Office Hours [Open, everyone feel free to bother GLaDOS]

[fabricaketions]

One of the Sensoriums is active. Inside it's been made to look like a spacious office. A whole wall of windows opens up on a bright but indistinct cityscape. The decor is sleek and modern, though the predominant black and white with no color is perhaps a bit too stark. Some absolutely untouched-looking books sit on a shelf and a plant that is far too green to be real sits in the window collecting dust. There are barely audible stirrings of bad office muzak that are not entirely blocked out by the walls. It's all very sterile and feels off, like it's been put together by someone with a precise list of things that an office is but no understanding of what it's like to be in one.

Suspended over the desk is a gigantic robot.

It glares balefully at anyone who looks in. Or at least it seems to, thanks to that yellow "eye" in its "face".

"Oh. Hello. Come in. Make yourself at home," GLaDOS says. Under her attempt at a flat tone is the faintest hint of resentment.

She does not want to be here. At all.

Comments

[fabricaketions]

"This is not the first time that she has proven to be an inefficient nitwit," GLaDOS noted. "Of course, I can't say anything for certain. My access to ship records and functions is... limited."

GLaDOS shifted around above the desk, almost like a person pacing.

"This is why," she went on, "I would never have relied on organic components for such an important function."

[tetsuwan_atom]

"She's organic?" Somehow, Atom had just assumed that though Stacy interfaced with the organic ship, she herself was made of inorganic circuits, just like he was. "They didn't even have organic AIs where I was from."

He frowned, bumping the heel of one boot against the desk. "I wish Professor Ochanomizu were here. Maybe he'd be able to figure out what's wrong with her." Or Dr. Tenma, except Atom wasn't entirely sure he wanted to see the man who was sort of but not really his father at the moment.

"Yeah... I heard that a lot of the ship is locked down. Figuratively speaking, I mean. I guess part of it's because of the pirates, but I don't think all of it is. And I don't think the people who are supposed to be helping us are telling us everything, either." Atom didn't find GLaDOS's 'pacing' to be particularly out of the ordinary. After all, plenty of robots on Earth were designed to replicate human behaviors.

[fabricaketions]

"Yes. This is her body, large and grotesque though it is." GLaDOS's opinion on the "decor" was cleared up, at least. "There has been damage to her nervous system in the past, but the extent of that and the success of repairs are above my clearance. Unfortunately, if data doesn't directly pertain to my work it is unlikely that I can access it."

Oh, she hated that. She hated that so much.

"As for the Daligig, well. Whatever they're doing, they don't think it's important to tell me anything."

She had no reason to lie to Atom. For now. On this subject.

[tetsuwan_atom]

Atom frowned. "I don't think I can interface with an organic computer, either. If we were just talking metal and silicon, it'd be pretty easy to access her memory."

He paused. "Wait, are you really here? Or is your body somewhere else?" He wasn't too used to working with things like the Sensoriums, but robots on his world could easily switch bodies, depending on their specs. GLaDOS was talking like she wasn't made out of organic material, though. So she wasn't in the ship's memory banks?

[fabricaketions]

"My body is housed in a secure chamber elsewhere, the location of which I am not going to share," GLaDOS replied. "This vessel is an amalgamation of living and nonliving components, frequently within the same systems. I blame this for the occasional horrible inconveniences that we encounter."

"Ordinarily, I am free to access data from most areas of the ship. However, she has seen fit to confine me as enforcement of this new policy."

[tetsuwan_atom]

"So it's a cyborg vessel...?" Hmm. Now that was interesting. "Do you know if it was designed that way? Or maybe it started out organic and got damaged?"

In any case, organic components could be... finicky. That probably explained a lot about how the ship operated.

"Um, what new policy?"

[fabricaketions]

"I'm not allowed to know much about the history of the ship before this crew was assembled," she replied. "The ship doesn't trust me, but that's her own loss." Why would anyone not trust GLaDOS? She certainly had no idea.

"The linkage between the systems is... while an absolutely terrible idea, complicated. I don't have anything conclusive, but I'd say it was intentionally done," she went on. "By an idiot, though."

Ah, and speaking of idiots!

"She has decided, in light of crew response to our latest quality of life survey, that I need to be more approachable and open to suggestion."

Having no arms, GLaDOS was incapable of making air quotes. She had to make up for it with tone.

"I am to be confined to this sensorium at intervals to communicate with the crew for this purpose."

[zouichi]

And then Zouichi showed up to offer GLaDOS haterade

[tetsuwan_atom]

Atom frowned. "But you're doing your job, right? And at least you talk to us. I don't think I've ever spoken with Stacy."

The only thing Atom had really heard about GLaDOS was that she promised cake and put people in mazes. And if that was necessary to make sure everyone was healthy and okay, then... well, what was so wrong about that?

Right?

"So, um... what kind of suggestions are you taking?"

[fabricaketions]

and GLaDOS said omg no go away Zouichi you suck

"I do my job, yes. Evidently she holds herself to another standard," GLaDOS sniffed. "I don't know what she thinks I'll gain from it. Do you know how that conversation with the Warden went?"

GLaDOS drew her body up higher into the air and twisted it at an angle. She affected a deeper voice. "Go talk to the crewmen and take suggestions about how to do your job better!"

She shifted back to her previous position and her normal voice. "Yes, alright, but what kind of suggestions should I take and how will it improve my testing procedures?"

GLaDOS twisted up into the "Stacy" pose again. "I don't know, I don't know anything about testing or scientific procedures or anything that matters. Just go listen to the ignorant laymen for a few hours. It will be good for you."

She dropped back down and returned to looking at Atom. "And that is how I got here," she finished.

[tetsuwan_atom]

Sob the ironic thing is that he doesn't hate GLaDOS. Just Stacy.

Atom couldn't help laughing a little at the impression of the Warden. Even if it was technically a little rude. Because weren't they all kind of at Stacy's mercy?

"Well, guess even she doesn't know what you're supposed to be learning. So maybe you could take the time to come up with more tests? I mean, between the people coming in."

[fabricaketions]

GLaDOS is not used to people liking her, it's confusing. Sorry Z!

"That's not bad," GLaDOS admitted, considering it. "Considering the number of baseline ordinary humans, having a backlog of available tests at that level is useful. Though crewmen have not been cheating, so I've been able to get away with recycling."

Oh, she'd gotten lazy. She would never have sunk to this level at Aperture!

Then again, at Aperture she had literally nothing else to do. Allll daaaaay looooong.

[tetsuwan_atom]

Atom blinked. "Cheating? How do you cheat on an avia test?" Because either your soul was in there or not, right?

"But hey, if the Warden isn't watching your progress while you're doing it, there's no reason you have to spend all your time answering questions, right? Especially if people don't show up."

Recycling tests? Gasp.

[fabricaketions]

"Welllll," GLaDOS drew out the word. "It would be possible to share solutions to chambers and allow crew members to perform better than they would on their own, thereby skewing the results of the avia test. But that would just be unsporting."

Not to mention it would make it hard to judge the state of the avia and might result in a crew member unfit to do so being returned to duty. But that was less important to GLaDOS than the fact that someone might mess with her data.

Test recycling was a dangerous gamble and she should be totally ashamed.

[tetsuwan_atom]

"Well, that and it wouldn't really give an accurate reading, would it?" asked Atom. Yeah, he cared more about that than the 'unsporting' part.

Although it was wrong to cheat.

"Maybe they don't discuss the test solutions because they don't know you're recycling tests?" And, of course, were a little loathe to talk about it afterward. "But sooner or later, yeah, they'll probably catch on."

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"Yes, of course they will," GLaDOS replied. Oh, those dastardly crew members and their lack of respect for her scientific endeavors!

She'd be ready for them.

"In that case, I have a lot of work to do," she said, suddenly full of clear purpose. They wouldn't skew her data without a fight!

[tetsuwan_atom]

Atom smiled, apparently completely unaware of what he'd done.

"Okay. I'll leave you alone, then. Nice meeting you, GLaDOS!" And then he was off in search of other adventure.