trans_9 | I will survive

"That..." She paused. "...okay, I can see how that happens." That was why she blasted Danny in that cabin, after all. "Still! It's stupid. Shouldn't adults know better?"

Dani was silent for a few moments, just staring at him. "...then should I just ask if you think your host is an animal?" The girl was not book smart and she didn't always get social cues, but she wasn't stupid. And she was pretty sure that was an evasive answer. It also helped part of her training with Vlad was to lie about who she was. Once she came to the conclusion that he was probably acting like that, she wasn't the kind to beat around the bush and try and confirm it.

"Even if that is how it works, it still doesn't change..." She trailed off then.

"You're putting too much logic into it, Dani. Just because you're an adult doesn't mean that you're any more mature than a little kid."

He paused, considering, allowing the lazy human persona to drop almost completely. "Animals are a very human thing to compare them too? Some of the host species aren't very smart and don't have a capacity to learn much beyond blind obedience anyway. The Gedd are like that, they're from our home world and were the first hosts we took. I admit that the host I currently inhabit has the capacity for sentience. That he has emotional attachments that I do not have the ability to understand or express with any degree of success. If I were to deny his sentience...well, it would be a very stupid thing and I probably wouldn't live very long. I think it would be hard to put what we consider the hosts into human words without sounding like we're dismissing them completely. He, the host, is useful to me in a number of ways, many of which have nothing to do with the body I inhabit. Though I do stand by my earlier statement about the hamburgers. The humans and other creatures we inhabit are still very much alive, and if I choose, you could talk to him just as you could another human. He can see and hear and feel everything that is going on around him, he just can't speak." It was as much honesty as he was willing to give her, and more than he would have given another human. She had done a great deal of work to get to this point, and he believed that competence and intelligence deserved their own reward.

"But...isn't that the point of growing up?"

There was a bit of tension in Dani's own form at the switch. Just because the Yeerk seemed almost...Vladdish in this demeanor, but she didn't react any other way. It was a reflex, but she wanted to actually learn how the Yeerk thought.

"That might be an evolutionary development. Like how creatures on Earth get a symbiotic relationship, maybe the Gedd were supposed to be your hosts in your ecosystem," she commented. At least if they were really like that. "You can try to describe it? It might not work with a human, since they don't know what it's like to take over someone, but I might get it?" Better to get an idea, at least.

"...could I talk to...is he Tom or are you Tom? Because you said I should talk to other hosts."

"I think the point of growing up is getting rich and some other stuff that doesn't really make sense. And some people don't want to get smarter."

He paused, wrinkling his nose in a very human motion of distaste. "The Gedd were poor hosts, they could barely see and hardly walk and were barely capable of speech. If they were what was meant for us, I rather resent whatever evolutionary path we were on."

He sighed, rubbing his face as he thought, unconsciously slipping back into Tom's mannerisms. "Have you ever been in a really dark room, and it was very quite, to the point where you couldn't see or hear at all? And then you stepped out into a well lit room surrounded by color and light and sound...? Having a host, having a human host, is something like that. It's seeing and hearing and tasting the world. It's living, and it's intoxicating to the point that nothing else matters."

"He's Tom, my name is Iniss. But please don't use it. It's a rather obvious clue and I would rather not be starved out of my host any time soon." He paused again, considering the question. Knowing that even if he pretended, the girl probably wouldn't know. It had been several days, almost a week, with the host unable to speak for himself. "That is...a very difficult request. What would you like to ask him?"

"Rich? Well, money would help, but how can you not want to get smarter?"

"That is the problem with evolution. It's slow. Maybe a few...decades, centuries, they'll be ideal?"

And there was that blank look again. That would be another cord he hit. While Dani never lived like that, she'd had an experience. The absence of feeling or sensing anything from limbs that almost fell apart and for the short time she had 'died.' "...yeah, I could see that. It would be...the best self justification there is," she said softly. "I could definitely see that overriding any disturbance at controlling someone like that."

"Got it," Dani said. At least she understood the concept of being discrete. "...but how are you not starving? I thought they got rid of the generator after the Yeerk was put in stasis. Did they keep it?"

She shrugged. "Talk to him about what it's like being a host. You know, learn it from a host that wasn't on the crew. So it'd probably be a lot of questions on what it's like."

"Because the secret of being an adult is you really just want to be a kid again."

He nodded. "It was slow and there were quicker ways to go about it." A simple statement of fact, he was watching her curiously as he spoke. It was a rare thing indeed to have a human willing to listen and discuss the topic without rejecting it out of hand. "Mhm. No one gets hurt and you get to live, what better result could you hope to have?"

He paused. "Something on the ship wants to keep me alive. I'm not sure how or what, but I haven't shown any symptoms of starving. The fact that the yeerks in the pool were able to starve, however, proves that it is possible and I would rather avoid it. It is an unpleasant way to die, and very painful. Which is likely why some of the controllers that were here before chose a bullet over the three day wait."

He hesitated, knowing she knew exactly what she was asking for. Feeling the host's eagerness bubble up, wanting to speak, wanting to meet her as himself. "I won't risk leaving my host." The words were flat, lips pressed to a thin line. He could just fake it, he could tell her he was letting the host speak and she would never know the difference. Honesty had never been an issue, why was he hesitating? "I could give you his answers." He knew it wasn't what she wanted, but it was what he was willing to offer.

"...so people are just that crazy in general? Huh."

"A way to live without inadvertently repressing another person. Personally, I vote for the robots. Android, biodroids, lots of options. Maybe even use cloning technology to grow a body. Just...gotta make sure it doesn't become a person somehow." Though she wasn't sure how that was done, but Vlad WAS trying to make an actual person, so maybe there was a way to keep that from happening. Thus not taking another person's life.

"...maybe Stacy wants you alive. The Yeerks before were never actually 'crew' so I guess Stacy didn't wake them up. Maybe they were like the Nightmare King and just happened to be part of the old crew's experiment. That might be why she's treating you differently." And starving? She's felt enough hunger pains to understand that. "Not right to take the host out with them. If the crew was willing to starve them, they could be asked to be shot as slugs. I don't think anyone on the crew wants to torture anybody."

"You can't let him speak without leaving his head? That's gotta be a pain, but it'd be better to talk to him directly I think," Dani said and paused. "...if you're in his head, then he's used to foreign things in his head. So it shouldn't be too hard to have him be still aware during an overshadowing."

"That's a fair assessment of the situation."

"If you could do it in some way that allowed the host body to still be organic, it would probably work. The thought of robots makes me want a shower, however, and I don't think it would work. We're built to form connections in the brain, and there needs to be a brain for us to connect to."

He nodded faintly. "That is what I think. Though normally, we need to leave the host in order to feed." It was interesting to explain Yeerk biology to another species. Mostly he spoke to humans, who didn't care, the occasional Andalite, who thought they already knew, or yeerks, who unless they were science types really didn't care either. "No, it wasn't. It's actually a rather foolish tactic to take. If they had surrendered, it'd be likely that they would have joined the other in stasis." He was nothing if not practical.

"I can, I am just..." He frowned.

Tom laughed. < So you can either let me talk to her, or she controls you, what's it going to be, Iniss? You forgot that little trick, didn't you? >

"I would rather not see what results from trying to force three consciousnesses to coexist in the same brain, if it is all the same to you." He gave her a slightly pained look. "I will let him have control."

"People are weird." She finds herself saying that more and more as she learns.

"I think Brainiac 5 could make something like a brain. His intelligence is on the 12th level which is...just ridiculously high. By any standards in the universe from what I understood. And Allen, I think, knows how to make clones. He's...got weird history with it. And then there's the other clones. There's plenty of brains on board who I'm sure could either make it so you could control a robot before making some organic host body," Dani said, quite optimistically.

"Really? Gotta wonder how they kept some of the people prisoner when they took the crew. Maybe they didn't get any of the incredibly strong people. Definitely couldn't grab Danny. It could be in the slop. It scans you and gives you all the stuff you need. How do you feed and what does it have to do with a generator anyway?" Dani asked. She was, of course, interested in how biology worked. "Exactly! If you think you're gonna lose no matter what, take the way that has a shot to get out alive. And people will go easier on you."

"I'm not sure if I'm in the brain or it's the whole body. Powers transfer to the body and some ghosts can overshadow objects so it's kind of weird...but either way, I'm good," Dani said, smiling brightly. Though she was wondering why he didn't just say he could in the first place.

"That seems to be almost universal."

"It would be interesting to see what resulted." He was still skeptical, but honestly curious what might result from the human's very enthusiastic curiosity.

"The typical reaction is to knock the powerful host unconscious for the duration of the feeding. Both so the host doesn't damage itself and so it doesn't damage other people." He paused, considering how to explain. "We need to swim in our natural form to absorb nutrients. The generator provides rays similar to our home sun and keeps us alive. It leaves us fairly helpless. Killing a pool full of yeerks is as easy as getting a few gallons of gas and lighting a match."

"It's still consciousnesses sharing space."

He sighed, rubbing his face briefly and closing his eyes. It was entirely symbolic, he could withdraw between one step and the next if he truly wanted to.

The host would probably fall flat on his face as a result, but he could.

When the eyes opened again, they moved under control of their rightful owner, watering a little as he blinked rapidly. It wasn't so much a grand change as a slump, shoulders tucking inwards, some of the confidence that characterized the yeerk fading away from the human. His voice was tired when he finally managed to get it working, smile small and somewhat wistful, but genuine. "Hello, Dani."

"Pretty much."

"If a fruit loop like Vlad can make me, they can make something," Dani said. It seemed like a good solution to the whole problem, so why not be enthused about it?

"Ah, I suppose that works. At least if you've got more than one of that species who could effectively knock them out. Kon doesn't seem the easy kind to knock out," she said and paused at the description of how easy it'd be to take care of a pool. "That's...terrifying. I hope you have a lot of security for those places."

"True...might be an interesting experiment to do one day though," she murmured quietly. She also liked seeing what exactly her powers COULD do.

She frowned at first. He looked so...worn out. Something that worried her immediately. Namely in what exactly caused him to look that way. Was it a natural side affect or was it because Iniss really did give him no real choice?

However, she smiled back. At least it was more than likely him. It wasn't easy acting worn out and actually being worn out. "Hello Tom," she said.

"We'll need to see of course, and it would need to be quiet. I like living." It was a dry understatement. He would avoid death as long as possible.

"Well, if you consider it, you know your weaknesses. Or most people know them, even if it is a subconscious thing. If I were to infest someone, I would know their weaknesses as well and be able to exploit it to keep the host, you see?" He shrugged. "It's easy to kill yeerks in their natural form. Or even in a host if you have a few days to wait them out. It is why we're fairly good at passing as our hosts, at least in a situation where we know what is going on." He paused. "Well, some of us are. Some of us take to stealth...not well at all." The thought of Visser Three trying to pass as a normal human teenager made his lips twitch into a half smile.

Tom was quiet for a moment, curling his arms lightly around his legs where the Yeerk has only been resting them. The gesture was different, while the Yeerk's seated position had made him seem confident and somewhat older than years would have made him, Tom's stance seemed to imply both youth and helplessness. "You had questions?" His voice was soft, almost desperate for conversation. It had been almost a week with no one but Iniss to speak to. He wanted to talk, he wanted to explain as best as he could. He wanted to warn her away from the slug in his head, but he knew he wouldn't be allowed to say those words.

"Allen definitely likes me, so he'd be the first one to talk to. I think I can keep him quiet if I explain," Dani reassured. He'd been understanding before and one of the people she trusted the most on board.

"So you see everything when you infest them?" Dani asked and actually laughed a bit. "Weren't you the one talking about your life being a series was invasive?" It seemed ironic. In a dark sort of way. "I can see that. It's just...hard to pretend to be someone else."

Dani tilted her head, studying him. Of course, she made it look a bit more like innocent curiosity than a true studying. Alarm bells were starting to go off in her head, so she took to the training Vlad had given her, appearing for all intents and purposes a simple curious and friendly child. As for her studying of Tom, it was more seeing a body language she was painfully familiar with. Months of almost dying, not being able to get help anywhere...it wasn't something one forgot easily and she didn't like how his posture was making her think of that. "Yeah," she said. "I guess the first is...how did you first meet Iniss?"

"It's less like 'I know everything' and more like..turning on a computer. If I want to know something, I can find it." He smiled a bit, accepting the irony. "I'm good at undercover work, the thought of that many people watching me seems rather counterproductive. It's not very difficult, actually. Often the host themselves provides the reactions for you."

Tom tightened his arms a bit, a gesture of self comfort more than anything. "My first yeerk got promoted, and sent off to a new host. Then we were assigned to each other." He was watching her back, curious about the little girl that had managed to push the Yeerk around to the point that he gave in.

< She did not push me around. >

Tom grimaced a little, resting his chin on his knees. The yeerk was still watching, and would put a stop to it if he stepped out of line.

"Really? That'd make it a lot easier to overshadow people, actually." A lot easier. Though it was probably better most people weren't aware of it. less chance of it backfiring.

"So they'll change hosts," Dani said, holding her chin with one hand, her elbow resting on her other arm. "That's gotta be really disconcerting. One person always in your head and then there's someone else."

"All the time, sometimes for a promotion, sometimes just because they feel like it. Though I wasn't sad to see Temrash go. He was...sadistic." It was an understatement, the thought of his first tormentor made him shudder a little bit. "Also overconfident, he'd give the rant about Yeerk superiority at the drop of a hat, for no other reason than he could, as many times as possible. I still have the species they've conquered memorized because of him." He laughed a little, half closing his eyes. "Not that it does much good, mostly it just bounces around in my head with all the other useless knowledge I've accumulated since becoming a controller."

It was useless babble, more than she had asked for. But he wanted to talk, he wanted to tell someone who wasn't involved what was going on in his head. Even if just for a few minutes, it was important.

Here he was just an echo in someone else's head, noticed by no one. His arms tightened around his knees, fingers rubbing together in an entirely unconscious gesture of wonder.

He should worry that his own body felt like a stranger now.

Dani now was definitely paying attention, the smile easy on her face from far too much practice. At least she could pull off the naive curiosity. There were only a few emotions she could pull off an act for well. Just whatever Vlad thought she'd need and then what she perfected begging for food or not getting set to some official.

"So he'd definitely be one of the bad, take over gung ho type of Yeerk, huh? Definitely sounds like a bad guy. Or brainwashed," Dani said. "So does that mean Iniss is better?"

Now that was a sticky question. One that Iniss had an answer in mind for, but one that he wasn't willing to force because he wasn't sure how much the girl was aware of.

Which was a sort of thrill, being able to decide for himself. "Temrash was...an egotistical, sadistic, master of the universe, host breaker. Or at least that's what we called them. They're the sort of yeerks they stick in new hosts and turn their brains to mush until they're just a little sobbing puddle that was once a human being. You leave a person with them too long and all they are is a shattered wreck that sits there and rocks and waits for the yeerk to come back and give them back a personality. I got...lucky? I don't know. Temrash got transferred and Iniss wasn't interested in breaking me. He was interested in playing the game well enough that enough people noticed and gave him a promotion....so, I guess by that definition...slightly? Would you rather have all your teeth pulled out with a rusty pair of pliers with or without sedation? He's still an asshole and I'd like fiv-" He choked a little when his vocal cords were frozen, pausing and grimacing. "Sorry, old argument. He's cruel if he has to be, not because he can be. So I guess he's better."

Safe to say, while Dani missed a lot, she could be incredibly astute in what she knew. While not the same situation, it was similar enough for her to recognize certain signals. After all, months on her own and all she had was self reflection. And she was drawing conclusions, even if Tom wasn't saying the whole truth.

"So host breakers are the sadistic jerks of the bunch who aren't really high rank. Gotcha. Definitely a bad lot," Dani said thoughtfully. "And Iniss does...what's best for Iniss, so as long as there's an agreement, it's all right?"

Though she got the feeling Tom didn't agree a whole lot with Iniss.

"Some of them can get pretty high rank. Some just enjoy screwing with their hosts and tormenting them. Toeing that line, you know, just before breaking them completely. And then you got the ones that won't take an unwilling host, so it almost balances out."

He smiled a bit at the observation, but nodded. "Yeah. He does what will keep his own ass out of the fire and toes a pretty fine line of what he considers kosher for an agreement or an alliance or whatever he's working in at the time. So long as it works for him, you're safe. He's smarter than most of them, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

She'd be right, and probably make him laugh if she mentioned it. Tom almost never agreed with Iniss, he just lived with him. Occasionally they could reach and understanding, but for the most part it just seemed that they ignored each other or argued.

"And those are the ones who should be thrown in the stasis pods and never released. I think even humans think torturing animals is bad, so they can't even use that sort of argument," Dani said, frowning deeply.

She nodded. "It's a good thing. It means he'd surrender instead of shooting his host in the head at the chance for survival. Someone who just goes along with orders, never thinking about it, just thinking this is right and awesome, those are hard people to convince. Smart people, as long as they're not arrogant enough that it results in their downfall, usually see a good thing when it's there. Or at least that seems to be how it goes."

"You're a lot nicer than I'd be. I'd get a nice big bag of salt and make them shrivel to nothing. Stasis is what you can do for the decent ones who only take willing hosts, or the guys that surrender, maybe, if they're not assholes. Let the rest of them starve." The words lacked the cruelty they probably should have held. Tom just sounded tired. Like a person at his absolute limit who simply couldn't take much more. Like someone who had seen good friends break under the casual cruelty of a yeerk who just didn't care.

"He'll try to lie his way out of it, or twist it until he makes it better for him. He'll play the odds and try to get away Scot free while everyone else burns. He's smart enough to pull it off too, convince you that he's on your side and he's been there all along." He swallowed, tipping his head forward to rest his forehead against his knees. "Though I'm glad he won't shoot me in the head. It's really more...he won't give up. Not until that last breath, and even then he'll be trying to figure out a way out of it."

"Like I said, you shouldn't kill anyone. Especially not a slow death," Dani said. And she really wasn't willing to make exceptions so easily. Even if there were a few people she'd probably entertain the idea for, but that was another matter entirely.

And yet he'd let Tom say all this about him. She was trying to figure out if that met he was letting it be clear he could have a deal be made with him or he just thought she lacked that much intelligence? "Better than a host killer, for sure. But maybe it won't have to get that close. If he really just wants the senses of a body, then getting him his own wouldn't be so bad, right?" Even if he was sounding way too much like a manipulator. But maybe he'd be better if he didn't have to be like that and it was certainly a win for Tom, right?

Tom shrugged faintly. "I've been a controller for two years." The words were a soft mummer, face almost hidden by his knees.

Pride, Dani would quickly find out, was a rather funny thing. Iniss would allow Tom to describe him as a manipulator, he would allow himself to be described as a survivor, simply because he felt proud of the fact. She had asked for Tom's opinion about him, and this he felt absolutely was the truth.

In it's own way, it was a small sign of respect from the yeerk. And also a nod that he could keep his deal with her.

Tom sighed faintly, leaving his head where it was as though it took too much energy to lift it. He was tired, and drained, and he wanted to go home. That, more than Iniss or the ship or trying to learn what the hell was going on left him tired and a little lethargic. "He's kept his promises, though. If you really press him, he'll keep them so long as they won't turn around and bite him. Him, not the yeerk empire. My little brother..." He swallowed hard, pausing for a moment while he gathered the words. "Jake, he said he wouldn't have him infested unless there was absolutely no other choice, and he hasn't even pressed the kid much. Not as much as Temrash. He thought families were a funny tool, but Jake...he's smart. He didn't listen."

He nodded faintly. "Better, yeah." There was a sort of helplessness in his voice, an acceptance that he didn't really have a choice if he liked it or not.

Baring something weird, until he died of old age, he was going to be a controller. The way things were currently going, he was going to end up being Iniss's host for the rest of his life.

Might as well get used to it. His voice was soft when he spoke again, muffled by his knees. "Dani, if you can make it work, I'll follow you around and trumpet your praises for the rest of my life."

Dani thought this over. A manipulator, but one who keeps his promises unless it bites him. So he had some honor. Honor was a good thing. It sounded like then he wouldn't go back just because of opportunity. At least she hoped that's what it meant.

But Tom...

There were plenty of ways to force out Iniss. She was pretty sure it was even possible for her to just yank him out. Turn the skull invisible, reach in and just pluck him out. It was a thought, but quickly discarded. After all, he'd described it and while it was only for a few moments, the thought of feeling nothing, seeing nothing, hearing nothing...it was all so terrifying.

Dani pushed herself to her feet and crossed the space between them and hugged Tom. Because sometimes hugged just helped and maybe it'd help him.

"I mean what I said. No one has the right to take away another's life, and what he described being without a host is very close to what I know as 'death.' So I'm gonna go through every possible route I can and I'm going to get him his own body because there is a way on this ship to achieve that. I just have to find it. That way he can have his body, and you can have your body and you're both happy," Dani said and paused. "And I won't like being betrayed. So he shouldn't break any promises to me."

It just works that way. And she is just guessing. She'll pretty much believe him if he denies it.

They're magicneticly drawn to eachother. Nah, he will let her have it, she worked for it

They're just so easy to manipulate! Even if Dani blasts them if she found out.

Also morality, how does it happen? How do the bad guys start talking morality with little girls?

An attempt to corrupt them or ruin their innocence?

This is very possible. If she presses a little bit more she will PROBABLY get Tom

Yet Dani seems mostly immune through life's harships. And press she will!

They all seem to be like that too! LOL

Little Girls: More Damaged Than Bad Guys Think.

Or less breakable

...I wsh I could make that an icon, honestly.

LOL, Nina could use that one.

If only I had icon skills.

Same, man, same.

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