trans_9 | Trails to the unknown [closed, but also open to Renne, Goliath and Jamie if they so choose]

So this was it. Billy would learn to master himself here, and failure would absolutely not be an option. Katara had drilled that into him thoroughly enough.

As prompt as he could manage (not especially, considering all the projects he had to place in capable engineer's hands before he left the lab) he shuffled toward her in silence.

Taking a deep breath, he changed into a loose blue ensemble and folded himself in front of her. Was he supposed to bow---oh, he supposed he should just in case. There.

"I'm ready to work at this."

Katara smiled. "You don't need to bow, you know, but thanks anyway. I mean, you are pretty much my brother now, and siblings don't bow to each other so much as pull each others hair and yell, right?"

Not that she could imagine doing anything like that with Billy anyway. The bow from him was flattering but not necessary.

"First thing's first Billy: all of those inferior thoughts of yours that you have? Wipe them from your head. You won't go far if you're lacking self confidence. If you're going to make an honest attempt at this, you have to put your all into it and concentrate. Clear your mind: be one here."

For Katara that would be no problem: this was actually a place inbetween the spirit and the material world.

"Be one?"

Billy wasn't exactly sure what she meant, but he would give it his best and smile---for now. Time to be serious soon.

He breathed in, taking in the strange energy of this place. Breathed out, expelling all that fear and doubt. In and out. Waxing and waning. Slowly building his strength.

It took some time to chip away at his fears, but soon enough they started to fall away. Maybe he could do this after all---no, he would. Would do it. No option to fail. He would find a way to succeed.

After about seven minutes, he opened his eyes again and nodded.

"We'll start by letting you know where you are. Believe it or not, you;re are actually in the heart of the Northern water Tribe. Normally its very cold ad all of the structures are made of ice: all except this place. Long ago, the moon and river spirits, Tui and La, chose mortal form, and so made this place somewhere between the mortal world and the spirit world. I chose it because I believe if there's any place you would be able to focus, its here."

She took a deep breath. "Concentrate on what's around you: the green grass and lush growth despite all the water and ice. This is a mirror of what our barrier has to be: a calm in the middle of the storm that is our Bond, something we are fortunate enough to have with each other. With every gain we make in this life, there is an equal mastering we have to do, just so we don't bleed into each other."

She sat cross legged, and closed her eyes. "What always helped me is watching the two fish in the middle if the water. They circle each other in an eternal dance, and represent the balance within us all. Look close: you'll see for yourself."

He couldn't focus anyplace else---no, no, not the time to think of that. They trust each other. That's why they'd agreed to this bond in the first place.

A calm in the storm...like the eye of a hurricane. My strength must be like air drawn in, dense enough to overcome the pressure swirling around me, no matter what's happening outside.

Billy looks when instructed, taking in just what this 'eye' might be. Warm and secure, standing upright in the most unlikely circumstances. Even the fish are part of the act. Always moving, never disturbed by their surroundings.

He breathes in. This new power requires responsibility. He breathes out. He can build that. He inhales. It looked hopeless. He exhales. Nothing is ever as lacking in solutions as it seems.

Billy's eyes remain on the fish, trying to apply this simile of balance.

The fish swam their dance, and now Billy should start to notice the black fish with the white in its head, and the white fish with the black on its head, dancing their dance. In time Billy could see what was evident with them both: the yin yang that symbolized their eternal dance, the world coexisting with the spirit. This had brought Aang to the spirit world once: for Billy, it would keep him focused on her words.

"Within you Billy, all the way, is what you are: Billy Cranston as you are, with the faults and failures laid bare. But deeper then is the Blue Ranger, all of the bravery, intelligence and strength that make up the best in you. That is the part of you that will erect a barrier and protected all of us. But you need to be them both, and realize that they are the same."

And here, Katara and Billy seemed to mingle together and he could see her, clearly. He could see the part of her that had erected a barrier during the fight, because if she hadn't Alex's healings would have had only enough to sustain a several day bed rest. It felt like a strong wave, pushing back all of the things that might harm her.

"Visualize what your barrier IS," she said.

Billy knew his failures better than the back of his hand. From the trouble connecting with people so long ago to the weakness that had brought him here in need of training. The harder part was acknowledging the positive parts of himself, the ideals that motivated him and even occasionally accomplished something.

Strengths become vices if pushed to extremes, and vices can be strengths if brought back into balance. That was it, right?

Ah---the barrier, what was it? He'd tried a brick wall during the first few times this had happened. When Renne had almost been lost to the madness, it'd been the first thing he'd tried. Weak at first because it hadn't been expected, but when Renne had been in pain at other times it had sufficed.

But it wasn't enough, and upon further reflection that was because the bricks weren't really part of him. Billy had no special connection to bricks. They weren't what he worked with.

Billy frowned, delving deeper within his soulscape to figure this out. Immediately, the lights that symbolized his friends started extending their life toward him. His Rangers, his currently awake friends, even people forgotten to the memory wipes. They offered comfort, but that wasn't really the barrier either. He had to protect them, especially Renne and Katara, but how would he keep the darkness out?

As if aiding with the visualization, his soulscape suddenly dimmed. He sat alone on the central platform, nothing around him but the churning waters beneath and what might just be clouds above. A storm. And here on this platform was the eye. Therefore, the barrier would be the eyewall!

And what was an eyewall?

A thunderstorm. Immediately, a surge of power from his core responded to the familiar signal and flared out, forming a churning wall of blue lightning around his consciousness. This he could do without draining his energy---in a way, the temporary barrier his Power Coin had provided should have been the biggest hint.

With this new visualization in mind, Billy's consciousness started to surface once more. "I think I have it this time."

Katara could feel that change in Billy, could feel the changes in him as he was still merged with her. When she saw faded glimpses of those he cared about and were left behind, she could feel her own weaknesses there, where she lost so many so young, and the constant change that swept over and took the people she cared about here on the ship. All of it had its own effect, its own impact, and she had learned more about herself than she ever had before.

And there she had learned at hearty that who she was had been always there: a waterbender. She had changed a few times, was still learning ways to adapt martial arts but at heart she was always one with her world, a bender from the South Pole, and she would remain that always.

And she would protect those that needed her, that loved her.

This was her wave that kept her being in check, that strength that she had been searching for as a Bene Gesserit and as a sword fighter. Within that was a reflection of Master Paku, Gran-gran and the words and stories of her people. She was Katara, of the Southern Water Tribe.

She took Billy's hands and he could see how her inner chi had blocked off any break in her: he wasn't far off from creating his own.

Billy's focus remained inward. He became more aware of Katara's presence just beyond him, her solid barrier pushing out against him. Was he meant to follow the example now?

It was worth a try. Billy drew what he could of his memories and thoughts up with him, examining the places where they crossed each other and the crossings through his soul. To defend, to protect, to live long enough to love.

As his understanding grew, so did the barrier, piece by neon-blue piece.

Katara waited. She could feel him watching her, and not mimicking: that would have been an insult to him. Billy was finding his own strength, was starting to just now tap into the things in him that made him strong: he was fortifying his barrier. She watched him, and then decided to do something she knew she wouldn't have to do the next time.

She gave him a nudge, a bead of strength toward his purpose, so he would get there even faster: when he felt his strength with hers, he would be able to take in her aura but not her own hurts. His shield would stand, and he would only get her love and determination.

A burning strength slipped into the barrier, weaving its way in an out. Katara's familiar light.

The corresponding light in his soulscape flared, and with that extra spark the lightning began to churn even faster. Fueled by his determination, it spun faster and faster, accelerating as the few minutes passed. It wasn't the eyewall of a typical storm now---if it existed, it would be one of the most powerful on record.

It wasn't scientifically accurate to think this way if he was to continue carrying the hurricane comparison, but the stronger the storm? The calmer and surer the eye.

And when Katara cashed into Billy, there was that merge that made them similar, yet separate. A wall of water started to gather now that the storm and water circled each other. She could feel them in a different way now, where they were once merged, they were also starting to form outward, creating a wall around them.

Now she could still feel Billy's building strength, but she was also not merged there, and she knew he was starting to get the hang of it.

Her waves grew within her, strengthening all around her and she felt one with the water. She'd know soon how Billy was doing.

Don't fail me now...

With every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction. Her force needed to be met with his. Come, storm...it was seizing a memory and embedding passion within it, making it spark---when it was ready it became a bolt, drawn to the other lightning shielding him. It happened faster and faster with practice until he was hardly aware of it anymore.

Walling himself off from Katara was an alien feeling, of course, but her warm light was still inside him, as was Renne's and everyone else's. It could never escape.

Now, crackle... Were thunderclaps meant to happen too, forcing things outward? At any rate, there they were.

She could feel that Billy was getting there, and she could feel the building of the storm, apart from her but still feeling the sparks from him, only muted. The feelings were intense too: Katara was breathless with how well he was adjusting to this.

He really HAD tapped into his stronger self and was reconciling it with his current self. She knew now that Billy's faith in his Bonded had not been misplaced, he only had a loss of confidence on his own strength. She knew if he was fixated on the purpose, he would find it.

She smiled, and waited for him.

Was this...yes, it needed to be enduring. Not peter out, but if it was passion the storm wanted he had memories a mile long to share.

Billy kept it going for several more minutes, pushing and pushing to peak strength as a test. He would obviously need the energy to maintain it perfectly for long periods of time. That would prevent a repeat of before, but after a certain point the feedback loop kicked in. It would keep going on its own, with only small pushes out from Billy if something threatened him.

To demonstrate, everything flared outward in one moment of defiance before he awakened. Sweat was visible on his thin clothing, and muscles were somewhat stiff, but he had the oddest little smile on his face.

Silence reigned for a few more moments as he let his consciousness take in the surroundings again, practicing having the barrier run in the background.

"...Tara?"

She had waited, and finally she felt it all right: the barrier had its strength, and Billy was understanding how to maintain it after all. He had, after all, the strength to begin with: she wasn't disappointed.

When he awoke she was already kneading his arms and legs, all too aware of the soreness one felt after something like this. Her own training had been similar.

"I'm here, she said, wiping his brow. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," Billy answered quietly, blinking to adjust to the light. He occasionally prodded the barrier to check on it, somewhat satisfied.

He arranged himself in a more comfortable position, thanking her for the help with a smile. "It'll get better with practice, right? I'm sorry that took so long. The deeper I went, I kept realizing things about myself, and..."

Billy wasn't articulating this very well. "...I wonder if it would be easier to show you."

"I didn't know that you would get it down so quickly," Katara admitted. "I knew you could, I could see that much, but that you were able to have it happen so soon is pretty amazing. but yes, a lot of the time, doing something like this is examining all of yourself. I went through the same thing when I was in a Sietch for the first time, still adjusting to an attack by the Nightmare King. It was there that I learned how to strength my resolve against unwanted emotional attacks."

It was also where she'd first had the Spice that made her realize that, but she had definitely gotten far beyond the point of needing that now. Traveling a mental landscape was arduous enough.

"If you want to," she said, completely leaving the decision to him.

"Wow," he thought aloud, running a hand through his now thoroughly messed up hair. "I still need to think through everything I learned, but...I think I'll be okay. I shouldn't be a danger to you again."

That other thought, though? Not even a question for him. Billy's hand reaches for one of Katara's. "I do. Renne and Jamie have been down there multiple times, and I think you deserve to know---it might also be useful if you have to visit in the future. And there's something new that I want you to see."

After everything? Letting her into his innermost being isn't such a scary idea.

"I don't think you will be," Katara said, smiling warmly. "Only someone who really knew what they were doing would have gotten as far as you did today. I think having Tui and La here helped us both, honestly. You needed to get in the right frame of mind, and I wanted to feel like I was back in the tribes again."

Katara felt a very slight hesitation. It was always just a little unnerving to imagine going through someone's self: the closest she'd ever gotten was her going into Negi's past. This would be different. It was Billy though, and he was actually allowing her to see something she'd only share with her two other close friends on the ship.

"Okay," she said, taking his hand. "Lead the way!"

"This way."

Katara would feel a slight playful tug on the Bond, and then they were falling through the sky hand in hand. Billy commanded the lighting to part for them, and they descended until he slowed, turned them upright, and touched bottom.

They stood on a floating circular platform at nightfall, the ocean's waters rolling quietly somewhere beneath it. Engraved on the ground beneath their feet was an interesting sort of emblem. A triceratops and unicorn were curled around either side of a shield, one Katara might recognize as tattooed on Renne's forearm.

Slightly out from where they stood was a ring of eight lights---two red, two yellow, two black, one green-white, and one pink. Further out was the hollowed-out form of a star formation. It wasn't particularly visible yet except for the red light at the tip. If Katara approached the red, she'd feel something reminiscent of Jamie.

Across the platform from the star was the beginning of a spiral staircase that seemed to be made of blue crystal with ice-like railings. It led down toward the water and his inner core, where the new thing waited, but he'd best let her get oriented first.

Well...this is me, for want of a better term. It's changed somewhat since anyone was here last.

Katara wished she could see everything with several sets of eyes. She wasn't that dumb: she figured out what the points of light are, and when she got near the red, it barely took her a few seconds before she recognized Jamie anyway. She had spoken to him earlier, and she knew that he would be the one to accept his ranger role immediately. She walked slowly, tracing the emblem on the floor with her fingertip as if trying to ingrain it in her memory. She had seen the sign on Renne before but figured it had been a part of Renne's culture, not a show of admiration toward Billy. Now she was beginning to understand how deeply bonded the two of them were.

No wonder Billy had had such a hard time separating the two of them from him. She wanted to hug him now, but that could wait. she could feel the stillness and openness here, but she did want to see what was farther on, what other secrets the water held, and what was down the staircase.

This had not been the first time she'd been in a dreamscape, but it would be the most personal. She took hold of the railing, and started to slowly descend down.

That was his Katara, all right. Always diving right after the truth. Billy smiled faintly and set off after her, down toward the flickering glow of the water.

As they descended, the 'air' became thicker with emotion. Thick with the knowledge that his bonds had fundamentally transformed him into someone new, as would quickly become apparent.

When their feet touched the water, a solid protective bubble formed around them. They walked two spirals' lengths, soon coming to stand before a glowing crystal core.

At first, they saw nothing but two overwhelmingly bright lights. One a very icy blue, almost white, and another midnight blue, almost black. Their identities were exceedingly obvious, only made more so when they took on the perfect forms Billy carried inside himself.

The dark crystal was shaped as Renne---restored to his original human-like size, happy and free, those beautiful wings spanning the water. One of his paws was locked with Katara's hand. She looked like a floating ice queen, clad in a flowing dress and bearing wings with very crystalline shapes. Both of them bore loving smiles.

Extending upward from here were two golden beams, shielded by the crackling blue lightning that made interesting flickers in the water.

I've felt your presence here, but I've never seen this before. I guess it's a sort of pun about how deeply I care for you both.

Edited 2010-11-10 15:46 (UTC)

Katara was rendered speechless at the very descent down the stairs. She could feel the difference as she entered here, how she was now feeling Billy at his more vulnerable, where his emotions and his intellect coincided and his heart won. The bubble didn't surprise her of course, as she could make one herself, but as they went farther down, she felt a difference now.

Once they reached the crystals, Katara was completely flabbergasted. Of all of the things she expected to see, herself in Billy's core was breathtaking. She had never imagined herself this way, and was all the more shocked to see Renne here, in his true size, looking so happy. Now she could see the love the two had for each other...and the fact that she had come and only helped to make their Bond all the stronger somehow. Her hand almost went to touch her other self, then to Renne, and finally, she held her hand out toward the thunder.

Without knowing it, tears came to her eyes. It's beautiful Billy.

It's a vastly imperfect manifestation of everything you two have done for me, Billy feels compelled to say, reaching up to brush her tears with soft fingers. You've both shaped me, so perhaps crystal forms made perfect are appropriate to represent you. Because of you I'm not so afraid to push my limits anymore. I'm not so afraid to care about people, even though terrible things happen. The good is more than worth it.

Billy reflects on this quietly for a moment, marveling at how he'd come to place so much stock in emotions he'd once dismissed as wastes of time. It had started taking hold with his Rangers, of course, but here in their heart-wrenching situation on Stacy, closeness was so much more valuable.

Katara, of course, would feel all of this. So deep within there was no hiding anything from her. Before pulling back, he pressed a light kiss to her cheek. Thank you.

Katara shook her head, it still spinning with everything she saw here. This seemed to magnify that beauty Katara had always seen in Billy: his quiet but methodical way of looking at things compacted with his feelings, his loves, his joy at the connections he made with others. In many ways, she could see exactly what Billy was saying, and love him for it. He had become stronger, and it was partly because of Renne and her.

Which was why she hugged him, fiercely, and for a moment he saw HER thanks in images. There were days she felt like the worst person on the ship, where she felt like she had lost her way, where she had felt so lonely she could have died from the misery. All the catastrophes stung at her, all the accusations biting as she struggled to hold onto something that wouldn't hurt.

And with the bonds she made, she had found these two, these special people in her life. She wouldn't trade them for anything.

I owe you just as much thanks. You and Renne help stabilize me big time. You were there. Thank you so much!

When her feelings started to filter into him, Billy felt a small surge of amusement. If two people embrace in this state, Renne had once warned him far too late, their beings start to temporarily merge.

He suspected Katara knew exactly what she was doing, though. She caught on extremely quickly with these things. So he simply embraced her as tightly as he could and held on, filtering through her thoughts.

Those feelings of despair were familiar to him, though distinct enough for Billy to recognize them as hers. I know it hurts, but we have a safe place to turn to. We can find balance---well, I'm the one who truly needs help with that. But we all have each other.

By now, the dominant emotion crowding his inner self was love. It was warm, even in these waters.

You ready? Ah. He was plotting to go out with a bang.

Edited 2010-11-10 16:41 (UTC)

We all need balance, Billy. Just because we have the barrier doesn't mean the trials ends. Emotions can be strong and they can change things about us in ways that test everything we have. Balance is needed by all of us, in different ways.

And he was right: Katara could still filter herself from Billy, but she was happy to just be with him, basking in the strength of their Bond: words couldn't describe how elated she felt. She actually felt peaceful, happy. Billy's love felt like it was bathing her spirit.

Where are we going now?

Edited 2010-11-11 02:23 (UTC)

Thinking on their work lives, he knew she was absolutely right. Right. More frequent meditations should help me sort this out---and having people to care about has definitely helped me get my priorities in line.

Billy waited, delighted to feel the healing presence and watch her smile. We'll break through---the sea, the sky, and then back to the oasis.

One last burst of color. He offered his hand again, a playful sort of smile on his face.

She smiled. It actually helps to keep your emotions in check by meditating. Trust me, I've had a lot of time to spend doing that in several different places: it's all the road back to yourself again.

And other places, of course, as she watched how Billy's radiated sense of peace mingled with her own. It was hard to stay set on concrete thought as she followed him, glad to have him lead.

And she laughed aloud, which seemed to color all around her.

Then I'll practice more frequently. Billy exuded pure delight for a brief moment, and then they were off. They started spiraling upward the way they came, gliding through the water effortlessly and then breaking through, skimming the surface. Brief happy thoughts bubbled upward as they went.

They rose higher and higher, free as birds, then all too soon parted the curtain and returned to their bodies.

"...so that's what I felt," Billy finished, unfolding his limbs and looking at her with a rare sort of smile.

I know she said, grinning and seeming to glide alongside him. And if we can do this together occasionally, that wouldn't be a bad thing either. It's different, but it helps to reexamine things about each other.

She rose along with him, for a moment feeling as if she had those wings Billy imagined for her when she felt herself glade back into her body again. She kept her eyes closed a moment and slowly opened her eyes, a blissful look on her face.

"It's always different with people," she said, "But this is my first time with Bonded. It was just...wow."

Edited 2010-11-11 04:13 (UTC)

Renne and I do this when we need to touch base with each other. This is just the first chance I had to include you.

Once everything's in order, Billy takes in the sight of the oasis once more. A place between the spiritual and the physical, she'd said---how appropriate.

"It's definitely a surreal experience," he agrees, now taking a minute to study the oasis. There's Tui and La again, there's the grass and trees...he can see why meditating here is so relaxing.

"Should I leave you to meditate, then?"

I'm honored, believe me. I've never had anything like this before, but now I see why you chose this. There's something about Renne that...just brings out my protective and vulnerable side, both at the same time.

She looked over the Oasis herself, smiling. This place did bring her joy, it was a part of her that wasn't around but was still a part of her. With Billy here, it was like that joy was extended: her world, the old, ingrained part of her: Billy and Renne, the new mysterious part that she still didn't know all about.

"No," she said, smiling. "I can do this anytime. I don't mind staying here with you for a little while."

I think I know what you mean.

Billy slowly stood, stretching his limbs. Oh, as soon as he's back in the room he's getting a shower and then resting. It's a shame that it's only sonic, but it'll have to do.

"So...what happened here with your friends?"

She knew that he understood: it was just a matter of time, really.

She was wanting a bath too, and was all too happy she had the Outsiders headquarters to do it in. She still couldn't get used to a shower without water. That was just weird.

Boy, was that a story. "This was in the Northern Water Tribe, our brother tribe. They were a lot less devastated than we were, and at more of an advantage. We went to the water tribe and actually found me a water master, but not too long after the fire nation launched an invasion to defeat the Northern Water Tribe: destroying the waterbender's source of waterbending, the moon. Those fish are actually gods that chose the mortal form of those fish to balance the world: one of the ocean, the other of the moon. They almost destroyed the moon spirit. Thankfully, that didn't happen."

For a moment, Billy could see the reflection of a while haired young woman, tan liked Katara but with a more regal expression on her face.

She smiled. "Aang saved us then too."

So that was their balance. Billy smiled down at them, then at the woman who appeared.

"So it's really a special place to you," he noted, taking in everything and starting to walk past her. "How do the memories make you feel?"

She nodded. "Yes. It was here that I learned to become a master of waterbending, and where we were able to do what we could to help the war. It was where I saw Aang beat back a whole army of firebenders, and thought it was scary to see him like that, it gave me hope we get end the war in our world."

She smiled, but it was a sad smile. "It makes me miss home, to be honest. Home, my family, Master Paku. But even if I never see them again, I'm glad the memories helped make me who I am today."

Happy yet bittersweet memories. Billy knew well how that felt.

"I've felt that too. Renne gave me a crystal to help me keep the memories inside. It ensures that I'll never forget completely----sometimes I've wished I could stop missing them, but without my old friends' guidance I wouldn't be here."

Billy offered her a hand. "We'll always carry this with us."

"I understand that," she said. "It's funny, isn't it, when people try to hide children from the things that are unsafe, but wind up unable to do that because of real life? There are a lot of memories that hurt me, but made me stronger too. I can see you being stronger because of your friends. They've motivated me too."

She took his hand. "Yes, always. Don't be afraid to come to me abut anything, ok?"

Trails to the unknown [closed, but also open to Renne, Goliath and Jamie if they so choose]

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