[Locked to Paco and Jaime, and Later to Kon]

[flunkingspanish.livejournal.com]

((Directly after this, before the Yeerk Trial.))

It took awhile to find him, just because the ship was so big, but eventually Paco found Jaime messing around in Special Weapons, tinkering with something.

"Dude," he said, knocking on the edge of the door. "I'm calling in best friend rights."

Comments

[el-escarabajo.livejournal.com]

"First of all, that's an amazing, if super gross analogy. Gold star."

He can't help but admire his best friend's way with words sometimes. For someone that's failed a lot of English tests, Paco's pretty witty, if crude.

"Secondly, it... I can't say I know exactly what it's like--nicer symbiote, for one--but you...you start to realize that even if it was in there, digging around, there's still a part of you that's deeper. That it would never be able to worm its way into. It still hasn't touched who you are. Maybe he could read your thoughts, mess with them, maybe he could control your body, but there's a part of you he could never touch, and never change, that's still safe, still...clean. It always will be. It was the person fighting inside and making a hand twitch, and that part is right here talking to me now afterward. That part is safe. Clean. Still yours. That he didn't break or touch, that he would've never been able to break or touch. There's some comfort in that, I think."

It's not something Jaime talks about much, the scarab is nowhere near as bad as the Yeerks, and he and Khaji have long since made their peace, and are even friends with each other, but it is a violation of self. It never stops being one, never stops feeling a little...weird and scuzzy. To deal with it, you have to have a strong sense of self.

[flunkingspanish.livejournal.com]

"Always good to hear the appreciation," Paco said with a smirk. Just because he didn't test well didn't make him stupid.

He made a thoughtful noise, rolling the idea around in his mind. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I think that's why I'm going to be okay. And I know I'm going to be okay eventually. I think...I think it's because when it came down to wire, I was good enough, you know? I kept the sub-visser from shooting you. So I got a victory out of the whole thing. If I hadn't been able to..." He shook his head sharply and waved the idea off. "I'm not touching that. Not going to do the what-if thing."

[el-escarabajo.livejournal.com]

"It's not a good place to go, and... and with all of this, if the absolute worst ever happened, anytime, it'd be okay. I have trouble convincing myself that sometimes, that it's..."

He's so sorry, Nadia. He's so, so sorry.

"Okay. That bad things just...happen. So now it's just going to take the time part, I think."

[flunkingspanish.livejournal.com]

Paco knew that face. That was the "Jaime is feeling guilty about something" face. He reached over and pulled his friend into a hug.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "Sometimes life just punches you in the neck. Takes recovery time."

[el-escarabajo.livejournal.com]

Jaime hugs him right back, tightly. What? You're not a real man unless you can hug your friend and brother without being secure as all hell about it, but then it's also a cultural thing. Everybody and their tío knows it's okay to hug. It's just, if you hug in some of some white dudes, they have messed up ideas about what it means 'cause some of 'em tend to be a bit on the insecure and homofóbico side, so he and Paco never do it in public around people their own age (except maybe Brenda).

Bah, it's stupid. Hugs are good.

"You're gonna be okay."

Now the guilt sets in.

"Lo siento. I should have known. If scarab's sensors could work in this place--aah, I'm sorry. I know I promised no guilt."

[flunkingspanish.livejournal.com]

Pfft, not hugging was for wusses and idiots who were insecure in their masculinity. Real men hugged.

"I'm gonna be okay," Paco agreed. He was going to be okay. They were all going to be okay.

"De nada, amigo." He grinned a little. "You gotta be you."