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Current Music: Bon Jovi - Wanted Dead or Alive

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Dean had voted. It felt a little weird since with all the traveling and fake ids growing up, he had never even registered so back home he never voted. He wondered if his brother ever tried while he was at Stanford. But maybe not. They still tried to keep a low profile, and that meant to the government as well. Almost like ghosts really.

Still he made his choices, and right now, he was having an idle beer near the beer tree. Kyle had warned him to keep a low profile after pissing off Vader, but really? Trouble tended to stick to Winchesters like dog crap to shoes, and Dean was no exception to that rule. If anything, sometimes he encouraged it. It was going to happen, what's the point in hiding really. Better to be prepared. Of course he was armed, it was why the shore leave was so hard. Felt naked without carrying at least a gun and a knife. Preferably more.

So he was contemplating some recent events. Less about Vader, because the guy was an amateur with his threats. Oh sure there was the anticipation, but he lacked follow through. It was one of the lessons that Alistair drilled into his head in hell. Lessons he still remembered, even when not carved in illusionary flesh.

No the events he was contemplating were his possible and Sammy's future. What Cas remembered in his past. And if they really could change it. He drank his beer, hoping to drown what was knocking at the back of his head, seeking that little 'yes' as a door to his meatsuit. Like hell.

He started singing a song he hadn't sang since before he was dragged into hell.

"Because I'm wanted... dead or alive...."

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"Yeah I know. But it still means, keep saying no, and I lose my brother. It means everything gets even worse."

If he was back on his world... Dean wondered. Not like there was any point in saying yes now. But if the world returns...

Cas stared. He knew that dead-eyed look. "Dean." He shook the other man's arm. "Don't tell me you're thinking again about saying yes." His voice was a raspy growl.

Fine, he won't tell him.

Dean just stared back sadly, "I can't lose Sam. I can't. Stacy saved him, and I gotta make sure he's safe. Maybe that's the lesson here. It's the only thing that's different. Maybe the future will be the right one this time."

"What about what Sam wants, Dean?" Cas demanded.

Dean blinked at him, and then scowled, "I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be Lucy's suit to the prom, and take a swan dive into hell. C'mon Cas! What the hell else am I supposed to do?"

Edited 2010-07-28 04:36 (UTC)

"Hasn't it occurred to you that your trying to save Sam at any cost is what got you into this mess in the first place? If you hadn't sold your soul to get Sam back, you never would have gone to hell at all!"

Whooa boy. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Cas regretted them, but it was too late to take them back now.

And he never would have broken the seal was left unspoken, but he knew it was there. Dean's face crumpled for a moment, but then he stubbornly exclaimed back, "I was righting a wrong. Sam's supposed to be alive. Dad was supposed to be alive." He wasn't.

"And you're not?"

"No. I'm not."

Yeeeep and that was getting a smack upside the head.

"Idiot."

Cas was too angry to say anything else for the moment.

Dean yelped at that, and almost slugged Cas back for it.

"What the hell? It's true. Hell I don't even get why Stacy bothered grabbing my sorry ass either for that matter."

"It is not true!" Cas glared. "When will you get it through your thick skull Dean Winchester, you deserve to be saved too."

"NO I DON'T!"

Dean then wiped a hand over his face, and sank back again.

"I'm not worth it. I'm trying but I'm barely even here." He was starting to feel like he was circling the drain.

"God damn it, Dean."

And with that Cas was leaning over, wrapping his arms around Dean's back, dragging the other man into a tight bear hug. "You deserve to be saved, you stupid bastard," he growled against Dean's shoulder. "If anyone deserves to be saved, it's you."

Dean was surprised by the hug, but then his arms slowly came up. He started to cling back, and eventually buried his head into the former angel's shoulders. Tears were already starting to soak the coat material. He didn't like admitting his need for comfort and reassurance sometimes, but it was there if you knew where to look.

Cas wasn't very good at hugs, but just holding on, that he could do. And so he hung on to Dean like it would take the end of the world to make him let go.

Faint shudders ran through his body as he continued to cling tightly. He tried to stifle the emerging sobs as much as he could, fighting them back. And he was so tired. So very tired.

Cas squeezed Dean a little tighter, patting his back in what was supposed to be a soothing way. He wished he had the words, but ... he really had no clue what to say. So he just kept holding on.

Dean wiped his eyes, and murmured into Castiel's shoulder.

"Sorry, I'm sorry, Cas. Tired, so tired."

Cas sighed, looking off into the distance over Dean's shoulder.

"I know, Dean, I know ..."

"Just ... don't give up again on me, okay?" Cas pulled back enough so he could look Dean in the eyes, but kept his hands resting on Dean's shoulders. "I couldn't take it if you gave up again."

"I don't...I can't be alone. If we get it back..." Dean quietly said.

"I can't lose my brother to hell. Anywhere but there. I know it'll destroy him." Destroy Dean too. He didn't know what his existence was without his brother.

Cas didn't know what to say. He looked to the side, jaw clenching.

This isn't right, he shouldn't be dumping this crap on Cas. The guy's still dealing with being human now. Dean's just screwing things up when he should be helping.

"Listen, you can go if you wanna. You don't need this now. Uh can see about that sword training tomorrow or something. I think I might need it sooner than later you know?"

Cas rolled his eyes, before letting his head fall back against the beer tree behind them. "Idiot," he mumbled as he took another sip of his beer.

"And drunk, can't forget that part," Dean would toast with his beer bottle if his hands weren't empty at the moment.

"I'm just that good."

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yes yes he is