trans_9 | Finally some roomie tim-whoops.

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Finally some roomie tim-whoops.

It had been an arduous few days. Between the situation with people losing memories and then the people coming back from the Ohm attack, Kaya had been pretty busy. She hadn't even left the med bay, preferring to sleep here instead of back at the Outsider's hotel. She knew she had already missed quite a bit due to this: sessions with Chase, the upkeep of the hotel, and general having fun time, but priorities were priorities. Now that she had some time to herself though, she was hoping to spent some time helping her roommate decorate and at least have some general fun: Alex, after all, had brought all of those interesting black light things, why not put them to good use?

She walked up the stairs of the hotel, making a beeline straight for the hotel suite. It was one of the good things about not having to be alone: it didn't matter that Alex was a boy, at least he was SOMEONE she could talk to on a daily basis. Besides, she had those sliding doors now, so they could respect each others privacy.

But then she reached the room and opened the door, and saw all of his things were gone, specifically the laptop he prized so much, and she knew he had been podded. She closed her eyes a moment, slowly counting to ten, tears springing to her eyes.
Of course.
She took a breath, then wiped her eyes and closed the door, going back down the steps, and quietly closing the door behind her. She wanted to scream, or cry, or throw a fit at least, but none of these things would bring Alex back. So she just wandered the city park for the moment, looking tired.

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"Sometimes things are like that. Shades of grey. Making a choice is far harder when you have some kind of rule or law that you live by. The strength of one's morals, I'd say. Though even that, I don't think, is universal."

He smiled widely and ran a thumb over the string of piercings on his ear. "But you are right. The decision that fits with who you are is the best. It may sometimes lead to bad choices, but that is the cost of truly being ones' self, I suppose."

"No, definitely not," agreed Kaya. "Everyone on this ship have their own view of what good and bad constitute, and each situation dictates a different point of view depending what happens. This is why I have to amend what I know sometimes, because everything and everyone changes a bit."

She nodded. "I've take some flack for some of the decisions I made earlier when I was on the ship, but I don't regret it now. Whatever mistakes I made, I'll be a better person for it later."

"Oh, I guess you could say it like that. It is not necessary for one to bend their own thoughts and ideals to accompany those of others but I suppose it makes the whole 'social' part of dealing with other people more enjoyable or less complicated."

He knew that well enough but he also was aware that he was quite a stubborn person when it came down to it. If he didn't want to do something he simply wouldn't. It was less-so when it came to the views and opinions of others; he was always quite open when listening, if for knowledge's sake.

"It would take quite a bit of good reasoning to make me change myself for another's sake and even then, it would depend. Ronnae knows this well," he said, a grin stretching over his pallid face.

"Well, I'll only amend so much," Kaya added hastily. "I never said I would always follow anything anyone says. In fact, most of the people who know me know I can be just as stubborn about things I believe in. I only amend my opinion when its a situation I realize I don't know as much about."

Like the Yeerk.

"I'm sure she does," Kaya said. "You seem like the type that does what he likes, and will not sacrifice that easily. It's something I've could see pretty quickly about you, actually."

"Oh yes," he started, face lit up in interest. "I am told it's called 'being selfish' but I wouldn't say that exactly. I care greatly for my friends and fam-" he paused, his eyes shifting to the side in thought. Family? He didn't even really know them more than they decided to shun him a second time. "I care greatly for my friends and would do anything for those ends. My life is their's," he explained.

"But I have also come to realize that there seems to be a general societal dislike for 'looking out for one's own best interest."

Kaya nodded. "I noticed that you were a little hesitant to include your family. But I can tell you: even with my own gone, there are still the people here, people like Billy and Ronnae and even Negi and Eva, that I also consider family. I know if I were ever in trouble, they would be concerned, might even try to help me if they could."

She shrugged. "It really depends on the situation. If you were to, say, leave someone to die, I would think that would be more selfish than, say, doing what you want even if it might conflict with someone else's wants."

"Yes, because I do not have 'family' in the traditional sense of the word. They do not want me. The closest thing I do have are my animal companions but that is enough, I think."

He thought about her words for a long moment, weighing both the situations she brought up. "I am not sure I agree with that either. If there is nothing to lose by saving someone, say, they are drowning and you know how to swim. That's fine enough. But if they are trapped in a building that is broken and burning down around them or pulled into the ocean by a Kraken or perhaps they were separated and surrounded by a group of necromancers and other scourge...calling them selfish for not sacrificing their lives for someone they don't know or have no ties to is giving yourself far too much credit."

"I don't understand a family not wanting their child, to be honest," Kaya confessed. "I get the bond between animals, having Zhin and she having me, but where I'm from, family means a lot."

Kaya was quiet for a moment, taking that in, but she knew that would simply be something she and he would not disagree on. Perhaps it was because Nokosi had never been taught to have concern for everyone, and in that way, it made perfect sense for him not to bother risking his life. In all actuality, she wished Sheeana was around, just so she could ask what she would have thought abut Nokosi.

"I can try to understand, but I also know you and I think differently there. I know there's a possibility I could die needlessly, and I know that's a risk. Still, if there's a way I can help someone, can make a difference so I don't reflect the nature of some people on the ship to distrust each other, I would do it. We all have lost our worlds somehow: I'd like to give someone a chance to have some kind of life here."

"No? Even though I would like to hate them for it and I am told I should, I cannot bring myself to. Animals routinely abandon or eat their young if they are injured or deformed. It is their way of life. I was too naive to know that I was abandoned until a few short years ago so they still do mean a lot, regardless. I genuinely thought I was doing right by my people, my parents, as they had originally asked of me." He paused, his voice softer and a noticeable frown curving onto his lips. "I spent a lifetime believing that."

Nokosi's eyebrows furrowed as he thought about it. The subject often either brought a sense of impassiveness to him or stirred up a few different emotions that he was never shy about showing. He didn't feel upset enough to cry over it, so he simply shrugged his shoulders and rose his mercury gaze to hers.

"Perhaps. It is not simply a difference of 'the way we grew up', though, and has nothing to do with my free nature. From what I observed those with some power, stronger than the average person anyways, have a view in where they either must use their strength responsibly to better the lives of others or they must use their strength for sinister ends to oppress others, for their own ends, of course. Some do not bother either way, though that's rare since most seem to think they must do something with the power they have."

He rubbed a hand against his stubbled face, eyes closing in thought. "The phrase I think the Humans use is 'truth be told'. 'Truth be told' the common, everyday man with little in the way of power and overwhelming concern for the safety of them and their family have little concern with the lives of others when them or their family's is on the line or at risk. I would not think less of them for it."

He was more than sure that if Ronnae or Nehaalista were here, they would be staring between them both, mouth agape. A philosophical discussion wasn't something he indulged in often, despite the like for such things. Probably because of his odd like of hearing and seeing how people think and live their lives. Very few tended to give him any credit past acting like a strange, inquisitive, little animal, which he couldn't blame them for. Illiterate didn't mean 'simple-minded', however.

Kaya, on the other hand, respected Nokosi's opinion very much, and sat, listening closely to what he said. It did not escape her notice that he had been through much, that he was a person who had seen the best and worse in many situations, and for that reason he was able to give the best opinion he could.

"I understand that. I, though, originally learned my craft with the intention of helping others. I will always be that way too: when people are hurt, I will do everything in my power to offer what I can. I would never blame the man who could not do more than what they were able, but if there is something more that can be managed, why not do what is possible?"

And she looked down a moment. "And I had a good family too, that taught me these things. I'm sorry if it was not necessarily so for you?"

"Yes and no," he replied, curling his fingers in the grass he crouched over. "Up until eight they were the type of parents I assume everyone wanted or had. Stern but understanding mother, doting and kind father. It was not until after that that I was left to my own devices with a goal that I did not possibly think I could accomplish at that age.

From there on out it was simply the forest and I, though I did have Janni and Nightsong from time to time. She was not much like a mother to me, though. A mentor, through and through."

"But that's what I'm still trying to understand," Kaya said. "Why leave you alone at all? I mean, not that I think you didn't still turn out pretty amazing anyway and I wouldn't have you any other way. I just wish I understood that."

Her ears perked up. "Janni? Nightsong?"

A violet eyebrow furrowed at her question. "So that the creatures of the forest would consume me, of course. It would remove their problem and me having to live a very stunted lifetime. I wasn't aware of it until much later but that is the case."

The corners of his lips turned up in a smile when she repeated his words. "Janni was my mentor. I always thought she was some spirit of the forest or some such but it is more likely that she was simply a feral Night Elf. Nightsong was her animal companion. She was a spirit creature, like Fontaine. She is actually his mother."

Kay shook her head, looking troubled by this. "But why? I mean look at you: you're one of the most amazing people on the ship, and I'm not saying that to blindly compliment you. How could anyone thing that would be a good idea to do that to their child?"

Kaya never tried contemplating killing someone, but if they tried to kill a child on the basis that it would make their life easier...

But she at least relaxed here, glad to know that there were people looking out for her friend that lent a hand in making him the way he was. "Feral? How do you mean?"

He laughed at her words and smiled. "I thank you for your compliment but maybe an explanation would better help you understand. I was sickly, weak, spent most of my time in a bed. They did try various methods to cure what ailed me; none of it worked very well. At that time seeing my parents upset about such a thing saddened me. I did not get this way on willpower alone, though. It took much training, learning and a hundred, plus years to get where I am now. We are a long-lived people. If the sickness didn't consume me, I only can assume they thought that it would be better than two-thousand years of never actually living."

Nokosi was quiet, in thought for a moment and then looked back up. "At least what my father may have thought. My mother...well she was very angry when I returned. She would not have anything to do with me."

To her last question he stuck a finger underneath his lip and pulled it up to show off his very long and very sharp fangs, much like a wild cat or dog. "Most Night Elf males have them; we are a feral people by nature, given our affinity to nature. Some, usually druids, go far beyond, taking on animal-like features and generally distancing themselves from society. They live in the wild, for the wild, just like any other animal might. Much like I did though I did not change to such an extent as most do. I still have plenty of feral tendencies, though."

"I think I understand a little better now," Kaya said, although it still made her mind reel a little bit. "In other words, they thought it would be a kinder thing to let you go on your own rather than have you suffer for a very, very long time. Two thousand years of pain and strife is no way of living."

What a painful decision to have to make, though. Even she couldn't imagine doing it. She didn't have children of her won of course, but she could imagine how bad it would be, to have to leave them on their own. "Why was your mother so upset that you came back?"

There was still a lot she wanted to know about Nokosi, and when it came to his way of life and what happened to him, she thought that she should know all the variables involved before she said anything.

"I see what you mean, mostly. As far as going feral, what tendencies do YOU take?"

"I do not think I will live that long anyways," he remarked. "But no, I do not know. She did not want me to even see the siblings I apparently now have. She only responded that I was supposed to have died that day and she would continue acting as if that was so."

He stood up slowly and took two long strides before he was next to her. "I often use my nose to track the scents of other people and so I tend to sniff them. That translates into me having no care for the idea of 'personal space' as being physically close to another is how one would 'get to know' them.

I tend to skulk around and watch people, sometimes for extended periods of time without their knowledge. For a multitude of reasons, the least being observing their weaknesses," he added. "Tracking and hunting animals for food, generally with Fontaine or Giles. I can eat them raw if the situation requires and I sometimes prefer it that way. Territorial for the most part. I understood the Orcs and the Warsong clan's need for lumber and I was fairly passive about it until they begin wanton destruction of Ashenvale, without check. Then I attacked to kill both peon and adventurer with little discerning between the two. If they were there to protect or aid the Warsong Clan destroy my home, then they were there to die as well."

He circled her once, head tilted to the side. "I am predatory in nature. If there is something I want, there is little to stop me from seeking it out until I obtain such things. This goes for both people and objects," he said with a small, if odd, little smile. "It sometimes unnerves people, especially with my persistence to attain what it is I seek. If I perceive such things as being 'taken' from me by a challenger or otherwise, I am inclined to fight tooth and nail to protect such a thing. Like Athena. Or Ronnae," he mentioned.

"I cannot recall ever feeling the pettiness of what one would label as 'jealous' due to those actions but I do remember that I was annoyed, angry. Even if she were not rightfully 'mine' in that sense and we were only friends, I still followed the animalistic line of thought that I was being challenged and without any consent on my part that I would allow Billy to touch her at all. In such a situation one fights to prove superiority, worthiness, most times to the death."

Nokosi brushed his fingers idly over the vine that was wrapped around his wrist which became a bow when necessary. "Of course with my skill set I would not need to fight head on and I had already followed him enough to know his schedule. He probably would not have even known what or who hit him."

He paused for a moment and turned his gaze to her, oblivious to the level of awkwardness or horror that was probably occurring for one so casually mentioning that they once had in mind to injure or kill someone's closest companion. It was horribly truthful, though.

"But my time watching others and in cities has made me just a bit more aware of other's emotions so I was able to correctly read hers and respond in kind. It made that instinct easier to suppress at that time. Other than that I would say I often growl like an animal when I am upset and never hesitate to lash out if I feel threatened in any manner."

That? Was a lot to take in, honestly. A part of her wondered if he was saying this because he wanted her to realize who he was, but just as quickly rebuffed the idea. The truth was Nokosi simply did not lie about who he was, and probably never would. She could also understand, after being left by his parents, how he would have become feral after all that time. Of course, the idea of going after Billy, not realizing he could have taken him out with her not being the wiser, brought a thrill of fear in her: it was, after all, Billy, her Bonded, who she loved o a level that had nothing to do with romantic love.

"I'm starting to understand now," Kaya said, although her voice sounded distinctly muted now. "It isn't easy, not at all, to hear you could have attacked Billy, but that's because hes far more special to me than most people would think."

But as for horror and fear, she could not feel those things with Nokosi. She understood well enough that he had to transcend the feelings he initially felt, and that he had killed before. A part of her warned her, but another part of her saw Nokosi doing what any animal would have done: protected their home.

"I did not think it would be as I am sure that I would be annoyed to hear such a thing from another's mouth but I see no reason to be dishonest, even if it involves simply withholding the truth instead of a flat-out lie.

I am to understand that hostile actions are punishable on the ship but I do not think it would matter too much to me as long as I had the resolve for such things. Pain, death, killing. It is as familiar to an Azerothian adventurer or 'hero' as is waking up to see the sun in the morning."

Because of such things, he often thought it was very odd that most of the 'good' people and the 'heroes' on the ship restrained themselves from killing an enemy, especially the wicked kind and doubly so if it involved a friend. The logic behind such an action evaded him, no matter what angle he tried to view it as.

"And I wouldn't expect you too, although I know that most people would," Kaya said. "I think the first time I heard of you, you were telling Billy about the duties of marrying Ronnae ad taking on the duties of being her husband. I wasn't really sure what to think of you, except that I thought no one should decide either of your fates. "

Just as he wouldn't lie, she would not either. After all, she was only just gathering some of the information she was told.

"I don't know. I mean, you are free to think what you want Nokosi, it is your life, and I'm just another person in it. But if you were to die tomorrow, it would make me very sad, and in that sadness, I would be happy I got to know you. I think Billy and Ronnae would feel the same way too."

He laughed; it was one of those inappropriate moments for the action. "He decided his fate all by himself by marrying Ronnae. He was not forced into it, it was voluntary on both of their parts. There is nothing wrong with reinforcing the effects or consequences of one's actions. Especially since Orcs tend to mate for life; it is not something to take so lightly, even if one perceived it as 'fake'."

Truth be told, that line of thought annoyed him greatly. Even if it wasn't their custom, it was a custom. One where they were bonded in the most sacred of ways in that culture. To have feelings for another and go through such a ceremony then deem it inconsequential because it was 'fake' was not only an insult to their betrothed but it was akin to sullying the feelings behind the actions. He knew how hurt Ronnae would have been by those words and he would not allow that to happen.

There was also her parents to take in mind; he would do right by them, as much as he could for the kindness they'd bestowed on him, even if they thought he was strange. He knew the responsibilities he'd informed Billy of way back when was staggeringly gracious compared to what they might have said or done.

"I..." A smile rose to his face. A genuine, happy, appreciative smile. "I am thankful that you feel that way, Kaya. It is not my intention to simply throw my life away but if you would be happy knowing me, then that is enough to know that my life is meaningful and thus, was worth living."

"I know," Kaya said. "At least, I knew that he was, without thinking about it, already pledging himself to Ronnae. I know that she is more open when it comes to having several partners, but Billy is from a world much like mine: he would be wholly dedicated to Ronnae no matter what. Truthfully, I'm just glad that they both realized it in time. There was a short moment where I thought Billy wouldn't go for it because he was concerned that it was unprofessional, and then saw that concern melt away the moment he lay eyes on his love.

Kaya was starting to understand what that felt like, but she was still troubled: was that HER actually feeling that way, or Katara's? She could never really tell anymore.

"Of course it has meaning!" Kaya said. "how could it not? You've already seen so much, much more than I could imagine. I mean, I have had meaningful experiences too, but I've never truly had to rough it quite like you. I'm envious, honest!"

"That must be nice," the elf said. "At least from what everyone speaks of, it sounds nice." Questioning brows raised at her second comment.

"I suppose I do not see it as 'rough' because it is simply the way things have always been. Having so many conveniences on the ship is nice but the 'rough' lifestyle is good, too."

"I know," Kaya said, realizing that in some ways she was unsure about that herself. Who could really tell what one person thought over another? For all she knew, she might be completely lacking there.

"I didn't mean to insult you. Where I'm from, living off the land as you do, encountering all of your troubles, people would think it something hard they could not adjust to. I want to know what that's like."

"It was not an insult at all. If anything it is a compliment that I would be so easily able to do something that others perceive as 'hard'." There was a pause in which he squinted at the artificial sunlight over the City.

"If you wish to experience some of those things, could you not simply go to the Sensoriums for an extended amount of time? Sometimes Fontaine and I camp there for nostalgia reasons. The sounds of the forest turning in for the night are unparalleled by anything else I have had the chance to listen to."

Finally some roomie tim-whoops.

I somehow lost this tag. Sorry!

Totally fine! I was bogged down anyhow!

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YAY, 300!!!! A new breakthrough!

300! \o/ Also kind of sadfaced that Kaya lost someone else. Poor girl. :<