trans_9 | Selective Memory

It happened again. One day, Katara had her head filled with the thoughts of a person, someone she cared deeply about, someone that meant a lot to her-and the next they were gone, and Katara was left with an empty feeling. Unlike the last time, though, Katara didn't just feel like they were parts of her memory: this felt like a big chunk, like something had been ripped out of her mind. Now she stared at her hand a moment, then at her chest. She felt like she didn't know what to do with herself, as if this missing memory was something that hadn't just affected her time on the ship but her purpose, a part of her.

She started to run, but she didn't really have a destination in mind. She had had to keep running toward a place where she could get rid of this feeling, but she didn't know how to do it. None of her training or assurances or good feelings were with her right now. She felt as if she were bordering on hysteria and heartache at the same, and finally, she stopped, her muscles locking and threw up. She retched, bringing herself back, and felt horrible, but at least now she had a destination. She ran toward the medbay, her hair messy and her body trembling.

She didn't know who was here, but she opened her mouth to speak involuntary.

"I think I need to-I don't feel very-"

And then her eyes started to fill with tears and she coughed and coughed, crying still. She needed to lie down or something, she wasn't sure what, but she was in pain and felt sick and couldn't explain why.

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"Right!" Katara said. "Then again, just remember that I'm kind of a unique girl. Once we actually traveled around the world, I realized this was what I always wanted to do: travel, see all these different things and help where I could. I know what its like to feel helpless, you know?"

Here though, she gave him a nod. She knew what it was like to realize that with some people, you simply couldn't change who they were no matter what you did. There was that longing, a part of her she didn't talk about, that wished that Jet would be in one of the pods. It wasn't because she wanted to go after him again, but because she wanted to talk to him and apologize. She had realized who he was when it was too late, and it would always haunt her.

Here though, she playfully shoved him, flushing. "Keep it under control you! What would Victoria say?"

There it was again: that reminder that she was getting older in that way, and that despite it being playfully lewd, she liked not being looked at like a little child. It made her feel...more grown up somehow, desirable.

Sokka CANNOT know about this she thought to herself.

"Hey!" Jamie protests as he's shoved. "What was that for?" He's a little confused. What had he done to deserve that? It wasn't like he was...oh. The comment about the outfit. He hadn't quite meant that in the way she obviously interpreted it. He doesn't think of Katara as a child, not at all. But he doesn't really think of her in that way, either.

He rubs at the back of his neck, looking a little embarrassed. "I just meant that ye should wear it because it made ye happy. Because ye made it, aye?"

It does remind him a bit of a conversation that he had with Victoria that was rather similar to this, and he chuckles again. "Although...Victoria would think it would be shocking. And then she'd want to change the subject. She was verra good at changing the subject when she didna want to talk about something."

"Um, I knew that!" Katara said hotly, turning red. Of course Jamie didn't mean it like that, what was she thinking?! Jamie was a gentleman, and just liked playfully teasing. She should have known that was what he meant, and not the other thing! "I was just joking!"

Sheesh, I'm becoming as bad as the people on the ship on that subject, she thought to herself. "It was a nice outfit, I don't care what anyone says. And everyone seemed to think I wore for some reason other than to show it was Carol's outfit! Even Sokka was getting all weird about it. I hope he wasn't thinking I was doing anything weird!"

She shook her head. "Well, I hope I'm at least a little more open about myself than Victoria, no offense."

Edited 2010-04-08 12:41 (UTC)

Well, Jamie can be a bit of a flirt - maybe some of that rubbed off without his meaning to. And who knows? If he was a couple of years younger it might have been different. Right now, though, he thinks the best idea is to simply go along with whole 'joking' aspect of it. "Of course ye were joking," he says affably. "No worries, aye?"

More seriously, he adds, "Look, I don't get why Sokka would be upset. Ye were not wearing it for any reason other than what ye said. And it isn't like the plantsuits are any better." You even could probably cut them up to look like something similar to Carol's outfit - at least until they regenerated.

"And no offense taken. Ye remember that wee disagreement we had about my views about women? Victoria comes from a time where ye couldna be so open." And to Jamie, the two are pretty similar. "But aye, ye are more open about yourself. It's a good thing."

Edited 2010-04-09 05:18 (UTC)

She was going to have to get better at reading people's signals: if her old teacher had heard her mistake, no doubt she would have never heard the end of it.

"Sure, no worries," she said. "Those mistakes happen. I didn't mean to hit you for no reason. Next time I hit you, I promise it'll only be if you really deserve it, okay?"

She gave him a wink. She knew she wouldn't be hitting Jamie anytime soon: he wasn't the type to get fresh with her anyway.

"Sokka's job is to protect me, and my changes scare him. I think he's afraid of what will happen if too many start to happen with me: he'll think I'll turn into someone he won't recognize. When I told him my relationship with Carol, he flipped and we had a fight. Sometimes my brother jumps to conclusions too easily."

She looked down a moment. She actually hadn't spoken to Carol in awhile: she missed her. Right about now, she wished she could see her ship mother.

Katara nodded. "I wish I could meet her. It would be interesting to hear her point of view on things. I don't want to call her something she might not actually be, you know? I'm sure if she was fond of you, she had to at least be a pretty smart woman, right?"

"Aye, well. In that case ye will probably be hitting me in the next few minutes," Jamie comments dryly. The wink is a good sign. To him, that means Katara's starting to feel better. And Jamie feels better as well - things will be okay.

He can understand where Sokka is coming from. Having to deal with being on Stacy is hard enough, but having to face the fact that your little sister is growing up at the same time? It's likely pretty difficult to face. "Sokka just wants the best for ye, but I think we've discussed this before."

Hm. From that reaction it appears she may not have had the chance to meet up with Carol recently. Jamie retrieves his Omnicom. It takes him a moment to find his place, but he adds 'Visit with Carol' to the list.

"Well," he says as he types, "If Victoria does wake up, then I think ye would get the chance." He would want her to meet his friends, definitely. Besides, meeting people here helped him adjust, so why wouldn't it help Victoria? "And aye, she was pretty smart, but I'm not sure what that would have to do with her being fond of me."

Turning the Omnicom screen so Katara can see it, he adds, "Is this good for the list, or was there anything else ye wanted to add?"

Katara shook her head. "I think I'm getting over my whole hitting thing. But if I can hit you, I at least know I'm getting some of my strength back. Not that I meant to find out that way. I guess you just have that effect on me!"

She nodded. "I'm not shrugging Sokka away anymore. If there's anything I learned after all of that stuff with the Nightmare King, its that I'm really lucky to have family on the ship to begin with. Also, I don't know why, but I feel like he did something for me that I can't even begin to repay. I just don't know why."

Katara shrugged. "Anyone who'd met you and liked you has to be a pretty good judge of character, right? I mean, I met you and liked you, and I'd like to think my judgment is pretty decent. So I figure hers is too. I'd love to meet her one day."

She shook her head. "I'm good. Thanks for doing this Jamie. I just...need to lie down now."

She closed her eyes, but there was still, despite everything, one person on her mind. She turned her face away so the tears would fall safely on the pillow, and not in Jamie's immediate sight.

"All right, lass." Jamie hesitates for a moment as Katara turns away, but it's pretty clear to him that she wants to be alone now. He sends off the list so she has it, then carefully gets up from the cot.

"I'd best go see about my leg, then. If...if ye need anything else, let me know, aye?"

"Sure Jamie," Katara said, her voice muffled. "Yes, I'll let you know. And thank you. For everything. When I see you again, I'll hopefully be in a better mood."

Selective Memory

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