When One Thinks Too Much, They Realize A Truth (Open)

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

It was a beautiful sight in the Sensorium. A bright blue sky with just enough clouds to be peaceful, but not depressing. The door would lead right into a group of trees the faded to a cliff outlet that could see all across green the sight below sky was forest covered Rocky mountains. Specifically in the Colorado region.

Many could call it breathtaking, to be perched on the edge of the cliff.

Which was where Dani was sitting. Which might not seem odd in itself, until someone took another look. First was there were rocks around Dani, seemingly set there purposefully. One was a rather large boulder, about half of Dani's size. Another was a rock that was covered in moss. These two were on her left. On her right were another took. One rock was malformed; it looked like two rocks had fused together, one smaller than the other. The second was just a normal rock. Not huge, not oddly shape, and all one color. A perfectly normal rock.

The second was, despite the beautiful sight, if one got a look at Dani's face, all they would see is a distant, depressed, guilty look on her face. If one were adept at reading body language, they could see it in her back even as she sat on the cliff edge.

Though the most surprising thing might be this was all deliberate on Dani's part.

Not that she planned to let people know, of course. She was hoping no one would come in (not knowing Sensoriums could be locked) and see the sight, but it was something she had to do. For you see, Dani had a lot of time to think back home. She was on her own for the better part of a year and without knowing what else to do besides hiding from Vlad and finding a way to stabilize herself, all she could do was think. And other than thinking of what she was studying, she could only think of that first part of her life with Vlad to when she said good bye to Danny.

Which meant thinking about the other clones. It hadn't come at first, not until she thought about things completely. She had been told she was 'better' than them. That they were 'experiments' and she was a 'result.' She was a better clone. She was a daughter, family, a child. She was not like them. They were weak and not good enough. So it was all right to destroy them for the chance to get Danny. Then she found out she was just Vlad's tool in his eyes. And then she remembered what Danny said that made her different. She wasn't 'mindless.'

It was about two weeks after she left Vlad that it finally hit her.

She knew the clones like neither did. They weren't mindless. She knew that. She saw how loyal they were to Vlad, she saw the fear in one of their eyes as he died. They had emotions. They could feel. No, the difference was she was smarter and her body allowed her the ability to transform without dying. But that didn't make them mindless. That didn't make them...

That didn't make them not people.

And it had been on that day she realized she had killed her own brothers. After all, what else could they be called? They were people just as much as her. She just got lucky to have enough intelligence to keep her body intact and rebel. They were stupid and naive and she had ignorantly went along to kill one directly with her own hand and allow the others to die. It was her fault. She hadn't done a thing and she should have realized it was wrong because she was smart enough to. They didn't deserve it. Not the ones who were made before her and not the perfect clone either. After all, he couldn't help Vlad wanted to make him. She could have tried to stop it...and she didn't.

Not that she blamed Danny for any of it, of course. Danny was just defending himself. He had every right to resist. He couldn't help they wouldn't stop until one of them gave and he was just more enduring. And the perfect clone wasn't even his target, just caught in the crossfire when he didn't make the realization that she hadn't made till later. No, he had reason to be blamed. And she would keep the truth of the matter secret so he never felt any guilt about it.

No, this...this she and Vlad were to blame. Vlad for not seeing them at all and her for being too arrogant to allow herself to see. Which was why she was here now. Because she was the only one who did see the truth right now. No one would remember them like she did. Though she had wanted to do this a year after she realized the truth, it was hard to keep track of dates. So she decided to do it now.

They deserved to have someone mourn for them.

Comments

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

"What makes you say that?" Dani asked, her voice and posture visibly more tense.

[twelvevoltman.livejournal.com]

"I have superhuman powers of observation. Sorry."

Allen shrugs.

"But even if I just had normal ones, I'd probably still be able to tell, because I pay attention to the moods of people I like, and kid, we may have only known each other a couple of weeks, but you're one of them. So . . . you wanna talk, or you don't? 'Cause if you do, I'll listen, but if not, we can just sit here and enjoy the view."

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

Dani didn't answer for a while. "...it's not like you can tell me a solution. It's not that kind of problem."

[twelvevoltman.livejournal.com]

"Even if it was 'that kind of problem,' I have many degrees, but none of them are in psychiatry. I don't presume to give anyone advice. I'm not an advice kind of guy."

Sometimes. If he feels the advice is based in very solid fact.

"However, in actively discussing an emotional or theoretical problem, conversation can be a helpful means of sorting through facts, theories, and questions, encouraging the development of new connections and conclusions."

End textbook mode.

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

"I....don't know if there is anything that needs to be sorted out. I thought about it a lot," Dani admitted.

[twelvevoltman.livejournal.com]

Allen mentally simulates several responses before speaking.

"Do you think you would feel better if you explained your thought process to someone else?"

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

Dani was silent for several moments and shrugged. "I don't know."

[twelvevoltman.livejournal.com]

Allen nods.

"Does it have anything to do with something you feel guilty about?"

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

"...yes," Dani admitted softly.

[twelvevoltman.livejournal.com]

Allen thinks some more before responding.

"Admission of things causing a sense of guilt can be a cathartic experience in a trustworthy environment."

He pauses, considering a few more options.

"I don't know anything concrete about what you would have to feel guilty about, but you're not the sort of person who has done anything I would define as irredeemable."

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

"I'm not sure what you just said," Dani said after the first sentence.

She was quiet a bit longer after the next one. "....don't tell Danny," she finally said.

[twelvevoltman.livejournal.com]

"Sorry." Allen takes a deliberate moment to smile comfortingly. "I said it might make you feel better. I can keep a secret."

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

Dani looked up at him, worried, but serious all the same. "Then say you promise not to tell Danny." She wanted an actual promise. No possible loopholes.

[twelvevoltman.livejournal.com]

"Does it have to do with you hurting yourself? Because if it does, I don't necessarily have to tell him, but for the sake of morality, I have to do what I can to put a stop to it."

Still, he lifts his hand, pinkie crooked, just out of reach. She might miss the meaning of the gesture, but hey, she's a quick learner.

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

Dani blinked. And stared. She looked really surprised at that. "I've been trying to not die for a year. Why would I hurt myself?"

[twelvevoltman.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes -" oh here's a fun topic. "When people are in a lot of emotional pain, they deal with it by hurting themselves - bringing their pain to the outside. It's dumb, but I think you've experienced enough physical pain not to try to do it. I just had to ask, for morality's sake."

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

Dani looked confused. "Why would...that doesn't make sense," she said and looked away. "But...no, I wouldn't do something like that. I mean, I'm not gonna run from pain for the greater good or anything, but after melting...." She shuddered. "I don't think pain could even do anything after that anyway if it's supposed to do something..."

[twelvevoltman.livejournal.com]

"Like I said." He raises his eyebrows. "You melt?"

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

"Used to melt," Dani said. "I wasn't stable for a while, so for about a year, I was on the verge of melting if I did too much and used too much energy. I fully melted and if Danny hasn't used what he did on me, then I might have been....gone for more than a few seconds," Dani said with another shudder.

[twelvevoltman.livejournal.com]

"If that's still a problem, the doctors here can probably give you a permanent stabilization."

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

"It shouldn't be. I feel stable. More...solid."

[twelvevoltman.livejournal.com]

"Good. I'm glad to hear that."

Allen pauses again for just long enough before speaking.

"So . . . do you still wanna talk about it?"

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

Dani paused. There'd been a bit of hope he'd forgotten about it. "....so, I'm not hurting myself. You promise never to tell Danny about this?"

She didn't get the pinky thing. At all.

[twelvevoltman.livejournal.com]

"I promise."

Well too bad, because he's holding it out again.

"You hook your pinkie around mine. Symbolizes a pact."

[thethirdhalfa.livejournal.com]

"Oh," Dani said. Now she gets it. Sometimes she can catch on. Other times...need a freight train for her to get it. She hooked her pinky around his.