trans_9 | Bad Handwriting and Everything [Open]

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Bad Handwriting and Everything [Open]

The upside to using paper and pen instead of data pads for taking notes on patients is that it's intuitive and you can fiddle with things. The downside is that, at the end of a shift, a lot of the notes have to be shredded for privacy reasons, and the details have to be entered into the data pads anyway. Despite his usual devotion to efficiency, Howard doesn't mind this. It's a nice way to review the day and cement anything he might have learned.

The Quarantine's mostly empty now, which is a definite plus. All those kids were getting Howard crankier and antsier than usual. He brought in a box of toys from the Warehouse, though he didn't bother to check the age ranges for them, so he hopes someone who cares a bit more will take out all the choking hazards before any of the children regress to toddlerhood. He doesn't want anything to do with children; he had enough of that back in that dystopian nightmare he called home. All they do is cry and scream and demand things and kill each other and eat all the food and lie and burn down buildings and generally make life unpleasant. Not that adults are always better, but at least someone's around to enforce order here.

He hums a snippet of Cliffs of Dover to himself, chewing on the end of a Tinker Toy, and starts typing in his notes.

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The idea of that actually completely through Kaya off a bit. She really didn't like the idea of technology advancing so well that they were able to facilitate a scenario where they could all be fooled into living their daily life was just sort of scary.

She listened carefully before she replied to this. "If you believe that, I can't blame you I guess, but keep in mind how diverse the members of the crew are: there are ways for us to test the boundaries of what Stacy can do. Specifically, we've had crew members already attempt to talk to the Ohm: we specifically have a Councilor who believes just that. So before you say I'm juts blindly believing what Stacy, keep this in mind: if it turned out all of this was a lie tomorrow and Stacy is our enemy, then I would still fight, because there's still one more thing to fight for: this crew and everyone in it. I never decided to do this because I LIKE it, but I am good at it, and I do believe in fighting for a better day, when it comes down to it."

Though the last part would be a bitter pill, if it were the case that her world was completely gone.

"Diverse, yeah. That doesn't exactly fill me up with faith, you know? Stacy didn't stock up just on you hero-types, she also dragged in con artists and Neo Nazis and Lex freaking Luthor." And Howard himself, who doesn't have the cleanest history in regards to ethics. "And take it as someone who's been on a Council before, people will say a lot of things to keep the citizens calm and complacent."

He sighs, grinding his knuckles into his forehead. "So yeah. Good for you. If it all turns out to be a lie, I get 'told you so' points. But it's not right to just expect kids to go do your dirty work for you because you're a magical fucking spaceship made out of tentacles and, and snot or whatever, and I'm not going to pretend it is just because she says she has a higher calling. And if I'm right and Stacy's evil or crazy, well, we're still stuck with an evil, crazy overlord. Life's just a barrel of monkeys these days."

"Well that's what I'm saying. We're all been brought here, good guys and bad guys alike. The choices we make, to go and continue doing whatever we thought was our way, or do something better. That isn't a decision only for 'good guys' or 'bad guys': its a choice for us all. I know full well that the council exists for the reason of keeping everything calm and in control. People on the ship, they need that."

And here was where it got real. "But the scenario of Stacy just being evil is slowly getting disproved, if only because the more we go from world to world, the more we see that there is a presence of something more than ourselves and our petty differences. If the Ohm's objectives are to destroy planets and eventually us, where will we stand? Do we want to continue being suspicious while more people needlessly die? Do we want to run away, get by until the Ohm come and then find a way, ANY way, to get going? Or do we want to do the thing that's hardest: deal with the changes that are going to come and knuckle down and fight back?"

She shook her head. "I never said having children here, fighting with us, is something I'm comfortable with. But these kids, no matter their age, understand as we do that they have to get strong, because whatever happens, they have to be ready."

"'Slowly improved'? Last I checked, Stacy's most recent itinerary included torturing a crew member into insanity in full view of the public, oh, and sending untrained, uninformed kids like me on something that came very close to a suicide mission. Just because aliens exist - big shocker there, I know - doesn't make Stacy automatically good, so I'm not sure I'm even following your argument. What I'm saying is, the Ohm and Stacy, or something bigger than Stacy, are playing a gigantic game of chess and we aren't even ranking as pawns. We can't see anything past the square in front of us when there's a whole war going on and no one's giving us straight answers. Which is, you know, fine, whatever, not exactly something we can snap our fingers and change, but everyone here acts like we should be totally okay with this situation and any complaints are just because we want to see the Ohm blow shit up. It's not that. We just don't even know which side we should be fighting on so we hopped on the first agenda Stacy smacked down in front of us."

He turns the toy over and over in his hands before sticking the end of it back in his mouth. "But whatever, I'm probably being depressing right now. You go get your warm fuzzies with the kids. I'll sit here and try not to freak out."

"First of all, and I'm not saying she deserved it, but that person was already a nut that chose to start fight with crew members simply because they looked different from her: I should know, she didn't exactly call me the friendliest word when I offered to help her. I'm not saying, or ever would say, that Stacy is a help: but we live in her, we are still alive. We could sit and be distrustful about it or the fact that we are lied to, or we could deal. Its not a great situation, but its the life we have so far until we find another way. What I've been saying is what part you decide to play in all that is up to you. Lets say we remove Stacy in our argument: who are you left with? I don't fight because Stacy tells me to. I fight because people here have given me a reason to want to. So whatever happens? I stand by helping these people here, first and foremost."

She looked him over a moment. "You know, finding these 'warm fuzzies' you're talking about? Not as easy as it looks. Think about that before you mock someone for having a reason to have them at all. Just a suggestion."

"Yeah, yeah, I heard. She's one of those Neo Nazis who calls people nasty names so it's totally okay that Stacy publicly tortured her without warning." He sighs, leaning back and covering his face with the palms of his hands. "I didn't mean...never mind. I don't know. I didn't mean that. I'm just having a hard time with all these fucking kids around, okay?"

"Ok, number one, I don't really know what a Neo Nazi is, you know more than I do, but I do know she pushed people's buttons, on purpose. As for without warning, it was the punishment we weren't aware about: in order to even get it, you had to actually have several fights with several people and inflict harm. That woman did what no one else on the ship had ever done, which was go out of her way to break rules on the ship by disrupting its harmony. I won't say she deserved it in the end, but she invited bad things to happen."

Ands he hated admitting it, but that kind of thing would be punished eventually. Even Azula, who was one of the most evil people she knew, would not have been so rash.

"I understand," Kaya said, and she did. "They bring up a reminder of what happened to your world when all the adults went away. But you ought to keep in mind: these kids are also adults that have their own complicated lives and stories. Right now, they need us, so, you know, we should try to do what we can, until this blows over."

"Most people hear 'Punishment' and think jail-time, not public torture. She sounds like she was a bitch, but that doesn't give Stacy a free pass to do that. It's like getting life in prison for littering." He gestures to the box of toys. "Yeah, yeah, I know. That's why I brought this junk in. I'm just not gonna babysit, okay? Those kids are better off alone than with me looking out for them."

"If punishment was jail time, Stacy would have said it was jail time. If anything, that woman should have been put in the brig before this even happened. Believe me, what happened was horrible, but no one had ever gone out of their way to break the rules, and that means until then, no one knew what prior things have been programmed into her. I'm not offering excuses, but...I am hopeful this kind of punishment never repeats itself. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even Azula."

She sighed, laughing a little. "Then leave it to me. I don't have a problem with kids. You keep writing. I'm kind of curious though: you ever met that one girl with the purple hair?"

"And if Punishment's going to be public torture, maybe Stacy could have given us a heads up on that before she went through with it." All in all, it reminds him of how Caine ran Perdido, and he doesn't like comparing the ship he lives in to a crazy, megalomaniac fourteen year-old. "Someone else is going to break the rules someday. It won't be me, but it might be someone crazy or someone young or someone really stupid or even someone mean again. And that's scary."

He offers the faintest of genuine smiles before his face settles into his natural wry smirk. "Purple hair? Nope. Why?"

"Well, I have no answer for what Stacy has done regarding that, You remember what her answer was, and considering how you react to the ship, I doubted you believed it. Honestly, I hardly did myself. I just hope no one is going to break the rule to that much of a degree. I don't ever want to see something that violent again."

Kaya chuckled. "She's...a hero, I think? Anyway, she's the only kid you were describing to me that actually would fit the description of being, you know, violent, but she's also smart, and acts a lot older than kids her age would. She's the first person that popped into my head when you were talking about the kinds of kids you dealt with, but the opposite in an extreme way? It's hard to explain."

"She might as well be blaming God if she's going to blame her programming," Howard mutters. "It makes about the same difference to us. It's all magical forces beyond our control that she can use to excuse whatever she does."

He shakes his head. "Yeah, we had heroes, and some kids who started out crazy, and some people ended up with superpowers, but mostly it was just normal kids. A lot of kids get a lot more violent and conniving than people would think when they're desperate and, well. No food, no safety. It was everyone who had to struggle to survive, and the ones that didn't get mean got killed. So I guess...imagine a city full of your purple-haired girl, only not acting mature for her age."

"That's exactly what I mean. And the longer we stay out of the loop, not knowing who it is we can trust, th more trust we have to give to the other members of the crew. When it comes down to it, they're going to be the only ones that we can count on."

Once again,sh looked a little disturbed. "It's really hard to imagine kids doing that to each other. The little girl I'm talking about surprised me a little too: I was young when I entered the war, but she seemed to be born to do what she did. But somehow, I think what's more frightening is the idea that leaving kids to their own devices, they would get murderous for little reason."

"Just because you count on someone doesn't mean you trust them, you know. Unless it's yourself."

He nods, chewing on his lower lip. "I wouldn't say starvation is little reason, but yeah, even before that plenty of kids died because no one was around to stop them. Some kids just don't know better." His own best friend beat a girl to death because he didn't realize a baseball bat to the head could kill her. "And, you know, the crazies."

"Well I say it usually takes awhile. The worst thing about this place is that you do get to know someone, and then suddenly something in the air, or some spell happens and it changes their personality. I figure if you really get to know someone, you figure out pretty quickly something isn't on the up and up."

Kaya made a face. "That sounds like a pretty gruesome reality. I'd like to think there isn't anything quite this bad on the ship, but really, some people are just pretty bad until they realize how pointless it is to hold onto the grudges they had in their worlds."

"And so," he makes a gesture with his hands to symbolize moving from one point to another. "Don't trust anyone. Keeps you from getting let down, at least."

Howard makes a face right back. "You know, there are plenty of good reasons people are holding grudges."

"How exactly is that a valid conclusion? If you don't trust anyone, all you allow yourself to do is suffer on the ship by yourself. There are a lot of bad things that happen, but they're at least lessened when you let people in. I've learned that much in all the time I've been there."

Kaya rolls her eyes. "And there are plenty of reasons to not have them too. Grudges shouldn't mean you blind yourself to the actual situation on the ship in favor of whatever used to happen on your world. Being careful, on the other hand? Keeping tabs? Definitely a must. A grudge makes a person easy to manipulate."

"Uh huh. Sure. And yet, I'm doing fine 'suffering by myself' and I'm not getting things rubbed in my face whenever I make a bad call on who to share friendship bracelets with. Look, Bubbles, your way doesn't work for everyone, and I won't pretend mine does either, 'kay?"

He shakes his head, twisting his mouth up. "I think we've got different definitions of grudges. Being careful and keeping tabs falls in it for me."

"That's why you do your best not to," Kaya said, shrugging. "Everyone makes mistakes. I'm just saying it might be OK to give why way a shot, ok broody?"

Hey, give her points, she was starting to get into his style of humor.

Kaya nodded. "Oh, I have a grudge myself, but I'm not supposed to, when it comes down to it: then again, not every day that someone actually sustains a reason for a grudge to begin with."

He shakes his head, not willing to argue his point anymore. Kaya's, in his opinion, naive optimism will get her hurt someday, but he doesn't much care and isn't going to waste his time trying to protect her from future mistakes. His experience has been that anyone he's put trust in, from his parents to the best friend he did everything for, has either left or hurt him, and there's no good reason to start lending out that credit any more.

"Against Azula, right? If she's half as crazy as you say she is, I don't think anyone's going to get hurt by you nursing that grudge."

Kaya had been on the ship long enough to know who to trust and trust: optimism shouldn't be confused with being naive. In any case, she knew well enough she wouldn't be changing his mind anytime soon. He had seen too much in his world to trust too many people, and she hoped, being that way, he would still find people willing to help him.

"With Azula, I'll have to see. I'll be keeping an eye on her as well as my friends: one of us doesn't want Azula to even have the remote chance of coming close to kill us. That's what worries me."

"So you're thinking of what, staying in the safety zones? Do you think she's going to be a danger to everyone or just you guys?"

"I figure it might just be us, otherwise thy wouldn't have let her out so quickly. As for staying safe, even if I wanted to take her down, which I don't, the council is watching anyway. They're already under the assumption that we 'good guys' are judging her simply by what she did in her world."

"And, um, apparently judging people by what they did on their worlds is a bad thing? What are we supposed to judge them on, their haircuts?"

"Well, according to the Council, rules established by the charter of the ship states we aren't supposed to judge them by the things they've done on their world but what they do on th ship itself. I don't know about you, but going and attacking the people on the ship first chance out tends to make you the bad guy, doesn't it?"

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