So Long As I Can See The Stars (OPEN)

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

It was strange, after so many years, to be able to measure freedom in days. Not hours. As much as he enjoyed being around Sam and Dean, he needed some time to himself. Some time for hiding and stillness and not interacting with other people.

And he'd been allowed so few moments to continue his long running affair with space in peace, there really was no other place to go.

He’d tossed his bag down upon entering and his data-pad had joined it not long after he’d gotten here. He’d tried to read, but he kept reaching for Iniss to discuss some point and getting thrown off by finding nothing. No sarcastic wit, no helpful observations, no lecture.

Nothing but his own thoughts.

It was disturbing. He felt empty.

That probably made him a sick and disgusting human being.

Would it be like this when Iniss left for good? He’d spent so much time, wanting to be free…and now.

God, what was he turning into? When had his life gotten so pathetic? Was he really nothing but a body waiting for his master’s orders?

He kept his cheek against the view-port, staring out into space, silent and still and almost unnoticeable in his hidden corner of the Orbs Deck.

There was much to consider before his time was up.

((ooc: Bendy time to just after http://community.livejournal.com/trans_9/547388.html#comments ))

Comments

Llorando, llorando...

[vissernone.livejournal.com]

Eva's humming Roy Orbison to herself, liking the way the inside of her mouth buzzes when she does so. She's walking because she has nothing to do, and walking keeps her from standing still. It's better than pacing, which just makes her feel caged and crazy. She needs to find a better way to waste the time. She's never been one for doing nothing.

She sees Tom in the corner and pauses a moment, because her first instinct is to be wary of the Yeerk that might be in his head, but Tom has the empty, sad look that host bodies have sometimes in the cages. Dani must have been honest about the three days of grace.

She wants to hug him and tell him he'll be alright, but she knows that news that she isn't Edriss might not have reached him yet, so instead she spreads both hands and walks towards him slowly, her body language all her own and not the stiff dignity of a Visser. "Tom?"

A caged bird stands on the grave of dreams

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

He had been so far away in his head, or more to a point, so far out in the stars and not connected to his body, that he hadn't really noticed her approach. He probably wouldn't have noticed anyone walking up on him.

He tensed a little, mouth opening to defend himself and then snapping shut, looking at her feet rather than her face. Vissers hated it when you looked at their faces, especially hosts. Hated it when hosts dared speak to them. So he stayed silent, watching her feet. Not daring to hope, not daring to dream for a moment that this might have been the woman he grew up with, and not the evil overlord bent on infesting them all as quietly as possible.

Re: A caged bird stands on the grave of dreams

[vissernone.livejournal.com]

There's so little of the amiable kid she knew. Eva's looking at so much ingrained fear and doubt that she might as well be looking at scars. She holds her hands up shoulder height, almost shrugging. "It's only me, I promise. You can look at me."

She shifts her weight a bit from one foot to the other, something Edriss wouldn't do out of disguise. Edriss always had both feet planted firmly and equivalently if she could.

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

He stayed frozen, not looking away from her feet, worrying his lip between his teeth and trying to untie his tongue enough to speak. "You-Iniss-" The words were whispers only, choked off and strangled by the lump in his throat.

But he saw the little movement of her feet, saw the tiny shift of her weight that was all 'I can, so I will' and not yeerk, never yeerk. Yeerks didn't fidget unless they'd picked the habit up from their hosts and Visser 1 had moved so far beyond needing to pass as her host...She wouldn't need to fidget, and only Ms. Salazar would feel the need to validate her status as in control by moving.

His hands twitched convulsively and he balled them into fists against his hips.

He looked at the door as if he did not know what it was for.

[vissernone.livejournal.com]

She crouches down, still a foot away from him. She can empathize with the need for space. "It's just me. And just you, isn't it, Tom Berenson?"

She uses his full name in an attempt to remind him of his own, individual, not-just-a-host status.

His wings are clipped and his feet are tied

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

He looked at her, finally. Eyes on her face, just studying her. Something young and very ready to bolt still obvious in his eyes, as though he might just vanish into thin air if she showed the slightest inclination of giving up the game and revealing her true form.

His shoulders slumped, fright and uncertainty draining out of him. "He asked me if you were lying. I couldn't tell." His voice shook slightly when he spoke again, remembering the woman who had dominated much of his childhood and many of his nightmares. Not because of who she had become, but because of the tattered edges the yeerks duplicity had left in her wake. "It-it's nice to see you, Ms. Salazar."

Mankind has lost a face, an irretrievable face.

[vissernone.livejournal.com]

"I was lying. It was the first thing that came to mind. But the game's up by now anyway, so you might as well know that Edriss died a long time ago. I almost did it myself." She smiles, sitting down on the floor. "I guess you grew out of calling me Miss Marco's Mom a long time ago, didn't you? You can call me Eva still."

She holds a hand out to him. She'll reach out to him only as fast as he lets her. She's knows how well how important, and how disorienting, being the one in charge of a situation can be.

Things unknown but longed for still

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

"Probably a good idea. He bought it, mostly. He takes everything with a grain of salt now." He grimaced, almost the proper muscle movements for a smile, but lacking the humor to give it a spark. "She's dead? But...does that mean they're just doing what they want now?" What would happen to Jake? Or his parents?

If there was an open invasion, like Iniss thought there might be if Visser 1 ever took her hands off Earth, what would happen to everyone he cared about?

"I...that feels a little weird." The smile was a tiny bit more genuine, but still a little ragged around the edges. "But if that's what you want.

He wanted to hug her, wanted to cling to the first maternal figure he'd seen since coming on the ship, but he settled for reaching for her hand, giving it a quiet, almost subdued squeeze.

What whim of fate makes me so fearful of a glancing mirror?

[vissernone.livejournal.com]

"I come from when it ends," she says vaguely. "The Yeerks lost." She almost said 'we won', but how can she when in her world he died a bitten snake. "Edriss finally got convicted of all the things she's was guilty of. We just carried out her execution for them."

There's a certain hardness in her voice when she talks about Edriss' death. She's holding eager triumph and something approaching remorse just out of her vocal cords' reach.

She squeezes his hand back. "I just want you to do what makes you comfortable. I know every moment counts and I don't want you to waste them on being told what to do."

They would not find me changed from him they knew

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

"Are Jake and my parents ok?" His voice was soft, uncertain. Nothing else really mattered to him anymore. Just so long as they made it, just so long as everything hadn't been for nothing.

He looked away, he could understand her hatred. He knew it himself, the wish to feel the parasite die under his hand, but there was no better reminder of how far they had come from what they used to be than to hear her sound so hard about another creature's death.

"I-if you don't mind, then, can I just keep calling you Ms. Salazar?"

We have seen her armed with loveliness.

[vissernone.livejournal.com]

"They survived uninjured." She won't lie to him if he presses it further. She can't quite say any of them are doing well. "There's peace now. Not just for Earth, but between the Yeerks and just about everyone."

She nods. She knows the violence scares him, so she tries to reign it in even harder, but it's so fused to her thoughts she can't really hide it sometimes. "If you want. Not many people call me by name these days anyway."

Minerva's snow-white marble eyes, Without the gift of sight.

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

"I'm glad. I'm glad they're ok and it all turned out alright." He kept his voice soft.

He didn't ask after himself. It didn't matter what happened to him. Just so long as Jake and his parents were safe. "How'd they manage to make peace with the yeerks?"

He blinked a little. "Why? I mean...Marco, but, who else?" It does, he doesn't like violence. It made him nervous after so many years with the yeerks and waiting Visser Three to twitch at the wrong time.

Time has the conquests, man has the defeats.

[vissernone.livejournal.com]

"We brokered a deal where the Andalites gave them the morphing power. They could create their own bodies. Stop pretending they had the rights to ours."

"I'm a pretty recognizable face," she says dryly. But she isn't here to talk about herself, so she doesn't elaborate past that."

[pretty_lethal]

Rachel was bored and antsy. There wasn't a lot going on on the ship right then-- parties were one thing (fun or not), but there was nothing happening. She'd dealt with the few little problems, but there wasn't much big going on. She needed something to do-- maybe she could get in on the training and things she saw mentioned around sometimes. That would be something.

Or maybe she could at least find some better clothes.

Instead, for the time being, she had found herself wandering. And that was how she found Tom.

At first she froze up, staring him down. He seemed distant, and she had heard about him being free for a time... but she didn't know if she could trust it. She didn't feel like she had any reason to. But she wouldn't pass this up, either.

"Tom," she said tersely, watching him closely. She was far enough away that defending herself should be easy-- but she wasn't going in on the offensive, not this time. Not if it might really be him.

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

That voice he knew. That voice he knew nearly as well as he knew Jake's. Or his parents.

Rachel.

He didn't turn from the window, keeping himself lax against it, not tensing or reaching for the backpack or making any gesture that he might be a threat. Might be anything but what he appeared to be.

He could remember preforming elaborate burials at sea for the Barbies that had fallen in battle against the My Little Pony horde. He could remember watching her figure out that safety scissors cut human hair and give Jake his first buzz cut. He could remember her beating up bullies that picked on Jake and Marco, and standing back ready to help if she needed it. She had never needed it. "Rachel." He tried to disguise the flinch, adding a new memory to the pile.

Jake told me to kill you.

[pretty_lethal]

Rachel could have flinched herself, but she stood her ground. Stood strong. She did feel guilt, because she knew Tom was in there... but some things outweighed others. It was the necessary thing, right?

Now we wasn't even moving.

Rachel tried to relax her pose a bit, and flashed one of her smiles. Maybe it really was Tom.

If it was, that thing was not going back in his head.

"Hey," she said, simply.

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

"You're calmer." It was a lame thing to say, Rachel would never had let it slide before. But it was all he could think of. He shifted a bit, watching her in the window without turning.

"We ok?"

He wanted it to be ok again. At least between them. Wanted to have his cousin again. His sharp eyed little cousin who looked anything but. He'd missed her.

[pretty_lethal]

"So what?" Rachel snapped fiercely, almost by instinct. Almost instantly. Of course she could be calm--

She quickly tried to calm the fervour. This was Tom, it seemed. Actual Tom-- not the Yeerk. Not the enemy.

It was strange to think that at some point, she had stopped thinking of him as her cousin.

"... we're okay, I guess," she said, after a moment. It was a bit awkward, but-- but if it was really Tom, she would like that. She remembered how he had always helped her out as a kid. She kind of missed that. She wouldn't mind them being okay, at all. Just never, ever the Yeerk.

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

He flinched, looking away from her reflection and down at his hands. "Sorry. I didn't..." He swallowed, grimacing at his fingers and studying the patterns on his finger tips.

It was easier to deal with, easier to deal with than the little-girl-grown-woman who had once been both family and friend.

"I'm sorry." There was a wealth of emotion in the words, years of unheard things, years of things he didn't have the strength to explain.

Maybe she wouldn't be able to read between the lines anymore. Maybe he couldn't read her. But he had to try.

[pretty_lethal]

"... yeah, it's okay," Rachel said, awkwardly. A half-hearted apology of sorts. Seeing him flinch, hearing him apologise... it made her feel guilty. But more than anything it made her angry. Even angrier at the Yeerk.

"Stop apologising," she vocalised. He should never, ever be asking for forgiveness for what that Yeerk did in his name. For anything at all to do with the slug. She knew he must have a lot to say... but that wasn't the way he should have to start it.

And maybe she should be the one apologising.

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

"It's sort of habit by now." He smiled awkwardly, trying to make it stick. "So many people are upset."

It didn't make sense...but.

It was all he could offer.

"What....have you settled in alright? Did they, Jake and everyone?" He looked away, closing his eyes so he didn't have to see her reactions. It was hard to deal with his brother like this, it was harder to deal, somehow, with Rachel.

Maybe it was just that Jake was quieter?

[pretty_lethal]

Rachel made a point of scrutinizing Tom, especially now that his eyes were closed; taking the moment to take a closer look at her cousin. She was beginning to think of Tom as being Tom, at least for now. She was starting to believe that he wasn't the Yeerk, not then. But his behaviour made her angrier because of that. He was too meek, too evasive, too timid. He wasn't the tough boy she'd looked up to as a little girl. She'd grown stronger than him at some point.

They'd both changed a lot in the past few years.

"Yeah, I have," she said, somewhat casually, though the tension couldn't really leave her voice. "And I guess they have too," despite all of the miscommunication issues they'd had. Marco would probably never forgive her for blowing their cover to Tom/Iniss. "What about you?" she asked, somewhat awkwardly. She was dodging a little bit, but she was about ready to just jump to the point. She was getting impatient.

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

He shrugged, a slow roll of his shoulders, eyes still closed. "I'm ok. Dani arranged for this, I guess it's good. I'm still getting used to all of this." He blew out a soft breath. "I don't think anyone can get used to all of this overnight, you know? It's nice to be able to look at the stars."

Not see, but look. Glue his face to the window and glut himself on the view.

Just because something existed didn't mean it could be admired. Not in his situation. "It's different, in a lot of ways. Life seems a lot bigger." Or at least harder to measure. Three days at the time had been replaced by six months.

They had both been forced to change, to adapt, to grow to suit their environments. Neither was the person the other remembered any longer. That might be the safest part of this whole stupid invasion.

[pretty_lethal]

Rachel nodded to him, still watching him closely. After a moment, she took a few steps closer, looking past him at the stars. She still didn't come too close to him still, still wary. "So maybe Dani's not so bad..." she grumbled. But Rachel wasn't about to forgive her, not yet. Tom still wasn't free, and that was what she was most worried about.

"I guess," she replied to his comments about it being... bigger. In a way it was. She'd gotten used to weird, and she'd gotten use to space aliens and that sort of thing. But this had become bigger than anything back home was. Now there were universes involved. She wouldn't be overwhelmed though.

"How long do you have, anyway?"

[echoofaperson.livejournal.com]

"She's a good kid. I think her heart is in the right place." Even if sometimes her well intentioned meddling just made things worse. But he squashed the uncharitable thought, leaning his head back against the curve of the wall and watching the stars with his cousin.

"I guess it has to get bigger, much as we might want it to stay small. Stay in our backyards and mom and dad always knowing the right answer to everything. Watching Jake and Marco make themselves sick on Halloween candy and just...simple, stupid stuff. Getting a B on a test and dragging your feet on the way home because you don't want to tell your parents."

He sighed, staring at the stars and ignoring the question. "When'd it all turn to space aliens and killing each other and saving the universe, Rach? How'd we get here? How do we get back?"