trans_9 | Roaming, restless [After Dungeon Keeper]

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Roaming, restless [After Dungeon Keeper]

Morgan was restless.

When restless, he tended to roam the ship, checking on things he knew of, or seeking out places he didn't out of curiosity. Today was a little of both. After the pitched battle in Hydroponics, he felt a particular obligation towards one plant in particular: the apple tree he'd helped Applejack grow from a seed. For all that he'd done his best to contain Hydroponic in the fight, he hadn't been able to do anything specific to protect that plant.

Done there, he headed back down in the City, off to one particular place that had caught his interest when he had heard about it: an 'air temple'. Not on the map, not listed in the directory, or he'd have wandered over just to take a look a long time ago. Now that he'd heard about it, well...

Time to investigate.

[OOC: Just say where you find him; it can be pretty much anywhere, since his trip covers a lot of ground across the ship.]

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Well, that was a hell of a question. He flipped lightly back into the water, sinking down into it again as he pondered how to answer.

"Tough call," he said, finally. "I don't think the ways I've dealt with it in the past would work for you. The situations are too different. I think the first question is... really, how do you feel? In utter honestly, deep down?"

Mindy wasn't the type of girl who went for easy questions. She PREFERRED easy answers, but she knew those were only temporary, hence why she was asking this to begin with.

"No, I already know from what you told me that I can't go acting that way. But in that fight before, and after, I didn't really deal with it, not really. I killed a bunch of robots and then I did busy work until I had to finally go and face my girlfriend. I made my peace eventually, but I'm more worried about what will happen the next time, if someone uses my feelings against me. It was suggested that I lost some of my actual fighting stamina in that last one, when my dad was liquefied."

Shit, tears? Now? She wiped them, shaking her head. "And I don't want to lose my shit in a fight, when there's so much at stake."

"Who are you afraid of losing?" he asked, watching her. "Your girlfriend, for one, obviously..."

Damn. Ask a hard question, get a hard question. And it was one she had to think about, very closely, before she answered.

"Myself. Sounds weird, right? But I mean, I know that all of this I'm doing, two sides of a person, killing in an extreme way, taking the worst thing that happened to me and shoving it down, it moves closer and closer to one day something happening that triggers my melt down. Everybody, in some way or another, triggers the way they leave their body, and I know ultimately, I'll do the same, I even know a little how. But I want to be able to retain who and what I am, the people I care about, because...because its not a lot that I have, but its mine, you know?"

"No, that's not weird. I understand that perfectly." The choices we made... made choices for us.

"I have an answer for you. I don't know if you'll like it. Do you want to hear it anyway?" He did expect that she would say yes, but this way, well, he'd warned her.

It was a lot to take in. There were already things that Mindy had decided she was going to do, but she knew her feelings were something that needed fixing: they could make her weak at any moment, and she needed to use them, at the worst of times, to her advantage. She had agreed with the Overlord on something: she WAS acting out of anger that day, and it had probably been good he was there, as their banter kept her focused.

"Yeah. I'd like to know what you would say to all that."

He folded his arms beneath the water, not aggressively, just contemplative.

"You can't. You can't hold onto what you have. Time always flows. Things changes, and so do people, so will you. Just by telling you this, I'm changing you, and I'm changing our relationship, one way or the other. In two minutes, we'll be different from how things were two minutes ago. A friendship can end in a heartbeat, out of nowhere, and another can form in that short a time too."

He lifted a hand out of the pool, water spilling out of his palm. "People die. Stuff changes. Hold onto what was and you'll only hurt yourself. That doesn't mean you can't try to change it back, though, not the small stuff. But it also means you need to accept change, too. Even horrible change."

Damn. Well, that was exactly the kind of answer she should have expected to hear from this guy. It was still something of a frightening thought, if only because she constantly wondered if she were ever far gone enough that she would lose her perspective, somehow endanger things.

But it was stupid, the more she thought about it, to think about it now. Somewhere in her Mindy had wanted THAT, that life where she could at least count the things she had, laugh with a few chosen friends, pretend she had a normal life. That made her at least remember she might be able to go back, like after they killed D'Amico. But if that were true, Hit Girl wouldn't exist, and she wouldn't be trying to be an Overlord. When it came down to it, and she was honest, that dream of a life was just a mirage and she knew it.

"Yeah, I guess...I guess I already knew that answer. The pain in the ass about being two people is that one of them looks back on what she could have been and wonders what that would have been like. But I know I've seen too much, so that's not gonna happen."

"Regrets are just another way of trying to hold on what was... or what could have been." He was sparing her the deeper levels, about reality being illusion and all, if it was any consolation. "Saying this or that might have happened is a million, million assumptions. You are what you are, and who you were, and who you will be. If you want to change it, then strive to change it, harmoniously."

Crap. This was all shit that she knew, or at least was trying to avoid. But she could see now that there WAS no avoiding it, that she was going to have to find a way to NOT lose herself, at least not to a degree where she got sloppy. She had to stay focused. She had to be Hit Girl when it was necessary. That didn't go away. Even now, at times like this, she had to be her more than ever.

"How did you manage to do it harmoniously?"

"Twenty years of fucking up," he replied immediately. "Self-growth, the support and love of some people who meant the world to me, some losses that might as well have cut out my heart that I had a chance to learn to accept, some really bad mistakes, and... time. Experience. Living."

So anyone with half a brain would have known that, herself included. But she knew one of her failing was wanting to increase her strength in the quickest amount of time, and that would be a downfall when she was so hellbent on doing things the best way possible.

"So basically, what I'm doing." She sighed. "So it was stupid to think I could just find some answer that would get me where I needed. Serves me right, I guess. You can't fast forward actual experience."

"The journey is every bit as important as the destination. If you just got to where you 'needed' to be, you wouldn't have the benefit of learning it, and there's value in that, too." His eyebrows narrowed slightly, the only sign that he knew he was getting into dangerous territory. "And you don't have to be perfect tomorrow."

It might as well have been taken from a plethora of wise old Asian guys, but it was just as true, considering how much she;d been trying to rush it. But she wanted to be honest, of all people, to Morgan.

"Morgan, its my eventual destiny to be a demon overlord. I got my own reasons for that, and I don't intend to back away from it, no matter what anyone says. But while I'm me, here, I want to be the strongest I can be, in mind and body. I don't make that decision lightly, and I know it means I'll be put through a lot. But I want you to be my teacher there, because I think you are one of the strongest and best people I can learn from, because you've been where I've been and more. I know I got an ego in my ability, but that's because when it comes down to it, I work my body to the bone for what I have to. What you say always kinda throws me for a loop, and its so different and new, but I always want to know more."

In large part it had been knowledge learned from a wise old Asian woman, who Morgan respected and loved like a mother.

He let the whole 'demon overlord' thing pass because he didn't even know HOW to start dealing with that. "That's understandable, but look at it this way: strength isn't a single quantity. Right now you're struggling for a new kind of strength, because for all your physical capabilities, you can still be hurt mentally, or emotionally. If your mind, your emotions, and your body are out of balance, then you're weaker for that, so all of those things need to grow. And you can't force or rush everything, only some things."

Congratulations, Morgan You were now the wise old non-asian guy that Mindy respected and cared about.

That was good too, because if there was one that Mindy was sure about it was the Overlord thing. "Yeah, that is a ting. The worse thing is, what happened with dad was horrible, but I know in time I'll get over it. When I fight and laugh and kill, that's me, his Babydoll, carrying what he taught me until the day I die. But when I found out Sasami and Negi were gone, friends I made and knew since being on the ship, I looked to find something of theirs to hold onto. Losing dad was horrible, and losing them was a punch in the goddamn gut. That was why I opened the cafe: I wanted to prove they existed, and would still have their touch somewhere on the ship still."

She could manage that much.

Hey! He's not old! He's still in his prime!

"Let me ask you this... what do you do for fun? What are you learning to do that isn't combat, physically and mentally?"

He had an old soul then?

"Well, I did go to amusement parts and shit when Sasami was around. Now? Uh...I go on dates where we do random crazy shit, or I hike. Oh, and now I'm running a cafe. It's kinda fun, like you're a bartender but without the alcohol."

Or an experienced one. "You ought to pick a couple of things and learn 'em... if you want my advice," he said with a shrug. "Something educational or intellectual or something, and something physical or artistic or whatnot. Rounded growth is one of the principles of Do."

"So what? Maybe I should go talk with Lash about more battle simulations? I guess that would make sense. But artistic? I don't know. I never thought of doing something, you know, without purpose to what I do."

"Not battle. The point is to learn something outside of just fighting, and then apply it to your life. Martial arts is a way of life, and a way of doing all things. There's something to learn in anything, if you can see the lesson properly." More mystical philosophy, yet again.

"But I don't mean like a real one. Actually, I'm sorta not that great at it, and I think it'd be a little interesting to learn more about it, you know? To be honest, that kind of shit calms me down, makes me really use my head, you know? But the artist thing is actually a new one for me. Got any suggestions?"

Well, if she didn't want to listen, he wouldn't push on the educational side of things. "I recommend instruments, myself. They're very useful for unity of mind and body. Painting, sculpture, or similar classical arts are pretty popular, and oration and rhetoric can be pretty useful if you master them."

Hey, learning battle tactics involved using your head, and that equaled education! Besides, that was something of a sore subject to her anyway...

Here, though, Mindy did look a little lost. "Oration and rhetoric? What do you mean?"

"Speaking and persuading. Learning how to deliver a speech, how to be persuasive in your words, and if you get really good, how to persuade people to the opposite of what you're talking about, without ever seeming like you meant to."

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