trans_9 | Keeping Occupied

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Keeping Occupied

Cale stood in the media library in one of the pod-rooms, the broken pod-room, to be exact. His brow was creased and his nose scrunched up as he concentrated on the bizarre-looking terminal on the wall. He pressed one of the buttons and got a low ‘beep’ in reply, but the screen remained blank. He tried another. Another beep, still blank. He frowned but he wasn’t giving up. With practically nothing to do on this ship—what with the medbay taken over by the crabby green guy and this being the only other area left on the ship (the sensoriums were almost in constant use by other crew members) with any kind of identifiable technological aspect to it, Cale was determined to at least keep himself busy. And busy meant trying to TURN THAT DAMN SONG OFF!

Over and over the thing had repeated. Never stopping. Never giving even a moment’s break, and with the door wide open and it playing full volume, it was impossible to concentrate anywhere else in the media library—which is what he’d been trying to do earlier. Now, he was determined to fix what was broken…or at least drive himself crazy trying.

Beep. Beep-beep. Beep. Beep-beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep. Beep.

There! Right there! He’d had it. It went away but he’d still had it, if only for an instant. The screen flashed for just a moment and then went black again. He was making progress, getting closer. It was just a matter of time before that painstakingly awful song was gone for good.

“Yeah, and you thought I couldn’t do it, didn’t you,” Cale said aloud, apparently speaking to the troublesome terminal. “Well, I’ve got news for you buddy, I am about to own you.”

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There is a very loud, audible gulp from Cale as Stacy confirms that he and Leela are from completely different universes. Meaning the whole 'thousand-year age difference' was apparently not that big of a deal.

He starts to lean back away from her and opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted when the music in the room suddenly changes...AGAIN...

But he didn't touch anything this time. (Nothing! He swears!) So who the hell changed it?

It's...Bender Stack. One of the AI's. Oh, and look, he's got a sense of humor!

...
Ha-Ha! Well now, we call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and animals that you should know about

I'd appreciate your input

Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts...

If the sudden change in music wasn't enough to startle him, the hyper-sexual lyrics of the replacement were enough to send Cale sliding onto the floor with a dull--muffled by Stacy's fleshy nature--thud.

Leela's laughing so hard she can't stop.

"What the fuck did you do to the music player?"

She's laughing so hard she's almost crying.

"NOTHING!!!" Cale insisted. Adamantly so. "I swear, I didn't touch anything! Nothing!"

You and me baby me ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby me ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

"Wait wait. I think these rooms respond to mood, so..." She laughs. "What mood were you in?"

"Uh...um...uh..." Cale stammers. "I was uh...you know...in... That's personal."

Still laughing, Leela gets up and looks a the Media player herself.

"And you tried to fix it and all, right? Hmm..."

"Yeah, I tried to turn it off..." Cale insisted.

...Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it...

"Not change it to this!"

Just then, this guy appears on the screen. And...he's lip-syncing the lyrics.

...Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory"
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B-5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip...

And...he's doing a little booty-shaking jig to the beat.

"Looks like one of the minor AIs is having a little fun with us."

In between laughing, she takes a good look at the Media Player, as if figuring it out with her technological expertise. Then, after rubbing her chin, thoughtfully, she smacks it with her elbow.

The screen flickers back to the odd rotating scenes, away from the booty-shaking AI.

It's not off. Just different music this time.

At laaast (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fSY_S45rZ4)...my looove has come aloooong...
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song.
Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are bluuue...

"What the hell is this? It's trying to go for a '50's drive-in thing now?" She still looks amused, though, as she fiddles with it, tucking her hair out of her face again.

"A fifties what?" Future-boy, remember? And future boy is still on the ground, his skin pale--save for his cheeks which have turned a bright shade of pink--and feeling incredibly awkward after the last, rather explicit, song popped up from out of nowhere.

He's gonna stay on the floor for now.

"Drive-in movie theater. It was a date thing, kids did in the nineteen-fifties. They'd go drive somewhere like a drive-in movie and make it in the car," she says, still fiddling with the damn thing. "With music like this playing. This is Etta James. Although, honestly, doing it in a car is grand teenage tradition."

I found a thrill to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast

"I swear to god, if Marvin Gaye or Jefferson Starship's 'Miracles' pops on or somethin', an AI is getting shot."

"Doing it? You mean doing it as in...doing it?" Cale asked, trying to clarify. Though, given the nature of the last song, how could there be any confusion.

"Why does the ship want us to do it?" he asked, his eyes darting around the pod-room warily.

"Doing it as in doing their taxes--yes, doing it. Sex. Gettin' busy. Bumpin' uglies. Doing the horizontal hustle."

She keeps fiddling with the player.

"I don't think the ship wants us to do it. I think one of the AIs was having a joke on us, but like I said, the rooms that work respond to mood. And randomly pick songs based on the rooms of the occupants."

She arches her eyebrow at him.

"Mr. 'That's personal.'"

"I don't want to have sex with you," he refuted.

~~Me thinks the boy doth protest too much!~~

"At all. Ever."

"Says the guy who said I was hot earlier."

Cale climbed to his feet in a huff. Arguing with this girl was like talking to a wall. No matter what he said, she didn't budge. And what was worse was that she always turned what he said around and used it against him.

"You're impossible."

Another elbowing gets the music changed...

The Three O' Clock Blues. Damn.

She just gives him a Look, but says "Alright. Must just be the AI messing with us then."

"You're darn right it is," Cale said with a firm nod. "You're like, a thousand years older than I am. There's no way I would want to...you know...do that...with you...now."

"Of course not."

"Ever."

"You don't hear me saying otherwise, do you? So why you still harping on it?"

"I just want to make sure we're clear. I don't want you. At all. In any way. Just so there's no confusion. Because, you know, you're kind of annoying...and a pain in the butt."

"You realize the more you say that, the more it sounds like you're covering, right?"

Keeping Occupied

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