trans_9 | Things gone by [Open]

Fletcher should have known that it couldn't last. They'd actually been happy, relaxed, and enjoying themselves for once; of course it had come to an end. Everything had come crashing down around them. He should have predicted it. And Fletcher had spend the entire fight cowering, hiding, and clinging to his brother.

And now he was back on the ship again. He could have gone back to the science labs and picked up his plantsuit research again, or over to Hydroponics to do some work there, but right now he just felt lost. Again. As usual. He was ten years old; what could he do when a crisis like that came up?

Instead of doing something productive, Fletcher had run off to the Sensoriums. Right now, he was lying on his back in the garden at Belshio's house. Resting on his chest was a copy of the hologram picture Edward had taken back on shore leave: Fletcher and Russel standing in front of the line of statues that the two older brothers had transmuted. He wasn't looking at that right now, though; he was staring up at the bright blue simulated sky, watching the clouds float by.

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By now, Fletcher's just sitting up, looking up at the trees, when Nanoha walks in. He looks over at her, and when he sees that she, too, is injured, he pulls his legs up under his chin.

"I'm-- I'm okay. I didn't get hurt." Because that's totally the only possible answer to that question.

She walks over to him, trying to hide her tender leg. "That isn't what I asked, you know," Nanoha tilts her head to the side.

He looks up, arms wrapped around his legs, and tries hard to control himself. He doesn't want to start crying again like he did with Vivio. "But I'm-- I'm fine, really. Honest... I'm sorry. I'm just-- feeling sorry for myself."

Nanoha moves to sit beside the younger boy so he doesn't have to look up at her. "I understand. Did you want to talk about it?"

"I... don't know." It's all so complicated, he doesn't know if he'll ever want to talk about it. "Everyone else got hurt, but I'm fine. I'm okay." Naturally, there's a very clear double meaning in his words.

"There's nothing wrong with staying safe, Fletcher. You shouldn't feel ashamed for that."

And she guessed it. He lowers one hand to pick at the grass beside himself. "But everyone else wasn't safe," he mumbles. "Even Vivio got hurt."

Nanoha frowns, though she tries not to let him see it - she's very concerned for Vivio, naturally. "Vivio did what she thought was best. She fought hard, but got hurt."

"No one went out to try and get hurt."

Fletcher sighs, still picking at grass. "I know that... I-I'm sorry." He didn't really know how to put into words just what he was feeling, so he stayed quiet.

She reaches out with her unhurt arm to put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't be sorry. Nobody blames you - getting yourself killed wouldn't make anyone happy."

He fidgets at the hand on his shoulder. "It's not like I want to get myself killed, but..." He sighs again. "Edward, um, do you know Edward Elric? He said he'd help me learn how to fight, but I mean..." He struggled for the words. "What if I can't do anything? Everyone else is really strong, even the other kids."

"Not everybody," she shakes her head. "If you want to learn how to fight, then you should. But not everyone fights. Nobody is good at everything."

Nobody's good at anything, but right now Fletcher feels like he's good at nothing. He's not so sure that fighting is his true calling, but he hasn't been of any use doing other things... Maybe it will turn out to be what he's meant to do. "I want to try, at least." That's as honest an answer as he can give. "And I want to keep people from getting hurt."

She manages a smile. "That's very brave of you, Fletcher," she says quite sincerely.

"What do you like to do back home?"

He can't help a small smile at that, and he looks around himself. "This is our garden from back home," he replied. "Our town was in the middle of the desert, so Brother and I grew plants to try to help their agriculture. We were working on an irrigation system, too.

"It's very nice," she assures him. "It's really peaceful here. So do you like working with plants, then?"

He nods. "Yeah. I've been gardening for a really long time."

"Well, isn't there a hydroponics bay on the ship?" She pointed out. "I'm sure people would love it if we could start growing our own food."

He'd thought of that too, but... "It's a lot quicker to get food from the planets we go to, though, isn't it? A lot of people bought food on shore leave..."

It wasn't that he didn't like the idea... He just wasn't sure that, in the long run, it would actually matter.

Nanoha shakes her head. "That was the first planet we've had a chance to stop at in half a year. Our supplies can't last that long. It's best to have something renewable."

"Oh..." Somehow, though he'd been here that whole time, he hadn't quite realized that. Time hadn't really seemed real to him for many parts of this trip. "People would probably like that..."

"I'm sure they would! It's better than eating slop every day, don't you think? And if it helps keep morale up, then isn't that a huge help?"

"Huh..." He looked up at the sky, thinking about that. "I just... if we have to fight the Ohm again, it won't help, though." To Fletcher, he didn't really think anything he could do would be useful unless he actively kept people from dying.

"Oh, come on, that's just silly." Nanoha holds a finger up. "If we fight the Ohm again, who do you think is going to be more effective? Fighters with high morale who have good, healthy food, or people sick and tired of the same slop every day?"

"Would that be better than fighting?" he wondered. "I was going to learn how to fight..."

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