Multiverse's Next Top Model: Hoodwinked!

[cityship]

Stacy sends out the call for certain crew members to present themselves at the decks. Once they are all rounded up, they are presented with the following information before being shuffled off into a shuttle to the nearby plant.

Planet Designation: Exotic Location
Status: Terrestrial.
Non-sentient life: Wild flora and fauna has been all much eliminated by homo sapiens. Domesticated flora and fauna present in limited quantities.
Semi-Sentient Life: Yes.
Sentient Life: Homo Sapiens.
Water: 89.3% of the planet's surface.
Climate: Earth-like
Landscape: Dense cities on all land masses except 'photo shoot' regions.
Air: Normoxic concentration.
Air Pressure: 89.6 kPa = 13 psi
Sky: Orange, with variable cloud cover.
Sun: A class G2V, white star.
Mission: Diplomatic mission with ruler Tyrant Banks for 'confidential, fierce information regarding the Ohm'.

The shuttle takes the scenic route, passing over cities filled with skyscrapers and billboards the size of small towns. Finally, it lands on the outskirts of one city, between the downtown and the beach. The shuttle docks, and the doors open to a room with black walls and a single flatscreen television at the far end. No doors are in sight.

On the television, a black and white PowerPoint seems to have been set up. It reads:

TYRANTMAIL,

Your welcome gift will be a real heavenly surprise!

Fiercely in Love,
Tyrant

The message is accompanied by a jpeg of Tyrant Banks riding a motorcycle in the tundra while wearing a bikini. She looks incredibly fierce.

Comments

[cityship]

At the sound of the 'd-word', the camera crew surrounds the bedroom like dogs around a dinner table, waiting for tablescraps.

[theboywhodied]

Cedric couldn't help but roll his eyes. All this fuss over the beds.

"I won't be having any children, so I'm afraid I can't offer a living person. What do you want, personal assistance?"

He'd thrown it out flippantly, an empty suggestion. But it could be taken seriously.

[cityship]

The camera crew seems to interpret that as Cedric making advances at Sirius and, dreams of sugarplums and editing a phony romantic subplot together in their heads, the become entirely silent and anticipatory. One even rubs his hands together in glee.

[bequiet_hescreamed]

Clef noted the camera crew's reaction and began to wonder if offers of firstborn were some sort of euphemism in Sirius and Cedric's culture. Since landing on this planet he had suddenly begun to question whether or not everyone around him was actually aware that he was male. Maybe he was now expected to bear Sirius's child.

"Um..."

[pretty_lethal]

With a suitably dramatic eyeroll, Rachel pushed her way into the room and past anyone who might be in her way as she entered. "You're seriously propositioning him despite their being other beds?" Rachel said. But she quickly narrowed that number of extra beds down to one by setting herself on the left side bed, farthest away from Sirius. Who received a glare. She still remembered him.

[theboywhodied]

Cedric was entirely displeased by the insistence of the cameras, but he pressed on anyway. "You want someone to allow you to eat from their hand? A personal shoe-shiner, do you?"

He was making interesting faces. All a joke, of course. The glitz and glamour could be fun, but snobbery was not appreciated.

"No thanks! But anyone else is welcome to beg."

[grimbiker]

"I'm not propositioning him!" Sirius snapped at Rachel. "When I proposition a man you'll know it." Sirius let himself fall back on the bed.

"Since there are no other takers, I will accept your first born." He said to Clef.

[pretty_lethal]

"Don't take it too personally if I decide not to take you up on the voyeurism offer," Rachel snapped at Sirius, glaring a little bit more.

[grimbiker]

Sirius snorted. "As if I'd give a bitch like you the time of day."

[pretty_lethal]

"Oh good," Rachel said false sweetly. "Anything that means I have to deal with you less must be some kind of blessing. Thank you so much for that."