http://so-pregnable.livejournal.com/ (
so-pregnable.livejournal.com) wrote in
trans_92010-08-03 03:17 am
Entry tags:
Shrunken Heads [Closed]
Superspeed means not being seen. Just a rush of air, just a flash of...something out of the corner of someone's eye, that's what people tend to feel and see. And that's how Kon makes his way into one specific Sensorium.
Kon hadn't wanted anyone to see him meet with the man waiting for him here.
"What, no office? None of those chairs with the little headrests? I'm feeling skimped on here, Doc."
Sarcasm. Total defense mechanism.
Kon hadn't wanted anyone to see him meet with the man waiting for him here.
"What, no office? None of those chairs with the little headrests? I'm feeling skimped on here, Doc."
Sarcasm. Total defense mechanism.

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"If this is the place that makes you feel the most comfortable, then by all means," he gestured towards the empty room, "make yourself comfortable."
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Then a field spreads out from his feet, and he and Samson are standing on top of a hill, looking out over rolling wheat fields. There's a farm nearby--Kon's careful to make it look different from the Kent farm, with a grain silo. The sun is warm on their faces, but not too hot, and there's shade there, because of a huge oak tree growing on the hill.
"Still missing something," he says thoughtfully, and then snaps his fingers and there's a chair for Samson that looks like it belongs with a fancy desk, but there's no desk with it, and no other furniture.
Rather than summoning up a place for him to sit, he simply sits in the empty air, floating as if he's perched in a comfy seat.
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He took a seat in the very-out-of-place office chair.
"Why this location?" Kon didn't particularly strike him as a farmboy.
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Not a farmboy in his bones, but he's learning to be one now. Or at least he was.
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"What was your favorite activity to do outside when you were here?"
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But he does love that dog, embarrassing though it may be.
"With trees. (He's got powers, too.)"
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Anyway...
"Now, at the end of our last conversation, there was quite a bit you needed to get off your chest. Is there anything in particular you'd like to begin this conversation with?"
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"I don't know how to talk about that stuff."
Here's where the struggle lies.
"I wanna deal with it so it's not bugging me anymore, but I don't know how to start. I'm not really Mr. Feelings, y'know?"
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Samson looked through the few notes he took the other day.
"You said you were cloned from your world's greatest hero and greatest villain, correct?"
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"Total scum. He'd toss a girl scout troupe in a volcano if it served his purposes somehow. Power-hungry, manipulative, occasionally sadistic, twisted..."
How does one describe Lex Luthor, really?
"He doesn't do it for wealth. Yeah, he goes in for that, but it's not enough for him, and he doesn't just do it for power. He does everything for Lex Luthor. For his own ego. And more than anything else, he has a hate-on for Superman."
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Finally, he says, "He made me."
He doesn't know how to explain it.
"He snuck into Project Cadmus, made it so half my DNA was from him, put programming in my head..."
There's too much to say here.
"The guy created a living person just to get to an enemy. And when you've had someone control you, when you were made by them to be controlled..."
Kon admits, honestly, "Yes. He scares the ever-lovin' shit out of me."
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"There's no shame in being afraid," he responded gently. "And I do know how hard it is for you to admit that. No one wants to be the victim. Especially when they're supposed to be the hero."
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Either he'd been in control, but responsible, or it'd been out of his control and he'd been a victim. Powerless.
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"Most victims of subliminal mind control that, as a defense mechanism, they choose to blame themselves. With more over mind-control, as in, being controlled by a telepath or something, they can point to the external influence and say 'that clearly was not me at all, no part of me wanted to do those things at all, it was that telepath.' But with a more subliminal control, they can't point to that, so they point the finger within. After all, the thoughts behind those actions had to come from somewhere, right? So they believe that there was something in them all along, some part of who they are that always wanted to do the awful things that they were forced to do. That all someone else did was unearth what was there and let it run free.
"Except that's not the truth at all.
"Superboy... someone put a thought in your head that was never yours. They made you do things that no part of you ever wanted to do. You were as much as victim as anyone who got hurt in that mess.
"For any boy, super or not, that can be incredibly painful in and of itself. But, in your circumstance, you probably feel as if you accept that truth, that you'll be disappointing Kal, that' you'll be failing to live up to the standards of Superman, and worst of all, that you'll be surrendering power to Lex Luthor.
"Am I right?"
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That'd be a yes.
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"I want you to listen to me very carefully.
"What happened to you wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could do to stop it.
"Accepting what happened will not give power to Lex Luthor. It'll be the first step in taking it away.
"This isn't a scar on your psyche, this is an open wound. You can try to ignore it, to bury it under layers of bravado, nonchalance, and immaturity, but it'll still be there. So long as it is there, Lex does have a power over you. He has a way to hurt you and a way to make you afraid.
"But if you accept the truth, it will hurt, and I'm sorry that it will, but the pain will eventually pass. Not overnight, but it will pass, and that wound will heal. And once it does, you'll be stronger, and Lex won't have that power, he won't have that way to hurt you anymore.
"If you can do that, then if Kal is even a fraction of the man you told me he is, then he will be more proud of you than you can possibly imagine. Because confronting that kind of pain and coming out stronger? That takes the strength and courage of a true Superman."
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"It used all my own feelings when he did it. Said the code words and it was my anger, my hate, dialed up to a hundred."
He said, "I'm not bad, am I. Not from his DNA and not from what he made me do. That's the hard part to think. It's like, in my head, I'm a rotten apple, and only the outside doesn't look that way, and I keep having to tell myself the inside's not rotten."
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"So you tell me. Have you chosen to be a bad person?"
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But.
"But no. I've always tried to be a good person. Even if sometimes I suck at it."
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He smiled kindly at Kon.
"So how does it feel, knowing that you really are a good kid?"
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"Better. I feel...better. Still mixed up a little, but I don't know. It's easier to believe something when someone else tells you than when you're telling yourself. Too easy to second-guess yourself."
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"Now, before we end this session-- and I probably should've warned you about this-- you're getting a bit of homework."
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"Sometime between now and the next time we talk, I want you to go out and do something that is uniquely you. Not something Kal would do. Not something Lex would do. I want you to do something that, everyone who knows you, who happens to see you, will go 'that is so... Superboy', or whatever your real name is, because no one else alive would do something like that.
"So... be you. And enjoy it. And be completely unashamed about it.
"...then write me a ten page report on how that feels."
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"And the report should be single spaced," he said as he made his way towards the door. Apparently he was serious about this homework thing.