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trans_92010-06-03 11:40 pm
cabbage-butt.livejournal.com) wrote in trans_92010-06-03 11:40 pm
Entry tags:
During Podpop [Open]
Brainiac 5 had been released from GLaDoS's clutches with another individual [PLACEHOLDER: A LINK TO A LOG WITH SPENCER WILL APPEAR HERE LATER], who he'd given some explanations and something of an abrupt tour to, and quickly found his way to Obs Deck, only to find it was rather occupied at the moment.
"Just what we need--more of the dazed and ignorant masses," says the Coluan only mildly contemptuously.
Then he keens a look for the individuals he'd very much like to see.
"Just what we need--more of the dazed and ignorant masses," says the Coluan only mildly contemptuously.
Then he keens a look for the individuals he'd very much like to see.
no subject
Her voice is going up and up in pitch, her hands are trembling but she jabs a finger into his chest anyway.
"Just because you're so smart doesn't mean you always know what's better for me. You think you can solve everything with logic. I make you feel something you're not comfortable with so you're going to set me aside and tell me I'm just a DISTRACTION and that I don't know what I really want and make up whatever shit you need to make up to sour-grapes your way out of that discomfort."
Her arms cross over her chest and pin her hands to her sides because if she doesn't she could just HIT him right now...
"You f*cking coward. Do you have any idea how much I've thought about this? The time I spent laying awake, replaying all the time I've spent with you in my head, trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do. Do you seriously think I can just be happy and content with Paco when you're in the back of my mind all the time? Do you have any idea how bad it feels when he's holding me and I know he thinks that I love him just as much as he loves me, and I can't be sure that that's true anymore? Of course I care about him, I always will, but I just... "
She chokes up at that for a minute, guilt tripping her words.
"There isn't an easy answer here where no one gets hurt, Querl. It isn't like that."
no subject
Querl quickly shakes his his head.
"Never mind, there's no point in you even answering that question. I've had time to think about it and I've made my decision. I--I will always consider you a friend, but we keep veering towards something that--"
You know, he is being a coward, isn't he. A Legionnaire, unwilling to face something because it unnerved him. How was it that Darkseid seemed easier than all this?
Honesty. She wanted--no, she deserved honesty.
"We keep veering towards something I'm not ready for." Gritting his teeth, he let out a sigh through them and finally looked at her. "Towards something I'm not even sure I'm capable of."
He held up his arm, showing off the scars on his wrist.
"I'm a very...dysfunctional individual. I'm emotionally crippled in ways many other sentients aren't."
There. There, he admitted it. It wasn't the rest of the world not bowing down to his intellect, it was him. Something he'd known all along.
"Even if you--even if you truly do enjoy the company of that individual, even if you're ready to pursue--" a shrug "--whatever it is you're ready to pursue, it doesn't mean that I'm even...that I'm even capable..."
His shoulders sag.
"I don't know how to care about another person, Brenda."
He adds, after a brief pause. "I can't function in a relationship--it's difficult enough just functioning as a 12th-level intellect--I feel like a giant traipsing through a land full of intellectual midgets."
no subject
She meets his eyes for a second before pushing up on her toes, getting just a little bit more height so that she can kiss him soundly.
There's nothing hesitant about it, nothing flinching or delicate. She puts everything into it, understanding that it might be the only time.
She leans close to his ear when she pulls away.
"I think that's a lie. I think you do know how, I think you could figure it out if you tried. I think you can handle so much more than you believe you can." She lets out a slow breath, avoiding meeting his eyes because she can't say this with a calm face on. "But if you're determined to tell me you can't then fine. We'll be friends, and we'll pretend like nothing happened, and when you figure out wether or not what we could have is worth the risk to you then you come find me."
Because this isn't as simple as telling him off until he figures something out that lets him do what he needs to do. This isn't as short term or cut and dried as just escaping a nightmare or trying to crutch through grief on one another's shoulders.
She loves him, and to undermine the gravity of what she's asking him to do by telling him he's 'just not trying hard enough' isn't fair and doesn't reflect any compassion for his situation. This is bigger than just getting by. This is the kind of choice neither of them can take back. If it had been this intimidating and distressing for her to work through how she felt how must it be for him?
"Just don't... don't tell me that I can't feel this way about you. I can. I do. And when you figure out what you want I still will."
no subject
"What about Paco? This isn't fair to him."
Holy crap, where'd that sense of empathy come from? But it's there.
no subject
"And Paco's been with me too long to just never talk to me again or something."
She thinks, she hopes, she prays to God...