trans_9 | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Of all the inane and stupid items to come across in her wanderings...

It stood about chest high on her with little grips on either side and buttons at it's base with familiar faces on it. Tentatively she pushed one of the buttons and sure enough a little doll popped out with her face.

It was far more beautiful a face then she remembered, but then again the game had been designed by people who were loyal to the Fire Nation. And there was no greater hero to the Fire Nation then their princess...except of course the Fire Lord.

Another button press brought her a doll of her brother and she placed them in the pegs on top of the small tower. Their feet clicked into place perfectly. It was like not a day had passed.

With a sullen and half hearted smile she tapped the button once, twice, three times watching the little doll punch her brother in the face. It was oddly soothing.

But how to get it back to the air temple from the city?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"And strength. Generations nobility only count for so much. You have to prove your skill at leading a nation." Something she had done time and time again.

"Very corporate," he said, outwardly amused, though privately he wondered exactly what criteria they used to determine skill.

"It was mine to have!" She spat in venomous anger. "And he stole it from me. We dueled, he lost. Then the Avatar's woman caught me off guard and trapped me. If the people knew the truth of what had happened to me..." She grumbled sinking into the seat tense and angry again.

"How did what happened in a duel have any effect on your ability to lead? Or was it an honor duel sort of thing, whoever wins becomes heir?" He slowed the car down as they went round a turn, smooth and sleek.

"Exactly. He let his guard down because the Waterbender was too close to our fight and would have been hurt. Because of that he lost and she attacked. But I had already won!" she was too angry now to appreciate the silky smooth handling of Morgans luxurious ride. He was lucky she wasn't leaving scorch marks on his seat.

She'd be surprised how resistant these seats were to just about everything. Stephen was, after all, an amazing mechanic.

"Which of you challenged the other to the duel?"

She had to think back to that moment, that very day. She had lpayed it out in her head dozens of times trying to figure out exactly where she had gone wrong.

"I did. Zuko was always so vain, and believed himself to be an honorable warrior. I knew if I challenged him he would accept, and if I defeated him he would leave in shame. It would save us the trouble of struggling over birthright versus our father's right to declare me firelord...which he had already done."

Morgan thought he understood.

"So you're time yourself for challenging him and making rulership about who could fight better, instead of just proving you were better at ruling than him in general."

"I was not in my right mind at the time." She confessed for probably the first time. She knew the problems had started before the fight, that had just been the last straw.

"Recognizing that is a good sign, at least," he said. "So why are you still beating yourself up, though? The title isn't proof of your skill. It's just a title."

"It was..."

What? What was it really? Proof of her years of hard work finally paying off? Proof that her father trusted her to run the Fire Nation but not enough to rule the world at his side? Proof that she didn't need friends because she had the fear tinged respect of her people?

"...important." She settled on that word not wishing to vocalize all the different possibilities raging through her skull. It had been extremely important at the time.

Was it still? Yes. Yes surely titles still had some importance these days even if she couldn't figure out just what yet.

He could guess at the nature of the thoughts that swirled in her head, if not the substance.

"Was it?"

Was it the title itself that was so important? Or what it represented? What it meant, or what having it seemed to mean?

"Yes, it was." She gave him a sidelong warning glance, unwilling to discuss it further. Then again she was becoming well aware that he was making it easy to discuss what she didn't want to discuss. Maybe it was the car?

"Obviously not as much anymore."

Well, it WAS a cool car.

"That's a good thing, though. If nothing else, this is a chance to reassess without needing to look at anything about the title, good or bad."

"But it's not just a title." She protested. "It's who I am. I am Princess Azula of the Fire Nation. Even if no one will ever again treat me that way." only rarely since she had arrived on Stacy had she gotten the respect her title merited, and it hardly ever lasted. Most the people who respected her the first time they met her vanished before she could test their dedication to that respect.

Morgan started to answer, then fell quiet as he considered this. Comparing it to his own 'title', as it were, as a member of the Akashic Brotherhood. Something core and fundamental.

"I see your point," he said, though he wasn't considering the 'respect' part of it; that was separate in his mind. "But even so, you can't let losing a title wreck you. If for no other reason than that would be a terrible waste."

"We've been over this." She glanced at him with a hint of frustration, "What I lost was more then a title." She tapped her finger to her forehead gently, "As for this...this is what has ruined me. The Paranoia, the inability to focus on what I need to. The constant...noise." She hesitated on the last part and looked away immediately after. She had not confided in many about her voices because she knew what would come soon after.

Medications, locking away. Possibly one of those cozy binding jackets she had had once to keep her arms locked in place.

Not from Morgan. He'd been in much the same position once, after all.

"I'm not sure how much I can help you directly with that. But I'm willing to try my best."

He'd had friends, too, with... well, problems, to put it charitably. Close friends. Judging would be hypocritical, now.

"Don't bother." She was watching him now. Studying him closely. She had already done so in each of their previous meetings but it was a habit that she couldn't or wouldn't give up. "Every solution to this point has involved altering my brain in some way."

Morgan snapped his gaze over to her in shock bordering on surprise, then frowned. "Of course they did. Science forgets that anything outside of its narrow, rigid world exists, and assumes it has all the answers. No, that would be the last thing I'd try."

She smirked feeling validated in her opinion. "Fantastic for weapons, making some aspects of life easier. But I will let myself spiral into madness before I allow someone to play with my head and hope that they're doing what's best."

"No, that wasn't what I had in mind at all. There are some times when you have to treat the brain," he added, "but the brain and the mind aren't the same thing. If you start having a cerebral hemorrhage, then I'll go all medical on you, but this ain't it."

"I'll take your word for it." She folded her arms and sank into her seat not knowing what a Cerebral whatever he said was. Instead she thought back to her first few days alone in the "Treatment Center" she had been sent to after her defeat.

"It was the first thing some of them jumped to. Surgery, needles, potions. The others were too scared of me for traditional methods. I'm lucky the world was destroyed when it was."

"Heads up," he said, offering that much warning before he spun the car into a screeching U-turn.

As soon as they were going back the way they came properly, he spoke again. "They can change you, but taking away your core... you'd sooner die." He understand that, and respected it, even admired it. Even if he wasn't certain that Azula's core was a good one, it took a lot of determination and strength to have one.

She didn't even flinch as he performed the maneuver, too far gone into her own thoughts to be tense about it.

A curt nod acknowledged his thoughts about it. She barely felt willing to discuss her health with strangers let alone letting people she didn't trust tool around inside her delicate and formerly amazing deadly mind.

No...not formerly. It was all still there. But like her other muscles it had gotten soft and needed work.