trans_9 | These Heartstrings of Mine Are Intertwined With Yours [Closed; Bendytimed]

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These Heartstrings of Mine Are Intertwined With Yours [Closed; Bendytimed]

Finding Orc in the Media Library is something that strikes Howard as just about as weird as walking in on hippos wearing tutus and dancing ballet - certainly unusual enough to make him doubletake, but given Stacy and her Stacy-ness, not totally out of the realm of possibilities. Stranger things have happened than the illiterate taking a sudden interest in libraries.

Howard, for his part, is looking for more driver's ed material, so once he's located that he wanders over to the space on the floor Orc's occupying and takes a seat next to him. He has a the numbers to punch into his data pad and bring up some nice instructional videos on defensive driving, although for the life of him he still can't find a good instruction manual for a stick-shift car.

"Hey, man, what's-" Ah, Orc's wearing headphones. Probably can't hear him. Howard taps Orc on the shoulder. "What are you doing around here?"

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Orc could barely feel it but he felt it all the same and gingerly paused the player. He had to be so careful with his solid heavy fingers. Then his headphones were pushed back to look at Howard curiously. When had Howard gotten here?

When he turned to look at Howard the smell of beer on his breath was like a cloud. He was still well lubricated.

Howard raises his eyebrows at the smell. He's not unused to it, but it's still pretty strong. "I said, what're you doing here? I figure a library would be the last place you'd want to go."

Orc shrugged his massive shoulders, an act that in itself seemed to take great effort.

"I was bored. Some kid told me there was TV up here."

And yet he had found an audio book instead somehow, and more surprisingly gotten the player to work without breaking it.

"Yeah, but you're not watching anything." Howard's pointing out the obvious, but generally Orc sometimes needs the obvious pointed out to him. "You listening to music?"

He looked back to the pad as if it would answer for him before speaking again.

"It's a story about mice and squirrels and hares and stuff. And they live in a place called an Abbey. I think that's like a really big church." Explaining things wasn't ever really Orc's strong suit but he was mellow in his drunk which was rare.

"That sounds like...wait, is it about a mouse named Matthias? I did a book report on Redwall once." He cocks his head. "An Abbey's like a really big church with living areas for the nuns."

Orc nodded in confirmation and sat still for a minute thinking.

"The probably wouldn't let us in. Weasels are bad in this story. And so are murderers." As if it were a real place he could visit. As if an Abby sized for mice wouldn't be too small for Orc to visit in the first place.

"You know, I'm not actually literally a weasel." He gives Orc a Look. "Besides, we don't want to go to some church place anyway. Do you really want to get told to pray every morning? I'd be so bored."

Orc shrugged and turned his head back to the device thoughtfully.

"It wouldn't be so bad." Orc suggested, "There's lots of food." After so many months of starvation the descriptions of feasts were enough to make Orc drool. Thankfully that had dried by now.

"True. I could probably put up with praying if there was a lot of food." He folds his arms and leans back against the shelf, getting into a comfy reclining pose. He bites his lip. "You met anyone cute here? I mean, I know you had a thing for Astrid back there..."

Orc made a noise like a snort and looked back at Howard. The look was dry, unamused and even a little wounded. "Funny." And he turned back to the screen. "Like it would even matter." With him how he was now, who he was. What he was. Orc had long since given up any hope of any cute girls.

"I'm not joking, man! And you know here it doesn't matter. No one here cares what you look like." Howard looks hurt that Orc thinks he's teasing him, although he should have anticipated that. "Besides, you can like people even if you don't have a chance with them."

Orc wasn't convinced however. "What's the point?" He muttered. Since his transformation it had been impossible for him to imagine any girl accepting his looks. And even if they did he was a murderer. He couldn't hide that from someone that he liked.

He didn't say all that though. Instead he said "What about you?" Back home everyone seemed to hate Howard but here he was...liked. He had friends. It was kind of amazing to consider having known him for so long.

"It's just kind of nice to care about someone, you know." Maybe Orc doesn't. The idea makes Howard's heart sink a little, because there is still that tiny part of him, the part that's usually buried under reason and logic, that wishes Orc cared as hard about him as he does about Orc.

"A few people. I mean, two. I talked to one of them and it's never gonna happen, though, so." He shrugs.

"That's too bad." Orc reached out with one of his massive stone meathooks and gave Howard a pat on the head. It was like getting petted with sandpaper but it was light at least which was good. A hard pat likely would have knocked him out cold.

"You should have someone. Lotsa people like you here." A strange fact that Orc had noticed since his arrival.

The side of Howard's mouth quirks up into a little half-smile at the pat. Orc is one of the few people whose contact Howard craves rather than shrinks away from. Even if Orc was the one to hammer the final nail into Howard's mentality that 'Everyone Will Hurt You', no scrawny, fucked-up teenager is an island.

"Nah, lots of people put up with me here. I'm useful. People like useful, but they don't really like me, and." He shrugs again. "I'm okay with that, I guess. I don't need to be popular."

That made Orc look puzzled, not that that was to unusual.

"Your cats like you. And I like you. And I think others like you too."

But Orc had only seen some of it by following Howard around the ship.

"Even if you don't like you."

"The cats don't count. I feed them." But Howard smiles anyway. "I didn't say I don't like me. I mean, I don't really have an opinion on me."

Which might be a foreign concept to Orc, what with all the self-loathing.

"I'm just not expecting anyone to like, like like me."

"Yeah it would be nice. I guess." Orc conceded unable expect that either. After all how could he? Unless the other person was made of rocks and even then Orc wouldn't be interested.

With a sigh he slumped a little more and stared blankly at his silently tablet now too depressed to think about continuing.

"Hey, man, don't..." Howard looks a bit at a loss. He only wanted to talk, he didn't mean to make things worse. But that's always a risk you take with Orc.

He sighs and makes a face that crosses between impatient and hopelessly sad and leans his head against Orc's arm. "Sorry."

Now that was interesting. Howard never apologized to Orc unless he needed something. At least that's how Orc remembered it.

Either way Orc allowed him to rest his head there. Howard was alot more touchy since the FAYZ. Even Orc had noticed that. But it didn't bother him. It was just different. And it made Howard happy so he wasn't going to stop him.

Need something or was scared Orc would smack him for calling him stupid, basically. It's a new development, that he apologizes simply for making Orc feel bad rather than trying to change something that relates back to himself.

"I heard you got a job in Infrastructure. I didn't even need to set that up for you."

"Huh?" At first Orc wasn't sure he'd heard right but he nodded, "Oh, yeah. I knock stuff over. Sometimes I lift stuff." He didn't seem to think it was that important. It was just a way to pass the time, and to prove to Kang he was responsible enough for more drinks.

"Sounds like something you're good at. I think that's good, you know. You finding stuff to do on your own." And Howard means it, although honestly he panics a little at the idea that Orc will stop needing him.

"I just got lucky." Orc muttered not really thinking it was anything special. There were lots of people who were strong enough on this ship to do what he was doing. Heck he'd probably have been doing it on accident if he hadn't found the person in charge.

"Don't be s-" Howard stops himself. "-silly. We don't get lucky, you and me."

Orc didn't even twitch he just responded plainly, "We're still alive. We got food." That was as much as he could muster up, after all they weren't exactly safe.

"That's not because we're lucky. That's because I'm smart and you're strong." Howard knows Orc's right, but he's got some instinctive dislike of placing his fate in the hands of the fickle luck goddess.

"Wasn't strong enough to fight off those Coyotes." Just the word brought him back to that horrible excruciating moment. "Wasn't strong enough to kill Drake or fight off those guys when we tried to leave."

The depression spiral was kicking in again. He was thirsty, and though he knew water would be better he knew what he wanted.

"Doesn't matter, man. We're alive. You're strong enough that we're still alive."

He can sense Orc's mood taking a massive nosedive, so he tries to find something else to talk about. "So what's happening in your book right now? I only remember a little bit of the story."

Orc blinked as if he'd forgotten why he was staring at the tablet.

"They're looking for a sword. They need it to protect their home from this evil Rat. They already have a shield." Sometimes the words were too complicated, but for the most part he was following.

"I don't remember that part at all." It's possible he didn't finish the book. Howard has never had a long attention span for novels. "Is it a good book, at least?"

Orc nodded. "Better then bored." though that wasn't much of a encouraging review. It was Orc after all so boredom usually led to black out drinking.

And so did depression.

And Anger.

Lots of things led to blackout drinking with Orc.

"Yeah, well. That's the best thing about this stupid space wart. Never boring on Spacey Stacy." He pats Orc's shoulder. "I guess I'll leave you to that, then."

He nodded and pulled the headphones back on "Kay, lemme know if you're leaving." He tapped at the screen again to continue the story letting the past few minutes drift away on the flow of narration.

"'Kay." Howard sits there for a moment, pondering whether or not he should leave or just keep adding fuel to the Awkward Fire. Then he figures it doesn't make much of a difference, so he cracks over the driver's ed manual and starts reading that, and keeps doing so until whatever time Orc becomes bored with Redwall.

That could take awhile. As the haze of alcohol faded Orc became more focused on the story. In his head he could see talking rabbits and badgers and otters fighting Rats and weasels and foxes. It was all kind of cool. None of them had powers, but they fought with all their heart for one another. And in this world he was positive that good would triumph and evil.

Why couldn't life be like that?

Howard waits a while, until he can tell that Orc's completely engrossed in the story.

"Hey, so."

No answer. Good. Howard can work with talking to a stone, at least, a stone that isn't listening to him.

"I've been thinking."

He waits again, just in case.

"I think I like guys."

No response. No slow-witted questioning of the nature of their relationship. No 'okay' or anger or even flat-out confusion. Maybe 'nothing' is the best response Howard can hope for. He's alright with that.

He goes back to reading the manual.

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These Heartstrings of Mine Are Intertwined With Yours [Closed; Bendytimed]

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