacen about his friends too, and his family. They had to be doing good, right?

Right?

"Uncle Luke, what happens to me?"

In retrospect, that was the question Luke should have been anticipating, and some part of him had, but even so it knocked him off-balance momentarily. Luke loved his family and wanted them to be happy, and he knew if he told Jacen what happened in his future... well, to say it could really hurt the young man was the understatement of the age.

"I'll tell you," he said quietly, folding his hands into his sleeves. "But you have to be sure you want to know. Sometimes knowing about the future alters what you do in the present..." he clenched his gloved right hand. "...and not always in good ways."

The way Luke said that made Jacen stop momentarily and pull back until he was seated with his back straight and his hands in his lap. He was about to tell his Uncle that no, he was fine and he changed his mind. But as soon as he opened his mouth to tell his Uncle he changed his mind, he shut it again.

Jacen stayed silent for a few moments.

When he opened his mouth again, his words were almost silent. "I want to know."

Luke nodded, and put a hand on his nephew's shoulder. "I want you to know first that as your very favorite uncle, I still love you, Jacen. The you, now, and the you I'm going to talk about are two different people." That said, he took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy.

He talked about Jacen's trip through the galaxy after the Vong war, about the abilities he came back with and the different sense in the Force he had--calmer, more assured. Darker.

Too, he talked about the Kilik-Chiss conflict, the call that had gone out because of UnuThul that had brought in all the strike team members and made most of them Joiners... and he talked about Jacen's daughter.

"You went and asked Tenel Ka for ships to aid the Kilik conflict... and a year later, you had a daughter, Allana."

He left out the part about mind-rubbing Ben's memories and realization that Allana was Jacen's daughter. In the long, sleepless nights after Mara's funeral, Luke had often berated himself for that; they'd been so upset, but they hadn't kept Ben and Jacen apart, because Jacen had been the only one to get Ben to open up to his own abilities in the Force. "You took Ben under your wing and helped him get over his fear of the Force. He's a talented Jedi now, in part thanks to you."

Luke paused here, not only because his mouth was dry from talking about years of recent galactic history but because his throat was closing up. Even though Mara was here, and he knew she was here and she was fine and he could hold her in his arms, he was still very raw when he thought about how it had felt to have that deep bond suddenly cut. One minute his wife had been there, loving and strong and everything Mara--and the next she was gone.

"You'd come under the influence of Lumiya, a Sith, and had manipulated the government and Galactic Alliance Security to your own ends. Ben had gone with you--he looked up to you, you know--but finally he couldn't hold it back anymore. He told Mara, and when I didn't listen, she went after you herself. You know how your aunt gets when Ben is threatened..." he trailed off, running a hand over his chin.

"The two of you fought on Kavan. Only one of you walked away from that place, and it wasn't your aunt. You took the name Caedus."

Jacen Solo expected to hear lots of good things. Maybe Jacen was a Jedi Master and teaching Ben Skywalker, maybe his sister led her own squadron that Zekk and Lowie were a part of, maybe Tahiri lived near Han and Leia and hung out with them like another daughter of theirs...

Maybe the Hapans accepted Jacen and he was allowed to visit Tenel Ka; maybe he was allowed to be with Tenel Ka.

But this? This wasn't what he expected. Not near anything he expected.

His own journey? Raynar coming back like that? He had a daughter?

And Mara...

Aunt Mara.

His throat retched and his vision became blurry. Only after that did Jacen push off of the bench and attempt to stand. He crumbled to the ground though, his cheek hitting the grass. He wanted to say something to his Uncle. Anything.

But all he could do was shake there, in the grass. He suddenly felt cold, very cold.

Caedus.

And Luke was right there with him, as he would always be with his family. No matter what they did, if they came back to him as themselves, they would always have a place in Uncle Luke's heart.

"Jaina... stopped him," Luke finished quietly, voice flat. "She was the only one of us who could. I was too at risk for things becoming vengeance, and so was Ben." He put an arm around his nephew's shoulders. "But that man isn't you. You don't have to walk that path, you still have the chance to change it. The future is always in motion, remember."

The fact that his sister was the one to finish him just drove it all home and he curled up, clenching his fist around a handful of grass. Jacen felt his Uncle's arms around his shoulders and tried to pull himself up the least bit. He managed somewhat, and buried his face in the thick cloak his Uncle was wearing.

Caedus.

His body was still shaking at almost violent levels. And he wanted to apologize to his Uncle for having to deal with him like this and also apologize for everything he became in the future, but he could only grab handfuls of Luke's cloak and choke on his own breath.

Luke sat there and held Jacen, just as though he was a small child again and afraid of something he'd felt in the Force but was too young to understand. "I'm sorry," he murmured, gloved hand stroking his nephew's hair. "I'm sorry you have to find out this way. I wish it had been different, I wish everything had gone the way we wanted it to. But..."

He sat back, putting his hands on Jacen's shoulders and looking him right in the eye. "...you don't have to become Caedus, Jacen. You can choose the other way. It's not an impossible thing, I know it's not. Don't let knowing all this rule your actions."

When he was finally able to look in his Uncle's eyes -- with his own now tear-streaked and bloodshot -- he nodded weakly, knowing that what Luke Skywalker was saying was true. He didn't have to become Caedus now. Not here.

But just the thought of him doing that... doing all those things to the people he loves... it made him feel sick to his stomach. Every time he thought about the fight with Aunt Mara or the apparent daughter that he and Tenel Ka had, his heart and his breath quickened and he just wanted to bury his face back into his Uncle's chest.

Jacen pulled back though, attempting to regain some sort of composure. He knew by now that there was no use for that.

"I won't," was all he could manage to say.

He wanted to thank his Uncle for telling him, but his chest tightened when he thought about it. Do you thank someone for something like this? It obviously wasn't his Uncle's fault and Jacen told him he wanted to know, but he still didn't feel right saying the words thank you when all of this was involved.

Luke smiled weakly, reaching out to Jacen in the Force with all the strength and love he could give. "You're strong and smart, Jacen," he said. "One of the strongest and smartest Knights here, and I'm glad that you're here with us. Not just as Grand Master... but as your uncle."

He sat back on the grass, shifting into a meditation position automatically, though he had no intention of doing such. "Is there anything you want to ask me?"

"Why did I do it?"

It had been the question that had been under all of his other mess of thoughts, repeating itself over and over again. He was afraid of that answer as well, but figured since he knew this much he should also find out why.

When his Uncle pulled away, Jacen let his hands fall back down into the grass and he pressed his fingertips into the cool dirt. It comforted him the smallest bit and he pulled the energy from the greenery around him in an attempt at soothing his nerves.

Luke watched Jacen for a long moment while he organized his thoughts. "When you were with one of the groups you visited on your trip, you had a vision of a dark man ruling the galaxy. Lumiya played on this, and when you looked into the future you saw that if you didn't join her, you would kill me and the galaxy would be plunged into chaos."

He was quiet a moment. "You did it so Allana could rule Hapes in peace, too. You didn't want to see her live in a galaxy full of war."

"Allana..." The name rolled off of his tongue quietly and his eyes glazed over once more, locked on a patch of dirt behind where his Uncle sat. He wanted to go to these groups and learn from them, he wanted to grow stronger in the Force and he wanted to meet this daughter -- to have this daughter. This Allana.

But going to the Dark Side wasn't worth it. Becoming Caedus wasn't something Jacen was willing to do -- even if it meant learning from other Force users and meeting Allana. If she was never born then nothing could ever come of it, right? He would just have to... stay away from Tenel Ka. She wasn't here though, so that wouldn't be too difficult. Everything else though...

"Can you help me... not let this happen?" His voice was still weak and his words weren't as carefully chosen as they usually were.

Luke's heart ached, hearing this anguish come from Jacen. "I'll do what I can to help," he promised, putting a hand--his real hand--back on Jacen's shoulder.

If it meant his sister wouldn't have to lose her son, Luke would help. If it meant Mara didn't die and he never had to walk into a room and see Ben strapped to the Embrace of Pain, Luke would do everything in his power to help Jacen keep the darkness at bay.

If it meant seeing his nephew whole, in body and spirit and mind... it was worth whatever Luke had to do to help Jacen work through this.

"Thank you," he whispered.

His eyes were still glued to that patch of dirt, still wide and red-rimmed.

Jacen tried not to think of all the horrible things his Uncle had told him he had done. He tried to look ahead. He tried to tell himself those things would never happen now. Those things were just thoughts, events of another time -- another time that would never come to pass now. But everytime they ran through his mind, even if he was telling himself they were nothing and never would amount to anything, he could feel his chest constricting and his breath growing short.

They were horrible and unspeakable acts.

And even if Jacen wasn't going to do them, even if he was going to keep himself from letting them happen now... he had still done them at some point.

Master Luke Skywalker, his Uncle, wouldn't lie to him. He wouldn't play around like that. There was no punching Jacen in the shoulder with a "Haha, fooled you, Jacen."

Finally dragging his gaze slowly to his Uncle's bright blue eyes, Jacen felt his heartbeat hammering in his throat and his fingers dig into the dirt below him -- he had done those things.

He opened his mouth to say something else but the only sound that came out was a dry sob.

"Jacen--" Luke reached out and pulled Jacen into a hug again, reaching out in the Force again and wrapping them both with layers of comforting feelings, like a warm blanket draped around their shoulders. "Don't let this bind your hands. All that--that's someone else. That's not the you that is here, right now. That is not the person you have to become."

He fell silent, staring at the grass past Jacen's shoulder as he hugged the young man, suddenly feeling very old and tired.

Then he closed his eyes and put that from his mind. If his sister found out he'd upset her son, she'd read him the riot act. And it just hurt to have his nephew so upset because of him, and Luke was determined to set things to rights.

Unfortunately for Jacen, if Vader had his way then things were going to get...out of hand.

He'd keep his promise to Luke, of course, and behave himself...but that didn't mean he couldn't search for the various Jedi scattered across the ship. Attracted by Jacen's presence, Vader lurked just outside the walls.

After all, it couldn't be considered his fault if he didn't start a confrontation.

The whole time Jacen was speaking with his Uncle, he could feel something - someone - lurking around the exterior of the courtyard. It was making him squirm slightly. It was familiar, yet so foreign to him. The other conflicting thoughts in his mind concerning the presence? He was frightened, yet curious.

As he talked to Master Skywalker, he let his senses open just a little wider and stretched out, feeling the surrounding area with his mind. There was something there and Jacen, as much as he wanted to find out what it was, continuously told himself to stop. He didn't.

So, you are a very young padawan, Vader thought aloud, the smirk evident in his 'voice', young enough to be enamored by the power of the Sith without any...reservations

Finally, a mind open to real power. Perhaps his search for an ally on the Dark Side wouldn't be so fruitless after all

Don't do it Jasa :C

Something about that voice in his head made him want to shudder. But he knew if he did so, his Uncle would catch it. He was masking his curiosity about it and that was a hard enough thing to do in the presence of Luke Skywalker.

The voice scared him but also tickled some odd, dormant feeling in his system. Why was it so familiar? Why was he reacting to it like this?

And why was this voice talking to him about The Dark Side? Jacen would never, ever stoop to such a level.

This feeling though, the one that was shifting and waking up inside of him, made him want to ask his Uncle about the future. His future. He knew that Uncle Luke had been holding something back concerning him... Jacen just never bothered to ask about it because he never thought he should know. Now he was tempted though.

All because of this presence hovering around the courtyard.

The presence he felt was oddly familiar, somehow-- like an echo of someone he should have known. He brushed that feeling aside- it would do him no good.

I have never known a Jedi to cower. Would you cling to the apron strings of your grandmaster?

It's not clinging. It's my own choice.

He didn't mean to respond. He didn't want to acknowledge whatever was out there, but for some reason he did.

Such fear is unbecoming in one who follows the foolish Jedi Code...but it could be useful

Useful for what? The Dark Side? Never.

Jacen tried to mask the frown from his face. Didn't want his Uncle seeing that.

Then you are a fool to deny such power. Should you see the error of your ways, speak to me face to face...

Jacen's lips thinned at the thoughts this presence was sending him. Some small part of him was saying he should at least check this out -- not to join this being, of course. But just to see what he should be staying away from. There was no harm in that.

He stayed seated on the bench, hands in his lap and mouth pressed shut.

Vader was annoyed. Where it not for the brilliant presence of his son this would be over and done with.

Very well. Continue lying to yourself, and repeating the mantra of a depleted Order. I can sense your desire to become something more.

He felt his lip twitch into a sneer. It was only there for a split second before he got it under control. But there was still a sneer.

The expression his face had scared him somewhat.

I grow impatient. Will you or will you not speak to me face to face?

His response was delayed. Very delayed. But he only shot back two words to the presence, figuring they would be enough.

Not now.

Then I will wait. Sooner or later, you will come to me.

Jacen wasn't the only one who was having difficulties opening up to the crew. While Jeka had made a few attempts and involved herself in the magic and security departments, she had yet to reach her pre-transformation level of ease in the company of others. But that didn't make her any less lonely, especially since her friends that she'd feel most at ease around hadn't been woken up yet. Brainy and Superboy were wonderful of course, but she hadn't been particularly close to either of them before they'd all woken up here.

So off-duty, lonely, nostalgic, and a little hopeful, she followed her mental sense in the direction of a mind in a similar state of her own. She'd made her best friend that way once, maybe it could work again.

He sensed someone else near the courtyard and through the Force he could feel that this newcomer was in a similar state he was. He shifted slightly, while still seated in his spot on the grass and waited, wondering if the person would actually approach or pass by.

Jacen had a slight hope that they would stop. He figured chatting with someone might get his mind off of everything. It would probably be difficult for him, but he would attempt to manage.

Focusing on the sounds around him, Jacen waited.

Jeka approached quietly, but settled back on her coils when she realized that he was meditating. Val had been blase about people interrupting his meditation, but that hardly made it a polite thing to do. And anyway, this was a lovely courtyard. She could wait until he was finished.

Jacen turned his head and looked at the newcomer finally, a slight smile on his face. He was pleasantly surprised by how polite this person was (some of the people here he had met weren't as nice) and looked forward to speaking with them. Looking forward to something felt odd after not having that urge for so long.

For a moment he couldn't even remember how long he had been here.

"Hello there."

Jeka nodded to him in greeting, smiling back at him. Even in her own universe, there weren't many humanoids who wouldn't stare at a girl with a serpentine lower body.

"Hello," she said. "I hope I didn't disturb your meditation. My name's Jeka Wynzorr, and I...well, I sensed that we might both get something out of a little conversation."

The peacefulness her son exuded even during times of anxiety made Leia's heart swell with bittersweet pride. There was so much of him, in his stature and expression, that reminded her of the small glimpses into Luke's Jedi training she'd only been able to witness for less than a year.

Sometimes, things like that -- being able to sense Jacen's feelings in the quiet way she could sense Luke's before either of them knew about their relation -- filled her with awe. And fear for how this grown man was raised; despite the intuitive drive to think of Jacen as nothing but absolute perfection, there was a muted pain in his eyes that troubled her.

"Hello," she smiled softly. "Would you mind some company?"

The voice that hit his ears made a grin spread across his face. Jacen was happy to see that his mother was accepting him as her son, instead of writing him off like he never really existed (which he was afraid of her doing when she first arrived). He looked up to her from his patch of green on the ground and beamed, just like a student at the Academy again.

"Wouldn't mind at all." He patted the spot beside him, but then realized she might not want to sit on the ground. Jacen's hand moved to motion to a bench closeby as his cheeks reddened slightly.

Leia chose the ground, acting as if she hadn't seen the motion. She didn't want to seem patronizing.

"I'm glad," she looked all around. "This is a very beautiful place."

He nodded. "It is." As his eyes moved with hers, all around the courtyard, he opened his mouth to continue, not really thinking of the words before they fell out. "It reminds me of home."

It was a silly thing to say. The Solo family had many homes over the years, all of which Jacen had a sort of attachment to - but this kind of reminded him of the place he spent most of his time as a kid. Yavin IV. The leaves that hung overhead were large enough to hide in, the grass and brush was soft... the smell was the best though. The smell was life.

Jacen brought a hand up to his mouth and absently began to gnaw on his knuckles. He found himself doing that more often now, since he arrived here. It was something he had done as a child, when he was nervous or slightly uncomfortable. He wasn't sure why he was doing it now though.

"How're you doing?"

"I'm a tad busy from the election, but I'm fine." Leia's eyes were anxiously watching Jacen's hands. Her brow furrowed. "Please don't do that." She pulled a small green-skinned fruit out of a kit on her utility belt and handed it to him.

To her, it didn't sound silly at all. After Alderaan's destruction, the Rebellion had become Leia's only family. Yavin and all the bases that followed each still held a special place.

She tilted her head. "Your-- ahem. Has our family spent a good amount of time on Yavin?"

"Sorry..." Jacen murmured, taking the item and instantly replacing his knuckles with the fruit. He hid the shadow of a grin behind the green skin at the fact that she was falling into her role quite well, even though she never really knew her children until now. He could recall her doing many things like that when he was back home and younger; either nervous or overly-excited about something.

"Well," he said this between bites of food, covering his mouth with his free hand to keep juice and fruit pieces from flying straight over to his Mom. "Kind of. Jaina and I spent the most time on Yavin IV, as did Anakin. You and Dad were... busy."

He didn't mean that in a rude way. They came to visit and it wasn't like the Solo kids were abandoned there or anything. But there were occasions at the Academy when he missed his parents. Occasions when his friends and siblings just wouldn't do and he needed his Mom and Dad. "I mean... busy with work and things like that..."

Her chest grew tight.

"How busy exactly were we, Jacen?"

He shrugged slightly, shaking his head.

"Busy enough." He was still smiling though, remembering the times pretty fondly. "It wasn't your fault though, you or Dad. You guys had work. Politics. You know, the usual."

Jacen reached out and wrapped the fingers of his left hand around her forearm.

Quiet time. [ open ]

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DOESN'T YOUR MOTHER EVER FEED YOU-- oh, right.

AWWW, SHE DOES NOW <3333

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