trans_9 | Once you find your center... [OPEN]

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Once you find your center... [OPEN]

For the first time in a long time, Billy Cranston could make an honest self-assessment with a positive outlook. Encouragement from the crew, a return to his routine duties, and that last eradication of guilt with Adam, Jamie, and Renne had done much to heal the pain and paranoia from before.

Of course, part of this healing process included the difficult requirement of actually spending quiet time with himself---and that meant applying the meditation techniques that Jason, Trini, and Adam had taught him so long ago. His preference was a natural setting, and the only place to simulate that would be the Sensoriums. So off he went, so focused on the task ahead that he forgot to install a lock or 'do not disturb' sign.

And so it was that he asked Stacy to create: a simple brook in a forest, with a cascading waterfall slightly upstream. A large stone platform sat at the bottom of a waterfall, large enough for two or three average-sized humans to sit comfortably. The simulated water crashing all around him was soothing in its way.

Everything settled, he stripped off his shirt and clambered over to the center platform. The sound and sensation of the running water would provide an excellent focus point, and that was the critical component for this exercise. That it dulled the ache of his torso's ugly smattering of glass-shard scars was a bonus.

Everything in place and undisturbed (or so he thought), he closed his eyes and allowed his thoughts to sink inward, slowly circling that one point of focus: the waterfall, steadily moving. The minutes stretched on in that focused state of consciousness, until he was ready to leave---or until a visitor happened by.

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Lyle had been working hard and mostly avoiding speaking with anyone. It was fairly easy. A lot of the crew hadn't been feeling talkative themselves.

But now he has to take a breath and emerge back into the real world. He's tired himself out, and he needs a bit of relaxation, so the Sensoriums it is. He's pleased to see a peaceful environment already set up.

Since Billy seems preoccupied, Lyle simply manifests himself a bit of a pool in the brook and and a swimsuit. The bruises all along his back have turned an interesting mix of purple and green now, but they're not bothering him too much. Still, it's nice to float in the cold-cool water and numb them a bit.

As it turns out, Billy's first attempt at meditation in a long time is relatively successful. So successful, in fact, that the soft noises signaling Lyle's entrance slip past him unacknowledged.

When he awakens, senses back on full alert, it's only then that he notices the presence of another person in the water. How long had he managed to ignore that? Feeling slightly embarrassed, Billy leans over the rock to attempt to see his companion's face---but overbalances and lands in the water with an undignified splash.

He surfaces a moment later, sputtering and still unaware of the other person's identity. Shaking his head, he paddles over. "Hello?"

Lyle hasn't been paying much attention himself. He blinks with a bit of confusion and sits up at the sound of the splash. He smiles as he realizes that Billy's fallen in accidentally.

"Hey. I hope I'm not interrupting anything?" He nods at the waterfall. "It looked nice."

"No, you didn't disturb me," Billy replies, lifting one hand from his water-tread to push his dripping hair out of his face. "I was just practicing the meditation techniques some old friends taught me. They suggested that areas surrounded by natural wildlife were the best places to practice, since the ambiance lacks more distracting man-made noises."

Tilting his head slightly to tilt one more piece of bothersome hair aside, he asks: "I didn't startle you, did I?"

"I can't say I know much about meditation, but it's nice and relaxing in here."

Lyle doesn't often get to sit back and relax in a natural environment. He's a bit of a city boy.

"No, and I wasn't meditating, anyway."

Billy nods, catching Lyle's eye as he moves back to the rock and sits on the edge of it. It's all right to talk while treading water, but he prefers to sit somewhere stable. It helps him think.

"It's actually not difficult. If you ever wanted to learn, there are several crew members here who can teach you more than I can. I'm just a beginner," he explains, setting his hands on the edge of the rock. Leaning back for a second to take in the simulated sun, Billy adds "I haven't seen you around since before that whole mess began. I guess we've all been trying to find our footing."

Lyle finds himself a spot where he's sitting up to his chin in water. He's going to go blue after too much of this, but for now it's nice.

"I think I've heard some of the basics, but I don't usually have the time." He doesn't usually give himself the time. "True. And it interrupted our work. We can't stop going, no matter how difficult it gets."

The angle of this conversation is suddenly awkward, and Billy feels oddly exposed. Still, it would probably be more awkward to move back into the water at this point. Oh, social situations, why don't you ever provide a simple solution?

"I don't usually have an excess of spare time either. That's why I neglected practice for as long as I did. But my friends suggested I start practicing again to help my mind re-focus." And it has helped somewhat, as evidenced by his newly rediscovered ability to smile.

"Exactly. I suspect there are far worse threats waiting on the horizon for us, and they're not going to wait until we heal to attack again. Then again, the lack of sleep and resurgence of our worst fears affected most of us deeply. I've been working double shifts in Engineering to make sure everyone has the time to recover that they need---this is one of the few times I've managed to leave the lab in someone else's hands." In Wyn's hands, to be precise. If he finds any charred areas or exploded parts when he gets back, there's going to be trouble.

Although Lyle is usually pretty empathic, he himself wouldn't see anything awkward about this, so he's oblivious to it.

"That's true. I tried practicing some mind focusing techniques before things went to hell, but I'm not sure how much it helped. I can't argue that the mind is a powerful thing, but I'm used to using mine to invent."

Lyle nods. "Don't work yourself too hard or you won't be any good to anyone."

Lyle pauses here because he doesn't know Billy that well. Still. His note over the omnicom was public.

"Are you feeling better now?"

"Then we both had the same issue," Billy says. "My friends were so frustrated with me when I was first learning martial arts for that reason. They wondered why I couldn't learn how to execute a spinning kick when I could easily comprehend physics. Eventually, they adapted the lessons to my strenghts, but mental defense isn't something that can be quantified that way."

Billy closes his eyes here, exhaling quietly like he'd been taught to during meditation. "Yes. I've spoken to the others and been forced to view the situation from other perspectives, and I've been led to the conclusion that I fared better than I initially estimated. Compared to what easily could have happened, the damage was minor." Here, he wraps his arms around his abdomen and looks out at Lyle. "That posting was somewhat dramatic, wasn't it?"

Lyle nods. "It's a completely different approach, and you have to translate it. Not to mention not expecting geniuses to be geniuses at everything."

Lyle listens quietly and then gives Billy a small smile. "Not half as dramatic as some of the posts recently. We've all been badly hurt, and we all need some time to calm ourselves down and heal.

I'm glad you're doing better."

"That's true too. I'm hardly a genius at cooking, for example. My last attempt ended rather...explosively," he admits.

Returning the smile, Billy shakes his head. "I was almost expecting another on-ship war." Sighing contentedly, he stands and jumps to the shoreline, looking out over the water and then up at a conveniently placed ledge. "Do you want to deepen it?

"I can't say I've tried, unless you count ice cream. But I had a bit of extra motivation for wanting to learn how to make it when I was a kid." He grins a bit at that. He has a lot of fond memories from back then.

"Another?"

Lyle follows Billy's gaze. "Go ahead."

"Right. There's extra motivation if you will enjoy the end product. What I tried to cook was a cheese souffle, and I'm not particularly fond of those."

Apologies to cheese souffle fans. "Not a literal war---well, maybe a literal war. But we've had a few intense disagreements that led to combat and some crew members being jailed in the past. I didn't participate, but I was concerned for everyone involved. Luckily, my department pulled out of the conflicts relatively intact."

Nodding once more to Lyle, Billy closes his eyes and issues the command---and the ledge takes a shape more suitable for a diving platform, followed by the water below deepening and losing its rock formations below the surface. The area near the waterfall where Lyle is remains shallow.

Area cleared, Billy steps back from the ledge. A quick leap later, he's twisting off the ledge, pouring all his gymnastic skill and energy into executing a dive. Luckily, he knows full well how to enter the water and neatly slices it, curving back up and emerging shortly after. "Needed to release some tension," he explains breathlessly.

"Aren't those hard? They collapse or something?"

You know who's never cooked anything in his life? Lyle.

"That's interesting. I don't know much of anything about what happened before I woke up, aside from our losing a Brainy somehow."

He doesn't mean to derail the conversation with a sensitive subject, but there's been no one to ask, and he very much wants to know.

Lyle nods approval at the dive. "You do this a lot?"

"I'd have been lucky to see it collapse," he says with a chuckle. "I'm still not sure which ingredient triggered the reaction, but the cheese ended up splattered all over me and the classroom." He opted not to mention that he'd been in his female friend's body at the time. That wasn't the most amusing of memories (for him).

He paddles back over to Lyle upon completing the dive, sitting up on the closest bank. "Not usually. I overcame my fear of water just a year ago, and diving came shortly after that. I actually prefer boating." He'd love to build a boat and head out there someday, but that would have to wait.

Upon hearing the Brainy remark, his posture immediately stiffens. But Lyle is one of Brainy's closest friends---he has a right to know more than anyone else. "That's right. There was once another Brainy on board. He was robotic, unlike the organic Brainy from your home, and we usually referred to him as B5 to distinguish the two. He served the engineering department admirably, providing many of our critical supplies. The two Brainies almost seemed to be getting along, until the fateful mission to open access to Stacy's bridge."

Taking a deep breath to ground himself, he continues. "Nothing on that mission went as we expected, despite Jaime's planning. First, we encountered a trap at the hands of a rogue AI that no one anticipated, and he nearly killed us all. Then, we met Lex Luthor, who had been waiting for us on the other side. He scolded us for failing to find the safe route to his location through the Hub, and there was a significant brawl because Lex had merely observed us instead of offering to help when we came so close to death. Your Brainy ended the fight by knocking him out," he adds. He thinks Lyle might like that.

"Then, we moved to the Bridge, where we were ambushed by a group of space pirates who had hijacked Stacy. We engaged them in combat and nearly survived completely intact, but they had one last trap for us. First, they opened the airlock and nearly sent us out into space. It was blocked in time, but they were also pointing a powerful ray at us. If it had ripped through the Bridge, we all would have died. B5 jumped out into space and took the impact," he said. This next part of the story is the most difficult to tell, so he rolls his shoulders back, breathes again, and finishes.

"The damage to B5 was extensive. Brainy scrambled to attempt to save him, and I immediately joined him, but our efforts were futile. We weren't able to act quickly enough or summon the necessary parts from our position there, and he died a hero's death. We had a funeral for him shortly afterward, and Brainy hasn't spoken to me since then. So I don't have anything more to tell you about him."

Billy bows his head in respect for the memory of their hero, hoping he'd given Lyle enough.

Lyle smiles a bit at the mishap. It sounds like fun to him, but he's not as shy as Billy.

Lyle remains quiet and attentive throughout the story, although he does smile and shake his head a little at hearing about Brainy's solution. He frowns deeper and deeper as the story continues. Having him die was bad enough, but dying as you worked to save him...

"Thanks." He considers for a moment longer before adding, "I know Brainy appreciates what you did."

That surprises him. Billy blinks, considering the implications of that for a moment.

"How? I thought he was ignoring me for the sake of maintaining stability in our professional environment. I don't really know him, but I know he prides himself on his twelfth-level intellect. And for good reason---without him, our department wouldn't be nearly as efficient as it is. I always assumed he thought B5 could have been saved if the person available to help him was his equal, not a human who sometimes fiddles around with cars."

It's an old insecurity that was placed on the back-burner by the nightmare problems, so dragging it out again feels strange and uncomfortable. He finds himself staring at his feet.

Lyle opens and shuts his mouth for a moment. He went from feeling deep sympathy for his friend to wanting to bury his head in his hands over Brainy's behavior. Unfortunately, this isn't unusual.

"Brainy doesn't understand the idea of a professional environment. If he has a problem with you, he'll be sure you know it. He must know there's nothing else the two of you could have done."

Or at least nothing Billy could have done. Brainy still might think he should have been able to do something himself.

That reassures Billy somewhat. "Then I should interpret his silence as a good sign?"

Stretching his arms over his head, Billy scoots forward and dips his feet back into the water. "If you confront him with anything I've just told you, please don't tell him that I was the source? I'm certain he'll figure it out anyway, but...I'd prefer to keep the department in working order just a little longer as I determine how to deal with the situation."

Lyle nods. "He's not very talkative unless there's a problem."

"I probably won't mention it to him specifically. And I'll leave your name out of it."

Lyle pulls himself out of the water. His bruises feel better, but he's turning into a complete raisin.

"Understood, and thank you."

Billy watches curiously as Lyle emerges, noting the wrinkles on his hands and feet with a tiny smile---though he shouldn't laugh, as his own hands are just as wrinkled from the time under the waterfall. "Would you like the heat intensified?" he asks, nodding up at the virtual sun. They could of course dry faster through other means, but there's something appealing about doing it naturally as well.

"That'd be nice." As he looks himself over, the soles of his feet are entirely white. He probably should've gotten out sooner.

He finds a flat bit of rock to rest on.

"It'd be nice to get out under a real sun again."

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