trans_9 | Be ready boys, for hell is here.

Entry tags:

Be ready boys, for hell is here.

Dean had stepped in to watch. Only for a moment, but it was enough to reach the depths where he had buried it all. And bring it to light. Just for a moment.

A moment enough to make him run outside, and bend over, puking up the remains of the slop from earlier. A unsteady hand briefly rose up to wipe the sick away from his lips as he stood up again. He didn't realize how much he was shaking, or how as he watched, he remembered Alastair's careful instructions. He didn't want to think how the demon would have approved, and felt it was an excellent demonstration.

And he really didn't want to think how he could have *improved* on it.

He stumbled his way along to the hangar, and fumbled with opening the car door to the Impala.

"Honey, I'm home," he gave a shaky half crazed laugh as his hand touched the familiar seats. He curled into the back, his knife and gun ready by him like a child's preferred teddy bear. He stayed like that through the night.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Dean immediately shut down, and wouldn't answer with more than a "Nothing." But this was why he was afraid of getting the psych eval. Because the doc would probably think he was nuts or weak for not bouncing back.

Sighing, Kang turned and leaned back on the Impala, arms crossed over his chest, "I get it. You either don't like the idea of sharing something that personal with someone you hardly know, or you think the fact that it still bothers you makes you look weak. I've seen it before, you know. I won't press for details if you really don't want to give them, but if it's the latter, trust me: I won't think you weak for it."

Dean glanced at him with surprise, and a long look. He looked down again and was silent for several more minutes.

Finally in a small voice, "Yeah, right, next you'll tell me there's a support group for Torturers Anonymous. Bullcrap."

"There are things that I don't like to talk about, either, because we were raised to think that it would make us look weak. And with my kind... weakness often meant death. Especially back during the war," Kang looked down at the ground, smiling wryly. "I've learned that a lot of the things we were taught aren't true, though."

"Was told to suck it up. Especially by my dad. Marine Vietnam war Vet." He didn't say ex-Marine since any Marine would tell you the 'ex' doesn't exist.

"Remember how we grew up, eh, Kang? Like warriors! Raised to battle. We fought over every scrap of food they tossed to us. There was never enough. The strong ate, the weak went without. Remember, Kang?"

"Yes, sir," Kang said, carefully keeping his tone expressionless. "I remember."

He snorted, "We were told it made us stronger, that mercy is weakness."

"Yeah, well they were right. Still kicking now." He itched for a drink. Or five.

"I don't know, honestly, if it did or not. I know that I don't like remembering it, though" Kang cursed. "And I've recently begun to wonder, sometimes, how different my life would have been if it hadn't happened, how different all of us would be."

"Who knows, and really who cares, what's this got anything to do with the shit that just went down out there?"

Kang frowned, "Whatever it is you're remembering, it was triggered by what happened to Big Zero."

"Yeah no shit, how did you guess?" He spat out, and really really wanted that drink. He didn't want to say that it was because he's done the same or just as bad? That the fact the racist bitch likely would have been one of his projects to carve and inflict pain to?

"I recognized it," he finally replied.

Rolling his eyes, Kang looked to the side. He'd expected sarcasm from Dean.

He ventured a guess, wings rustling, "Seen it before?"

He was staring at his hands again, but he nodded.

"Not just seen."

"...did something like it happen to you?"

"For some years. Then. It was happening to other people." Still staring at his hands.

Kang rested a hand on the hilt of his sword, voice quiet, "I've killed more people than I can count: humans, elves, dwarves, goblins, even my own kind... and I've never felt a shred of remorse for it. It was survival at first, and then it was just a job. Torture, though, I never understood. I never saw the point in it, even with someone I absolutely hated." He'd never stopped it before, either. He just hadn't wanted to see it.

Dean nodded. He had killed at times too. Had to, like some demon hosts, changed humans. Didn't have much choice really sometimes depending on the hunt.

But this.

"Was how things worked down there. In Hell. Take you apart until you break." And he really didn't want to admit that he came to enjoy it, that he was good at it, and lapped up Alastair's praise like he used to seek after his father's.

"Just like everything I've heard about the Abyss," Kang muttered, almost to himself. To say that Takhisis had not been a nice god was a massive understatement; he knew how creative and vindictive his former queen could be.

Dean didn't comment on that, or even speak. He just kept staring at his hands some more.

"Does Sam know?" Kang asked.

Another silent nod. Took sometime before he could even open to his brother at all about it.

"Cas pulled me out."

That explained part of the connection between Dean and Castiel. Kang nodded once, "At least you've got someone to talk to about it. It's not healthy to bottle things up. Eventually, you snap."

Why the former angel still tried to look after him at times since he was to be his guide, and Dean was his charge.

"Working so far," he scoffed. Bottling things up was how he operated.

"Dean, you punched me in the chest. If you'd had a weapon in your hands, you could have killed me," Kang pointed out. "Do you really want to risk snapping around someone that you care about? Like your brother, or Castiel? Or Kaylee?"

Yes, he went there.

Edited 2010-11-23 01:55 (UTC)

"...They've learned to duck out of the way I think." He quietly replied. He rubbed another hand over his face.

"Kang, man, I know I got issues. But I'm dealing."

(no subject)

governorkang - 2010-11-23 02:30 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

notadamnangel.livejournal.com - 2010-11-23 02:53 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only