trans_9 | Making With The Normal

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Making With The Normal

"And here is the edge of The City, where we have actual real-life toilets that don't look like those plants that eat bugs."

What? That was a VERY IMPORTANT part of the tour. And Paco wanted to wash all of the Yeerk-associations with the place out of his head so he could use it without getting the heebie-jeebies.

He pushed the door open and strode inside. "Also, please enjoy the complementary graffiti."

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Paco hopped off the counter and crooked his finger, heading for the door.

"Smite's not in my vocabulary that much, but I like to imagine that the Big Guy says 'pwned' when he does it."

Yes, Paco could pronounce 'pwned'. He was just that kind of guy.

"The empathetic alien tree is exactly what it says on the tin," he said. "It's a tree, it's from Ax's home planet, and it's pretty friendly."

The Sub-Visser had wanted to chop it down or light it on fire. Paco shook his head and lead the way toward Escherville.

Oh, that one makes Dean laugh. He's heard the term before, and what makes it funnier is picturing Castiel saying 'pwned'. The angel would just stare, like he always did when Dean made a joke.

"See, I know angels, and they've got no sense of humor, I swear." Dean answers. "So if the Big Guy's got one, they sure as hell didn't inherit it."

The alien tree idea sort of sounds weird to Dean, but hey, if he was going to go on a tour, he might as well get the full experience.

"Ax is that blue horse thing, right?" Dean asks, following Paco.

"You've met angels? Seriously?" Paco asked, turning around and walking backwards. "That's pretty cool. Except the lack of humor. Maybe your angels like...puns or something. Because the Big Guy's got to have one, or else a bunch of people are pretty screwed."

Paco changed directions to lead Dean to the Tree. It was a little out of the way, but it was between the bathroom and Escherville.

"Yup. Andalite. Gotta say, him being an alien? Makes so many things make so much more sense."

"Yeah. But they're all dicks." Dean replies, shrugging. "Man, if Cas ever shows up or gets slimed in or whatever, try telling him a joke. It will get you nowhere, seriously."

Dean's oblivious as to where they are. Paco could be leading him into the Great Pit of Carkoon, for all he knew.

"Yeah? Why's that?"

"Maybe they're compensating for something?" Paco suggested with a grin. "If 'Dogma' taught me nothing else, it's that angels don't have 'em."

If they had a Great Pit of Carkoon on this ship, they hadn't found it yet. But it would be so cool if they did.

"I don't know about you, but when there's a fourteen-year-old kid wandering around gibbering to himself and doing nerd herd-level science, I start worrying that we're going to find him giggling to himself, covered in gore, and leading a robo-zombie army of doom."

They were on a sentient meatship (that might have a Great Pit of Carkoon on it). Anything was possible.

Dean laughs at that. "Probably. One of them, Uriel? He acts like he's got a stick up where the sun don't shine all the time."

No joke. Dean's inner nerd (what, he has one, it's just buried really, really deeply) would have a heart attack.

"Yeah, see, that's just creepy," Dean replies. "S'like this one demon chick back where I came from, she always possessed little girls. Creepy as hell."

"Enlighten the angels with humor, Dean," Paco teased. "Teach them to smite the unworthy with knock-knock jokes."

He shook his head. "Yeah. So you see why I like the 'mouthless alien nerd' idea better, even if he looks like he could take someone's head off by wiggling his butt."

The rounded the corner of one of the buildings, revealing the Tree in all of it's symmetrical, blue-colored glory. The grass surrounding it was a greener shade of blue, and...something seemed to reach out to both of them in greeting. It wasn't a voice like Ax's, or even like Stacy's, and there weren't any words. But it knew they were there, and it welcomed them.

Paco heaved a sigh and closed his eyes for a moment. "I think this is like the Andalite version of a church or something. That'd fit in with the rest of the stuff down here."

"Man, I should. Wonder if Cas would smite people who tell bad jokes if I told 'im they were demons." Dean jokes, chuckling.

But he does agree with the alien nerd bit. "No joke. See, I like it better when whatever I'm fighting doesn't have psychic powers. Makes it sort of unfair."

And then there's the Tree, and wow, Dean is actually sort of speechless. Whatever it is that reaches out to them startles Dean, though, and even though it's not malicious, Dean's careful to watch around him.

"Yeah. The Vatican's down here too, isn't it?" Dean says, and despite himself, he's relaxed. It's the atmosphere.

"Oh definitely," Paco said. "I haven't had to fight psychics yet, but I bet they're a lot harder to whack over the head."

Paco liked the Tree, and not just because the Sub-Visser had hated it. It was just alien enough that it didn't seem weirdly out of place (like the bathrooms did), and just normal enough that it didn't give him the creeps (like the toilets Stacy wanted them to use). Say what you would about the Andalites, but they had good taste in plants.

"Yeah, it is," he said. "The City's pretty much a world tour of important-and-or-religious buildings, all in one place. Like Epcot or whatever, but on a meatship instead of in Florida."

"Right, 'cause you can't sneak up on them. Mind-reading sucks."

It's very peaceful here, and Dean thinks that this is one of those places he'll be visiting a lot and not telling anybody. Reputation and all that.

"Huh. That's weird," Dean replies, and that's saying something, especially considering what sort of life Dean leads. "This ship's pretty big, isn't it? You think we're actually in space or something like that?"

"So the only option is to come swinging at them from the front," Paco said. "Did you try thinking about really weird stuff to throw them off? Then again, when you're psychic, it probably takes something really bizarre to knock you for a loop..."

Paco was kind of surprised that more people weren't hanging out around the tree, honestly.

"I think so, yeah," he said. "I'm not an astrologist or anything, but I don't recognize any of the constellations outside the Observation Deck windows, and they keep changing, so...space. Maybe I'll get to blow up a planet this time."

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Making With The Normal

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