Because I wouldn't lie! Not about this! Other things you bet I'll lie to your face about, no one needs to know when something's wrong, no one needs to hear, but not this, never this, nothing serious. Wake up! Dammit, wake up! She drifted from talking at him to herself, no pause inbetween.
Part of her registered a dry sort of humor at his words, the briefest spike in the rest of her emotions. It faded as soon as it appeared, no truly coherent thought behind it. Just the feeling, soon lost again to the terror, panic, and rage.
Rage ate away at everything, and inwardly, in this place, she'd never been able to hold back. That required separation she didn't have now. Compartmentalizing. She wasn't used to doing that in her own thoughts, at least not anymore.
For once can you fucking focus on the fact this isn't about blaming anyone and is about figuring out what the hell went wrong? Do you ever? Too selfish? Egocentric? Why you why would I want to be in you why is this my fault this isn't my fault this isn't something I can do I wouldn't do I want out I want out stop it hate hate hate this feeling.
You never believe! I believe you, would it kill you to at least pretend sometime? No, no, you like insulting you like that paranoia don't you keeps you alive keeps everything away not your responsibility not your fault all not yours don't take it leave it to someone else -- you think I don't notice? I leave it alone! Good Sakura, nice Sakura, don't touch the things that hurt, minds and hearts don't heal like bodies, lancing wounds won't make them heal, all that'd do is earn me your anger I'm tired I don't want to let people down don't want that don't need that happens without trying happens with trying happens --
Why are you a dog you're morphed oh fire why why why can't I feel anything right you feel so wrong and I don't fucking want to be in you you jackass but no apparently this is just happening to you don't bother wondering why the hell this freaks me out too don't bother not at all.
Rant aside, her emotions were swirling together, rising and falling with the cadence of words that didn't make sense, when they slipped from thought-out argument and response to a deluge of half-thoughts and impressions that were usually well confined to her own head, sorted into complete statements by familiarity and understanding. Anger, fear, panic, terror, disorientation, nothing positive like earlier, the falling apart of that conviction she'd been hanging onto that this was a dream, had to be a dream, but dreams didn't feel so real.
Her desperate bid to not be entirely out of control left her scrambling, taking enough control in a moment to produce a whine at the back of his dog form's throat. Sakura didn't know how to just let go. She didn't know how to give in like that to someone else, couldn't think how to make it okay.
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Part of her registered a dry sort of humor at his words, the briefest spike in the rest of her emotions. It faded as soon as it appeared, no truly coherent thought behind it. Just the feeling, soon lost again to the terror, panic, and rage.
Rage ate away at everything, and inwardly, in this place, she'd never been able to hold back. That required separation she didn't have now. Compartmentalizing. She wasn't used to doing that in her own thoughts, at least not anymore.
For once can you fucking focus on the fact this isn't about blaming anyone and is about figuring out what the hell went wrong? Do you ever? Too selfish? Egocentric? Why you why would I want to be in you why is this my fault this isn't my fault this isn't something I can do I wouldn't do I want out I want out stop it hate hate hate this feeling.
You never believe! I believe you, would it kill you to at least pretend sometime? No, no, you like insulting you like that paranoia don't you keeps you alive keeps everything away not your responsibility not your fault all not yours don't take it leave it to someone else -- you think I don't notice? I leave it alone! Good Sakura, nice Sakura, don't touch the things that hurt, minds and hearts don't heal like bodies, lancing wounds won't make them heal, all that'd do is earn me your anger I'm tired I don't want to let people down don't want that don't need that happens without trying happens with trying happens --
Why are you a dog you're morphed oh fire why why why can't I feel anything right you feel so wrong and I don't fucking want to be in you you jackass but no apparently this is just happening to you don't bother wondering why the hell this freaks me out too don't bother not at all.
Rant aside, her emotions were swirling together, rising and falling with the cadence of words that didn't make sense, when they slipped from thought-out argument and response to a deluge of half-thoughts and impressions that were usually well confined to her own head, sorted into complete statements by familiarity and understanding. Anger, fear, panic, terror, disorientation, nothing positive like earlier, the falling apart of that conviction she'd been hanging onto that this was a dream, had to be a dream, but dreams didn't feel so real.
Her desperate bid to not be entirely out of control left her scrambling, taking enough control in a moment to produce a whine at the back of his dog form's throat. Sakura didn't know how to just let go. She didn't know how to give in like that to someone else, couldn't think how to make it okay.