trans_9 | (no subject)

"I wouldn't be a good teacher if I weren't," she pointed out with a smile. "And why don't you?" She paused. "A person with Jedi powers can read someone's mind, can't they? You should be able to know for certain that I don't have any other motives in wanting to talk to you."

"I just like to learn about people."

"Nothing is certain," Vader growled, "even in the Force. Luke would certainly not appreciate it if I forced myself into your mind, and you would not enjoy the experience either- and short of that, I have no way of knowing whether or not you are being used as a spy or if you are being controlled by external means."

"It's not forcing if I let you do it," the mage answered. "And even if it's uncomfortable, I'm still okay with it. Isn't it a start?"

This must be a trap. Something lurks within her mind...no matter. I will confront it and triumph.

Vader removed one of his gloves and placed his icy durasteel palm against her forehead.

"If you emerge from this experience mentally impaired or otherwise damaged, I will not be held responsible."

His palm was freezing to the touch, and for a brief heartbeat Nanoha felt a sliver of doubt: Would he try something? But she pushed it away almost as soon as she'd felt it - he cared for his son beyond all else, and knew that Luke and Nanoha were friends. He probably wouldn't intentionally harm her thanks to the bond she shared with the younger Skywalker. And if this was what it took to help him learn how to maybe trust someone, then so be it.

She opened her eyes to look into his without a trace of fear. "All right," she nodded. "I'm ready."

On the surface, Vader would find that there was no deceit in Nanoha's mind - she was sincere in everything she'd been telling him. True, she was concerned with how Luke was worrying about his father's presence, but she'd approached Vader of her own volition out of a desire to try to learn more about him and perhaps turn him into a friend.

There was warmth in her mind, a genuine sympathy and kindness that she tried to direct at him. If he looked deeper, he could probably catch glimpses of a girl deeply in love with another, and the affection and caring a mother felt for her child. These were private memories that were sacred to Nanoha - sleeping next to Fate with Vivio between them - and she didn't like the idea of them on display, but for this she'd put up with it.

Deeper than that, however, he might see some less pleasant memories. A piercing pain in the middle of her back and lower chest, dark red blood splashed on pure white snow, and the harsh sterility of a hospital room with a faceless doctor telling her she might never walk again, let alone fly. Beyond that, though, the memories turned happier, of friends and family and a familiar-looking blonde-haired girl with sad eyes.

Her memories and thoughts were on display if he cared to look at them.

"Do not forget that you requested this," Vader murmured, and then he slid within her thoughts, rifling through them mercilessly. He was careless as he moved from moment to moment, his disgust at her memories evident, as was his deep-seated jealously. He found absolutely nothing useful as he ransacked her mind, though any memories of sterile white hospital rooms caused him to shudder viscerally and back away.

You are hiding something and I will find it.

Nanoha bit down hard on her lip - it was a strange sensation, feeling someone rifling through her mind like that, and a very physically uncomfortable one. But she didn't push him away; she fought to keep her breathing calm. She had nothing to hide from him: All Vader would find (other than the occasional pain and sorrow) was a warmth and honest compassion genuinely directed at him.

Nanoha isn't hiding anything from you, Vader. She's being honest.

Vader's own shields were suffering due to lack of attention, and she could probably sense his rage and frustration- not to mention his naked greed at all her memories of family.

I hardly need your pity he thought at her, nastily. Soon I will have the evidence I need to convince Luke of your treachery

Nanoha certainly could, indeed - and the depths of the man's anger and pain did nothing but make her heart ache. For one man to be feeling all of that... it was no wonder he acted the way he did, and Nanoha's thoughts were flooded with sorrow.

Compassion and understanding aren't pity, she thought back even as she felt the Force brutally and painfully digging its way deeper into her memories. I'm not lying to you, or to Luke, or to-- her thoughts cut off as she winced despite her efforts to keep calm and ignore the mental pain.

Her offers of compassion only drove Vader deeper into his frenzy- though at the back of his mind, he knew if he continued and even accidentally caused damage to this woman his son would never forgive him. Reluctantly, he withdrew him her psyche, still not totally convinced of her trustworthiness.

"I am wasting me time here," he said, pulling back his glove as though nothing had occurred. "It is clear your plan runs much deeper than even the Force can show me."

When he finally pulled back and Nanoha felt the invasive presence leave her mind - and she unclenched muscles and let out a sigh she hadn't realized she'd been holding - all the mage did was look up at the scarred, disfigured man with tear-filled eyes. The depth of that anguish and rage...

In the next moment she threw her arms around his middle in a hug.

"What--" Vader attempted in vain to push her off, only to realize his arms were pinned.

"What are you doing, you insufferable woman?!"

She didn't answer right away. "I'm sorry," Nanoha said at last, her voice quiet. "For all the pain that you've been through."

That was not the answer he had been expecting. He pushed with the Force, much harder than was necessary, desperate to escape her grasp now.

"My pain makes me stronger than I ever was before!" Vader spat. "I am the master of it!"

Nanoha loosened her grip and let Vader push her away, though her hurt expression still remained. "Nobody likes being hurt. It doesn't matter who you are."

"I do not care about the opinions of weak people," Vader went on, stubbornly. "I chose this, and no one else. I chose the path to true freedom."

"You chose pain? Why? ...and don't mistake compassion for weakness."

"I chose the power to free myself and save the Galaxy," Vader snapped. "I do not expect you to understand my duty to my wife and the Empire."

"Luke possesses great power, too. Does he need pain to fuel that?" Nanoha shook her head, wiping at her eyes and putting a serious expression on her face. "You can't expect anyone to understand anything if you don't explain it to them."

"My son has...chosen the weaker side of the Force," Vader said, quietly. "I am pleased he has not yet faced a situation that made him realize this, but it is true. When I left the Light Side...it is of no importance. I made my choice then."

"But he's not weak at all. He's found the powers that work for him." She looked around the hangar at all of the vehicles while she thought. "...is it ever possible to make the choice to come back, if you wanted to?"

"No," Vader said, stonily. "I will never go back. I have burnt my bridges- the Jedi would not take me any more than I would willingly become their slave once more." How could she not understand this? It was the simplest thing. He was ready to put his fist through one of these ships (preferably a Rogue's).

"The Light Side will fail my son, just as it failed me. I genuinely wish he would change his ways before it came to that."

"But I wasn't asking if you would," Nanoha held up a finger. "I was just asking if it was possible. We don't have the Force where I'm from, remember? Can you switch back and forth or is it permanent?"

"And you don't think your own son wouldn't welcome you back?"

Vader's face was stony.

"Luke knows what took place at the Temple the night I fell. They all know. There is no coming back after the purge- Luke may believe whatever he wishes, but he knows it is true. I gave too much to give it up," this time, Vader did bring his fist down hard enough to dent a wing of a nearby fighter.

"...and it still was not enough."

"You know, that still doesn't answer either of the questions I just asked. And you should be more careful with those ships."

"Why do you say it wasn't enough?"