Action Is the Antidote to Despair [massively bendytimed before Rebellion]

[googledox]

Despair was a funny thing sometimes, in that it could be all-encompassing, overwhelming. It could fill your entire being like water dripping down into the grooves and craters of a pockmarked surface, creating a flat uniform plane of itself.

He hadn't quite felt this way at first. First, he'd just been numb. He'd been numb when he'd tried to give Jeka his flight ring and she refused and as Jeka had been taken away to the pods for healing after what his mother had done to her. He'd been numb as he was given medical treatment and turned away all visitors, including Brenda. He'd been numb when facing the Council and demanding he be imprisoned for what he'd done to Daniel and Punchy and the others. He'd been numb in their face of their compassion and insistence that he didn't need to be locked up, that probation and psychiatric treatment and monitoring were enough in light of his guilt and his treatment of his mother.

When he heard the news that Punchy had died before he had the chance to thank him for trying to save him, for talking him down out of despair at the lowest moment of his entire life, that was ironically when the despair came back full force. It felt terrible.

It also felt good to feel, to not be like his mother. That was the fine line between them, thin as the edge of a knife but a difference that, like the edge of a knife, cut down deep to the bone. His mother wouldn't have shed a tear over the death of Matthew O'Connor, but curled up in his cot in the Brig, Querl Dox wept wretchedly over the passing of the most ridiculously-named superhero he'd ever known.

Comments

[googledox]

"It's not a matter of it hitting me all at once," Querl sniffed, wiping at his face and trying to get his breathing under control. "It hasn't stopped hitting me. It's a matter of processing."

[punchedoutdestiny]

"I can understand that," he answers as some old memories start stirring up.

There's a pause, then he speaks again. "I...realize it's not the best time to bring it up, but I came to see if you'd reconsider being brigged."

[googledox]

"I'm not sure why you'd want me to reconsider it. It's safer for the crew this way."

[punchedoutdestiny]

"Because of all the stuff you've done before this happened!" The response is a snap. "You - you're one of the older crew! You helped pave the way so people like me and others here can communicate with each other, can live decently - the list goes on!"

Simon raises from the odor frame. "You're a good guy - it don't take a rocket scientist to see that, 'cause I'm sure as hell not one. And dealing with all that happened to you in that other part of the ship - that's bad enough, I'd think. Sure, you did some bad things, but they weren't your fault. The people you did them to don't blame you. That, and..." He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "You'd do a hell of a lot more good out among the rest of us than sitting around here."

[googledox]

That last part gave him a pause and made him think.

What good could he do holed up in this lab? How could he come remotely close to fulfilling the ideals of the Legion?

"There should be consequences. The options the Council offered in regards to probation and some limited freedom of movement aren't acceptable. They aren't severe enough."

[punchedoutdestiny]

"From what I read and was told about what went down, having to live with having been through all that is enough of a consequence!" Simon frowns a bit. "For such a smart guy, you're bein' a pretty big dumbass right now - there's other ways to pay for this. Service toward the ship as a whole is one of them. And another thing..." Simon's face gets a bit somber. "We're losing good people left and right to both the pods and..." There's a pause as the implications go unsaid - Superman, Howard, Cedric, Punchy. "We need everyone that's able to be out and doing what they can. I'm sure the people who got you guys out of there would agree with me."

[googledox]

"I'm sure the people who got you guys out of there would agree with me."

That gave Brainy food for thought.

Would Punchy agree with that? Brainy hadn't know him horribly well, but from what he had known of him, he had the feeling that he would have.

"I'll consider the Council's initial terms, but I make no promises."

[punchedoutdestiny]

Simon nods. "Good. I won't force it on you, but do think on it a while."

And with that, Simon departs, though, he did leave the cell open...

[thisclinchesit]

...but that's because a security officer was nearby.

Shoutarou steps up once Simon's off and out of earshot, and gives Brainy a look. "Guy's got a point, I gotta say. I know I agree with him."

[googledox]

"Of course you do."

[thisclinchesit]

Shoutarou's expression grows a little more somber. "Can't speak for Danny, Zuko, or the others, but I do know Punchy would agree, too." There's a pause here - it's rather obvious that Brainy isn't the only one that's been emotional over Punchy. Shoutarou takes that moment to collect himself. "He'd probably say something like 'you need to be out there saving the day, dawg'."

No, that was not a noticeable crack in his voice as he said that, your ears are lying.

[googledox]

Brainy shut his eyes tightly.

"He would, wouldn't he."

It did make him think. He wasn't quite ready to change his mind, but it did make him think.

What do you do to thank those that were remarkable, other than try to be remarkable yourself? Could he do that from inside a cage?

[thisclinchesit]

Shou nods, and swallows hard, trying to regain his composure.

"Won't be easy, all things considered, but nothing here is."

[googledox]

"I need time to think."

What did he deserve in the end?

What was the right thing to do?

[thisclinchesit]

There's a moment of quiet, then Shoutarou nods. "Alright. I'll be around if you need anything," he answers, and turns to go back to the brig-watch desk.