trans_9 | And We're Gonna Pull Through [Bendytimed to After System Shock]

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And We're Gonna Pull Through [Bendytimed to After System Shock]

It's probably a solid two weeks before Christmas is due, assuming that their Thanksgiving dinner was on schedule which, given the nature of the ship, it presumably wasn't. But the robot attack was terrifying and disheartening and exhausting, and Howard wants a holiday, so according to him, it's Christmas. A nice, relaxing break from things trying to kill them.

Aside from this strand of Christmas lights doing its damnedest to strangle him, that is. Howard's managed to get it around his neck, and if it weren't for the fact that finding light strands is hard enough on Stacy, would be cutting it off with scissors.

He's still a bit beat-up, bandages around his head and his knees and one looping around his torso, under his shirt, but thanks to the healers and medical technology on Stacy he's not in much pain. His foot being in a brace is the worst of it.

He's managed to salvage an old plastic tree from a run-down building. A few packets of hot cocoa from the Warehouse sit on the table. Flossy Raptor is downstairs and dressed in a Santa hat and bizarrely, a feather boa in a shade of green too lime-ish to be Christmassy. A clunky-looking dog-sized gift for Zouichi is by the couch, wrapped in tin foil and newsprint, and another is on the table for Karis, although it's unwrapped. No one else quite makes Howard's list this year.

He pulls his way out of the tangle of lights. Christmas numero dos sans his family. Christmas numero uno on Stacy. He finds he's less okay with the former than he was last year, but more okay with the latter than he'd presumed.

Anyone who walks into the kitchen of the Susono Inn will be greeted by the rare and unusual sound of Howard humming. Go Tell It On the Mountain, actually. He even sings the section of the first verse that he vaguely remembers under his breath.

"Go tell it on the mountain, up over the hills and everywhere, go tell it on the mountain, tell them something, I don't care."

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"I don't understand them all myself. But if you'd like, I can try and explain what I do know. And if not..." He shrugged, smiling a little. "I've found that satisfying my curiosity through personal investigation is surprisingly rewarding."

He watched as she moved along the shelves. Now that they were no longer inhabiting the same mind, he had to guess at what she was thinking. Examine her gestures and bearing for clues, read between the lines instead of automatically hearing every thought or concern. But somehow, he found that he didn't mind that so terribly.

"I feel the same. If someone had told me of even half the things I've experienced in my time here, I'm not sure I would have believed any of it." He turned the book over briefly in his hands, unsure exactly what to do with it. "If there were any other sentient species in my world, no one had ever encountered them. But here, it's a fact of life. It's... reassuring, to know that we're not alone. To have the opportunity to learn about people other than ourselves."

Oblique was good.

"It certainly is," Ildraniath agreed, "The search for knowledge never truly ends. Even at the height of our power, we were still discovering new ideas, new species, new technologies...."

She trailed off, lost in thought about the hey-day of the Eldar. She'd never seen it herself, but she had heard stories, read the histories. It had been glorious. A true golden age, brought low by their own hubris. She shook her head slightly and turned away from the shelf to look at Zouichi. For a moment, she looked very, very old - far older than her youthful appearance implied.

"We always knew we weren't alone in the cosmos, but we always faced hostility. At least after our fall. I have and I think I always will distrust humans and their words. They... are not Eldar," she paused. It was simply a fact of life for her: most non-Eldar were untrustworthy. "But I think the opportunity to learn more about a few individuals would serve me well."

Zouichi wondered what it had been like to live in that period of time. When Ildraniath wouldn't have belonged to a species that was slowly dying, but one that was still vibrant, still thriving. Would she have been able to laugh freely, enjoy life without worrying about the predations of some immense and malevolent god? Would she still have followed the same series of paths, still be the woman she was now?

"And Eldar can only trust Eldar." It wasn't a question, really, nor was it even exactly directed at her; it was a line of thought, murmured aloud. What kind of world was it in which each species was convinced they could only ever rely on their own kind? That anyone who was other was to be regarded as treacherous out of hand? He took a step closer to her, almost without thinking, setting the book back on its shelf. "I don't think anyone can blame you for the sentiment. But I'll do my best not to earn your distrust."

"Zouichi," Ildraniath replied quietly, her voice almost a murmur, almost swallowed up by the empty stillness of the room, "You haven't and I don't think you ever will."

Her voice trailed off, but she moved. Another step closer and this time her fingers ran along his cheek, the line of his jaw. Soft, feather-light touches, almost not there. "You've made me think about you in a different light in a way... A way I haven't truly thought of anyone about in a long time. It's... strange."

Her brow furrowed as she tried to put her thoughts into words. They weren't usually this difficult, but this involved emotions. Thoughts and feelings she hadn't had to deal with in a long time. Let alone with a non-Eldar. "I... do not know what is going to happen in the future and for me that is an oddity. I do not know how this will end or what we're going to do or even if we will be forced to part, should we actually win this war. I find... that for once I don't care about that particular part of the future. It will come and I will see what it brings."

Her hand lingered.

For a moment as she touched the side of his face, Zouichi shut his eyes, blocking out his surroundings. It was something he rarely did in the company of the others; it would be unthinkable on the battlefield, where a lapse in vigilance might mean the difference between life and death. But just as before, when they had shared the confines of the same body together, he allowed himself that small gesture of vulnerability. Of trust.

"Strange," he agreed softly, tasting the word. "But I'm afraid you have me at a bit of a disadvantage. I don't ever recall feeling this way." He'd found others attractive, of course, in their character or their appearance. But it had always been an understandable sentiment. He admired this person's strength, or this person's conviction -- but never to the point of forgetting that ultimately, he could never give them what he truly felt he owed them. He could never forget that he might set out on some battlefield tomorrow and never return. So it had always been rational, as much as anything to do with attraction could ever be rational, and carefully guarded.

And by all accounts, Ildraniath was right. They had no idea what was going to happen in the future, or even if there would be a future. Perhaps one or both of them would be lost tomorrow, lost to a war that made no more sense now than it had when he'd first been awakened here.

The sunlight filtered in through the window, catching the red of Ildraniath's hair. He watched it and found it suddenly difficult to care about anything else.

Zouichi placed his hand over hers, bringing her fingers briefly to his lips. "I suppose in that regard, we're in the same predicament," he murmured. "And I'm afraid I don't see a solution materializing any time soon."

He leaned in for a kiss.

Ildraniath knew that love or attraction was rarely very rational and there was a reason Eldar strove to control themselves. But she also knew that emotions could only be controlled partially. Whether rational or not, the heart might still ache. Whether you tried to wall the pain off or tried to embrace it, it remained until you managed to make it a part of you again. Until you owned it and used it, weaved it into the tapestry that made up your mind and person. Emotion had to be channeled, controlled, put carefully into place or else it might overwhelm you.

For a few moments, she was acutely aware of her own breath - of Zouichi's. She kept forgetting that he was so young (relatively). Had he never loved before? She let her fingers trace over his lips and then took one more step forward. "We can embrace it. It... one way or the other, it's going to become a part of us. Whether we live or die."

She leaned in and let her lips brush his. The future was uncertain. She could indulge - if only slightly.

Zouichi drew back after her lips brushed his, but only just slightly. Enough to smile back at her -- in fact, at the moment, he seemed to be having some trouble not smiling. Uncharacteristic, certainly.

Perhaps something of Ildraniath's expression betrayed her, or perhaps Zouichi was merely thinking along the same lines. "I'm not that young, you know," he said, teasing just a little. "...depending on how you count."

To be fair, Ildraniath also seemed to be smiling a bit. Perhaps it's contagious.

"Compared to me, you are," she said, "But most people aboard are, so I don't think it's much of a problem. At least in my opinion."

She was teasing back. How rare.

He actually laughed a little. Clearly, whatever this was must be terminal.

"I'm moved by your graciousness," he murmured softly. "I suppose I'll have to repay you, somehow."

"I suppose I'll have to think of something. But be careful - being in debt to an Eldar is a hard burden to bear for some."

Again, she was teasing. But so deadpan it was hard to really tell.

She was so close now, so very close that he could hear the soft sound of her breath even as she spoke.

On impulse (or so he told himself later), he drew his arms gently around her. "I'll try to manage," he said, matching the deadpan tone of her voice.

This was different. A bit alien. It had been a long time since she'd embraced anyone as a lover and then it had been an Eldar. She was more used to small gestures, subtle little touches. But she didn't pull away from him; instead, she let her hand rest on his shoulder and let her head rest against his shoulder.

There was nothing wrong with that, she told herself, she was reciprocating. And there was no one there to see.

"Good," her voice lost some of the flint that it usually carried, "I'd hate to think I was imposing on you."

Zouichi was... glad, that she didn't pull away. He suspected that he couldn't truly understand what it was like for her, expressing her feelings to someone not Eldar. Could only guess at what the reaction of her peers might be, or her enemies. But whatever the consequences, as long as the result of that internal conflict allowed, he wished to be at her side.

For a long moment, the only sound was that of the leaves rustling outside. "I'll be sure to alert you," he promised. "If that ever happens."

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And We're Gonna Pull Through [Bendytimed to After System Shock]

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