trans_9 | Worlds Apart [closed] [Set before moleplot and aliensplot]

"It's nothing," he lied.

He wasn't sure what was bothering him, the conversation with Snotlout, or the conversation with Julian.

After thinking about it, though, it was more than the conversation with Julian had reminded him of something in the conversation with Snotlout, and now he had a question he didn't want to ask her.

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Still not looking at him. "Mm'kay."

She won't push it. That's the thing-- you don't push it with Hiccup. When he has something to say he'll say it one way or the other.~ Now let's see how long he can keep quiet.

Her fingers tickle at the dragon's nosey.

Toothless sniffed his nose, wiggling it, making a happy chuffing sound at her playing. The dragon liked Astrid--in fact, of all the humans there were, she was easily his second favorite.

In the meantime, Hiccup lasted, oh, all of thirty seconds, as he sat there watching her. Of course, he didn't phrase it like he was bothered.

"So I talked to Snotlout, and he said I wasn't embarrassing anymore. That as long as I didn't want up un-cool again, everyone here from our tribe would have my back."

That was a good thing, right?

"And then there was some jerk that mocked Toothless and made fun of me for not having a girlfriend, even when I set him straight on that."

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Okay, that was typical coming from Snotlout. But this "jerk" fellow...

Astrid puts on a smile and cups Toothless' face, scritching and rubbing the sides of his head. "--And Toothless ate him, right? Chewed and gobbled down that mean ol' jerk and shut him up.~ Such a good boy!"

Oh no, don't misunderstand, she is definitely irked by what Hiccup is telling her.

"Toothless held off so he wouldn't get in trouble with the ship. And I told him off, not that it did any good."

So what was bothering him? He hadn't gotten to it yet.

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Lame. "Hm, well I don't necessarily mind trouble..." she murmurs, rubbing her chin. Yep, she's considering personally butting in herself.

"Then again, you can't expect everyone to be all honeysuckles and daisies. And you know the history and relationship between you and 'Lout. Why let it bother you?"

That again. "Why?"

"You don't have to worry about it with the jerk. If the worst insult he could come up with was just something outright wrong..." Hiccup shook his head. "Besides, I don't plan to bother with and I doubt he'd bother with me."

But there was still that one thing...

"With Snotlout, it's not like I expect anything different. I figure, if they're here--or if we get them back--most of the tribe would say the same thing. As long as I'm not an embarrassment anymore, I get my place, you know? I get that."

He wasn't quite sure how to ask this.

"I figure you--you think the same thing, right?"

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The hand on Toothless visibly flinched, pausing.

Then, "You are who you are, Hiccup. I think the tribe has finally come to accept that." I've finally come to accept that. Though she can't speak for the whole tribe, she believes everyone genuinely adores him. Yes, Snotlout, too--it's barely there, but Hiccup has indeed sparked a change. "They realized they wronged you; don't you think that was embarrassing for them, too? So... if you make mistakes, if you do something "embarrassing"... they will forgive you and still accept you. And vice-versa." And I will forgive you.

She continued to brush the dragon's slick scales. "Cool. Un-cool. It doesn't matter to me, really. ...What I loathe most of all is betrayal." Explains her reaction upon discovering Toothless long ago... as well as a few unmentionable suspicions she gathered before discovering his secret.

"How did--"

He suddenly went quiet.

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This prompted an earlier conversation (http://community.livejournal.com/trans_9/450999.html?thread=33196471#t33196471/) in her recent memory. It wasn't a coincidence either that girl--Winry--would flash in her thoughts. There was now a subtle change in her tone, of slight apprehension, as she raised her eyes to look at him momentarily.

"...I also think they would be fearful. The tribe. If you are never satisfied and believe they will never change their outlook on you, you could just as easily leave it behind. Abandon them and take Toothless and find others that will accept you. I think... they realize the shock of that now." No, that can't be her speaking on behalf of the tribe alone...

It almost happened before. The time after he 'earned' the opportunity of having the glory of slaying the Nightmare. What if she really hadn't persistently spied on him and followed him that faithful day...?

A blink. "? How did...?"

"Do they now," he said, realizing full well that it certainly wasn't just the tribe who thought that.

For a moment, he just looked at her, and then he said, "What I was asking was...was how did I betray you the first time? 'Cause back when we were ten, one day you still talked to me, and the next..."

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"...The next, I dropped everything that would only be a hindrance in the long run," she nonchalantly finished for him, crossing her arms.

She knew the expression she held right now did not look pleased for this trip down nostalgia lane. She couldn't express how much this unsettled her. Her mouth twitched, composing herself from snapping at him and say exactly what she was thinking.

"That was my thinking at the time, I won't deny that." What the hell is he digging for? Why drag up the past? "Betray? No." Everything... everything between them is fine now, so why can he not be satisfied with just that! "The actual--or what I had thought--betrayal came at a later time..." Her eyes briefly locked on Toothless.

She won't be gentle.

"As for our childhood specifically... I didn't hate you--I pitied you. You were a dead cause. A potential disaster of a future chief. Our time together was fun for awhile, but I couldn't have something like that rub off on me." She grimaced at her words. It hurt to say. However, she can confide that she, among all others, were beyond wrong.

Of course this was not all.

There was wincing.

Ow.

"..."

Go on, Astrid.

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Her eyes avoided his. She can't watch how crushed he'll be.

"Could you imagine our relief when your father thrust you in Gobber's care? Manning the weapons and armor, you were useful at something. It got you off our backs at least."

It went on.

"Your antics were annoying. Your sarcasm unbearable. Worst of all, for whatever reason, you began to take on Snotlout's behavior, seizing any opportunity to blatantly hit on me when you should have been focusing on the tasks at hand to improve yourself and shape up!"

Err... was that a little below the belt?

There was a long sigh. "...While it was true you made little progress, it was my own fault for placing these selfish expectations on you. I was no better than everyone else."

She grew quiet, considering something before pulling her legs close to her, inevitably divulging further. "...I really... really admired him, you know. Pap-- Father..."

"His stories facinated me. He served your father diligently, one of his trusted friends. Against the flames of dragons to twarting the countless efforts of our rivals, wanting nothing more than to tear apart our way of living."

Her voice wavered some. "Sacrificing his time with mom and I-- when I knew deep inside he longed for peace and to enjoy the days at our port home. His home was the battlefield, but it was always there with us most of all. He really gave it his all for his village; he loved it and did everything in his power to protect it. And, you... you, the so-called heir of his precious comrade Stoick The Vast... if you never improved, you only would drive it into the ground!"

She sank, her head coming down to rest her forehead on her forearms. "I realize I did take it out on you in my grief... and I overlooked and took advantage of a lot of things in my goal of revenge."

Now Hiccup's legs were drawn up, and he looked almost physically pained. There was no way his face could fall anymore than it had fallen. Astrid had a way of not really holding anything back, good or bad.

Toothless got up, concerned, and let out an annoyed snort in Astrid's direction. Nuzzling the boy and lavishing affection on him, the dragon turned and glared at Astrid reproachfully.

He knew a Hiccup and Astrid talk when he heard one. This one was getting intense. That was his cue to leave them alone for a bit. But that was him rendering his discontent at how what was being said was upsetting his boy.

And also the glare was his way of saying he'd be close enough to listen, so it'd better not get any worse.

Hiccup almost would've preferred he stayed. He was a comforting presence. But at the same time, it was probably better if he didn't sit there and listen to it all.

"So... you stopped talking to me because you were driven and I was in the way, and because of grief, and because I was an embarrassment and you pretty much hated me in every way--when you weren't pitying me for being pathetic." A pause. "Good to know."

He didn't sound angry, just...miserable.

A pause. "I've met people here who wouldn't...do what everyone did. They just...like me. I didn't even have to do anything to get 'em to. What Snotlout said just made me wonder..."

He frowned.

"I don't think you're right about the village." He didn't trust them to not be fickle. "I think if I did something wrong..."

He couldn't seem to finish a thought today.

"I mean, you--you were my only friend back then, and then...you weren't. And despite it, I thought you were... I thought you were the bravest, most impressive, prettiest girl in all of Berk. And I though that way ever since I was six. If you shut it off that easily, I just...wonder if you could do it again. You say those things about how you and everyone think differently now, but there's a part of me that can't make myself believe them."

And that was why he couldn't let go of what Snotlout said. He had dug himself into a worry hole and was only digging deeper.

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She won't condemn Toothless. If she were him, she'd get away from her, too. After all, she must be pretty unsightly right now.

Now it was her turn to wince. She knew he has every reason to doubt them-- to doubt her. Was there any way to convince him otherwise?

Astrid sank lower. "The rumors didn't exactly help, either..."

What is she doing, something screamed inside her to stop there. When she wants him to believe in his people... now...

"Rumors?"

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"Oh I'm sure you knew. Maybe you were thinking I was brave, impressive, and--and other things. But the cold hard fact is to some I was a spoiled, snotty daddy's girl. A rival of many kids. Someone to take down in order to rise in the ranks. 'Surely putting that Hofferson girl in her place will do the trick.' "

Chances are, Hiccup knew of the fights. Fighting quickly became a staple in her life. She'd point out specific people, but she can't remember their faces, partly on account they were bloodied up...

Narrowing her eyes to the ground, she strangles a patch of grass in her fist. "...And you know what? Sometimes I liked it. They lined up, I knocked them down. Merely practice for the real thing," she admits almost regretfully, tearing the grass from the floor. It was only weeds--much like those mouthy kids--did it matter?

"However, thinking I... " Unaware she's now clenching that grass in her fist. "With father gone, thinking and spouting out such nonsense that I would use you-- the chief's son to get ahead just because of my family's history with yours. Because there couldn't possibly be any other reason why I would hang around you. It... it was just foul." At the time, her most selfish feelings were that she absolutely needed no one to get ahead. Even so, she would never be that low, but...

"Still, I let it get to me and...I dropped everything that would only be a hindrance in the long run," she quotes herself.

She never wanted him to know, but it was just like their kind to pick at the scars.

Hiccup sat there in silence for a good long while, knees drawn up. He wasn't sure what to say.

Eventually, he said simply, "I didn't know about those rumors."

Just a lot of the others ones, the names, the talk behind his back and to his face. Hiccup the foolish, Hiccup the pain, Hiccup the useless.

Why dwell on the past like this, though? Why torture himself for what once was in a village that was no more? That was the part he was wondering to himself, and then he found the answer to his own question.

"I'm the same person now that I always was. That's what scares me. It makes more sense to me that how everyone sees--saw me now, that how you see me now--is you seeing me in the wrong light now, rather than everyone doing it then. Like, this is all just...a phase."

Stupid Snotlout. Why did he have to say that and make him think about all this?

"And you're one of the people who I want to always see me that way." His voice cracked a little there. "Even if you eventually dump me someday, you're still my friend."

Pressing both his lips together for a moment, he looked up at her with glistening eyes, and said, "Even after all that, even after ditching me, I always considered you my friend. Even if you didn't want to be my friend back. And I can't make this horrible...feeling that I might lose you again go away, but I can promise you that it'll always be that way. I'll always be here if you need me. Even if there comes a time you don't want me."

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"OW! Always with the punching!"

He rubbed at his shoulder.

"What was it for that time?"

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She shot him a very pointed look. "That's for dwelling on the past and trying to make things awkward between us when I have to go to bed with you later."

(Whoa, now that would've sounded weird if someone else overheard.) Also, for making me feel like crying and reminding me how horrible I was!

"...You know, I made up my mind that night after we discovered the nest. After you were willing to take on the whole village if it meant saving Toothless and the dragons."

She turned a shade of pink, looking everywhere but at him. "I-I don't know if it was the moonlight. It may have been the moonlight... But I saw the real you... the real boy behind the insufferable twit." No offense, Hiccup, you know the way she is with words. "So be it soaring on a dragon, flipping through the air and fearing of falling to my doom... or taking on his beast of a father and a beast of a dragon against all odds. ...From then on, I realized that I wanted to stick by him."

She began to lay it on him, leisurely throwing out her legs and leaning back. "Yes, you can be a complete idiot... and you can't swing an axe to save your life, and you come up with the weirdest things, but I think of it this way..."

"--If you can't pick up that sword or axe, then I'll bear that axe for you. If you do anything embarrassing or stupid, I'll just be there to wallop you good."

There was a genuine smirk playing across her lips.

"I'm sorry, but 'fraid you're stuck with this spoiled, daddy's girl. Deal with it."

Oh he could cry. He wouldn't, because that'd be unVikingly, but he could. Somehow he believed it this time. Maybe it was that it was punctuated by violence, and that drove it home. Maybe it was just because hearing it said so matter-of-factly helped cut through that cycle of doubts.

"You are the least-spoiled, most amazing person I know. Leave all the self-deprecation to me, okay? "

Suddenly remembering something, he fumbled inside his vest.

"You being...uh, amazing just reminded me--I made you something."

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It was nice to see him smiling again. And she felt somewhat better after that hit.

"Fine, but I swear I'll beat the self-deprecation out of you one day--"

"--Made what?"

Well, he has her attention.

Hiccup pulled out a charm (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v38/psychicsaphie/hiccup/charm.png) on a thick chain. It was a plaited symbol that stood for success or, more importantly, protection from evil forces.

"First thing I made in the new forge. I've had it in my pocket for days trying to figure out what to say when I gave it to you because I'm me, and therefore an idiot. I mean, I can sleep with a girl in the same bed and can't figure out how to say, 'Here's a present, I love yo--'"

He froze, and went bright red.

"...That is to say, uh, as a friend--in a caring about you sense. I care about you, and I wanted to give you a present and let you know that I cared about you and--oh no." He buried his face in his free hand. "See, see this is why I was so worried about what I was going to say, because I knew--I just knew I was going to sound like an idiot or say something that sounded more intense than I meant it--"

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