[[Takes place after this log.]]Asuka had decided that she hated the ship again. As if the nightmares weren't bad enough, then she'd had to put up with that
idiot Clechu telling her she wasn't ready to be a pilot. That she wasn't
good enough. It hurt. It tore at her self-image and it made her feel worthless. He was wrong. She knew he was. She'd be the best pilot in the squadron and then everyone would see her and they'd
have to acknowledge her.
She'd retreated to a place of relative sanctuary, curled up on the shoulder of her Eva, feeling the smooth armored plate beneath her. It was comforting in a way. Something familiarfrom home. The
only thing from home. No Misato. No Shinji. No Ayanami. Just her and her Eva. Were they in the pods? She scoffed at herself. Why did she care? It wasn't like any of them had been worth anything. They were just competition. Bad competition, but still competition. It wasn't like they'd ever tried to
help her when she'd lived with them.
Or anyone on this stupid ship either. Celchu said he wanted to help, but he was really just trying to tear her down. Leave her alone and unrecognized, unnoticed. Nothing. Alone. She shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself, remembering the nightmare. It still came back to her. It wasn't nearly as strong anymore, but it still made her wake up in a cold sweat from time to time.
There was Arha, but thinking about accepting her help made her feel sick inside. She shouldn't have to. She would live on her own, without anyone to prop her up. She'd be independent. She hated herself for giving in to Arha, but she enjoyed the attention, the support. The support she didn't need.
She'd just sit here a while longer.