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trans_92011-09-02 08:02 pm
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The battle is over.
There is happiness and weariness and sadness. Their banners of victory are flown, and the Ohm retreat.
Homura cares little for all of those things; before they even return to the ship, her thoughts are with Madoka. And after throwing off the others, she strides through the many paths of the ship. Searching and searching. But Madoka cannot be found. The ship is huge, so she can't possibly search every nook and cranny. So she takes a brief look through everything but the city; and when Madoka is not found, she carefully combs through it again. And again.
And eventually, she finds her way back to the Obs Deck. She sits on a couch and breathes, trying to keep her composure.
Where could she be?
[ Closed to Sayaka and Mami! Bendytimed to just after they get back from Lirath. ]
There is happiness and weariness and sadness. Their banners of victory are flown, and the Ohm retreat.
Homura cares little for all of those things; before they even return to the ship, her thoughts are with Madoka. And after throwing off the others, she strides through the many paths of the ship. Searching and searching. But Madoka cannot be found. The ship is huge, so she can't possibly search every nook and cranny. So she takes a brief look through everything but the city; and when Madoka is not found, she carefully combs through it again. And again.
And eventually, she finds her way back to the Obs Deck. She sits on a couch and breathes, trying to keep her composure.
Where could she be?
[ Closed to Sayaka and Mami! Bendytimed to just after they get back from Lirath. ]
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Not that it matters, since Mami had been doing her own sulking in there since they returned, but it was strange. And she really hated to be the bearer of bad news, but she doubted Homura would keep searching until she collapsed from exhaustion or lack of sleep. Or both.
So here she was, crossing the Obs Deck towards one of the lesser occupied areas, and sitting herself down on a nearby chair.
"I know you're looking for her. And it's no use. She's gone."
The words hurt, not as much as they'd probably hurt Homura, but there was a horrible twisting feeling in her chest as she spoke.
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So of course, when Sayaka had managed to find Homura and Mami, it was right when Mami had said that. "Who's gone?"
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It's not hopeless; there's always hope; things will be okay, so long as you don't give up. She would prefer Madoka to be back in a pod-- unknowing of the danger that had lurked in the caverns some time ago-- than for her to be missing for some other reason. A reason like death.
"Madoka is," says Homura in response to Sayaka, voice calm and cool though she feels like she's floating above her head. "Mami and I can't find her."
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But no, she couldn't think about that now. She had to stay calm. After all, there were other things she needed to discuss after this.
"It must have happened right after we left for the mission. That's the only time she was alone..."
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She took a deep breath. "I mean, I know she's probably a bit safer in there rather than out here since she... well, hasn't made a contract with Kyuubey and probably wasn't ever going to, but still. It was nice having her here with us."
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It pains her to consider it, especially in a place where resetting is not possible but it's far from unlikely. Homura murmurs: "Are we absolutely certain she hasn't died? Nowhere could have been safe during that battle."
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No. She wasn't going to think about that. She had enough on her mind as it was, and she didn't need thoughts of her friend dying piled on top of that.
"I'm sure they would have..." She paused to stop her voice from cracking. "Found her body if that was the case. Or would have at least counted her missing when we fell back."
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"Right... we... would've been able to find her..."
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Homura tells herself that they are right, that they'd have found her body, but it's hard to shake. After a moment of silence, she throws it. Yes, the pod cavern. The pods. That's where Madoka must be. She stands, and takes a step forward. "I'm going to go check the pod caverns."
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Mami also stood up, grabbing Homura's wrist so she couldn't move away. "Before you do that," - before you disappear into that huge cavern where it'd be easy to lose track of a person - "You said you'd explain some things after the battle was over. I'd like it if you filled us in before you go off again."
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She takes a breath, and starts slowly.
"Kyuubey has been lying about a lot of things," Homura says quietly. "By omitting many crucial details you should have been told when you made the contract. ... The reason you did not die when your bodies were damaged so severely is because--" she waves her hands together and sitting in the palm of her hand is her own soul gem. It's not too dark, but visibly dim; fighting like that took a lot out of her. "-- your soul is inside of this."
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"So the only way we can die..." In a flash, her own Soul Gem appeared, and she rolled it around through her fingers. "... Is if this is destroyed?"
Again, it made sense, as horrifying as it was. There was one moment, in that terrifying void of darkness and pain as Charlotte attacked, where she was aware of what was going on - aware of that monster's jaws clamping down on her throat and head and-- - and it only went away when she heard the faint sound of cracking glass.
Gripping her Soul Gem in a tight fist and taking a shaky breath, Mami spoke again. "What else isn't he telling us?"
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"But you said he was lying about lots of things? I guess that shouldn't surprise me."
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She listens to Sayaka and puts that information away. She's from somewhere in the future, then, because Homura doesn't remember them finding out the hard way.
"... as for what else he was lying about. It was mostly things like his motivations-- the reason for magical girls existing."
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Ah... right. That's another thing that's been bugging her for a while now, sadly for Homura. It had been brought up in her discussion with Nanoha what seemed like ages ago, and she had been meaning to ask Kyuubey, but he seemed to have disappeared as well.
"And that's another thing I'd like to ask. You seem to know Kyuubey's motivations, and you've seen so much... so I'm sure you know. How are witches created?"
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She blinked. "And how do you know all this anyway?"
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She pauses. Mami just had to ask, didn't she? Homura looks uncomfortable for a brief moment before her composure is regained. She radiates calm, radiates a rock heart. She speaks, and her face is so perfectly blank. She's scared of what Mami might do, but if she refuses to say-- who knows what will happen.
"We, magical girls, are immature witches."
There's no other way to put it. Any other way will boil down to the same thing, so Homura puts it bluntly. Her voice is so very small, so very quiet, and she carefully ignores Sayaka's question as to how she knows what's going on.
"... When our soul gems dim and become completely black, we become witches."
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The revelation that they're used as an energy source was bad. This new information about witches? Even worse. They're fighting to avoid becoming monsters, and... oh god, the monsters themselves. The Grief Seeds, the true essence of a witch... were those the remains of another Puella Magi's Soul Gem?
The more Mami thought about it, the more sick she felt. They've been killing girls like themselves, using their corrupted souls to repair their own...
It takes her a moment to find her voice again, but when she does, it's sof, and shaking just a bit. "Is... is there any way to stop the transformation after the Soul Gem goes dark?"
There has to be. Puella Magi don't normally work together, right? All these witches, they just had to be the unlucky girls who tried to go solo with their duties, and had nobody to help them when they were pushed beyond their limits...
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Then, she turns towards Sayaka. She straightens her posture and flicks her long hair back. "You don't have to believe me," she says. It feels like she's back in the past; Sayaka always fought the truth, didn't she? She can't blame her. "We fight to survive. Without witches, there are no grief seeds. And without grief seeds, we die."
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Oh, she wanted it to be a lie. She really did. But the tone of Homura's voice alone is enough to confirm that she's telling the truth.
"And how long until that happens?" Mami's voice is still soft, but it has a hard edge to it. "This ship saved witches for us... but how do we know how many it has? For all we know, the next witch we fight could be the last one, and then... and then..."
It would only be a matter of time until one of them turned. Then the survivors would have to fight her, and the cycle would repeat until there was only one of them left....
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"How do you even know this?"
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"I don't know enough about the ship itself to take a guess at that," she says. If there was any way for them to check how many witches there were in 'stock' Mami wouldn't even be asking this.
Instead of falling into the thought process Mami is trapped in, Homura clasps hope with her two hands. She speaks calmly. "If we were chosen specifically to fight in this war, and the ship provides everyone else with what they need to fight... it's very likely it has done the same for us." Her meaning is clear: don't worry about turning into a witch. It's likely they've prepared as many witches as we'll need our entire lives. She doubts this thought will console Mami very much, but she says it on the tiny chance it might.
Then Homura looks Sayaka straight in the eye and says simply, "Experience. I've been a magical girl far longer than you have."
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"Sometimes our Soul Gems darken faster than others..." She didn't know of the link between the corruption in the gems and their own emotions, but she noticed that much at least. "This ship can't possibly plan too far ahead."
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Probably wasn't likely, considering everything.
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"We are both as strong and as fragile as these gems. None of us have been on the ship for a very long time. ... When we bet our entire life on a single desire, we gave up many things. That hasn't changed, not even after our worlds have died. A fate of combat is what we offer up as penance for our wish, and we may have to fight that hard again and again. Do you understand...? Sayaka Miki. Mami Tomoe."
She pauses. "There's nothing we can do but fight, and wait, and hope."
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Even if they do somehow manage to survive this war... then what? Their world will be returned? Mami could deal with the fighting of course, it was nothing new to her. She was used to it. But the constant threat of turning into the very monsters they fought...
She wasn't sure how long she could deal with that.
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If they survived this, they'd just go back to their own worlds, their own times. And then it would happen again. Fighting and fighting. Forever and ever. Until they became the thing that they were fighting against.
"I'll fight as long as I can, that's not a problem. But once we get our world back, if we get it back, Kyuubey would just make more of us!"
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There's nothing more than that to say. Homura stands. She's given her warning, fulfilled her promise to explain. She said nothing that didn't need to be said. And brushing her hair off of her shoulders, Homura takes a step forwards. "I have to find Madoka's pod. I'll contact you both when I find it."