trans_9 | But Sooner Or Later God'll Cut You Down [Open]

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But Sooner Or Later God'll Cut You Down [Open]

'Running away' is, in Howard's opinion, the most useful thing the human body can do. And unfortunately, he has plenty of reasons to think it will come in handy at some point, or at various points, in the future.

That's why he's set up a 400 yard circular track-slash-obstacle course in Hydroponics, as well as set up markers for hundred meter, two hundred meter, and mile routes. Every other morning, before Med Bay shifts, he's here, improving on speed and stamina. He knows full well that even if he gets into the best shape of his life, he can still be outrun (or outflown) by his super-powered, magical or metahuman peers, but it's better to have that added little bit of competence if and when he ends up sprinting away from danger.

He's feeling the results, too. There's no way to time if he's getting faster, but where he was once just skinny, he's becoming lean, and the mile run that used to exhaust him leaves him considerably less winded than it did a few months ago. And he's getting much more confident going through the tunnels and up the ladders of the obstacle course.

The only thing looking worse for the wear is his shoes. At some point he's going to have to relegate his velociraptor shoes to a beloved keepsake, because the seams are literally coming apart around his toes.

Howard double-knots his shoelaces and stretches a bit before running the obstacle course again.

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One minute he was stating that he didn't really believe that cats were capable of love and the next he was insisting that his cat loved his friend more. The contradiction hadn't slipped by her, but she wasn't sure of the meaning behind it. A part of her suspected that he feared that others might not be willing to love him and therefore rebuffed the idea so that he wouldn't be disappointed. It was an extremely sad thought and she hoped that she was wrong on this one. "Cats are not human, so their emotions are not expressed the exact same as a human's, but they can love as cats do and she clearly cares for you a great deal." She met his eyes and smiled. "Who did she purr for again?"

Cassie nodded. "I can certainly understand wanting to do stuff. I feel like I'm just twiddling my thumbs these days," she confessed with an uncomfortable sigh. Shaking her head, she forced those thoughts aside and smiled. "This is really incredible, Howard. I'm impressed."

"Both of us. We were both petting her on the couch and I didn't even realize what she was doing at first." Cassie would be, unfortunately, correct in her suspicions. He does smile back at her, though - at the moment, it doesn't occur to him to be sad. Just a little jealous of Zouichi and his 'cat whisperer' skills.

"Yeah?" He breaks out into a grin, pleased that someone's enjoying his handiwork. "It's not that hard to find something to do here, you know. You could talk to medical about joining, or start a garden, or something like that."

"Cats tend to have a very direct way of telling you what they think of you," she informed him, matching his smile with one her own. "She cares for you both, which makes sense, but it doesn't change the fact that she loves you dearly, Howard." No, she wasn't going to let this go.

"I've thought about it, but I wouldn't be much use as a medic," she admitted, regret in her voice. "I just don't have the skills or knowledge for it unfortunately. As for gardening, I'd try, but I'd probably kill everything fairly quickly. I've never even tried to do it before and I know almost nothing about plants, except which are poisonous for certain kind of animals." She shook her head then and smiled again, "I'll look more though. It's a big ship. There must be some way for me to be of use. Thank you, Howard. It's a good suggestion."

"She bites me too. Not as much as she used to, but she's not totally housebroken," he says, continuing to dodge and deny the assertion that the cat loves him. It scares him, to think the cat may love him. That if he hurt the cat, as, in his mind, he someday might have to, it wouldn't be just violent but also treacherous.

And of course, it doesn't matter what he does for the cat. He knows by now to never really expect devotion to be returned.

"I didn't know jack about medicine before I started training here. It's a thought. I guess I wouldn't mind having you as a coworker." That might be the closest thing Cassie gets to a compliment. "But yeah, keep looking until you find something. There's a bunch of cows over in Hydroponics that need someone to take care of them. All I do is milk them. You strike me as kind of a farm girl - is livestock in your wheelhouse?"

It seemed as though Howard was looking for reasons to deny the simple fact of the matter, which mystified and saddened Cassie. Didn't everyone want to be loved? Why would he try so hard to find reasons as to why it couldn't be true?

"There are variety of possible reasons for that, but it definitely doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. I've no doubt that she cares about you quite a lot." Cassie decided not to force the situation anymore though. It seemed as though the more she insisted, the more uncomfortable it made Howard, which was counterproductive in this situation.

Cassie beamed at the comment. "I'd like the chance to learn more about medicine and working with you would be enjoyable. Maybe you could teach me some? If you have the time." Distinct interest crossed her face at the mention of the cows. "Really? I'd like to be able to help with them. My family actually never really kept cows... our barn was aimed more for keeping hurt animals, although we had some horses there, but I do know some things about cows."

He shakes his head and shrugs it off. He doesn't want to agree with her, and he doesn't like where this conversation is going, so he's going to end it here.

"Maybe. I guess that'd be good practice for me too, right? I mean, you have to really know something to teach it." He gestures towards the direction to the far end of Hydroponics, where the exit is. "Come on, then. I can show you them if you come with me. Maybe you can explain to me why they got six legs."

He starts walking, expecting her to follow so much he doesn't bother to check.

"You're right," she agreed as she followed him. "It tends to take true mastery to teach something and I'd be very grateful to learn all that I can from you."

Her eyes narrowed as she considered Howard's comment about the six-legged cows. That... wasn't right. Could it be a joke? It hadn't sounded like one and who knew what to expect from this place. Every time she thought that she understood it, she found out just how wrong she was. "I... could try, I suppose," she added weakly, "But I've never met a cow with six legs. Do they behave like regular cows or...?" Probably a wise question to ask under the circumstances. In fact, she probably should have asked it a bit earlier.

"I could teach you how to do stitches on a banana, but we don't have bananas to practice on, so. Unless you know from all your animal-saving stuff?"

Howard shrugs. "How should I know? I barely seen a cow before I came here. I just know these cows have too many legs."

"I know a bit," she admitted as they walked. "I've only ever done it for animals before though, so it might be best for me to learn more about it from you." Cassie chuckled softly before adding, "At least with a human, I won't have to worry about being bitten. Trying to stitch up a frightened animal can become an interesting balancing act between actually getting the work done and keeping your patient calm enough so that no one gets hurt. It's well worth the effort though when they're all healed up and ready to go home."

A curious look spread across her face as she considered what Howard had to say about the cows. Given what she'd seen of the animals aboard Stacy, she suspected that they were some type of alien creature. "Do they eat grass and stay close to their herd mates?"

"Sounds like it's harder than people." Honestly, at that point Howard would just kill the animal and eat it, but he knows better than to say that in front of Cassie. She seems too understanding to be horrified, but it can't help things to verbalize that. "Although some people don't want medical help. They just want to yell at us for getting in their way when we do their jobs and sew their body parts back on."

He nods. "From what I can tell. I don't know if they have mates. They're kind of just cows."

Cassie shrugged, offering another smile. "I think that both have their own challenges, but I'm not sure that either is harder. Both need a fair amount of understanding to do properly."

"I suppose that I'll see for myself soon," she answered after another long moment of silence as she further considered the issue. "There are no bulls then? Do they reproduce on their own?"

"I don't understand people and I do a great job. They just don't like me when I'm done." People are idiots, Cassie! And empathy is hard! Working on unconscious people is the easiest part of his job.

Howard gives Cassie a cartoonish exaggerated shrug. "I haven't seen no calves yet. If we do start getting them, I say we're up for veal and rennet. This ship needs some cheese."

A little too late, he hopes Cassie doesn't know that rennet's made of the stomach lining of dead calves.

"I... I suppose," Cassie responded, a troubled frown on her face. "But wouldn't it be easier if you worked with your patients? Both your and their goal is the same at the end of it all anyway. You want to make them better and they want to be better. Oftentimes a lack of cooperation comes about because people are frightened and in pain, so if you address their fear and reassure them that you're only there to help, it turns out to be a better situation all around. It's often that way when working with animals too. They may snap at you as you try to help them, but usually it's just because they're frightened and in pain." Oh, Howard. We need to do some sensitivity training here clearly.

Howard might have been relieved to know that Cassie didn't know what rennet was, but she did wince at the reference to veal although she opted not to comment on it. She'd long since accepted the fact that most of her friends weren't vegetarians like she was and that there wasn't much point in trying to convince them otherwise unless they were willing to listen. It occurred to her that Howard might not be receptive to the idea.

"If they're reproduction process works like Earth mammals then there may only be females present in the herd. Admittedly though, there's no guarantee that their reproduction does work like that, so it's hard to know anything," she commented thoughtfully. "Although I wonder if there were ever calves. Cows don't generally start producing milk until after they've given birth at least once to start the flow of milk."

"I'll work with them when they stop being wusses about avoiding their medical exams and getting their shots and getting their injuries cleaned. As it stands a lot of them would rather suffer and feel noble than make my job any easier, so they can bite me if I don't hold their delicate little hands through it."

Sensitivity training? Howard needs to go to sensitivity college. And maybe get a sensitivity master's. "I don't care if they're frightened and in pain. If that gave you a free pass to be an idiot no one would ever be allowed to criticize me, but they still do, so here."

He chews on his finger. "Well, they give milk. Maybe there's a bunch of orphan cows somewhere. Sucks for them."

"Experiencing fear doesn't make someone a wuss and most people can't always be brave about everything," Cassie corrected, her tone gentle. "Everyone experiences fear in different ways and for many it's not so easy to just stop being afraid. A little bit of understanding can go a long way."

Oh dear, Howard. Oh dear. "And how do you feel when people judge you for your fear?" Meeting Howard's eyes, she continued. "Fear is a reasonable reaction to a stressful situation and I've always found that it's best handled with comfort, not criticism." If there is one thing that Cassie understands, it's fear. She lived with it for three years and even now when it should have been over she had nightmares.

"We'd know of any calves if they were around," she smiled. "Mother animals don't usually take the loss of their babies well, at least until it's time for the young to be weaned and start becoming adults, and hungry baby animals are quite persistent. We'd know if they were here." Cassie then offered a shrug. "Calves grow quite quickly as do most herd animal young, so perhaps they're grown up enough for them to simply blend into the herd. Once cows start producing milk, they can keep producing it for a long time as long as they're milked even once their calves are grown."

(OOC: I'm sorry. I hit the wrong button and it posted before I was done.)

Howard returns her gaze with a glare. "Of course fear's reasonable. Fear's more than reasonable. I don't see why everyone's expecting me to coddle them when everyone just gets on my case when I'm afraid. It's not fair."

Granted, he's afraid more often than most, and he knows better than most how impossible it is to stop being afraid. He wouldn't get rid of fear entirely, since he thinks it's healthy, but he also knows that the kind of fears he has rule him, body and soul. And the only thing that looks like it'll ever bring him freedom is time.

Time moves so slowly when you're young.

Howard rolls his eyes at Cassie. Great. Even cows stick around for their babies when his parents went off to do whatever. His mom and dad got one-upped by bovines. Awesome. "Well, you'd have to look at them to tell. I don't really pay attention to them besides milking. We're almost there."

Cassie watched Howard carefully, looking for further signs of his thoughts and feelings. She could understand his frustration. "I don't think that everyone is necessarily expecting you to coddle them, but it's often better to try to understand where others are coming from when dealing with people. For a second, try to put yourself in their shoes. If you're frightened and hurt, would you rather that someone be kind and gentle with you or rude and abrupt? Personally, I'd prefer the first. I think the second treatment would only frighten me more and when you're already scared, that only makes the situation worse."

She noticed the eye roll, but she wasn't precisely sure what might have caused it. After a few moments of consideration, she overruled pressing the issue further though. She'd had mixed results with trying to learn more about him, but he usually needed to be somewhat willing to share for her to get anything from him. His demeanor seemed to indicate that this wasn't the case today. She'd keep it in mind though for later just in case the subject came up again.

"I will," she agreed. "I may not be able to learn anything from them though. These don't sound like the kind of cows that I'm familiar with after all. I can't wait to meet them though!"

"I'm tired of taking the high road for other people." Not that he ever really does take the high road. Just, theoretically, if he did, he'd probably already be tired of it, he thinks. "Besides, this playing nice stuff? It's just going to get you hurt in the long run."

He tends to use hostility and defensiveness as a countermeasure to the attacks he sees as potentials. If everyone's a foe, hurt them first, so they can't hurt you with as much force.

He leads her through a clearing to where the cows are. "They're these guys. I milk the oreo-looking ones. The brown ones look a little intimidating. Like they want to squish me."

"Maybe I will get hurt," Cassie said softly, "But it's better than not trying. I'd rather 'play nice' than otherwise if the option is available to me."

As she looked out at the cows, her eyes opened wide. The animals did indeed look like normal earth cows even if they did have two too many legs. "They're pretty," she murmured as she walked over to them slowly. She didn't know how skittish they might be, although if they were milked often then they should be relatively used to humans. Well, at least the ones that looked like "oreos" as Howard had described them.

She cooed a mix of compliments and nonsense words softly as she approached one of the black and white cows, a smaller one compared to the rest of the herd. The cow in question watched Cassie for a few minutes before dropping her head back to the ground to return to grazing. Given the lack of fear in the reaction, these cows had obviously been socialized well.

A brown cow stood nearby, appearing to ignore her, but Cassie could see the way the cow had tensed as she'd gotten close. "Hi beautiful," she murmured as she took another step towards the cow, approaching cautiously and speaking continuously in comforting tones. The cow lifted her head to watch as Cassie got closer, her nostrils flaring a bit, but she did nothing else in response. "Good girl," Cassie smiled as she managed to get close enough to gently stroke the cow's neck gently. It took several minutes, but she could see the cow relax finally.

"Why don't you come on over?" she called softly to Howard, careful not to startle the cow. "This one seems pretty friendly, just a bit more skittish than the others. They probably aren't as used to being handled."

Howard shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "Ugh, whatever. Spare me the golden rule sermon."

He stays a few yards back from the cows; he suspects that those things can charge, and naturally Cassie has to mingle with those awful brown cows instead of just sticking to the placid oreo cows. Sometimes he wonders how Cassie survives; either she knows something he doesn't about not getting killed on risks, or she's insanely lucky. One of the brown cows fixes Howard with a googly-eyed stare that he can only interpret as threatening.

He is, however, observing what Cassie's doing. He's always been good at picking things up by watching, and while he's fine with the black and white cows that brown one scares him. Then again, most things scare him.

He gives her a look, but he slowly approaches the cow. "If I get stampeded by a moo cow, it's over between us."

Cassie's eyes darted back and forth between Howard and the cow that she was currently petting, watching to make sure that both remained calm during this. The brown cow snorted nervously, but she didn't pull away as Cassie continued to stroke the animal's neck and speak in soft tones as Howard approached.

"You don't really think that I'd bring you over here if I thought there was any danger, do you?" she asked quietly when Howard was close enough to easily speak to again. "You'll find that many animals are more afraid of you then you are of them, especially when they don't have enough exposure to humans. We can be a frightening species." Her eyes darkened as she said spoke and she was surprised by the bitterness in her own voice as she hadn't intended it, but she also couldn't bring herself to take back her words. The truth was that she meant what she said. The horrors of war, the reckless destruction of the natural environment that sustained them all, and the careless disregard for the lives of all living creatures... It wasn't true of all humans and, in truth, she liked and chose to believe that it wasn't true of most people, but it remained a fact even if she didn't like to dwell on it.

"It's often just a matter of recognizing the signs of that fear and responding accordingly," she instructed as she finally pulled her attention back to the topic at hand. "If fear is the issue, then often the answer is just to let them know that you're no threat. Why don't you try saying hello to our new friend here? Try to keep your voice as gentle and non-threatening as you can."

"Yeah. I do think you would," he says back to Cassie, deadly serious. He doesn't trust her. He feels like he knows her well enough to estimate that she wouldn't put him in danger, but trust? Not even close. "And you're telling me. Hell is other people, right?"

He walks softly, so his feet barely make any noise against the grassy floor. He's surprised, too, by the bitterness. Sometimes it catches him off guard that she's a veteran. The sourness in her voice seems more believable to him than the amiable exterior.

"Hi, cow," he says under his breath. Fear. Fear makes the world go round. Everything's a threat, doesn't Cassie know that?

There was some disappointment present on her face as she heard Howard's response, but she pushed it aside. She could understand why he felt as he did and she couldn't fault him for it. Trust was not an easy thing to give and she shouldn't expect it. To be fair, it wasn't as though she'd told him everything about herself either, so who was she to ask for any trust from him when she hadn't managed to fully give it herself?

Still, she meant it with all her heart when she told him that she wanted only the best for him.

"You may not believe me, but I don't mean you any harm, Howard," she smiled weakly at him, her voice soft. "I don't expect you to take me at my word though. Words can be too easily ignored."

Cassie shook her head, a frown flickering across her face and sadness entering her eyes. She wished that she could deny Howard's statement in it's entirety, but she couldn't. Not after she'd seen the darker side of life. On the other hand though, she'd seen the brighter side of it too and that was the part that she held onto as best she could. "Sometimes, yes, but... but not always. Not always."

She smiled at Howard as he said hello to the cow, watching as the animal's ears flicked forward at the new voice. "Maybe we should come up with a name for her, so that we don't have to keep calling her 'cow'. We used to name the animals that we took care of in my father's clinic." Cassie knew fear and she understood that she was asking a lot of Howard now, but she was glad that he was willing to extend at least this must trust. She continued to pet the brown cow, who was eying Howard with more curiosity now rather than fear. Cassie made a point of continuing her efforts throughout to soothe the animal just as a precaution to keep the cow calm though. Although she didn't expect it, this could still go wrong if either Howard or the brown cow panicked. "Why don't you let her sniff your hand so that she can catch your scent? Then if she seems calm enough and you feel comfortable enough, go ahead and pet her neck like I am. She's a friendly cow, just a bit nervous."

Edited 2012-01-01 00:52 (UTC)

"You don't mean me any harm now," he says, redefining her words. It goes unsaid that that could always change. Any information she gets on him could, someday, be used against him if things get really bad. Alliances you can count on are few and far between.

And humanity is ugly. "Sometimes is often enough for me."

Howard rolls his eyes at Cassie's insistence on naming it. He holds his hand out, though, and lets the cow sniff it with those big damp nostrils. He uses his other hand to pet it. "Hello, Burger."

Cassie opened her mouth to protest, but then she snapped it shut as she further considered his words. No, she didn't intend him harm now or any time in the future, but she couldn't fault him for thinking that way, even if it hurt some to think that someone who she considered a friend might think of her in such a manner. Still though, didn't she more often than she cared to admit look at the world through those same lenses? Wasn't that why she maintained the secrets of her past from so many? It was a protective measure to keep herself and her friends safe just in case the worst happened.

No, she couldn't fault him for his suspicions and she wouldn't argue. "I understand."

Cassie preferred to be a glass half-full kind of person, even if she didn't always succeed. Sometimes humanity could beautiful too. "If you assume the worst, then that's all you ever see. At least that's been my experience," she mused.

"Burger?" It... wasn't what she'd had in mind, but she had left it to Howard and she wouldn't discourage him by showing any disapproval. At least he'd given the animal a name and he seemed to be a bit more comfortable around the brown cow, which was a step in the right direction. "Okay then. Burger it is."

Smiling at the cow, she patted its neck softly. "What do you think, Burger? Do you like your new name?"

But Sooner Or Later God'll Cut You Down [Open]

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Make up anything about the cows!

Anything? You may regret that. :P

Re: Anything? You may regret that. :P

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