trans_9 | This cannot be healthy

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This cannot be healthy

There was something Cassie Lang had been curious about since she first found out about the Sensorium. She was pretty sure that if anyone knew what she’d had in mind they’d call her crazy and keep her from doing it. But right now she didn’t really care.

She just wanted to talk to him. Or even seeing him would be enough.

“Stacy? Can you uhm, can you make a version of my dad?”

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"Great, now you're both going to think I'm crazy."

"[We do not think you are crazy,]" Jonas said. Although they were going to need to talk about whether or not Cassie was dealing well with her grief.

"Not crazy, just worried. Really, really worried, and this isn't going to help." Not that she hasn't considered it very briefly to see her mother again. But Kate knew it would be wrong because she's gone, and it wouldn't be real. It won't be her.

Next time? Next time Cassie was going to make sure she wasn't going to be interrupted.

"Yeah, I know." She mumbled.

There wasn't going to be an unsupervised next time, if Jonas had anything to say about it. He loosened his grip on Cassie's arm enough that he could slide his hand down to squeeze her's.

"[You have been through a great deal in the past few months,]" he said. "[Even aside from being abducted by this ship. We do not want to see you hurt any further.]"

As supportive as they were trying to be Cassie just felt like even more of a moron. But she did tighten her hold on Jonas's hand briefly in response.

"Yeah, I know." She was perhaps turning into a broken record like Stacy.

Kate tilted her head to the side as she studied her friend, still concerned, "You sure about that? Seriously Cassie, it doesn't work that way. Why do you think I've never had this thing try to duplicate my mom? Because I know it won't be her."

"Yeah, I know it's not." But it was close.

"[Stacy is likely using your memories to extrapolate on how your father would behave,]" Jonas added helpfully. "[It is not even a copy of your father's brain patterns.]"

Don't make him bring Nate into this conversation. Please.

Cassie just got this look on her face the moment Jonas said that. One of those looks that went "oh gee, I never thought of that before" and not in a good way.

"And pretty sure the latter would be impossible. *Right?*" Kate pointed out, and then gave Jonas a look to be more helpful not less.

"Come on, Cass, you have to let him go. I know how hard it is."

Jonas certainly hadn't intended her to take it that way.

"[Yes, it would be,]" he said, and decided that perhaps he ought to remain silent. Kate seemed to have the situation in better hand than he did.

"I know but I just thought once wouldn't hurt."

"No it prolongs the hurt. And what if you think maybe one more time, and another after that? Don't do this to yourself."

"But I never got to say goodbye in the first place. Isn't closure a good thing?"

The Nile's not just a river in Egypt...

Kate quietly pointed out, "I didn't get to say goodbye to my mom either. Have to find another way to get closure."

"Was your mother blown up by her own insane teammate?" Cassie snapped.

Oh. Oh.

Bad.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

Kate's face hardened at that, and she crossed her arms. Her mother wasn't, but she was still brutally killed. By trying to do the right thing. And that was another nightmare memory the Yeerk had brought up to show her as well, and getting this on top of the reminder hadn't helped.

"Right. Vision? Good luck. You're going to need it," She curtly said, and walked right out. Off to find another room for some hard practice.

Cassie hid her head in her hands. "Oh I am such an idiot."

"[That was not appropriate, no,]" Jonas said. "[You should give her some time to calm down before you apologize.]"

He reached out and tugged Cassie's hands away from her face. "[This is the sort of thing we are worried about, Cassie. We are trying to help, and you seem to think we are trying to attack you.]"

"Maybe I'd just like to be alone." Preferably before she put her foot in her mouth yet again. "And I don't want anyone telling me they know how I feel because they don't. No one does."

"[If you would like to be left alone, that is certainly an option.]" Jonas released her hands and crossed his arms. If she thought that he was going to leave her standing in front of the Sensoriums though, she had another thing coming.

And he wasn't going to get into an argument with her over the second one.

Cassie sighed. "Jonas, I don't want to make you mad. At the rate I'm going I think I'll piss off everyone on this ship within the week."

"[I am not angry with you, Cassie.]" Jonas' eyes hardened. "[And the captain was deeply in the wrong for the way he treated you.]" If Picard didn't make an effort to apologize to Cassie soon, Jonas was going to have words for him about his suitability to lead this motley crew.

"[However, you will need to apologize to Kate once she has calmed down, and I would like you to consider exactly what it is that the Sensorium can provide you verses what you wish it could.]" He reached out and touched her shoulder. "[I have not suffered the losses you have, but I can still see when you are doing things that will hurt you in the long run. Do not expect me to stand by and allow you to do that.]"

"I know I'm going to have to apologize to Kate. I really didn't mean to say that it just popped out of my mouth and I don't want to say anything stupider if you stick around cause when I got back I was going to tell you-" No, this was probably not the place for that.

No, this was definitely not the place for that.

This cannot be healthy

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