http://demonbloodsam.livejournal.com/ (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
demonbloodsam.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trans_92009-07-20 11:35 pm
demonbloodsam.livejournal.com) wrote in trans_92009-07-20 11:35 pm
Entry tags:
Say What You Want [R for Cussing][Open]
Yes, Sam Winchester was still secure in his cell, sitting on his bed, still writing in John Winchester's journal as he had been for much of the time since he'd been locked up. A stack of uneaten slop trays sat outside his cell, a sign that he was still not eating. The only nourishment he would take came from the silver flask of water that sat on the floor near the head of the bed that he had refilled periodically by either Dean or whoever was in the Precinct at the time.
He'd had several visitors, many of them trying to convince him to back down, to start eating again. But each time he had refused, defiantly resisting any and all efforts to change his mind or sway him into thinking he was wrong. He wasn't wrong. He knew it.
He'd had several visitors, many of them trying to convince him to back down, to start eating again. But each time he had refused, defiantly resisting any and all efforts to change his mind or sway him into thinking he was wrong. He wasn't wrong. He knew it.
no subject
"Wow, I guess everyone's evil, huh. And irredeemable. Always. They can't make mistakes because they're afraid or because they want to make sure something goes right without someone getting hurt. If anyone every hurts anyone ever, they're evil and deserve to die. Is that how it goes?"
no subject
no subject
"You're not lying, crazy, or either. You're ruthless. There's a difference," Jaime says. "Namely that it's a conscious choice. You've chosen to be this person. Maybe you had good reasons. You probably did, to protect people back where you're from. Maybe you even had to absolutely be this way or there would've been no chance at all you could do it. The problem is that you think you have to be this way, always, when we're not in the world we knew. Even I know that sometimes people here might have to kill, for everyone to be safe. I won't do it, but I understand it--I might even let it happen. I just disagree that this is one of those time. I also think you still haven't answered my question about why the Yeerk isn't just a bad person. People can do bad things and deserve death. You still haven't explained why the Yeerks aren't just really bad people."
no subject
"FINE! They're really bad people. Is that what you want to hear?" Sam shouted, throwing his dad's journal across the cell and leaping to his feet. "Is that what you came down here for? Then fine, you got it. They're really bad people that crawl into people's heads and turn them into monsters. Really bad people that sneer at you while they're using you to throw some kid into a pool to watch him drown. Or that mock you for being too fucking weak to stop them from slamming some guys face into a building. Or that laugh at you while their friends hold you down every three days so they crawl back inside and do even more fucked up shit. Or that belittle you because, no matter how much you scream for help, no one can hear you."
As he ranted, Sam had made his way over to the bars and was staring down at the seated Jaime. "They're really bad fucking people, all right? The only good thing those fuckers ever did was shoot me in the head and finally put an end to that nightmare."
no subject
"It wasn't your fault. What bad people do to you--and because you can't stop them. It's never your fault."
For someone that Sam's geared himself up to think is a patronizing dickhead, he looks neither ashamed of getting this worked up, nor like he thinks Sam is a bad person.
"I just... look, I can understand you thinking a bad person deserves to die to keep people safe. I don't agree with it in this case, but I understand it. My dad was in the army. He's killed people to keep people safe. Doesn't make him evil for doing it. The part I had a problem with was that someone who, for all intents and purposes seemed like a good person just trying to protect people, was talking like people weren't people. Wanting to kill guys for doing bad things--that's not evil. That's not even crazy--everyone wants to do that sometimes, even if they don't want to admit it. Dehumanizing the enemy, though, turning them into things rather than people--that's just...where it gets scary. Maybe it's easier to deal with it all, but it's still scary."
He frowns.
"I just--"
He shakes his head.
"I don't like thinking someone who I thought was a good person is that far gone." He looks back up at him. "We may not be on the same side on this one, but I still see us as on the same side."
Because they are.
"We're people that don't want to see other people get hurt. It's just we disagree about how to do it or who deserves a second chance."
no subject
"Yeah, maybe we are," Sam conceded. He didn't think Jaime was a bad kid, just a pain in the ass sometimes, especially when it came to this strict 'no-killing' rule he and some of the others had.
"And maybe all that wasn't my fault because I couldn't stop it. But I can stop it from happening again...and if I don't everything that happens after that is my fault. Because I didn't do anything to stop it when I had the chance. And I'm not gonna let anyone else go through what I and the others went through. I won't let it happen. Never again."
no subject
"Look, Sam, I understand the sentiment. Believe me, I do. I've been in that place, where it was--where stuff went out of control, and I tried my hardest and it wasn't good enough. People died. More than one."
Vista Verde. The hurricane.
"And I--"
Another deep breath.
"I really wanted to kill the person responsible," he admits. It's something he didn't even say to his dad. "I thought about what would happen if I didn't. And maybe it will be on my head if he breaks out of prison someday. It probably will be. But there is such thing as an overactive sense of guilt."
He shakes his head.
"And it's very easy to paint a species with a broad brush. There is no doubt in my mind that the Yeerk is guilty of conspiracy, of being complicit in a lot of crimes. But there's also no doubt in my mind that between a ton of superheroes, a freakton of geniuses, and a bunch of other smart people that we can't think of some way to make sure it's imprisoned a long-ass time. There's jettisoning from the ship in stasis, there's pocket dimensions, there's lots of freakish things we can figure out how to do that are way more surefire than just locking the thing up in a box. Why won't you let people at least try them? This goes beyond not trusting the Yeerk and not trusting our situation into not trusting the rest of the crew, too."
no subject
no subject
no subject
"Not. Big. Enough.
no subject
He seems to know something about this.
no subject
"Still not big enough."
He seems to not be backing down. As far as Sam is concerned, any chance the Yeerk might get ever get free--no matter how minuscule--is too big.
no subject
no subject
"If someone does something like what? You mean conspire with a bunch of people to take over the ship and kidnap, enslave, and try to kill as many crew members as they can along the way?" he said, pausing and pretending to ponder the question for a moment. "Um...I'm gonna have to say that would be a 'fuck yes.'"
no subject
no subject
"If it was under duress then they weren't a willing participant," Sam replied, giving Jaime what appeared to be the first major concession in their argument. "But the only thing that says that Yeerk was under duress is that Yeerk and some memories Cybil thinks she has about her Yeerk thinking he was a coward. Being a chicken shit isn't an absolution of guilt.
"And the funny thing is, I seem to remember Schmuz and his host being pretty damn involved and pretty damned willing. He says he was afraid he'd be killed if he warned anyway, well, he wasn't under 100% surveillance either. Neither was Cybil's. If they were so goddamned against what was going on then they could have said something. They could have done something. And they didn't. They didn't do jack-ass-shit.
"The only thing you have that says he was under duress is him...now...after they're all dead and he's been caught and his life depends on it. Which means you're taking his word over mine and over everything else that says he was a willing part of everything.
"This isn't about black and white, this about not being suckered in by some bullshit sob story by someone who isn't even sorry for what he did, he's only sorry he got caught. And the fact that you guys are so quick to believe him over me and ignore everything else that says he was a part of it isn't just stupid, it's insulting."
no subject
"Where I stand on this doesn't mean that I don't believe you--which by the way, would be somewhat reasonable because you are so beyond messed up right now in a way you aren't even seeing--or that I don't think it could be a threat. The key word here is 'could.' Not 'will.'"
How the hell does he explain this.
"It's not just about you. It's not even just about the Yeerk. At least not for me--I can't speak for everyone else. It's not about being naive or sob stories. When it comes to killing, or letting someone be killed, I have to at least be skeptical that it's the right thing to do, and I can't ever kill anyone myself. That's just what I have to do."
The imperative question here would be "why?" given that it's sometimes right to kill someone to protect people. Especially since he doesn't follow the "we don't kill" code entirely blindly.
no subject
"Yeah? Well, here's what I've got to say to that: If you and everyone else that's been put in charge of this crew can't make the tough calls to keep this crew safe without a bunch hand-wringing, then maybe you should leave it to the people who can."
He's being brutal now.
"Because if you guys screw this up, a lot of people could die. And, as far as I'm concerned, I'd rather kill the Yeerk now and be wrong than keep him alive, be right, and watch a bunch of innocent people pay the price for my stupidity. Now, if that makes me a cold-blooded killer to you, then fine, I'm a cold-blooded killer."
no subject
That is basically what he's advocating.
no subject
"I think sometimes you have to kill the bad guy to keep him from hurting anyone else. Because you have no reason to believe that he won't if he manages to get out. And if you don't, then you're just worse than he is."
no subject
Jaime's eyes flash.
He doesn't armor up completely, just enough to show him a few things.
"I need to show you a few things. So you understand something. And rather than just be stubborn and not listen, you need to. Okay?"
no subject
Sam is seemingly unfazed by the change in Jaime. One, he's already seen Jaime suited up before. Two, Sam's seen a lot of fucked up shit in his life as it is.
"You don't scare me, kid."
no subject
"The scary part is even though I'd rather you not be, and I'm not trying to intimidate you, you should be scared."
With the scarab's help, black armor slides over his one arm, and he forms a weapon there, with a glowing tip.
"This one is called population suppression. It shuts down the nervous systems of mass groups of people. Not permanently, but I don't like to use it too much since I don't know what the long term effects of repeated use would be."
He shifts his arm and forms another one, this one with three very frightening-looking prongs.
"This one is made for shifting the gravity of stellar objects--like causing a moon or asteroids to collide with, say, a planet."
He shifts again. The armor of his arm lengthens and there's a large, nasty-looking glowing light at the end, held in by a little spherical field.
"This one can create enough ionizing radiation to kill every person on this ship in under five minutes."
Another shift and there's one with a glowing red light on the end. It looks like it's meant to detach.
"I'm not sure what this one is called, but apparently it can ignite the hydrogen in the air and cause a very nasty chain reaction..."
no subject
no subject
Shifting the armor back to a clawed hand, he looks up at Sam with glowing red eyes and says, "If we all get to decide, do you really think someone like me should get to decide who lives or who dies?"
He really wonders.
"I get why you'd worry for the crew." There's an increasing bit of steel in his voice as he goes. "I understand advocating that death be an option for everyone's safety, if the crime is bad enough. But the reason we need a jury--always--isn't because of you. The reason we need a jury is because of the people like me, that can destroy a planet if I sneeze the wrong way."
Breathing in deep, he clenches a clawed hand into a fist, snuffing out the lights on his fingertips. "Lyta was right. We are dangerous. What she was wrong about is the metas on this ship not having the discipline not to go bugnuts and just recklessly hurt anybody we want. We have that discipline." He leans forward. "You're right about all those other things being something we have to consider. What you're wrong about is thinking that anyone who disagrees with you is 'worse than he is' or that we can't make 'the tough calls without a lot of hand-wringing.'"
The armor sweeps away and fades, the glow in his eyes dies.
"Because, I hate to break it to you, but the hand-wringing is the thing that keeps us responsible with what we've got. Personally, that thought scares me constantly." He stands up. "I haven't judged you. I don't think you're nuts or a murderer. I don't think you're a bad guy. I question your judgment, but that's pretty damn reasonable after everything that's happened to you."
There is a distinct look that indicates an intense loss of respect, however.
"When you have to worry about being able to depopulate a planet, when you have to worry every day about keeping killing from becoming as easy as it could be, and you wring your hands worrying and wondering if you'll ever take it too far--only then do you get to judge me."
With that, Jaime turns to go. He doesn't think Sam is nuts or wrong in trying to get people to consider something for the crew's safety. Even if that something is killing. He doesn't even think he's a bad person.
Jaime just thinks he's a dick.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)