Tabula Rasa [closed]

[callmethekid.livejournal.com]

Conner didn't get out of bed that morning. That was the first sign something was wrong. He didn't run in and jump on Rory's bed to wake him and Amy up, he didn't run around all noisily in the TARDIS, exploring, he didn't do little boy things in loud, little boy ways.

He stayed in bed, quiet as can be.

The second sign that something was wrong was the way he couldn't seem to stop shaking.

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[theboywhowaits]

He knew something was wrong when his alarm woke him up. Knew something was the matter when there were no giggles and gleeful boys demanding his attention and consciousness.

He untangled himself from Amy, grabbing his comm system and shoving into his pocket out of reflex. "Conner? Are you awake?"

He frowned, stepping deeper into the room. "Conner? What's wrong?" He settled, quiet and attentive on the edge of the bed, reflexively checking the child for fever.

[callmethekid.livejournal.com]

"Can't...words. Can't. No. Words gone."

He held his head in his hands.

"Empty. Empty inside. Empty. No more words. No more--no more things. Things go away."

He was losing his programming, getting younger before Rory's eyes again.

"Empty. No more Conner. All gone."

Looking up at Rory, his lip started to wibble, and tears welled in his eyes.

"Daddy, make it stop."

[theboywhowaits]

His breath caught roughly in his throat, staring at the child. He'd been afraid of this. He'd been afraid that this might happen as he'd got younger. And ironically, all he could think was that he'd thought he would have had more time. "Conner..." He swallowed, pulling the child to his chest and rocking him slowly. "I will, I'm here, Conner. I'm here. I won't let you go away. Daddy will fix it." But how? The Doctor wasn't here, the others were gone to destroy the clock, what was he supposed to do but lie to his child? Lie to the little boy who wanted to grow up to be Superman and he laughed and played and was asking him to fix it.

"You're not going to disappear." He pressed his lips to Conner's head, rocking the little boy in his arms. "I'm here. I won't let it happen, Conner. I'll fix it. I swear."

[callmethekid.livejournal.com]

"Empty. All gone," he said, his face screwed up in misery. "All gone."

Tears started to roll down his cheeks, fat and glistening, and something in his eyes got more and more distant as he looked up at Rory, not even understanding all he was saying because some of the words were gone from his vocabulary already.

"Words. Lost. Gone."

He closed his eyes tight as if that would ward it off, but he was losing more and more, concepts, words, everything.



Then he forgot what a father was. He still knew that warm body cared for him, though, and he curled up against it, trembling and crying, trying to soak up as much comfort from those warm arms as he could, as his mind started to fade away, to those times when he'd been a nothing, a blank slate.

"Bye bye," he said, before forgetting those words, too.

There was a moment when there was an almost feral expression on his face as he went through the time he'd had the most basic thoughts and concepts programmed in, and then he went very still in Rory's arms, and very, very quiet.

[theboywhowaits]

His throat felt thick, prickly with emotion and tight against the tears. "I'm here, Conner, I'm here. We'll fix it. We'll make it right. I won't stop until I make it right, I promise. I promise you, Conner." He swallowed, eyes closing tight against the tears that wanted to escape, hand pressed to the back of the child's head and holding him as tight as he could. Pouring as much warmth and reassurance into the tiny body as he could. "I'm sorry, Conner. I'm so sorry, I will fix it. I promise." He pulled the blanket tighter around the boy, almost covering the red fabric completely.

He kept holding him, even as he went still, mind analyzing everything Conner had said to him. Knowing he had to keep him warm, knowing that he would need certian things to be comfortable. But for the moment, all he could do was hold the child and try to comfort him, even as the child forgot what comfort was.

[callmethekid.livejournal.com]

He lay there limp in Rory's arms, staring at nothing, his mind completely devoid of all thought or feeling.

Yet he trembled. He trembled as if afraid, as if there was some deeply-buried instinct or desire for comfort.

He was still getting younger, dangerously fast, so it was likely that Rory would need to get him Medbay support soon.