trans_9 | Watching and Waiting [open]

Paranoia was a perfectly reasonable reaction to waking up in a strange place covered in slime, having a fight with tentacles that put some kind of throbbing...thing on him, and then being forced to run through mazes that shot fire, a cruel voice passive-aggressively taunting him the entire time.

Tarzan didn't know where he was, didn't know what was going on, and didn't know what happened to the people--and gorillas---he cared about most. His entire world had been turned upside down. He'd found himself in a strange place completely full of people, more people than he'd even imagined existed. It was full of lots of strange people, and some of them walked on two legs but didn't look human; others were clearly animals but they conversed with humans with apparently no difficulty.

They all were strange to him. Frightening, even to one that had faced Sabor. It was all so confusing. Even terrifying, all the more so because he couldn't find Jane or his mother anywhere, even when he searched during the times other slept.

So he'd hidden in Hydroponics, and taken to the trees, wary of every living being on the ship.

Anyone that entered Hydroponics and stayed there for long might find themselves having the unmistakable feeling that they were being watched.

But he was just as curious as he was frightened and cautious. As much as he was holding back from the people on the ship, he had a burning desire to speak to them, to figure out what they were all about.

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"No. No." He held up his hands. The language barrier was difficult.

"Parents already dead. She found them. I was still alive. She saved me. Too late for parents."

The other question made him pause.

"Always. Tarzan always know he was different from family."

Kerchak hadn't let him forget.

"Oh." What Tarzan had meant dawned on Inara. She reached out to him, gently, and placed her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. About your parents. And about not having understood what you meant earlier." She frowned. She didn't want him to feel as though he were lacking in any way. It wasn't his fault that his English wasn't all that fluent. "Would you mind telling me about your life in the jungle? What it was like for you, and how you dealt with the fact that you knew you weren't like the rest of your family?"

Tarzan shrugged.

"Life good. Eat, roam, sleep, hide." From predators, you see. "Jungle is dangerous, but life good."

Why did she want to know the rest? How did he talk about it anyway?

"Wanted to prove myself. To rest of family. Keep up. Wanted...to prove myself to Kerchak. My father. Leader of our family."

It was difficult, at times. What was also difficult was articulating himself and he found himself getting frustrated. Things like feelings and thoughts were harder than basic communication.

"Not know what I was. Not know where I come from..."

Words words, he had to find the words. His face lit up. "Then Jane and her father come. And Clayton." That name was spat like a curse. "Jane and the Professor show me things, make me understand what I am. Human."

He finally managed to figure out what to say. "Confused. Growing up. Always confused. But now Tarzan knows what he is. Tarzan is human. I...I am human. And gorilla. Love Jane as a man. Lead family as gorilla."

And that was that. A conflicted childhood, but now he knew himself and what he was.

Listening to him, Inara thought back to her life as a Companion in training. Life then had been far simpler, as well. Far more simpler than everything that ensued afterwards, she mused. "You were able to handle yourself," she said, "because you were raised a gorilla." That had to be true, because she doubted that civilized humans would be able to last in the jungle their entire lives, even if they were dropped in as capable adults. The way you were raised caused you to look at the world in a very different manner. She understood that well enough. And about wanting to prove something to your parent figure...she understood that as well. She'd seen that with many of her clients, especially the ones who had been sent to her by their fathers to prove that they were, well, men. Men can be so silly sometimes.

"Were you afraid that you weren't going to get his approval because you weren't physically gorilla, like the rest of them?" She paused. "How do gorillas raise their families?" She felt that she needed to understand that, as well, if she were to understand what he meant by those last lines.

Tarzan considered that.

"Humans not meant for jungle. Tarzan gorilla enough to survive." And even thrive, thanks to his intelligence and tool-making.

Get his approval, ha! Tarzan snorted.

"Kerchak not consider Tarzan part of family." Not until the end. "Protect but...not..."

It was hard to put into words, his complicated relationship with his father.

"Family is..." He struggled for the words. Barring conversations with Jane, which could get rather wordy, so far this was one of the most complicated conversations of his life so far. "Group. Raised by mothers. But in group. Everyone help."

Communal child-rearing though mothers were primarily responsible for their own children.

"Kerchak protect us all. Leader. Protect us from...predators. Tarzan small and weak at first. Tarzan was--I was--I put the others in danger. Sometimes. Got better when I was older. Got stronger, faster--learned to make tools."

"You strike me as being a very strong, resilient man, Tarzan," Inara said. "I can see why the ship would have chosen you." Why it had chosen her, she didn't understand. Trained as she was in some martial arts and weaponry, Inara was not what most would call a hero. A hero faces her adversity. She doesn't run from it. "But he didn't care for you, the way Kala might have. That must not have been very pleasant for you. But I assume that it drove you to be the best that you could be, yes?" She would touch the communal mothering thing later. She wanted to learn more of how that worked, and to see if it was at all similar to how some of the Companion training houses operated. She guessed not because of the fact that these were apes that they were talking about, versus humans, but she had learned of the research that tied the two species together. Besides, anthropology had always been one of Inara's favourite subjects when she was in training.

"You ask many questions," Tarzan laughed. He wasn't annoyed by it, more amused. Jane and the Professor always had plenty of questions, but he was used to being the one with the most questions.

"I do, don't I?" she asked. She paused and laughed. "That was another one. I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. I just want to get to know you better. And I would like to help you, in any way I can. That...well. That includes learning more English as well, Tarzan, if you ever feel up for it. No pressure, no harm, no foul. It's just an offer that you can accept any time you wish to."

Tarzan pursed his lips together, thoughtful.

"Tarzan only need help with English."

Obviously, given how he structured that sentence itself.

He was rather self-sufficient otherwise, though.

"I hide because...not used to people. Strange place. Confusing. Will...get used to. Eventually."

She smiled at that. It was a good, full sentence. Perhaps not structured in the best way, but it seemed a lot more civilized than the grunts that Jayne sometimes tended to give out as replies. "It is a very strange place," Inara agreed. "I'm still trying to get used to it myself, and I like to think of myself as a people person. But it seems like everyone has gotten used to this place on some level. You will, as well. And until then, well, this a very beautiful place to stay," she said. "But if you ever want to talk about anything, Tarzan, if you miss Jane or want a friendly hug - I can be here for you."

Tarzan took that exactly at face value, and smiled at her.

For all the good he saw humanity as having, for all the good Jane and the Professor were, Clayton and his thugs had shown him the worst of what humanity could be. Without meeting other people, without knowing them, he couldn't know if people were more like Clayton or more like the Porters.

This helped his view of people massively.

He had made a friend today, and one who was very kind. He was very sure she was someone Jane would like very much.

"You are kind." He patted her hand awkwardly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, honey," she said, careful not to use any words that weren't English around him. She didn't want to confuse him any further than he already might be. That would be, well, less than nice or helpful, and she could tell that he'd had experiences both good and bad when it came to humankind.

Watching and Waiting [open]

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