trans_9 | Where Do We Go From Here? (language warning)

Entry tags:

kate bishop,
paco

Where Do We Go From Here? (language warning)

It took Paco a bit of work to shake off Jaime and Brenda after the Meet and Greet. Understandably, since the Sub-Visser had just crawled out of his head, and Brenda had just crawled out of the yuck three days ago, but he had something he needed to take care of.

And, as he'd told his friends in proper movie-quotes voice, this was something he had to do by himself.

So now he was looking for Kate. She couldn't have gone that far, there weren't many places for her to go.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Kate was in the Sensoriums again. This time her surroundings resembled the Clubhouse. It was empty since she wasn't going to pretend to have her friends walking around like she was back home again. But this way she could imagine them showing up at any moment.

She was in the practice room, kicking and punching the large swinging practice bag that was set up.

Kate had shown him the Clubhouse once before the introduction of brainslugs into their relationship, so Paco recognized it enough to figure that she was in here. He followed the sounds to the practice room and rapped his knuckles against the door frame.

"Hey."

Yeah, good start, Guzmán. 'Hey'.

One more kick to the bag, and it creaked as it swung on the chain. She sighed, and didn't turn to face him.

"Thought you'd be with Brenda still. Or somewhere else."

"Brenda's got plenty of time to kick my ass," Paco said. He stepped into the room, but didn't make a move to approach her. "Besides, you weren't in the Medbay when that $%#&er died, so I didn't get a chance to apologize before the meeting."

He took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm sorry for getting you infested. Which, I know, sounds pretty weak when I just say it, but..." He made a helpless gesture with his hands. "If you want me to just step off and not bother you, I can do that. Or whatever else you need me to do."

"I don't know how to trust you now. Thought you were a good guy. I know it was that thing's fault, but..."

She finally turned to face him.

"Anyway, not like it matters now right?"

"I totally get it," Paco said. "And I like to think I'm a good guy too. But I get it, and seriously, anything you need me to do to help you deal, I'm good with."

When she turns, his expression is one of honest confusion.

"Huh? No, it still matters. Why wouldn't it matter?"

"Nothing..." She still had her arms folded in front of her, and her whole frame revealed tension as though to prepare for a fight.

"Just you got your friend back. We spoke a little but only while I still had that thing in me."

Paco held his hands up in an unarmed-and-not-dangerous gesture.

"I'm not sure what Brenda has to do with this, but okay?" He rubbed the back of his head. "Glad you two got to talk, even if the circumstances sucked."

Whatever Kate was getting at, he wasn't receiving. He just had an evil alien slug starved out of his head, this wasn't going to be his A-game.

"I remember enough, even with the Yeerk still there that she wasn't happy to hear about us. That we kissed and saw each other."

Kate added, still tense and nervous like she was expecting him to attack or worse, "She really likes you, and I know you missed her."

It wasn't just from the infestation here, other memories were stirred up as well.

Paco's eyebrows made a hike for his hairline.

"Well, that's a whole 'nother ballgame that has nothing to do with what we're talking about here," he said. He wasn't blind to the way Kate was holding herself either.

Man, this would be so much easier if she just clocked him one. He knew how to deal with that.

She was upset and angry, but there was definitely a sense of fear in her body language too. If only that Yeerk hadn't decided to get creative with some of her worst memories.

"Is it? Probably make this easier if it was."

Paco took another deep breath and let it out.

"Okay," he said. "If I'm making it worse for you by being here, I can leave. I'll walk right out, I swear. Just tell me what you need me to do and I swear I'll do it."

He waved his hands in front of him like he was trying to clear a path through smoke. "If Brenda's from some alternate universe or whatever where we were going out, then that's between her and me. I'm -- I am, I was, whichever you want -- dating you. That comes first here. Okay?"

"Ok..." She slowly replied, and her frame had light shivers running through it. A brief sniffle with her arms still wrapped around her.

"I don't know. I really don't know. I wanted to trust you. Have some chance to maybe feel almost safe again."

He automatically took a step forward and reached for her, then stopped himself and stepped back, forcing his hand back down.

He'd gotten the idea that Kate had some...issues going on. He hadn't pressed, figuring she'd tell him when she wanted to, just like Brenda had with her dad. He was sort of wishing he had pressed now so that he could help.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I'd like to help you trust me again."

Kate took a step back, and took a deep breath. The talk with some others helped especially the one with Sawyer, because she had felt helpless and out of control again. Fighting back felt good but now she was feeling confused, unsure and broken. There was another sniffle and she turned to strike the bag once before leaning against the bag. The tears she had been fighting against started to fall down her cheeks.

Oh geez.

Moving toward her was probably going to get him punched, but when did Paco's life not involve getting punched by girls?

Paco took a few more steps, then paused.

"Stace? Tissues, please?"

A box of tissues appeared in his hand. They'd either be useful for dealing with the tears coming out of Kate's eyes, or the blood coming out of Paco's nose if/when she clocked him.

It would be more of both. Crying, and then turning and punching him. But it wasn't an effective one. Neither was the next before she flopped down hard on the floor. The tissues will be useful in a moment, but she needed to let out some of the feelings overwhelming her.

Oof! Ow. Well, at least body-shots meant that he didn't have to ask Brainy to put his nose back for the second time in as many days.

He sat down next to her and held out the tissues, but didn't put his arm around her or anything like that.

She shook and cried softly. Minutes later a slightly shakey hand grabbed a tissue from the box, and she wiped her eyes. Also blew her nose some, and took in some deep breaths.

"Why are you here?" She finally asked in a tired voice.

Ahh, there they were, questions he could answer.

"'Cause you're my girl-slash-friend and I fucked up, and I wanted to make sure you were okay." He grimaced. "Or as 'okay' as you can be in this situation."

"I don't know what we are at this point," She woodenly replied.

Kate sighed and bitterly added, "Yeah, bet yours had fun showing you a lot of nightmares and bad memories too?"

Paco didn't know what they were either.

"Should have had a sign over that damn pool," he said. " 'Sadistic Mind-Screws R Us'.

"Yeah really..." She agreed, still subdued and quiet.

"How bad?" She then asked him.

"Not as bad," Paco said. He'd had Jaime and Brenda. They'd hung out and talked about the good things, countering the bad memories that the Sub-Visser had dragged out from the corners where Paco had left them. Kate hadn't had anyone. She'd had to go through it alone.

He wanted to hug her, but limited himself to a hand on her shoulder.

Mia had helped a little at times, even if she didn't have any good memories to assist her. It was more that she was somebody who could understand exactly what was she feeling. But otherwise, she was alone.

"Right," she bitterly said, and tensed at the hand on her shoulder. She then sank forward, and wiped her eyes again. She's usually strong, and resented feeling so vulnerable and helpless.

She then let out a heartfelt scream of pain and anger, and punched her hand against the floor.

Paco let go of her again when she tensed, and cringed at the sound of her hand hitting the floor. He'd be way more comfortable with this if she was hitting him.

He'd done that for Brenda a lot over the years. Let her vent her frustrations about her dad with her fists on a guy who wouldn't hit her. He didn't go out of his way to do it, every remark she punched him for was something he would have said anyway, but it wasn't like he couldn't have asked her to stop or gotten better at dodging.

But how the hell was he supposed to help Kate when the one who had hurt her had been wearing him like a suit?

"I'm sorry."

She immediately turned and this time she did punch him with some force. Still toward the torso.

"Stop apologizing! It wasn't even you!" She snapped at him, her expression twisted and snarling.

She then sagged, and added in a quieter tone some minutes later, "Not all of it. It was those slugs that put me back in that hell again. They made it look like you sometimes though. Like you were the one who grabbed me that night... dammit." Hadn't wanted to say that much.

Oof!

"Doesn't mean I'm not sorry it happened." Oh good, only a little wheeze in there.

The second part though, that got his attention. Grade point aside, Paco was pretty smart, not to mention good with people. He was fully capable of putting two and two together and figuring out what Kate was trying not to say.

"Oh Christ," he said, eyes going wide, then narrowing into a glare as he began muttering in Spanish and English about the Yeerks.

"...Starving to death was too good for them. Fuck." He ran a hand through his hair. "Fuck. I wouldn't want me around either."

She slowly nodded, "Yeah. And I can't even completely hate it for what it showed me as it died. Not that I wasn't glad when it was gone."

Kate drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself.

She then quietly added, "Maybe you should go."

Though Brenda's words came back to her.

"...If you want to."

"What you want me to do is a hell of a lot more important to me right now than what I want," Paco said. On one hand, he didn't really want to leave her alone right now. On the other hand, it sure as hell was important to let her lead here, and she wanted him gone. "Want me to grab Jaime and toss him in here? Or anyone else?"

Being alone was really bad right now. Especially for what she decided to do next.

Kate got up slowly, and started to head to the door.

"It's ok, I think I'm just going to check something in the city."

Her photographic memory knew the way to the clockhouse easily. There was something there she wanted to confirm.

"If you're sure," Paco said, trying to swallow he doubts on that front. He also got to his feet, but hung back instead of walking with her.

Before she could leave, though--

"Hey Kate?"

"Something I need to see," She simply added, still rather broken.

Kate then paused, and glanced back, her blue eyes seeming dull and tired, "What?"

Paco stared solemnly back at her for a moment.

"We beat the bastards, Kate. They screwed with us, but we beat them. They lost hard. We won."

Ghost of her usual smile, and she replied, "I know, I just want to make sure they're completely gone."

She then made her way out to head to the city and the clockhouse. Seeking closure, and vent there for a while.

Paco watched her leave, swore, and leaned back against the wall, running a hand through his hair and scrubbing it over his face.

"Son of a bitch!"

He thumped the wall once and heaved a sigh, then squared his shoulders and left the Sensorium.

Hopefully, he could find someone that Kate wouldn't mind hanging around with.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Where Do We Go From Here? (language warning)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject