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trans_92010-03-20 01:09 am
kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com) wrote in trans_92010-03-20 01:09 am
Entry tags:
Getting back to you.
There was a time to be with the crew. There was a time to be with her Sisters and her ship mother. There was a time to explore and make new friends. Now, because of the efforts of her friends, there was time to spend with Aang too. Every once in awhile, however, there were times where Katara went off by herself to figure things out.
Ironically, it was BECAUSE of her time with Aang, especially recently, that Katara had to have time alone right now. The thing was, to be honest, she hated having to be the responsible one, the one that pulled back now. That had been HER call, and it was a call that made it seem liker Katara was the one with experience or at least the one who would admonish Aang in this new territory of a relationship called "going too far." It wasn't that far a stretch, really: from the crew's interactions, it was clear that issue surfaced every once and awhile, and it wasn't unusual to here from women how men were all after one thing. In fact, she'd heard that echoed in her own world from grown up conversations where no one thought she was listening too: she didn't completely disagree on it with some men. Certainly some could be driven by their impulses, something she knew Sheeana might see as a weakness unless properly contained.
But amidst all these conversations, LOVE never was a part of it, at least, not when it came to the kind of sex that wasn't about flirting and double talk. For love, she'd always view Will and Matt as one example, then Fate and Nanoha as another. Katara had to ask Nanoha at first about having fate as a girlfriend since Nanoha was a new friend, but once she saw them together there was no mistaking it: they loved each other very much, you could see it all around them. With Will she;d known her longer and Will gushed about her boyfriend, but once she met Matt she knew exactly what Will saw in him. He was a man that gave himself to be kind, who cared about his friends and would be there to help you. By that alone, she could see the love that he had for Will, the person he cared for most of all.
But what she hadn't expected was that love and sex could be NOT mutually exclusive: one could bring the other up and come so suddenly and passionately that you weren't prepared to turn away in the first place. She'd had a lot of time to pine away for Aang, to hope that he would see her as he had then, with all the time that had passed. Even though she knew she wanted to be with him, there was the possibility that, older, he was perfectly able to seek any other girl on the ship.
But god, that had been stupid, so stupid. Had she forgotten that look he gave when he saw her, the ways his eyes would slowly meet hers and she knew he couldn't hide his feelings from her because it was Aang, and it was typical that the airbending monk who had turned away from learning the Avatar state to find her would ever want that. Her fears revealed themselves in the Spice dream and died there: she realized Aang was a part of her world, and she couldn't be without him: he had become her heart, her bond.
And with that love came a whole new sort of feeling, feelings she was the GIRL and had to ignore because the girl did not let this happen. The stupid ship had to remind them that they were still subject to someone else's whims, and she pulled herself back even though everything in her was screaming NO I WANT HIM ITS NOT FAIR!!!!
But she had waited months, and when they went there, it would be special, it would be right. It would be something only they shared and a thing that just they understood. Katara hated being the one that enforced that because he was Aang, and she loved him so deeply she wasn't even ashamed that they'd gotten that far. No one had ever made her feel this complete, this happy, warm feeling that made her love everything and everyone and made her forget that she had to look at everything harshly. She wasn't naive, not by a long shot, but for a very long time, she'd had to be wary about everything: the Bene Gesserit, the people she met, the things Sokka said. She had to worry about losing her culture and being tricked and trusting the wrong person and people getting hurt, all the while that aching cutting into her because he was missing.
And he was here, and now her world had changed and she could...smile and be happy.
The Sensorium became the Cave of Two Lovers, the place she had first kissed Aang. She knew Toph would have liked this place as you needed badger moles to get out of it otherwise. She was here, and yet she wasn't. She should train soon and she knew that, but right now she just wanted to get lost in her thoughts.
Aang, she thought, its hard for me too.
Ironically, it was BECAUSE of her time with Aang, especially recently, that Katara had to have time alone right now. The thing was, to be honest, she hated having to be the responsible one, the one that pulled back now. That had been HER call, and it was a call that made it seem liker Katara was the one with experience or at least the one who would admonish Aang in this new territory of a relationship called "going too far." It wasn't that far a stretch, really: from the crew's interactions, it was clear that issue surfaced every once and awhile, and it wasn't unusual to here from women how men were all after one thing. In fact, she'd heard that echoed in her own world from grown up conversations where no one thought she was listening too: she didn't completely disagree on it with some men. Certainly some could be driven by their impulses, something she knew Sheeana might see as a weakness unless properly contained.
But amidst all these conversations, LOVE never was a part of it, at least, not when it came to the kind of sex that wasn't about flirting and double talk. For love, she'd always view Will and Matt as one example, then Fate and Nanoha as another. Katara had to ask Nanoha at first about having fate as a girlfriend since Nanoha was a new friend, but once she saw them together there was no mistaking it: they loved each other very much, you could see it all around them. With Will she;d known her longer and Will gushed about her boyfriend, but once she met Matt she knew exactly what Will saw in him. He was a man that gave himself to be kind, who cared about his friends and would be there to help you. By that alone, she could see the love that he had for Will, the person he cared for most of all.
But what she hadn't expected was that love and sex could be NOT mutually exclusive: one could bring the other up and come so suddenly and passionately that you weren't prepared to turn away in the first place. She'd had a lot of time to pine away for Aang, to hope that he would see her as he had then, with all the time that had passed. Even though she knew she wanted to be with him, there was the possibility that, older, he was perfectly able to seek any other girl on the ship.
But god, that had been stupid, so stupid. Had she forgotten that look he gave when he saw her, the ways his eyes would slowly meet hers and she knew he couldn't hide his feelings from her because it was Aang, and it was typical that the airbending monk who had turned away from learning the Avatar state to find her would ever want that. Her fears revealed themselves in the Spice dream and died there: she realized Aang was a part of her world, and she couldn't be without him: he had become her heart, her bond.
And with that love came a whole new sort of feeling, feelings she was the GIRL and had to ignore because the girl did not let this happen. The stupid ship had to remind them that they were still subject to someone else's whims, and she pulled herself back even though everything in her was screaming NO I WANT HIM ITS NOT FAIR!!!!
But she had waited months, and when they went there, it would be special, it would be right. It would be something only they shared and a thing that just they understood. Katara hated being the one that enforced that because he was Aang, and she loved him so deeply she wasn't even ashamed that they'd gotten that far. No one had ever made her feel this complete, this happy, warm feeling that made her love everything and everyone and made her forget that she had to look at everything harshly. She wasn't naive, not by a long shot, but for a very long time, she'd had to be wary about everything: the Bene Gesserit, the people she met, the things Sokka said. She had to worry about losing her culture and being tricked and trusting the wrong person and people getting hurt, all the while that aching cutting into her because he was missing.
And he was here, and now her world had changed and she could...smile and be happy.
The Sensorium became the Cave of Two Lovers, the place she had first kissed Aang. She knew Toph would have liked this place as you needed badger moles to get out of it otherwise. She was here, and yet she wasn't. She should train soon and she knew that, but right now she just wanted to get lost in her thoughts.
Aang, she thought, its hard for me too.
no subject
Here, she smiled, then gestured around her.
"But since you asked, this is the cave of two lovers. The lovers were divided by family obligations, but would meet here to be with each other in secret. The cave itself is a labyrinth so the two could meet without being followed. I came here because...I suppose I'm a little confused right now."
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"What about?"
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"Well, I had been preparing to see him again. I'd hoped that when I saw him, I could rouse him to be himself again with the words I used to give him. Now I see that every time I speak to him, I want to show him how long I've missed him, how much I care about him. Even with all of the training I've done, there was no way that I could act like he was only my friend anymore. Now when I'm with him I feel...overwhelmed with all of these new feelings, and though they were made with a friendship, now the bonds are tangled in love."
She sighed. "And NOW I'm feeling things with Aang I never did, being attracted to him in the way a boy is to a girl graduate to a woman to a man. It's...confusing."
no subject
"But the second I can..." She needed to know what Katara knew first before she could go any further. "On Rakis it was traditional for the sayyadina to take the girls out into the desert in their twelfth year and teach them the woman's mysteries, the secrets of love and marriage. The naib would do the same for the boys and when both groups came back, they would be considered adults. Did something similar happen in the Water Tribe?"
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"Well I can ask as many people as I want, but no one is going to be able to explain to me romance with Aang anyway. It's really only something that he and I will be able to go through with each other. Advice is not shrugged away, but I think in the end that will be something he and I decide in ourselves."
Of course, love, at least between the two of them was definitely not lacking, so that wasn't as tricky...yet. "The women of our tribe prepared us for marriage in the traditional sense: cooking, cleaning, preparing for your husband's arrival, that sort of thing. The reason for marrying and loving was really more something that you had to figure out for yourself...and the Northern Water Tribe have arranged marriages, so not as much help there."
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"I think i'm sensing a trend. Am I wrong?" She knew Katara could answer that kind of question now. She was able to see the traditions of her people in new ways (as Sheeana had when she left Rakis).
no subject
"But that said, I am here with you. You know, then, that the tendency to mute women in my culture is not a trait I share. I know I'm motherly and why that is: my mother was taken from us as children, and our father left to join the war. I had no choice then: my brother and grandmother needed me, I became that part, and I still am a little now. But that doesn't mean everything I do is going to be dictated by the lives we had then. As it was, meeting Aang and traveling around the world to aid in the war changed us immensely. I'm here, now, because I made a choice to expand my knowledge of other cultures, and made one of their ways my own too."
She stopped here. She said a lot, and part of her was telling her it might not be necessary to tell Sheeana everything. THAT might be a part of training too.
no subject
Couple's space. The whole idea made her want to squirm. She avoided Arha and Obi-Wan as a unit (but not individuals) for much the same reason. It all goes back to Duncan and Murbella.
"Your Avatar is quite interesting." Which was the closest she was going to get to a blessing from her. "I don't agree with some things he says, but he at least puts some thought into them." She decided to just go out and say it. Concealment was for non-Sisters. "I can tell he isn't a Kwisatz Haderach."
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Katara gave Sheeana a smile. "He's easier to get along with than my brother, I'll bet. But then Aang is also a monk, and they are always taught to learn about other people's ways too. Aang is a man of peace, and has always done what he could to uphold life and peace in our world. He doesn't know this, but I figured it out...he would have allowed himself to be killed if I hadn't gotten to him."
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"And now you can do things he can't. All things work towards their own equilibrium. As I recall, our most powerful shipmates where humbled by the Nightmare King."
She considered the idea of 'peace' for a few seconds. The actual concept of Pacifism was mostly unknown to her (it was somewhere in her acolyte training probably, as one of many failed or never applied social philosophies, but she did not make the connection). "I would say he is a man who encourages compromise. I believe peace is meaningless without justice and equilibrium, and the avoidance of conflict often opposes both of those things." That was what The Tyrant had taught humanity anyway: Seek your peace only with the utmost caution.
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Katara agreed with that assessment though. "I would say he is someone that seeks compromise, But I also know that he has to bring justice and balance whenever he can too. Conflict has its place, but often people tend to prefer conflict over any actual progress that would make them give up something. It makes things a lot harder for him. Take the current argument we had: completely blown out of proportion."
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(or if one were concerned with things that happened beyond the fourth wall, the Sith had a Bene Gesserit/Leto-esque view).no subject
Then again, a LOT more people were talking about this now. "You...you planned this?"
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Every single Dune character makes Light Yagami look like a wuss."Well...You could say I planned for the possibility. When you set something in motion..." She made a flicking gesture, as if knocking over a series of dominoes. "...There are a number of ways it can end up. I just knew this one was the most likely."
no subject