trans_9 | Helpless.

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Helpless.

In the back of her cell Azula slumped against the wall. Between the pale exhausted look on her face and the empty eyes gazing at the transparent wall of her cell she looked dead to the world.

She knew something was wrong with her. That much was painfully clear no matter how much she wanted to believe otherwise. But she wasn't crazy! No. Never. Not the Princess of the Fire Nation, not the rightful heir to the throne.

She was just...sick. Yes. She had caught something. Like when a fever got too strong or when one drank too much wine.

No, she had been infected! That had to be it. That's when things began to go downhill. Mai must have had some kind of poison on her knives, or maybe the servants back at the palace...

The palace was gone. That's what everyone kept telling her. The fire nation, the world was gone.

Her father was gone...

She hadn't seen her father since he left to complete his destiny and take over the world. Only through what Zuko and the Doctors had told her did she know his fate. A war criminal.

His powers stripped...just a man now.

She still could create fire for now. But what if the Avatar tried to take it from her like he had her father?

What else could they take?

Images flashing through her mind. Medications, procedures. Those unsettling tentacles that belonged to the voice in her head, the world around her. "Stacy" How dare she speak in such a kind an loving voice? Azula knew better. Azula knew what sort of damage love could bring.

What was the voice plotting to do to her while it spoke so sweetly? Her mind? Not if she had any say! And why shouldn't she!? She is Princess Azula! From Birth her destiny was perfection and greatness. The heavens above had sent to the planet the perfect girl, born to the man destined to rule the world.

...or so they'd thought.

But he was gone, they were gone the world was gone! Azula too...must be gone.

Yes, that made more sense didn't it? Azula had died...no was killed. MURDERED! Murdered by those so called "Doctors" that had promised they wouldn't hurt her. That they only wanted to help her! Zuko probably gave them the order! Kill her so he wouldn't have to worry anymore about the only loyal family their Father had left.

Father...

These thoughts and more swirled about in her fractured mind but her body never moved, barely blinked. You couldn't even really tell she was breathing.

This was all that was left, of the Proud Princess Azula.

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"A minor setback." During what sounded like uncanny lucidity compared to the rest of her conversations from that day. It couldn't last of coarse. "I'll escape this prison soon enough and my revenge shall be had."

She didn't blink, didn't move. Just answered honestly watching this newcomer suspiciously.

"And then what? You'll get killed in the process. Or after. For someone who seems to have some pretty damn high ambitions, that seems like a waste to me."

"Revenge is all I have left." Her voice was soft again and she closed her eyes gently snapping open again struggling to stay awake. "I've lost everything I ever worked for, and the people who ruined me walk around freely. Traitors! All that matters is they pay for what they've done."

"There's nothing else that has any value to you? Whatever it is you lost--you do realize it's even more far gone now, right? If what they say is true. They say our worlds are gone. How's that make you feel, knowing whatever it is you lost is even more lost?"

"My world was lost before this nightmare began." She mumbled and her eyes lit up with fire once more burning away the dead cobwebs that had clouded them. "My father's plan was perfect. We would have finally achieved what our ancestors set out to accomplish, the world would have fallen to it's knees and seen it's true rulers rise up. And my so called "Brother" threw it all away!" She slammed a fist into the wall suddenly sending a spurt of flame, but mostly hurting her hand. "I will never forgive him for betraying his nation and his family when we needed him most."

This was of coarse only one of the many excuses she'd fed throughout the day to herself and those who had listened.

"What else could there possibly be for me?" The last part she didn't realize she had asked till it was out of her lips. The first time she had vocalized that question that had been racing about her head.

"You could save the damn universe is something you could do," was the honest answer.

"Seems like a much better thing to fight for to me, than to fight your way to an early death over nothing."

"What do I care for the rest of the universe?" She muttered darkly settling back into her corner. "Let it burn like my home did. I'll die before I help the Avatar and his cronies add another victory to their list."

"You talked about revenge, right? You don't want revenge on the monsters that destroyed your home? Killed every one of the people in it? You were some kinda princess or something, right? Your subjects all got ripped to shreds, burned alive, and blown up. That doesn't get the fire going in your blood, that your kingdom got burned down? So maybe you got a yen for killing the ones that couldn't protect it, but what about the ones that destroyed it? They're not worth revenge?"

...

Not for the first time since she'd woken up, Azula fell silent, but for the first time it wasn't because she was frustrated...it was because this woman had gotten her thinking.

"They betrayed me." she began, "The followed my brother and didn't even bother to question where I went. The fools, all of them fools. Father's plan was working, we were winning! I would have been the greatest firelord history had ever remembered!" She was ranting now and gripping her fist so tightly her nails dug into her palm.

"SILENCE!" She turned to yell at a hallucination invisible to all but her. "I know what would have happened! You're wrong!"

Turning back to Zam, I worked harder then Zuko could ever imagine. He does NOT deserve to be the Fire Nations savior. I will not allow it!"

"You could be the one that saves them. You could be the one that reverses their destruction, and then they'd look to you first--look to you always--but the thing is, to do that, you can't be going around getting your revenge whenever the feeling takes you. You haveta get your act together, haveta learn to stay calm. Follow the rules of the ship. Then in the end, you can settle the score however you want to--back on your world when it's back. But for now, you're better off, your world's better off, and the cause of reversing it all is better off if you learn to work with the people here."

She was breathing hard now, panting almost but she closed her mouth and began to breath through her nose her wild eyes glaring defiantly at this newcomer.

"Who are you." She began cautiously once her heart rate had lowered, "Another hallucination? Or a doctor? One of Zuko's so called "specialists"? I'm not crazy no matter what he says!"

"Not a doctor, not a hallucination. I'm just someone who remembers what it's like to feel lost...and remembered that I was better than that," she said calmly. "I know you're better than this."

"You're not the only lost girl in the universe, you know. It's possible to get unlost again too, to know you're better than someone who's lost."

"Quit saying that!!!" Azula snapped, mostly because it was true.

"I'm not crazy." She said again letting her hair fall in front of her eyes, "And I won't let them touch me again...those..."doctors". No chemicals no potions no magic! I will not allow myself to be twisted into some kind of doll so my "Big brother." can say I've been cured. I am not sick!"

She brushed the hair out of her eyes and glared as if daring this newcomer to argue.

"I didn't say crazy," Zam said, raising her eyebrows. "I said: lost. Crazy's often incurable. Lost just means you need a change in circumstance and the right steps taken to secure a better place for yourself. I think the latter sounds like something you're perfectly capable of, don't you?"

"No. I shouldn't be." She spat and looked down. Was that a flicker of shame?

"I was perfection. I was father's perfect agent, daughter. The perfect monster to overthrow the last great city in the Earth Kingdom. My every move...perfect. I should never be lost like some simple...girl!"

"They're going to keep you locked up in here like just some...girl, if you don't take the right steps. You play your cards right and you can be walking free, gaining allies, helping bring your world back--and then you can settle things on your world later, work it out with the others however you see fit. But what matters right now is the here and now."

She went on, "I can help you do it--and before you ask why, you can trust my reasons because they're perfectly selfish reasons. You keep trying to kill people and that's a mess I'll have to clean up 'cause it's my job to. You take those steps I'm talking about, though, and I avoid that mess and you make out better, too. Think about it for a second. Everyone's better off, the war effort's better off--and so are you--if you do things a certain way."

Azula was silent again letting the words flow over her like a river...

...bad thought. She hated water lately.

"And you would act as some kind of babysitter? To keep the poor lost Princess from another attack? Do you intend on watching my every move while I am free?"

"Proper term's 'parole officer' or even 'legal guardian.' Only way they'll likely let you free, princess, if if you've got a member of security keeping tabs," Zam pointed out. "But as far as guardians go, wouldn't you rather have someone like me that wants to see you functioning as a member of ship society than someone who'd rather keep you in this cell? Also, I care about two things: the law, and the war effort. You follow the first and help with the second and I don't think it's my duty or right in dictating how you deal with world affairs back home. We've got no right here to decide how your world's governments turn out--provided you sort that nass out back home instead of on the ship."

Not the worst guardian to have.

Azula couldn't argue with that logic either.

And the most frustrating part about it all was she wasn't doing it out of the goodness of her heart or some stupid desire to reform Azula or protect her. She was doing it to protect everyone else from the monster.

"Then what sort of rules will I have to follow under your...guardianship." She said the last word like a bad taste.

Hey, at least it was a motive she could trust. Compassion? Goodness? What kind of motives were those? (Ones Zam might have, but she wasn't telling).

"No setting anyone on fire seems a big one. No hurting anyone physically. No revenge--you can save that for when the war's over. Chances are, the people you hate might get killed along the way anyway. You do your political dealings however you see fit, but don't try to kill anyone on the ship proper. You are well within your rights to work out alliances and all that for if your world is restored or we're all released from service, especially since it sounds to me like you got usurped or something, but in the meantime, you fight the same enemies as this crew, you follow orders, you fight to protect this crew, even the ones that seem useless. Think of it as just a price you pay for freedom, and along the way, you can do what you want to prepare for going back home."

She went on, "They're also likely going to want you to talk to the head shrinkers they got on board, but do whatever it is you need to with them as asked. Don't go in for that psychology stuff myself, but passing evals is passing evals. Technically, the most you gotta do is prove you're gonna follow orders and not get anyone killed, and you're more than capable of not killing anybody. You think you can do all that and I'll put a word in for you."

Azula listened and her face was incapable of hiding her feelings as each subject was covered. Most of the emotions were anger. One looked plain insulted that she would have to take orders. SHE of all people.

And was that a flicker of fear at the mention of doctors? "I told you before I won't take anything those quacks try to use to "Fix" me."

But she wasn't arguing, and that clearly took all of her effort.

"I didn't say anything about taking anything. You keep your actions under control, tell them the truth about keeping your actions under control, and that's enough. No one can have care forced on 'em as long as the person's behaving. Behaving works better for you and everyone in the long run so just let your actions do the talkin'. You wanna try to reverse the overthrow of your throne when you get back home, that's your business, so long as you're not trying to kill the people responsible here."

That seemed to relax her again. As angry as she was, she was thinking more clearly then she had in some time. This room was clearly doing her no favors. She didn't feel any safer here then anywhere else.

"What if I'm attacked by another of this so called crew?"

"Just block, call Security, and let Stacy and Security detain them, and then guess what? They're violating the law. They get put here in the brig themselves. I'll make sure of that. You ever get attacked without physical provocation, I'll make sure they get tried fairly."

That sounded fair. Too fair really.

"I don't trust Stacy." She confessed though her resistance was clearly fading. "And I don't trust you."

"But I also don't appear to have any other choice save for this place." She rose to her feet again slowly, her legs shaking from exhaustion. She hadn't felt safe enough to sleep for longer then an hour or so at any given time.

Helpless.

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