trans_9 | take these broken wings | bendytimed to before shore leave [OPEN]

[Takes place after this post]

After he had left Tay, Cas had found his way back to hydroponics, back to the beer tree. He'd filled up his trench coat pockets with bottles, then set off looking for an out of the way place where he wouldn't be bothered, a place where he wouldn't be found.

Eventually he'd ended up in an out of the way corner of the hangar bay, sitting on the floor against the wall. He started working his way through the beer, and soon had a collection of empty bottles around his feet.

She had wings.

It hurt Castiel without even having to think about it, because he could still feel their loss, like a part of him was missing. A part of him was. And right now, trapped in this unfamiliar place, all he wished was that he had the freedom to fly. He wasn't used to being stuck in one place, unable to just leave with a thought, to be able to go anywhere he wanted. He was trapped, he was doubly trapped, and right now, it was breaking him a little.

He raised the next bottle to his lips.

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Cas' eyes got wide as he stared up at Kang, as if the question was completely outrageous. He stared for a long moment without blinking, then finally dropped his gaze down to the bottle held loosely in his hands.

"I don't know. I don't ... I don't even know," he mumbled.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Kang asked, head tilting to one side slightly. He actually wanted to help Castiel out; Sam and Dean were alright people, and the man was a friend of theirs.

Cas rolls his eyes. "Well I know what happened," he snips. "I disobeyed my orders for Dean. I rebelled for Dean. I died for Dean. I Fell for Dean. I was banished from Heaven for Dean. I used up all my Grace for Dean. I became human for Dean."

"But ... what happened ... " Cas shook his head. "I don't know," he said simply. "Taken as a whole, it seems ... impossible."

"...I'm afraid I don't know what half the things you said mean. I'd never heard of angels until I woke up on this ship," Kang said quietly.

Cas snorted. "I'm sure Dean wishes he never heard of us either."

He sighed, then shut his eyes. "It doesn't matter," he mumbled. "I was an angel, now I'm not. My Father turned his back on me and now I can never go home."

Are you sure about that, Castiel?

... I'm sure.

"None of it matters anymore, anyway."

Kang frowned, wings rustling slightly, "If it doesn't matter anymore, then there's no harm in telling me what an angel is."

Castiel sighed. "We're--" he made a gesture. "Servants of God. His soldiers. We see that His Will is done."

"We're immortal and we've existed since before the world was created. But in all things, we must be obedient. Blindly unquestioningly faithful." His voice turned into a sneer on the last word. "The price of dissension is being cast out, of losing your family, your home, your strength, your everything."

"...that doesn't sound like any god I'd ever want to follow," Kang snorted. From his tone, it was obvious the bozak had some issues with the blind faith and obedience thing as well. "But you gave it up for Dean. Why?"

Castiel's expression was flat. "He is my Father. I didn't exactly have a choice."

"... why?" Cas stared into his beer. "I wonder ..." Raising the bottle to his mouth he took a long drink. "Dean is ..." He sighed, unable to finish the sentence.

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"You always have a choice," Kang pointed out, giving Castiel a serious look. "No matter what, you have a choice. And you chose to disobey your father for the sake of a human, knowing what would happen."

He barely held back a hiss. "At least your father didn't kill you for it. You're still alive."

Cas rolled his eyes. "I did die. ... twice. The first time, my Father brought me back to life. The second time ... Stacy did." He snorted, as if Stacy had not been doing him a favor.

Kang blinked, and growled, "I don't think Stacy is powerful enough to bring people back from the dead. She probably grabbed you right before you died; she suppresses the memories. You can get them back."

Castiel frowned. "But I remember ...." What did he remember? In his drunken state, he wasn't so sure. He stared up at Kang. "Do you think maybe my Father ...?"

If God had brought him back from the dead, that would mean something else entirely. It would turn his world upside down, again. Cas shook his head. He was waaaay to drunk to be thinking about theological puzzles.

"I don't know. He's a god. He did it once, he might have done it again. If I were you, I'd ask Stacy to give you back your memories to make sure," Castiel was lucky he was talking to someone that actually believed in gods, and had dealt with them before.

"He's the God," Castiel corrected tiredly. There were other lower-case gods and goddesses in his world, but they didn't count, as far as Castiel was concerned.

"My memories, huh," he mumbled. "So I can see us failing, so I can see the world being destroyed?"

Yeah, right. That sounded like Cas' idea of a great time.

"Sam mentioned your world having only one god. It's an odd concept for me," Kang said, almost to himself.

"It's hard to see. Believe me, it's hard. I got mine back, and I saw my nation, my people, being slaughtered. I saw... I saw my home burning while my mate and hatchlings were still inside, and I have no idea if they..." He looked down, counting to ten in his head to calm down. "Angels, humans, draconians alike, the Ohm destroyed all of our worlds with the same amount of ease."

Cas shook his head. "Sam and Dean and I gave up everything to try to save our world, everything ... and yet it was destroyed anyway."

There didn't seem to be anything else to that except to take another long drink of beer.

Kang shook his head, "There is a chance to restore our worlds, you know. And you haven't lost everything. You still have those two, and your life. You've got Kaylee. You've got others on the ship willing to fight with you, myself included."

take these broken wings | bendytimed to before shore leave [OPEN]

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