trans_9 | World 1-1

Bowser, acting as Zetta's VERY reluctant minion thanks to a bet gone horribly, horribly wrong, has been keeping himself busy by doing heavy lifting and drudge labor for the past couple of months... while complaining loudly, dragging his clawed feet, and generally being as obnoxious as possible, which helps explain WHY this state of affairs has dragged on for so long.

Shore leave is no different, especially since Zetta somehow managed to earn himself boatloads of money to play with.

Right now, Bowser's SUPPOSED to be hauling a small mountain of Zetta's purchases back to the ship posthaste. Instead, he's doing his OWN shopping, which involves yelling at some unfortunate stall owner while leaving Zetta's goods haphazardly piled next to him.

"-- you've gotta be kidding me! Someone's gotta be selling lava on this dump of a planet! EVERYONE knows that a castle's almost useless without a moat of molten rock, and you're telling me that you don't have it!? What kind of shoddy business are you idiots running!? And another thing-!!"

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She sighs. Of course, that's all he can think of as a form of defense. "There are more ways to keep people out than something just as likely to set your own troops on fire, you know."

"Not when you're fighting some portly plumber who can jump ten feet in any direction. Trust me on this," Bowser grumbled.

"A... what?" The dragon turtle dinosaur's rival is a fat plumber. This gets better and better.

"A plumber! The freaking plumber to end all plumbers!" Bowser snarled. "NOTHING I've thrown at him could stop him for that long, but lava's the most reliable thing I've GOT!"

"A plumber that can do all that? Are you... sure he's a plumber?" It sounds more like some kind of superhero. A fat superhero?

"... alright, so he's been a doctor," Bowser admitted grudgingly. "And I don't think there's a sport he can't play, or a power-up he can't use. But he's DEFINITELY a plumber! He navigates those pipes like a PRO."

"So he's some kind of super-talented plumber... doctor... guy." Right, this is totally plausible.

...then again, Bowser exists.

"Yeah! You remember, don't you? He was that guy I was fighting at the simulators!"

"You mean... that was..." Oh, that guy. She was so caught up in the oddity of Bowser that she'd almost forgotten the little jumpy guy. "So he's not some kind of... cyborg or alien or anything?"

"No! He's just a dumpy little plumber who happens to be a one-man army with... with Swiss Army superpowers! AAGH, just THINKING about it's pissing me off!"

Not that Bowser looks any more peeved than usual, but then, it's sometimes hard to tell.

"How the hell does that even work?" Maybe a radioactive meteorite? Cosmic rays?

It's probably a testament to how ridiculous Bowser's world is that he can say the following with a straight face:

"Mushrooms. Flowers. Feathers. Suits. Caps- especially caps." Bowser grumped. "It's like trying to stop water from flowing downhill!"

This is making basically no sense. Super powers from mushrooms? Is that a drug thing? "Again, how does that work at all? Magic?"

"Of COURSE it's magic. How ELSE would it work?" Bowser gave her a sidelong look. "What, don't tell me you're the type who doesn't believe in it, are you?"

"If I didn't believe in it after spending all this time here, I'm pretty sure that'd mean I was stupid." Which she wasn't, if he's trying to draw that conclusion. "I'm just... getting used to it, is all."

"You and me both," Bowser muttered under his breath. "ANYWAY, that plumber hasn't been popped out of those stupid pods yet. Thankfully."

"But if he's that good, he'd be a big help, right?" she said teasingly. Not that she'd mind having a magical super plumber around, if he could do all that.

Bowser's eye twitched.

"-- yeah, but he's not as good as ME, so he'd TOTALLY have to agree to join my Koopa Troop before I let him help out. Just like the last few times!"

"And you're a member of the crew of this ship, so it's not like you could just boss him around anyways." Cagalli didn't seem at all intimidated by Bowser already being in a bad mood.

"Of COURSE I can! He's MY rival!! I can boss him around as much as I like, and no one can do anything about it!"

"But if he's your rival there's nothing saying he has to listen to you." Unless his definition of 'rival' is different from everyone else's.

"Of COURSE there is! I'M saying that he has to listen to me, otherwise I'd pound him into the ground!"

"Which doesn't work if he does the pounding."

"Hey! I was TOTALLY going 50-50 against him in the freaking Sensoriums!" Bowser spat.

"And back home?" Now she's just goading him, but at least it's making her feel less stressed out.

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