http://notadamnangel.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] notadamnangel.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] trans_92010-03-20 12:08 am
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Hours after Kang's Party, and too tired to go home

Dean stumbled around, his head still buzzing away with all the liquor he drank down.

Down down into a dark hole. 'What's dead should stay dead.' 'You sure all of you came back?'


He wiped a hand in front of his face, blinking, and gave a drunken laugh that almost made him sound more insane than drunk. At least the alcohol sluicing through his body killed some of the thoughts. The memories of Cold Oak, Hell, and thoughts about destiny and burdens. He didn't have to focus now. Hunt was done, could sleep. Oh wait, no he can't. Never slept all that much to begin with, what else is new?

He hummed Enter Sandman in a daze as he fell over to one of the organic couches in the Obs Deck. Nothing like magic fingers, but what the hell?

"Damn, I think I need another drink, haha..." he commented drunkenly to himself.
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[identity profile] notadamnangel.livejournal.com 2010-03-23 05:34 am (UTC)(link)
Dean's hand briefly went to his shoulder where the scar was.

"Right and you gave me this." His hand fell away, and he finally asked, "Was it all of me? Or just what little was left?"

[identity profile] trenchcoatange1.livejournal.com 2010-03-23 05:38 am (UTC)(link)
Cas's gaze shifted and his eyes narrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?" he asked, obviously not getting what Dean was ask. That, or he didn't understand why he was asking.

[identity profile] notadamnangel.livejournal.com 2010-03-23 05:46 am (UTC)(link)
"Sometimes I wonder..." he murmured.

Dean then said, "That last nightmare... I know he was pulling out all the stops then. Seeing Meg like that. Telling me most of me never left the pit. Just needed enough for Michael's party suit."

[identity profile] trenchcoatange1.livejournal.com 2010-03-23 05:49 am (UTC)(link)
Castiel nodded, leaning forward on the sofa and resting his elbows on his knees. "And you think she may have been telling the truth, that I left part of you down there," he said, finishing the thought for him.

[identity profile] notadamnangel.livejournal.com 2010-03-23 05:54 am (UTC)(link)
Dean said with a nod, "I could feel it. Feel myself changing with every slice, every cut under Alastair's guidance. Thought I was losing my humanity piece by piece." He hadn't felt all that whole in a long time.

[identity profile] trenchcoatange1.livejournal.com 2010-03-23 06:13 am (UTC)(link)
"You were in Hell for forty years, Dean," Cas said, dead-pan. "Even humans who only get a glimpse of it come back changed. Your soul is still whole and it is all inside of you."

He paused for a moment before continuing.

"But you are right, the Dean Winchester that was sent to Hell is not the one that came back. No one who returns from Hell is the same as they were when they went. They have experience pain, suffering, and temptation that those who have not been there can only pretend to fathom and their souls bear the scars. It is the nature of Hell."

[identity profile] notadamnangel.livejournal.com 2010-03-23 10:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Your soul is whole. Funny, he felt like it wasn't. Like it still lay in tatters somehow.

"Feel more than just different. Not sure if I'm all here. Did you guys really make sure I was even still human?"

[identity profile] trenchcoatange1.livejournal.com 2010-03-24 02:18 am (UTC)(link)
"Why would I bring a demon out of Hell?" Cas asked, confused.

[identity profile] notadamnangel.livejournal.com 2010-03-24 02:29 am (UTC)(link)
Dean shook his head, "I didn't mean a full one, I know I wasn't at that point. Not yet. But I was getting there. Another decade, maybe two."

He sighed, and put his head in his hands, "I don't know, look forget I asked. I... I think I'm still pretty drunk."

[identity profile] trenchcoatange1.livejournal.com 2010-03-24 02:42 am (UTC)(link)
"It takes centuries for a human soul to become a demon, Dean," Castiel corrected. "It does not happen overnight."

[identity profile] notadamnangel.livejournal.com 2010-03-24 02:48 am (UTC)(link)
"Depends on how fast they break though, doesn't it?" It was still a sore point for him. That he couldn't last longer than he did.

Dean added, "Doesn't matter, it didn't happen. I'm here. Alive. Pretty sure of that at least. No matter what that nightmare Meg bitch said."

[identity profile] trenchcoatange1.livejournal.com 2010-03-24 02:57 am (UTC)(link)
Cas is quiet for several moments, lowering his gaze to a space on the floor as he--it seems--struggles to find the right thing to say to his friend. Yeah, that's right. His friend. Angels have friends. Well, at least, this one does.

"You are not a bad person, Dean," he finally said, looking back up at the elder Winchester.

[identity profile] notadamnangel.livejournal.com 2010-03-25 12:56 am (UTC)(link)
And Dean considered him a friend as well. One of the few he had, and one of the only ones left, especially now. He knew he wasn't perfect, and sometimes he found it hard to believe he was. He just never thought highly of himself usually, the bravado a front to hide behind, when really he was always putting others first.

"Thanks, Cas," he gave the angel a tight but grateful smile.
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