Engel des Lichtes, Tod in seinen Flügeln halten, gefallen von der Anmut [Open]

[lackofdarkwings.livejournal.com]

What are you afraid of, in the darkness I wonder.

Do you fear death? Do you fear life itself? Do you realize that you were full of power and yet you did nothing?

No, the reasons being is that you fear yourself… and what you can do…

The appearance was that of a city, European accents along with Western design of a modern day city. The sun was setting as Matt stood atop a building, on the very tip of the spire that extended from the height of the building, his arms stretched out in a cross motion.

“I fear… myself,” murmured Matt as he stood in the wind as he watched the sunset through heavy lidded eyes.

Do not question me. I am your god. Do not forget your place or I will not hesitate to harm this captive. Or I will detonate the bombs now.

Focus on the bombs, not me.

Matt let the cool wind whip around him, scarring his face with the biting cold of the winter day he had conjured up in the sensoriums, the sun dipping lower and lower. The words spoken still haunted him days later.

DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS GOA'ULD?" In one fluid motion, Ronon pulled out his gun and had it aimed at Shiva. "What makes you think I'll believe you're willing to kill your host and Nome with nowhere to go? Give me one reason why I shouldn't shoot you right now?

Fear. It ate at him. What was he, a warrior, a powerful councilor, a man who held life and death in his palms? Matt couldn’t say as the sun dipped lower and lower to the horizon.

Thank you.

Kawalsky’s last words. Matt had heard him, being this close. The numb shock and the tingle at his fingertips. If he had been a split second faster, he could have ended it. One blast. One blast, and yet…

The sun dipped below the horizon, and the snow turned to sleet, and then rain. A haunting alien voice echoed, its words too indescribable for him to understand but yet he did. It was the voice of his subconscious eating at him, telling him he was incapable of saving those who needed to be saved.

Shadows pulled themselves from the ground, fashioned in the form of man, glowing golden eyes and angry claws. They clustered around the pillar, chittering as they clambered up the railings and onto the spire. Matt didn’t notice, so involved in his grief that he hadn’t realized that the simulation had taken a dark turn for the worse.

One creature clambered up and it aimed a sharp talon, scoring a hit across his leg. He winced and jerked, almost falling off the spire as the creatures hooted and chattered like demented monkeys. “Crap,” he groaned as his hand ignited into crackling lightning.

"Kal," said Matt calmly as he gracefully interposed himself between the titan and the maniac, "Claims of godhood or not, he's still got the finger on the detonator."

His hands were in his pockets, but his posture relaxed, unthreatening. There was an eerie calm around Matt's being like he had done this before, had stared into the abyss, laughed, flipped it the bird and handed it twenty bucks for a shirt and shave.

Turning his gaze upon Shiva, there was a look in his eyes, something that seemed to wrench deep into the person's soul with an incredibly old look. "Gods don't smite indiscriminately. So tell me... what is your real goal, hmm?"

Matt stopped short at the memory, and it was all the time the creatures needed to pounce, dragging him off the towering spire.

And there.

He plummeted.

Comments

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

It might have just been a sensorium run that he had walked into, but the shadow around Matt was obviously having an effect on it, as he saw the boy start to get dragged off to a spire.

Alex's tendrils shot out, holding onto Matt, keeping him from falling further. "S-Sensorium override, end projection, safty mode engage."

The sensorium went blank, with Matt safely on the ground. Alex kept his distance, nervous about approaching such an imposing shadow. He wasn't entirely sure if Stacy would have allowed Matt to really get injured from the fall, but even if she didn't, he figured it was better safe than sorry.

Now that the sensorium was blank, Alex stood there, holding his laptop, with his free hand deep in his pocket. He was quiet and avoided looking up at Matt, but continued to stand there, unsure as to how to go about this situation.


((OOC: any issues, let me know. My email is x.-loveatfirstbite-.x@hotmail.com. I'm thinking the shadow would be a tier 3, but it's up to you. I should actually be on AIM later tonight, if you'd rather IM me instead.))

[drowpaladin.livejournal.com]

It was a familiar face--to Alex, at least--that came pelting in after the young man, chain a-jingle. Maydril paused for a moment, to take in the situation and take a breath in an attempt to catch her own. She had her sword in a makeshift scabbard slung across her back.

"I heard a scream," she said, breathlessly. "What is going on? Are you all right?"

[lackofdarkwings.livejournal.com]

Matt's eyes flickered open as he groaned and sat up. "N-nothing I just took a bad spill," he groaned, rubbing his head.

His expression was haunted and his normally cheerful expression replaced by a thin and gaunt appearance. Shadows trickled around him a little as he held his head.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex didn't like getting lied to, even for the best of reasons. Of course he was at least a little annoyed at Matt's attempt to mask his pain. As if the weird shadow-things weren't enough to tell him something was wrong, Matt was still suffering from the tier 3 shadow. It might not have had eyes, but Alex could sense it watching him, waiting for a chance to strike out.

"Y-You're not okay. Y-you let your imagination run wild w-with those shadow things, and you were getting dragged off... off..." Oh. That had been a tower. A tall tower. He was so concerned about Matt earlier he failed to even realize his surroundings.

He shook away the fear and continued, "off that tower. You c-could've died! You had the safety on the sensorium off!" If he wasn't so far away he might have smacked Matt, but realizing this just made him remind himself a bit of his father. Instead he took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down.

"P-please don' lie."

Even though Alex seemed to pay no mind- he was too focused on Matt- he was rather happy to have some help, especially from someone who lacked a massive looming shadow.

[drowpaladin.livejournal.com]

"I am glad you were here to help him, Alex," the paladin murmured, nodding to the older boy.

It was a skeptical, even wary look she turned upon the man, young though he was.

"If Alex says you lie, I am given to believe him. Why do you do this? I heard you." Likely she wasn't the only one, with the psychic scream she'd been able to pick up.

The half-drow paused for a moment, thinking. Nearly white brows furrowed, and she tilted her head, then.

"You were concerned with those who died, are you not?" A heavy question indeed, but one that was full of concern, and compassion. She drew closer to the man, crouching down to better look at his face.

[lackofdarkwings.livejournal.com]

"... yeah." Said Matt quietly. He did have the sensorium on at full, but at the same time, he was still disoriented. So much misery was flooding his system and his empathy was running wild.

Suddenly, the world went dark around them as a tall tower materialized in front of them. Dark shadows began to pull themselves out of the ground, claws, man-like forms with tendrils and eyes like beasts glowing yellow. They hissed in an alien tongue that made Matt stiffen up in worry.

"Kul sha tul nu shurab shurab!" hissed the leader as it sped towards the group with the rest swarming.

Matt reacted immediately, thrusting an arm past May and lightning blasted outwards, tearing through the leader which vanished into smoke before reforming.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

What? It had re-activated? Matt overrode his override. Well, that meant that going that was was pretty much useless. Thanks, Stacy, for giving the crew something that could go wrong so easily.

Alex bit back on his fear, instead using it to summon his tendrils, trying to hold back some of the shadows, with only some luck. They were slowed down, but they were able to break free from his grasp. Well, at least it gave him the chance to land in a few punches with his shadow-encased hand, so that his fist felt more like a rock than flesh and bone. It only took a hit or two when he hit them like that, using his tendrils to hold back other parts of the swarm.

[drowpaladin.livejournal.com]

She gave a startled cry, but that only lasted for a moment. Reaching behind herself, she drew her two-handed sword and darted forward into the midst of a group of the shadow-creatures, swinging her sword.

With the grace typical of her mother's people, May rammed the blade through a line of four of them, dissipating them into that smoky substance. She wasn't certain if they were reforming behind her like Matt's had. She couldn't check. The last one in the row she'd taken out was making rather suspicious gestures--like an Elemental invocation without the rune-words.

She ended that with a kick to its gut from her greave-encased foot.

[lackofdarkwings.livejournal.com]

Shadows fell from the attacks, many of them exploding into smoke as physical and magical attacks cleaved through the lines. The one hammered by May was interrupted from conjuring up the shadowy arrowhead that would have caused some serious damage to the group.

Matt stumbled about like a drunken man, his head filled with the misery of the ship from the recent turn of events. He lashed out blindly with magic, striking things, sometimes scoring the pavement.

It started to rain as a moon came out.

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex saw the way Matt was acting. The shadows would keep coming so long as Matt was feeling like that. Alex's stomach churned at the thought of it, but he was going to have to eat Matt's shadow.

It would more than likely come back from whatever root that caused it, and might come back stronger, but he wouldn't be in the sensorium, and Alex would make sure to explain what was happening to him. It would make things easier at least.

Swallowing his fear he turned on Matt, tendrils shooting out and grabbing the tier four shadow as Alex rushed at Matt. He punched at the air next to Matt's head, burying his hand into the shadow and absorbing it into himself.

All the sadness that Matt had been taking from others throughout the ship washed over Alex. He let out a terrible, almost unearthly moan as it passed into him, as he began the internal battle against the grief and pain.

His skin seemed to split on it's own in random patterns, as if the scars that were already on his body were tearing themselves open again. On the inside, he was losing the battle. He had never felt anything like this before. Normally when he ate shadows, it was from a single person. It carried a single root or set thereof. This... there were so many people, so many different bases to the emotions, all in one shadow. He wasn't even sure of how to start processing all that pain. Instead he could feel himself slipping, falling, like his body was flowing down, but his soul was being dragged upwards.

He fell to his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks, shaking. It was Alice who helped him hold himself together. She began to chatter and to nibble at the edges of his ear. It helped him realize something outside just the misery that was fighting to destroy him from the inside out. It gave him the strength to start beating the shadow down, even as more fine wounds began to appear on his skin.

[drowpaladin.livejournal.com]

Maydril turned in time to see the wounds appear on Alex's skin. With the monstrous shadows (the ones she could perceive, anyway) seemingly defeated, she let out a startled cry and went over to him. One touch told her that there wasn't a great deal she could do--not at her current training level, anyway.

"Be calm, Alex, we will help you. However we can." Though she wasn't entirely certain what that was.

She reached Matt next and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Are you all right?" He seemed a bit roughed up, but his wounds were not as bad as the ones she'd sensed on Alex. "We need to get Alex to the healers somehow!" Not that the half-drow was even certain where that was...

[lackofdarkwings.livejournal.com]

"Ugh, I'll live," replied Matt, groaning as he sat up and rubbed his head. "I think we'd better get Alex to the Medbay though. He seems worse off than I am."

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex didn't outwardly react to Maydril's touch, but it did give him strength. It reminded him that there was more outside his own mind. He rebelled against the crushing grief and pain as it tried to drag him under.

No. You can't get lost in this.
But why is it so painful?
Why are they gone?
Why couldn't I do more?
Why?

What was that? Why was he feeling the sense of loss he saw in Billy? The project. She was so much a part of it, but now she's gone.

The project just made it hurt more, that she was gone.

He'd need to tell Billy to use that gun as a celebration of her memory. Yes! He had to tell Billy! He had to overcome this pain. It wouldn't swallow him.

It couldn't swallow him. That would just make more loss, more pain, more shadows. It would hurt those he had come to care about.

It would make a shadow eat at Luna.
At the Doctor.
At Katara.
No.
No.

Think! Remember where you are.

Stacy. The Sensoriums. What are you doing? That guy, the one who had been in so much pain. He had been saving him. Saving him from this.

'Heroes don't cry.' That was what Loretta always said. He had to see her again. He had to introduce her and Mikel and even Amanda to all the wonderful people he's met on the ship. He had to see all of his friends again, new and old alike.

His eyes snapped open, and he realized he had been making these terrible unearthly moans since they began to fade. He was still in pain, but this was different. This was a sort of physical pain, different from that grief. That grief was gone. Swallowed. He still had a sense of it, but it was more like a flavour left in the mouth after a meal. He took a rattling breath in, and sighed in relief.

His eyes closed once again.

Alex crumpled.
Alice screeched in fear.

His breathing was shallow, his pulse was rapid, and he was still bleeding. His clothes all were covered in blood. He seemed to be going into shock, and yet he wore a sort of sad but accomplished smile.