trans_9 | Coping at Ke'e Beach

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Coping at Ke'e Beach

So, what do you do when you find out you're going to die? Kon's seen how thrown Kal is from his death--but Kal comes back. Even if he doesn't believe it now, Kon knows this, and he knows that he's not likely to have the same thing happen to him. He's not Kal. The world doesn't need him like it needs Kal, so why would he come back?

Heh. The Good Ship Stacy: two good-as-dead Super-guys enter, one super-guy leaves.

...Okay, that's kinda not funny.

Superboy doesn't know if he can take his mentor's tack of playing it by ear and trying his best to help everyone else. He doesn't know if he can get over the whole feeling lost part of it to get to what he needs to do, and just deal with their situation here.

Even after all his talk to Tim of not avoiding people, Kon deals at first by avoiding the others. But it's just for a bit, just a little while, not like all that time he spent on the farm, hiding, after Luthor made him hurt everyone, and the difference is, he's not hiding from coping, or repressing, this is how he copes. He just doesn't like people to see the initial anger--and it is anger, that he expresses by punching robots in the Sensorium until his knuckles start to bleed.

Heh, and that leads to his other problem. Not enough sunlight. The stuff in the Sensoriums feels like the real deal, but it's obviously not, if he can't process it so that his powers stay at full super-levels, and the light that Will kid's been conjuring up for him is weak. He's going on empty now. He can be hurt.

And it just drives it home even more exactly how...mortal he is.

But if anyone comes looking for him and poke their head in the Sensorium, they'll find him not punching robots or moping and brooding. If they peek in, they'll see him sitting on a rock on a beach bathed in the glow of a Hawaiian sunset. He hasn't availed himself of holographic clothes, but his plantsuit is stripped down to his waist, and he's writing things on one of the media pads from the Media Library, a thoughtful look on his face.

"--Have I ever been sledding? No. Better put that on there..."

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression... is he at acceptance already? Maybe his general attitude of rocketing through his life at warp speed is benefiting him for once.

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"Really...?" Lyta said, still looking out at the ocean waves as they crested and crashed onto the beach.

"So, why aren't you doing that?" she asked, turning her attention back to Kon.

"Whenever I go underwater, I always get nervous about getting eaten by sharks."

"Hmmmm." Lyta smiled a bit at that admission. Holy crap! One of the dangerous kids made Lyta smile!

"Well, don't quote me on this but I think Stacy could get rid of the sharks if you asked her."

"I still do not trust the shark infested waters." :|

He goes on, "Partly, I'm worried the Sensoriums will pull something from my subconscious and it'll be all 'bwaaaah! Here, Kon, have a Shark-man! And a drowning!' Gotta watch out for them Shark-men, you know?"

"No, actually, I don't," Lyta answered, still smiling. ~~Whoa.~~

"But we don't exactly have 'Shark-men' where I came from. Although, we do have the pak'ma'rah and a lot of people find them a little disturbing."

"Packwhatta?"

"pak'ma'rah'," she repeated. "They're a... Well, they're a race of carrion-eaters. If it's not three-days dead and rotting, they won't go near it. Needless to say, their breath makes is extremely difficult for anyone to want to do business with them."

There's a pause.

"Yeah, that's not exactly the same thing, is it?"

"It's still kinda really gross, though," Kon says, wrinkling his nose, but kinda looking like he thinks it's cool, as a teenage boy might.

Roadkill scarfers! Ha! Gross but cool but gross.

"Yeah..." Lyta nodded. She was quiet for a moment before delving right into it. But, when she did, she got right to the point.

"So, what's wrong?"

Kon squirms.

"That obvious, huh?"

"Ever since you got here I haven't seen you away from your friends or not tearing up and down the ship for more than five minutes," Lyta notes aloud. "Now, here you are sitting all by yourself. And, from the looks of things, you've been here awhile. I don't have to be a telepath to notice that something has obviously changed."

"... you know how people come from different times and stuff? And sometimes they can be from someone else's future?" Kon says. "I found out, I'm supposed to die. Like, saving the world, so I can't even try to wiggle out of it I risk all those lives."

He keeps fiddling with his list.

"I'm a little, shall we say, 'bummed.'"

Lyta opens her mouth but, for a few moments, nothing comes out. What exactly does one say to a teenager who has just found out that he's going to die? What do you say to make him feel better? Her smile disappears and is replaced with a look of empathy. Finally...

"I'm sorry," she offers.

"When did you find out?"

Not even a real teenager, really. In mind and body, sure, but not in years actually lived.

Although he'd done more in these last five years than most people do their whole lives, that's for damn sure. His life has certainly been one that's been well-lived.

"About when I stopped tearing around the place. Before the big meeting. When the new group came in. Paco's Yeerk felt the need to have me informed as it croaked."

He goes on, "I'm...okay with it. As much as I can be, I guess. It's just got me thinking a lot."

He holds up the datapad.

"And doing this. I'm making a list of stuff I wanna do before I croak. I figure, even if it's weird, even if bad things happen here sometimes, I have more time, right? I have some extra time. So in between working on getting back and everything, I'm gonna live it up while I can. Do a few things I never got to do."

"Oh yeah?" Lyta got up from where she was perched on the tree and crossed over to Kon, looking down at his list of things. It was sad, really, all the seemingly mundane things he had written down to do before he died.

"You plan on doing these with someone?" she asked. "Or is this more an 'alone' kind of thing?"

"Maybe a bit of both," he says. "You can't have a snowball fight with yourself, right?"

He smiles a very small, crooked smile.

"I just don't wanna depress my friends, though. Like, I'm just...getting the moping out of my system now, for a week or something, and then I'll get to the living part. I'm already feeling a little better anyway--it helps what I'm probably gonna die for is worth it."

"Does it matter if it's worth it?" Lyta asked.

"Dying sucks. If it was for no reason, it'd suck even more."

He goes on.

"Not even just for me--thought mostly just for me--but I mean, if I just keeled over for some stupid reason, there'd be a lot of good I could do that I wouldn't get to do. If I have to die, I don't mind it so much if it's to save people."

"Ok...," she nodded.

"But what about people who do just 'keel over,' are their deaths really for nothing? Does how they died define who they are? I mean, when we get out of here--if we get out of here--and we have our memories back, is how you die really how you want people to remember you? Is that how you'd remember us? Regardless of anything else we do?"

"No. It's--"

Now he's getting a little annoyed.

"Lady, I'm five. I'm five years-old. I'm just artificially aged up. If that's what I die for, it means my life...I guess it means it meant something."

He goes on, "If I survive it, and my being willing to die for it, is why I can pull it off, it means my life means something, too."

Shaking his head, he finishes, "What's supposed to happen right beforehand... it means either way, I could die--or live--happy. And knowing I'm gonna do that just makes a lot of questions about myself go away."

Biting his lip a little, he tries very hard to figure out what he means.

"I've only lived five years and... it's not dying, it's what I'll be fighting for that makes it so I can be proud of my life, whether I die or not." He goes on, "What I'm supposedly going to do means people will be alive to remember. That's the part I'm proud of, and I'd be proud of it if I got to survive it."

Lyta offers him a sad frown.

"Your life doesn't mean something now?" she asked. "You have friends, Kon. From what I've seen, you have quite a few of them. And they all seem to care about you, and that's quite something."

Not having friends is something Lyta is familiar with, intimately.

"Why does whether you die saving the world, or just one person, or just tripping and falling down the stairs change any of that?"

"I kinda... well, I guess I wouldn't care if it was a dumb death too badly. I just don't wanna go like a chump, but I guess it wouldn't be too bad--if stuff wasn't the way it was when I left."

Scratching his head, he says, "The main thing is... I just wanna know the world'll go on after me. That all the people I care about will live. It's just comforting knowing even if I croak, I won't flub up and get everybody killed. I just... it's just a relief. I want them to all have a chance, even if I don't live to see it. And they will have a chance. I'm gonna lose my life, but I have have knowing my girlfriend survives, that my friends survive, that the people who take care of me make it. The world goes on, and apparently I'm gonna help it do that."

He can't really explain it adequately.

"It just...it feels like I'm losing less, because they're all going to be okay. All those innocent people will have a chance. It's comforting."

She nodded again. Meanwhile, all the rather disparaging things she'd said to Brainy--about Kon and the other superheroes--replayed in her head. It seemed that, in the midst of all the things she saw as 'screw ups', she'd forgotten that, despite their abilities, they were still people. Even if others had tried to point that out.

"No, I understand what you're saying," Lyta said. "Well, I'm not exactly an authority on it, and I know you didn't ask, but if you want my advice: I wouldn't do any of this alone. I mean, what's the point of experiencing all of this if you're not doing it with someone who'll remember doing it with you?"

"I guess." He snorts. "I guess I'd be a total hypocrite if I told Robin the same thing and did the opposite."

"I suppose that's one way of looking at it," Lyta replied. "For what it's worth, you've already given me a lot to think about."

Coping at Ke'e Beach

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