trans_9 | Memories Left Abandoned [Open]

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Memories Left Abandoned [Open]

After his confrontation with Sofia, Julian wandered around for a while. He didn't really pay attention to where he was going, and in his travels, he wandered into the area of the city that contained several ruins. He didn't really pay them any mind, at least until he stumbled across one that he recognized.

The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning.

Even as it was, he'd recognize the place. It was his home, once. But like most everything else in his life that he thought he could count on forever, it was reduced to nothing more than ashes and rubble.

For a moment, he wondered if this was the Nightmare King's doing, but he knew the truth. He knew exactly who he was and where he was. He scoffed at the bitter irony of the situation.

"Who needs nightmares when this is your life?"

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"For some people, this might actually be called...pleasant."

Wow, Julian, there's a face you haven't seen for awhile.

Kara smiles shyly at the mutant, her hands behind her back and her feet gently touching down on the ground.

"At least the whole place didn't explode," she added. "Hi."

"Kara...?" He really hadn't seen her in a while.

"Hey..." Just give him a second, he'll be suave after he processes this.

"I know. I've got to stop disappearing into the ether." She turns to look at the ruins and frowns. "This building means something to you, doesn't it? Home?"

Julian continued to look at Kara, then also looked over at the ruins.

"At one time, it was... but those days were over before I ever came here."

She frowns and looks back at him.

Gah.

Losing...things. Losing home.

It's not easy.

Take it from someone who keeps on losing hers.

"I'm sorry."

Julian waved the apology of, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. Trying.

"That's all in the past." Save for the part where it was now sitting right in front of him, and was still very much on his mind right now.

"It doesn't seem like it," Kara presses. "Especially with it sitting right in front of you." She folds her arms, her gaze steadily on Julian's. For someone who's so self-centered most of the time, she can be surprisingly perceptive when she wants to be. Like now.

Normally, any challenge like that, Julian would meet head on, but instead he looked off to the side. He wasn't able to hold Kara's gaze, possibly because he knew she could see right through him, with or without x-ray vision.

"Doesn't matter now anyway." So why did he care so much?

She steps up to him and gingerly places a hand on his cheek, stroking it gently. "Not even a little bit, Julian?" Oh yes, she was going to get him to talk about this one way or another.

Almost despite himself, he closed his eyes, and relaxed into her touch. He let out a breath, but reached up and gently put his hand on Kara's. He didn't pull her hand away, but did stop hers from moving.

"Why would it matter at all? It's all gone now. And even if my world were still out there, this place would still be a pile of rubble."

He finally opened his eyes and looked at Kara. He was trying to not look sad, and failing miserably.

"What's the point of caring?"

Kara shrugged, her heart going out to him. "What's the point of building a wall around yourself and not caring?" she asked. She lowered her hand but not her gaze. "I know it hurts, and I know that dealing with it can be the suckfest to end all suckfests, as my friend Courtney would probably say, but it's better than the alternative, Julian." She studied his face carefully. "And if it's about putting on a brave front, I won't tell anyone. If there's one thing I'm good with, it's secrets."

"There was a point in time when this wasn't some front," he told her. "I knew exactly who I was, who I was meant to be, and how I was going to make that happen.

"Then it all started to fall apart. Piece by piece, everything I thought I was, everything I thought I had, everyone and everything I ever cared about..." He shook his head. He didn't even know why he was telling her this. It might have something to do with the fact that he still hadn't let go of her hand.

"I tried to hold on, but no matter what I did, or how hard I fought, I couldn't stop it." His family rejected him, his teachers abandoned him, his friends died all around him, his heart was broken, the X-Men failed him... and that he was powerless to stop any of it broke him and his faith in ways he could only barely understand.

He was a telekinetic, after all. Being able to shape the world through sheer force of will wasn't just a philosophy that he applied to his powers, but to as many aspects of his life as he could. It was the foundation his entire personality was built on.

Only he discovered that he wasn't powerful at all.

The cake was a lie.

"I don't know who I am anymore... but I don't know how to be anyone else. And if I stop, I'll fall apart, and I can't afford to do that."

"Or maybe you'll grow, Julian. Into someone else. Someone better than who you thought you were going to be, if possible." This was rich, coming from her. She'd put up fronts too, trying to be girls she wasn't, trying to live up to the S-shield. But she had blood on her hands, crystals embedded deep inside her body, and she was sent to Earth to assassinate family. "I don't know you well enough to know who you are - not entirely - but I will say that I like what I know so far, even without the front. She squeezed his hand, but not hard enough to, like, break bones. Just reassuringly. And, impulsively, as she always tends to do, she kissed him gently on the cheek.

He finally did let go of her hand, but only so he could wrap his arms around her waist. It was kind of stupid, but he needed to hug her for a bit.

"You really need to stop disappearing on me, gorgeous."

Kara grinned and wrap her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. "I promise, that was the last time I ever do that to you again," she said.

"I'll hold you to that," he told her, then kissed her.

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Memories Left Abandoned [Open]

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