trans_9 | You drive a hard bargain [Closed]

The Dawn Festival of the Smile of the Daughter might actually have been a serious rite at some point, with solemnly-dressed women doing an allegorical dance about happiness. Now of course every robe was coated with glitter, the cameras pointing at every dancer were plastered with rhinestones, and the audience did not stand in neat arrays to watch, but gossiped and strolled - and did business in gaudily decorated pavilions.

Anwei moved through the crowd, and it opened in front of her. But it wasn't her presence doing that (she was barely tall enough to be seen, even with the hat); it was the black-haired figure at her back, demure in satin and lace. Word had obviously spread of Zouichi's...reputation, because the onlookers kept giving him little flirtatious glances from behind raised metallic fans. Howard was walking at her other side (and a little behind); she hoped he was looking for the pavilion belonging to the Glimmering Prosperity clan.

There was a huge metal-and-mirror tethering rack nearby, with a string of pterosaurs (or something like them) tied to it: massive winged dinosaurs, wearing elaborately beaded saddles. They looked at her with sad eyes, and she slipped one of them a hard candy from the box in her sleeve. It slurped it up with apparent ecstasy and rubbed its muzzled bill on her eagerly.

"Jesus, Zou, you sure you aren't actually the spitting image of a local deity?" Howard mutters, trying to see between the crowd (there's not even the slightest point in trying to see over them) and find the proper pavilion.

Someone's riding dinosaur looks at him hungrily and starts sniffing him as he passes, and he sidles in a little closer to Zouichi and Anwei. "Does nobody feed these things?"

After a few moments he catches a familiar face in the crowd. "Over there. That's the guy I talked to, so their pavilion must be nearby." He gestures with his head, as he's used to, and regrets it as the fez nearly topples off.

Zouichi maintained his distance behind Anwei, a little off to her side, but still close enough to clearly distinguish himself as her attentive bodyguard. At the admiring glances he cast a polite, enigmatic smile, and let long, graceful strides and the trail of gossamer cloth behind him speak for itself.

It was important to play the role, while still projecting an air of modesty and restraint. After all, it would not do to outshine his mistress.

"I had to exaggerate Zouichi's, ah, personal qualities during the negotiations with the Countess - the only way to keep her from trying to buy him was to make him so valuable he was out of bounds," she said quietly. "Apparently the Countess is a gossip." Well, at least it was keeping them in the public eye - better to be seen than to be ignored. Sometimes.

She followed the motion of Howard's head and changed her path, walking in the long confident strides of someone who expects her every whim to be obeyed. She looked up at the man and smiled - just a little too wide.

"Have I the pleasure of addressing a representative of the Glimmering Prosperity clan?" she asked.

The man drops his head reverently, almost fearfully. "You do. If you would have me escort you to the central chambers, I will be most honored."

He motions to lead her to a brightly-colored tent with every inch of fabric covered in gaudy embroidery. Inside, the Countess of Feminine Roundness leans closer to her sister, the Demicountess, and makes a cooing sound at the sight of Zouichi. The servants are clearly trying to suppress girlish giggles; apparently, no one ordered them to refrain from making eyes at him, as the fluttering of their fake eyelashes looks like a line of bedazzled butterflies taking flight.

"I see you've returned with your...delectable offerings."

Anwei made a point of indicating the man who had led them to the tent. "My thanks to your most excellent servant, who told me of your kind offer to sponsor my visit to the Dawn Festival of the Smile of the Daughter. Everything here is so very beautiful!" she beamed, her eyes saying that she found the tent, and its inhabitants, a significant part of the local beauty.

Actually she thought they would both benefit from a good scrubbing and a slow roasting, but she didn't say that of course.

There was an elaborately padded stool/chair set out for visitors; good, she would be able to get her bustle out from under her as she sat. Smaller stools were set out for her servants, and she made a point of nudging one a little closer to her, and indicating that Zouichi should sit there. Howard could sit a little further back, half-hidden by her frills - and able to slip out of the tent unseen, if necessary.

Howard's just surprised that the clanmembers seem like middle school girls. He shouldn't be, he figures - there probably isn't a huge learning curve in the lap of luxury, but he guesses he wouldn't know. He takes the seat further back, grateful that Anwei and Zouichi are getting all the attention, and pulls out his notebook and pen. He has most of the numbers from the dossier written down, like a good little accountant.

He stays silent as he observes them all.

At the Countess's words, Zouichi blushes, dropping his eyes modestly to the ground with a shy smile. He takes the seat that Anwei has offered to him, clasping his hands together and resting them in the satiny frills of his skirt.

His glance, when he does manage to look up briefly, towards the direction of the Countess and her entourage, says it all. If only he were free to devote his heart to another...! But alas, it is not to be. He serves at the whim of his Lady Anwei, and he must see to her needs before all else.

"Yes," the Countess preens. "We are very beautiful. May I introduce my beloved sister, the Demicountess, and my advisors the Maidens of Voluptuousness."

She gestures to the five women around her, all wearing an identical expression of disdain mixed with apathy. One of the Maidens speaks up. "We hear you've some interest in the Orb. You must know that even if we did have it..."

It's obvious from her tone that she isn't even trying to fool them.

"...we'd be forced to ask an incredibly commanding price. Or have some luxury, however fleeting, that can't be replicated." She glances meaningfully at Zouichi.

"I am unimaginably flattered to be in the presence of such pulchritude," she smiled in reply. "To think that your planet has so much to offer, so much beauty, so many delights, and that I was fortunate enough to come here...surely this will be the highlight of my tour." She stiffened for an instant, her hand going to the ruffles over her chest as though some fleeting pain had touched her, and then regained her composure.

She stared at the Maiden with wide guileless eyes, apparently hypnotized by her beauty. "Simply to know that the Orb is in a setting that befits it - this magnificent planet - sets my heart at ease." She sighed, and again her hand crept to her chest.

Zouichi stood immediately at the first sign of his mistress's discomfort, kneeling attentively at her side. "Lady Anwei," he murmured softly, hands hovering just the barest distance from the hand she'd placed over the luxuriant ruffles of her chest.

"Forgive me for my impudence, but you seem ill at ease. If there is anything I can do to ease your discomfort, please, allow me to do so."

There's a collective gasp from all the Glimmering Prosperity clan; the nobles are just a little better at hiding it. The Countess fans herself; the Demicountess leans forward, trying to see a peek of Zouichi's derriere.

The Countess clears her throat. "But as for the Orb, if you have no interest...perhaps there is only spectacle in this meeting."

She smiled a smile that quivered with just a hint of weakness. "No, Zouichi, I am fine. I think it is only," she looked deep into his eyes for an instant, a little deeper than was quite seemly, "the effects of...overexertion."

She sat a little straighter, and looked at the Countess and her fellow clan members. "My species is not long-lived, you see; and the endless pressure to sample all the delights that the universe has to offer can be a terrible burden. Often I have dreamed of finding a resting place, somewhere tasteful and refined where I could spend out the rest of my days in peace, surrounded by objects of beauty." Another glance at Zouichi. "Of course, if I ever did find such a place, I would have to make certain that I would still be able to manufacture the delicacies I am used to."

A sweet bait, to be certain: what could be better than two hundred gallons of slop, except a slop factory?

Zouichi nodded solemnly, moving off slightly -- but not too far, lest his lady need him.

Nice move, Anwei.

There's a titter throughout the chamber, both at the idea of Zouichi and Anwei's 'exertion' and the mention of such an incredibly enticing offer. The Countess fans herself a bit more quickly.

"Well, of course Epicurea would be the place, and the district our clan rules over is the finest in Rotunda. There are, of course, certain..." she motions with her hands, "blessings we could bestow upon the place, if, of course, it would be worth our time."

Anwei kept her smile just a little bit weak. She was keenly aware of the clock counting down in her head: if they handed over the Orb now, there would be plenty of time to get back to Stacy, even do a little sight-seeing along the way. But eventually Stacy would leave, with or without them. She had to push the negotiations, but carefully.

"Considering the superlative quality of your clan members, Countess, I have no doubt that your district is equally as remarkable." Perhaps they grew glitter-grass there in glitter-fields, and rhinestone cows mooed between the tinsel trees. "And your blessings would be a sign of the unity between your clan and myself. Surely it would be an arrangement that would lead to immense mutual satisfaction."

The Countess continues to make vague gestures towards an offer, with a hint of desiring exclusivity, but as is the culture of nobles on Epicurea, always stops short of ever confirming that she has the Orb. Quite often, it seems she's merely directing the conversation in the direction of whatever earns her the most flattery, or the most opportunities to compliment Zouichi's physique and reputation.

This goes on for many, many hours of the morning.

Howard has not been this bored since school existed before the FAYZ. Somehow, in seventh grade Spanish class, he managed to count up every hair on his left forearm, draw an entire flipbook about aliens, and turn dismantling a Rubix cube under his desk into a week-long project. Unfortunately, he didn't have the forethought to sneak a Rubix cube into these negotiations.

He thinks if he rolls his eyes any more, they're going to dislocate and go spinning back into his skull. While Anwei goes through all the motions, he's been trying to observe all the subtle cues the negotiators are giving off. It seems like the deal's going to go through, and once Howard deduced that, the entire thing became incredibly tedious. Also, two of the negotiators are having affair with each other, and one of them is insecure about their job and might lose it. And apparently, you don't get fired here but thrown to the dinosaurs. Howard was taking coded notes on their body language but that's quickly devolved into doodles of the dinosaurs.

Finally, they get a minute alone as the night is called. Howard smacks his forehead against the table, sending a small puff of glitter up into the air. "Oh my God, just kill me now. Stacy should have added that everyone speaks in monotone and takes forever to get to a point in the mission dossier."

Zouichi frowned as Howard's sudden movement sent a cloud of glitter blowing up onto his skirt, attempting to brush it off as best he could without disturbing the meticulously ruffled lace.

"I'm sorry that this mission is boring you so much, Howard. Next time, you can be the one wearing the skirt, and I'll be the one who gets to sit down and do my best to ruin all the negotiations by being blatantly disrespectful to the parties involved."

Anwei reached into the crown of her hat - it was a stretch - and adjusted the skull clamps, sighing with relief as her pinched scalp got a moment to relax. She was hot in the heavy dress, the food was overcooked, and she had glitter in her hair and scratching her all over, and quite possibly in her teeth from the toothpaste this morning. She was heartily sick of glitter.

"Howard, I've attended meetings that would make this one look like a wild party. If it were possible I'd happily trade places with you. This hat is adjustable, you know; it would look charming on you. But they're close, I think; very closer to making a deal. I hope we can wrap this up within the next four hours and get back to the shuttle."

She appreciated that Zouichi was actually dropping out of character now that they were alone. "Let's hope that the disrespect will be seen instead as charming alien eccentricities."

"Okay, one, nobody cares I'm here. Seriously, I'm dressed like a migraine or a traffic cone or something and no one even looks in my direction. If it looked like they even sort of cared about my 'disrespect'-" he makes quotation marks with his fingers. "-I'd stop. But they don't. At all. I'm invisible."

"Secondly, honestly, I wish you weren't wearing that skirt so you could stop whining about it. I'd wear it, but even these morons aren't dumb enough to think I'm a bodyguard. The setting chose it, not me."

"Thirdly," he says, and for this he gestures dramatically with his hands. "Four freaking hours? Seriously? How many more ways can they come up with to beat around the bush?"

"You mean like this?" Anwei turned her face away and let her eyes roll outwards, peeking at Howard through her lashes. "Don't think that because they aren't looking they aren't paying very strict attention to you. Like it or not, here you're a part of the entourage, and I'm judged in part by the quality of my servants." That last word came out a little bitter.

She considered Howard in the skirt. "No, that many frills wouldn't do you any favors. Perhaps when we get back on the ship I could ask Reinforce Zwei to make you something custom-tailored for the next mission. How about tight, sleek wet-look satin, with lots of peepholes?"

"It's a part of the price of the Orb. If they said 'Fair price, here it is' wouldn't you think they were letting it go a little easily? And four hours is close to our limit," she frowned.

Since he's acknowledged Anwei's request, Zouichi isn't extending the act to their breaks -- unfortunately, this leaves him with nothing much to do. He leans back in his seat, resting one leg over the other in an unladylike fashion. From somewhere on his person, he produces a folding fan, which he snaps open, idly fanning himself. He's not giving voice to how annoyed he really is with this situation, but the body language should say volumes.

"If you hate it so much, how about thinking of some way to speed up the process? No bargaining strategies to share?"

Howard rolls his eyes again - it almost hurts, with how much he's been doing it lately - but doesn't have a smart comeback to that.

"How about we don't?" Not that he'd have a huge problem wearing that outfit, he just doesn't want to let Anwei get under his skin. Zouichi's already done well enough at that this trip.

"Yeah, I have a bargaining strategy here: we steal it. It's, I swear to God, somewhere in the Countess' ridiculous get-up. And we might not have four hours to sit around and talk about how awesome she is before we run out of time. So we should steal it, run like hell and take off ASAP."

Anwei shrugged. She'd gone from a culture where going out in public wearing less than half a dozen layers of cloth was a grievous social error, to mercenaries who wore uniforms or body paint. She really didn't care what anyone else chose to wear. Although the peepholes would have been cute.

Anwei fished her candy box out of her sleeve and started passing it quickly back and forth between her hands, then experimented with hiding it amongst the furbelows of her bustle. "No," she decided. "She wouldn't be carrying it loose in her pocket, and these dresses have enough padding that she wouldn't have room for whatever ceremonial container she has it in. It's probably with one of the Advisors.

"And Stacy didn't tell us to steal it, she said to negotiate for it. If she wanted it stolen she wouldn't have sent us, she'd have sent a magician or someone who can fly. No, I think we have to keep going. Of course, I could try swooning..."

"...however, perhaps it's an option we should consider, especially if we're unable to secure the artifact in time." There's always the possibility that they can hold the Countess hostage and force her to reveal its location. Of course, that would also require a quick escape. Maybe if it came down to that, he could get Anwei and Howard to return to the shuttle while he retrieved it himself.

"I think pretending to faint would only extend the negotiations."

"Yeah, wouldn't want them to expect Zou to carry you out of here, Anwei. I think some of the servants in the back would start hyperventilating at that image."

He chews on a fingernail, thinking about that. "The Advisor on the far right is positioned closest to the door in case she needs to make a quick exit, and her overcoat looks big enough to fit the Orb and its box. I'm betting if any of the Advisors have it, it's her. And honestly, if Stacy had wanted this done right, she'd have sent someone else."

"I said fainting because while everyone gathered around me, we could see who stayed back - because that person would have the Orb. If it's here."

She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them. "But then we have to all get out, through the Dawn Festival, through the city and to the shuttle. One comcall and they'll have Security blocking us from it. No, we would either need a really spectacular distraction, or to somehow keep everyone here from raising the alarm. And I am not prepared to slaughter that silly woman and her entire retinue for an Orb of unknown value."

Of course if the Orb were really vital, she might have been willing to go with the slaughter.

"The shuttle autopilot is set up to take the ship straight back to Stacy - I might be able to land and do a pick-up in the city, but it's risky. The fuel was pretty tightly allocated."

Zouichi closed his eyes, sighing. "If it comes down to it, we can go with your plan of fainting to try and draw out the correct person. If that happens, I can provide the distraction while you and Howard slip out."

He produced a black watch-like device from somewhere in the ruffles of his skirt, tossing it to Howard. "Catch."

"We could put my invisibility to the test. Zouichi, all you have to do is bend over and you'll provide all the distraction we'll need. These girls are hanging on to your every word."

He tries not to think about how casually Anwei brought slaughtering up into the discussion, even if she said she didn't want to do it. Um, no.

He catches the device deftly. "Communicator? Good plan. Okay, so if this ends up taking longer than we need it to, Anwei drops and Zou does a funny dance and we make off with the goods."

Oh, it wasn't his word they wanted to hang on. "Or maybe you could faint, and I'll say that you need breath-assistance to recover. While everyone's trying to revive you, Howard and I get the box and slip into the crowd. All I have to do is ditch this dress and I can pass for a child - and once we're at the shuttle...", but then she paused. "Right, we're going to get to the shuttle how? Too far to walk, we spent our other liquid funds on clothes, and I don't think we can trade a dollop of slop for a cab ride."

"I think we'd better save fainting and stealing for a last chance scenario. Which means," she adjusted her hat, regretfully, because all she really wanted to do was trample it into glittery flinders, "negotiating some more."

Ha ha, Howard. You'd better bring that communicator back unscathed.

"I would also prefer to have this resolved without having to resort to making a run back to the shuttle," Zouichi said. "But let's keep in mind that we may have to... improvise."

He fell silent, getting back into the act as the Countess and her entourage began to file into the room. Once more into the breach.

Anwei straightened and fluffed out her skirt a bit, willing a bit of extra sweat to her brow.

"Thank you so much for giving me time to recover," she cooed. "The pleasures of your company, of this planet, are exhilarating. I feel more and more that this may be my destined place in the universe."

Like hell, she thought to herself.

"Nothing could be more appropriate than that we exchange a token of our deep faith in each other; of our mutual love of Epicurea; of our total devotion to truth, beauty, freedom, love, and fine cuisine!" she smiled.

Howard tries very, very hard not to let how disappointed he is with the renewal of negotiations show. He even keeps from rolling his eyes. Barely. He takes notes on the Advisor with the big bustle, the one who probably has the Orb.

He thinks Anwei would make an excellent politician.

Into the valley of Death rode the six hundred. Yep.

Zouichi had to admit that Anwei was putting up an excellent show for someone who'd already been at this for hours. And Howard had even refrained from sighing and (he hoped) rolling his eyes.

He gave the retinue a demure smile as Anwei began extolling the virtues of Epicurea. Though he was only a lowly servant, he, too, felt his heart could rest on this beatific planet!

"A token must be more than empty words," the Countess chides (despite the fact that she has been basking in such empty words for the better part of six hours.

"Unless, of course, you have some prior obligation that surpasses this one in importance," she adds, almost disdainfully. "You could, of course, unveil exactly what it is you wish to bestow upon us in exchange for our most generous blessing."

And suddenly...

The curtains covering the pavilion entrance flew apart, revealing five ominous figures robed in black up to their eyes. They stomped forward in unison, ignoring the cowering of the attendants. Then the one in the lead made a gesture, and they threw off their robes.

Underneath they were dressed in cloth-of-gold, embroidered all over with little golden spheres. More little spheres dangled from their hems and hung in chains around their waists, but of more interest were the weapons in their hands: daggers with wavy-edged blades, short swords, a hammer crusted with what looked very much like blood, and a ball (golden of course) and chain mace. Light gleamed on the weapons, but shone even brighter in the mens' crazed eyes. They stood in menacing poses as the leader spoke.

"We are the Order of the Orb, the Guardians of the Golden Globe, and we have discovered your vile plan, Countess! The Orb of Enlightment will never leave the soil of Epicurea! Blaspemers! Kill them all, they are blasphemers!"

With a unified roar they sprung forward, weapons rising...

Anwei ruthlessly clamped down on her impulse to fight; instead she shrieked like an exploding steam whistle and hurled herself backwards, counting on her bustle and dress to act as padding.

"Protect me!" she shrilled, back to the pavilion wall.

If this were not happening to him, in real life, Howard thinks this would have made an excellent cut scene in a videogame. But since it is happening, and those blades look incredibly sharp (to say nothing of the hammer), he's scrambling for dear life.

Nearly tripping over his seat as he shoots to his feet and then drops low, he realizes Anwei's probably his safest bet, not only because she's calling for protection but because he's sure she could use that mouth if she had to. He makes a quick, short sprint to her side, and then does a rather impressive home-run dive under her dress. Thankfully, she should have enough padding to retain her modesty, though she might find it harder to walk with a terrified teenager huddled between her ankles.

Zouichi is up in a flash of white ruffled satin, clotheslining the first attacker with one long-gloved arm. Even as the man collapses, clutching at his throat, he kicks the feet out from under the second, grabbing the third and using his momentum against him to throw him bodily into the fourth alien. The onlookers can hear a sickening crack as the two men hit the floor.

The fifth he takes down with a single punch to the face and a brief spurt of blood. And while the second attacker has taken the moment to get back on his feet, he's quickly put down again; Zouichi aims a spinning back heel kick straight to his chest, and wedge sandals or not, he's sent flying for a short distance before he puts himself through an exquisitely crafted glass table. It shatters upon impact, sending slivers of silvery material skidding across the floor. Zouichi's sudden movement is accompanied by the sight of delicate, flowing gossamer ruffles and a brief flash of thigh, but alas -- it is expertly calculated, and the onlookers were able to see no more.

Zouichi straightens, smoothing his white frilled apron. It's an unnecessary gesture; not a spot of blood has found its way onto his immaculate black-and-white maid's uniform, and not a single ruffle is out of place.

Apparently satisfied, he lowers his gaze once more, deferentially smiling back at the countess and Anwei both. "What an unfortunate interruption. I trust no one was hurt?"

The Countess, Demicountess and Maidens, like the brave nobles they are, have all pressed themselves to the far side of the room, some of them having grabbed their servants to use as shields. One of the petrified servants faints (again).

"My, my," the Countess finally says, picking her way over the bodies and sitting down at her seat as if nothing has happened. "Well. I can see that you have a treasure we'd be remiss in ignoring. Surely, if you want the Orb, you would not be troubled by allowing us to present your servant in the ring? His talents are, apparently, many fold."

Anwei went to move and then paused; Howard was still planted under her skirt, and with his weight tangled in the underrobes she wasn't going anywhere until he came out from hiding. Which put her at a bit of a disadvantage.

Instead of sitting, she clasped her hands together in front of her and thought furiously. Present in the ring...that sounded like some sort of show or exhibition. A dance performance, maybe? Or a fight? But that made no sense, where would they get more assassins to fight him? It's not like there was a supply of killers running around.

"His talents - and his person - are indeed a treasure to me of inestimable value. In a matter of such import, the keystone to such important negotiations should certainly be as priceless as the Orb itself."

What a relief. Zouichi does his presentation, they get the Orb, and they could all get into the shuttle and leave. Finally, it was almost over.

"Sorry, Maw," Howard whispers, disentangling himself from her underrobes and exiting the back of her skirt. Obviously not the most proper response for a servant in the middle of a fight, so he tries to draw as little attention to himself as possible.

He furrows his brow at the mention of the presentation in the ring. What the hell can that mean? Cirque de Soleil for Zouichi? Acrobatics? A short fight? Still, if everything here is wrapped up, they can - thank God thank God - get home, and a few quickly-dispatched assassins and some temper tantrums will be the most of their excitement. He keeps his face impassive as he takes his seat again.

They could go back? It was (almost) over? Zouichi almost sighed with relief. In fact, he wouldn't even shoot Howard a look for his little dive under Anwei's skirt.

He bowed in response to Anwei's words -- just a little more and this would be over.

You drive a hard bargain [Closed]

COMMENCEMENT OF NEGOTIATIONS

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NEGOTIATIONS: ROUND TWO - FIGHT!

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