How to develop a butt of STEEL through copious amounts of reading [Open]

[hi_there_aliens]

After the explosive end to the conversation on the spacewalk, Daniel had wandered around in something like a daze for the next hour. What just happened? The conversation ran over and over in his head. Vala left, stormed off to his office. The mummy, not to mention the rest of the lab, was probably in danger but he couldn't bring himself to care as much as he should. First Eva, which, while not nearly as explosive, had been awkward on both their parts. He hadn't exactly made friends with Kerrigan or Midna. At the rate he was going, he'd be surprised if there was anyone on board he didn't piss off by the end of the week. Par for the course for Doctor Jackson.

He couldn't bring himself to work. When Daniel finally did sit down at the next set of artifacts, he found himself instead doodling spirals in his notes. Tapping his pencil or staring out the door. Fidgeting like an antsy kid. Anything but actually working.  The look on Vala's face right before she stormed off drifted up every single time. For a second there, it felt like real hate. It wasn't that he didn't care. It was that he couldn't fully emotionally wrap his head around a future he hadn't experienced yet. Nothing would ever be the same as being there.

He could try though.

The Media Library was one of the easier places to locate. Getting access to the files wasn't nearly as hard as he'd expected. Apparently he still had clearance to SGC files out in the middle of dimensions. There was something to be said about the government's determination to maintain classification and secrecy even with the world destroyed. You almost had to admire it.

Daniel stepped into one of the rooms and picked out a terminal. Just as the librarian said, files from 2006. A lot of them. Mission reports mostly, although he had a recommended supplemental file that he knew was his. Future his. He could tell without even reading it; the five-hundred page length attached to it kinda gave it away. Daniel frowned down at the numbers. There wasn't any way he could read all these in one day, but that's what all nighters were for. That was the good thing about college. It prepared you for long hours night after night, fueled only by what had to be deadly amounts of coffee.

The temptation to look up the rest of the files was particularly strong. He could look up other mission reports from before too, all he had to do was take a few steps back the way he came and request files. Or do a search for 'Abydos', 'Sha're', 'Apophis' to narrow it down. If only he had the name of the Goa'uld in her...

He wasn't here for her or himself. Leaving the door open for fresh air, Daniel pulled up what he guessed was Stacy's idea of a chair,  then mentally prepared himself for the long haul. Sore butt and back, here I come, Daniel thought.

...Just as soon as he figured out this terminal.

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[hi_there_aliens]

"Yeah, they did a number on us. It's good you're helping out."

Daniel had to stop and try not to stare at the other man. He was messing with him. He had to be. Not the goldfish walker part, that was obviously a joke. It was the part where Zouchi thought he had to get a book on how to care for goldfish.

And because he just couldn't let the goldfish thing drop,"I don't think you need a book for it," Daniel said. Seriously, Zouichi. They're goldfish. "All you do is feed them and clean the tank."

Goldfish were the type of pet people got when they didn't want to deal with a dog or cat, or if they were trying to teach children responsibility. It had a lot to do with how low maintenance they were.

He wasn't even fully sure what he was doing with this mountain of reports, at least when it came to Vala. She probably didn't want anything to do with him, but regardless, he wanted to do this. Mostly. His butt wasn't going to be thanking him in a few hours. He sighed. "Trying to fix something that was my fault. Long, painful story."

[zouichi.livejournal.com]

Zouichi shook his head. "Oh, I'm not keeping them in a tank. But even from what I read so far, there are all kinds of factors you need to look out for when keeping fish. Ammonia levels, fungi, fish diseases... oh, and it's important to have adequate plant growth and shelters for the fish to hide. People think that goldfish are short-lived and disposable, but the truth is that with they can live to be ten years old or more. And over 40 centimeters long."

Uh. It was pretty evident Zouichi was really into taking care of those fish. "In any case, as their owner, it's my responsibility to see that their needs are met."

He blinked at Daniel's explanation. "Fix it...by looking at reports? How is that going to solve an interpersonal conflict?" Assuming it was an interpersonal conflict, anyway, but what else would it be about with a sigh like that? Then again, Daniel did seem to take archaeological research rather seriously. It could be about that expedition Howard had been on.

[hi_there_aliens]

Daniel could now consider himself properly educated on goldfish, their basic facts, and dangers that faced them daily thereof. It...wasn't any more interesting than he thought it would be. There were fish, interesting, bizarre or dangerous fish, and there was goldfish, which deserved a category to themselves. He got the ugly feeling that Zouichi was more than willing to keep going, because this only scratched the surface.

"I think you've got it covered. Easily," Daniel said quickly. Zouichi obviously took it very seriously, so he couldn't think of how these fish could land in any better hands.

The pile of reports and supplemental materials seemed to ask the same question. Wish he knew the answer. "I don't know. It might give me some context, at least. I'm getting measured against future-Me and I lost." Daniel explained, trying to smile. It looked even more forced than before.

[zouichi.livejournal.com]

Sure, Daniel, like you've never made someone's eyes glaze over while discussing archaeology. Zouichi tilted his head slightly in acknowledgment, then moved on.

"Future you," he repeated. "There's someone here from further along in your timeline?" Come to think of it, that was the situation Jamie and Victoria were in. "If they told you you'd be more impressive or competent in the future, why would that be a problem? Doesn't it mean you'll grow as a person. It sounds better than remaining static."

[hi_there_aliens]

"Yeah, someone who says they work at the same place I do. She just got here."

The day archaeology gets upstaged by goldfish is the day Daniel was out of a job. Maybe gladly. Luckily he didn't see that ever happening.

Daniel laced his fingers together, chin resting on them, and looked thoughtfully up at Zouichi. That was one way to look at it. An optimistic way that he could see some points to. He didn't think Vala saw it that way.

"I suppose so, but right now, I think I'm being judged against um, 'me' and found lacking."

He shrugged. It wasn't the first time someone had an unflattering opinion on him, but it was the first time Daniel been compared so harshly against a future version of himself. Normally he could let it roll off his back; the job was more important, but for some reason, this was different. Maybe if he delved into every single file, he'd get a better picture of what she'd been through and who she expected.

[zouichi.livejournal.com]

Zouichi frowned. "...What exactly did she say to you? Aren't you already a preeminent expert in your field? I'm having a hard time understanding what it is about you that is so lacking." Daniel. Were you going to develop laser vision and flight in the future? Was that it?

"In any case, the change she described took place over years, didn't it? Isn't it a little unrealistic to expect you to suddenly turn into this incredible future version of yourself? I imagine quite a lot happened during that time to mould you into... whatever."

[hi_there_aliens]

Thanks, Zouichi. He appreciated the effort but he didn't think it was so easy. And it lay on Daniel to find out more, even if Vala never wanted to see him again, which, all things considered, was very likely. On the bright side, his academic credentials were the one thing Vala didn't have any issue with.

"I don't know if my expertise is in question. I think it's all this..." he made a motion encompassing the entire package. Glasses, hair, brain, personality. Everything else.

Then again, maybe Zouichi might want to rethink his pep talk card. Daniel's mouth flattened into a line. Even Zouichi thought Future-Him was a superior version to the current him, and Zouichi barely even knew him as it was. If that didn't knock your pride down a few pegs. Maybe they should go back to talking about goldfish.

"That's what I was thinking. Experiences mold us and influence us, and she's coming off events I've never been a part of," he replied. Not so much the 'you're right, he's like a better version of you!' part. It made him sound like a defective car model when you put it like that. Daniel smoothed his hand over the top most mission report, removing a crinkle. He'd really let her down.

More than a little, but for barely knowing her, what she said and the expression on her face bothered him more than it should have. Why did he care so much? He had a hard time dismissing strangers to begin with. Academic shunning hurt. Stung. He'd built up a thick skin against it, so you got over the stinging and kept working. This was personal. Clearly future him trusted her enough to tell her about his wife. That had to mean something. "I don't suppose you have any experience with this kind of thing? Being in someone's shadow?"

[zouichi.livejournal.com]

Well, Zouichi couldn't really deny that Daniel seemed a little... on edge a lot of the time. On the other hand, wasn't that a fairly normal reaction to waking up on an unfamiliar organic ship, being told your world was destroyed, and being expected to fight giant psychic space bugs?

In any case, he didn't necessarily agree that whatever future Daniel was was better than the current Daniel. For one thing, it sounded like this mysterious acquaintance was expecting a completely different person. For another, what Zouichi valued in people wasn't always what humans thought was most important.

At Daniel's question, he paused briefly, then offered, "Not the shadow of a person. But... perhaps the shadow of an ideal, or an expectation." It had been a while since he'd thought along those lines; there really hadn't been much time to do so back on Earth. "I was created for a specific purpose. However, within that framework, I found the expectations of what I should do or who I should be varied widely. And the situation has worsened somewhat since I arrived here."

hope i got the galilee right?

[hi_there_aliens]

Purpose? What purpose? Daniel barely held the question back. Natural curiosity not withstanding, it was a hard enough question to ask any person off the street. He tried to imagine what it would feel like to be made, deliberately with the intent of what life was supposed to have in store for him from the getgo.

It wasn't coming to him.

His eyebrows drew together. "It got worse for you? But you're freed from the framework you were created within. Wouldn't that be better?"" That's right, wasn't Zouichi artificially created or something? Daniel hadn't spoken with him much during the Galilee mission, but he could have sworn he saw the clone brand on him.

yep, you did!

[zouichi.livejournal.com]

Zouichi waved a hand in a negative gesture. "Let's say you were created for a specific purpose: to stop the spread of a disease, to fight off some threat... some worldwide catastrophe that threatened everyone on your planet. Let's further assume you'd been brought up understanding what was expected of you and knowing that in performing your appointed task, you would be able to help avert that disaster.

"Now let's say that long after you'd accepted your duty as fact, your world was destroyed. What should you do? Continue on, assuming that the destruction of your world released you from all obligation? Or attempt to restore your world, knowing full well that you might simply be placing everyone who is currently gone into the same jeopardy they faced just before the Ohm destroyed everything?"

Zouichi had been misidentified as a clone during Galilee mission, though he was genetically engineered. Stupid clone planet.