trans_9 | Alcohol, the alternative to feeling like myself

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Alcohol, the alternative to feeling like myself

The world was busy, and so fast. Always moving faster then Orc could move, or think. It seemed like life was passing in the slow solid blinks of his beady little eyes.

Ever since Howard's death he didn't feel as compelled to be useful. To take care of himself. What was the point really? They were all going to die sooner or later. And it's not like he deserved that second chance Howard was always going on about.

Howard...how long had it been? Between the drinking and Stacy's own peculiar grasp of time he had lost track.

But it didn't matter. All that mattered was forgetting. Forgetting where he was, forgetting what he was. Forgetting about Howard, Betty, home.

And so he kept drinking. And he kept moving. To stay in one place for too long risked trouble. People finding him, feeling bad for him. They were just being nice. But he didn't deserve nice. Not after what he'd done.

The city was perfect for this because there was so much of it. He didn't move fast, and he got tired easily. But he had plucked the beertree clean and drug a cooler with him. One of Howard's last gifts. Maybe Howard had more beer in the warehouse...he would have to stop there and see.

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Orc turned his head to follow the sound and let his eyes focus on Ian. "Too shallow." He mumbled turning back to stare into the sky. The water seeped into the cracks of his stone skin and chilled him deeper then anything to this point. More then that it retained the chill.

A cold numb was different from a beer numb. Not as comforting.

He wondered just how much Orc had had to drink or whether he was happy sitting in the river like that. Ian wasn't about to leave him therefore. "Would you like a hand out?" He held out his hand for Orc to take, if he wanted.

Orc didn't move at first. Then his hand groped around and felt the half empty bottle caught between two rocks bobbing in the river.

Lifting it up he poured the contents into his mouth, a mix of ale and river water that had splashed into the neck of the bottle swallowing it hard making his eyes water.

A burp that reverberated through the air strong enough it felt like it should have it's own cloud attached and then he lay his head back once more. Ears hidden by stones just above the surface of the water.

It was obvious that Orc wasn't going to come out on his own and Ian couldn't just leave him there. Even though the water wasn't very deep, it was enough that Orc could drown in it, especially when he was drunk.

So Ian took off his shoes and socks and rolled up his trousers. He hoped there was nothing in the river that was going to bite him. The water was freezing, he found, when he stepped into it and he gasped as his feet went numb.

"You can't possibly be comfortable in here." The trouble was that even though Ian was now in the river with Orc, he wasn't strong enough to pull him out.

Orc shrugged and in an effort to keep Ian from talking pushed the cooler closer to him. If he had a beer too maybe he wouldn't try harder to get him to move. It was a streak of being stubborn brought on by cold water and colder beer.

"I'm alright." which was only partially true. And barely partially.

Much as Ian admired his ingenuity for keeping the beer cold, it didn't mean he had to be in the river too. "No, you're not. People who are all right don't sit in rivers drinking."

He considered having a beer himself. He couldn't decide whether it would be better for Orc if Ian set a good example and didn't drink or whether he'd appreciate having a drinking buddy more. In the end Ian decided he could do with a drink to help handle the situation. "Let's sit on the bank and drink," he suggested, moving the cooler closer to the bank. He pulled out a bottle, then got out of the river himself, but sat on the edge dangling his feet in the water.

Orc sighed and with what looked like great effort, sat up. But that was as far as he was willing to go for the time being. His breath came out in a slow depressed exhausted rasp and he continued staring into space.

It was a start he supposed. "So what've you been up to lately?" Ian asked, hoping some friendly conversation would coax Orc out.

"Been drunk." He answered plainly with hints of shame in the response. "An' walking around the city." That really was about as much as he'd accomplished since Howard had died. And even all of that he couldn't remember.

"That doesn't sound very exciting." He splashed at the water a bit and took a sip from his bottle. "What would you like to do?" Ian thought he sounded like he'd rather be doing something.

Orc turned to look at Ian puzzled and confused. This simple question baffled him. Of course being drunk wasn't exciting, or was it the walking? Either way need of them made sense to him. And even more puzzling was being asked what to do.

Ian wasn't sure what Orc was so confused about. "There must be something," he pressed. "Do you have a job or school to go to?"

Oh right, "I tear down buildings." He answered remembering that before Howard had died he actually was doing something useful for a change. Still it's not like the city wasn't getting rebuilt without his help.

"You can't do that while you're drunk. You'd be too worried about tearing down a building on top of someone." Ian hoped that made him feel a little guilty.

Orc grunted in agreement "S'why I'm not doing it." he mutteredbecause the last thing he needed was more blood on his hands.

He frowned. "So why aren't you then?" It least Orc was talking it was a start.

Orc looked even more confused. "I'm not doing it because I'm drinking." Even he felt like he was talking in circles. Clearly this meant he needed another drink. He found another can of soda and opened it roughly spattering some of the foam on his chest.

Ian ran a hand over his face. This was getting him nowhere, so he put his drink down on the bank and waded back into the water, where he took all of the drink away from Orc, alcoholic or not, and stacked everything on the bank. If Orc wanted any of it, he was going to have to get out of the river to get it.

Orc's eyes narrowed, and when he rose dripping from the water he stood solid despite his inebriation at over six feet tall.

That stopped when he took his first step. It was heavy and made the water surge away from where his solid stone foot landed. It washed up onto the shore and splashed about.

The second step was harder and less steady, and on the third the ground shifted and he fell causing a gush of water to fly into the air raining down all around them.

Ian stood his ground - even though Orc was bigger than him, Ian was not going to appear to feel threatened by him. And he wasn't feeling threatened anyway - he didn't believe Orc would really hurt him. That and his drunkeness making him unsteady.

"Orc!" Wet now anyway, Ian waded back into the river when Orc fell and reached down to offer him a hand up. "Are you all right?"

Other then feeling embarrassed Orc supposed so. At least he wasn't physically hurt. He was still depressed and couldn't put into words exactly how sick he felt just knowing what he was. A murderer. A monster. A freak.

He declined the hand forcing himself back up and trudging out of the water sitting with a heavy thud on the bank and sinking into the soft ground. This wasn't much better then laying in the river but it was a start.

At least Orc was out of the river. Even though they weren't outside Ian was still chilly as he stood beside Orc on the bank. "Are you cold?" He was trying not to shiver, but he didn't want to leave Orc like this.

"No." Orc muttered looking at the river and not Ian. He was cold, but he never shiver. He wasn't even sure he could. But his body absorbed temperature changes as well as stone could.

"Mm' fine." He lied again.

"No, you're not." Ian breathed on his hands to dry them and warm them and decided to try a different tactic. "I know you just lost your friend, but there's no need to beat yourself up about it."

Orc glanced at him puzzled. He hadn't thought about it like that, mostly because he'd been beating himself up for other things.

"You don't know." He grumbled looking back into the unobstructed flow of the river.

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